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A Doll's Wrath

Posted: Mon Aug 19, 2013 4:24 pm
by Raet
A response to the "dark" bad ending of The Birthday Present by coyote

Spoiler: show
It had been an hour, or had it been two? His daughter's body had already cooled, the heat seeping from it along with her life and his heart. His eyes stared at nothing in particular, two stagnant pools under an ashen sky, unseeing. Or at least they would have remained that way had the splinters of the little abomination which had ruined his daughter not begun trembling, performing a thrumming dance on the worn wooden floor.


Thin, gleaming threads of a violet hued energy slowly trickled out of the doll's remains, reaching, twisting, writhing in a somewhat leisurely manner. They appeared to be forming a web, spinning themselves back together while slowly, inexorably, the fragments of the figurine began pulling towards each other to once again become a whole. First the legs, then the shattered torso, it was not long before all of the pieces had rejoined, mingling with each other long enough for a new layer of soft, pliable skin to spread across the doll's petite body. She let out a short gasp of breath and turned to the man whose expression had changed rapidly to one of disbelief and pouted.


"Papa, what was that for? I just wanted to join my older sister..."


It was at this point that the diminutive being noticed the bloodied axe in her surrogate papa's hands, turning slowly she took in the broken shell of her former older sister.


"No, no, no, no, no.."


A litany of denial trickled from her lips as her eyes grew wider by the second, in a flash she was at her sister's side cradling a lifeless hand in her delicate palm as though it were a rare and fragile treasure. She looked up at the man who had given her a second chance with teary eyes.


"Papa, why? My whole life was a blur of mistreatment, I lay in that field, in the wind, rain and snow. I knew nothing but hate, and then you found me. You washed away my pain and replaced the hate with love. Why, you even gave me a sister, someone who loved me more than anything else.. I never had a sister.. I never had a papa and now you have destroyed her! Why papa?!"


The man just stared on, his hand gripping the axe tightly. He drew himself up and stumbled across to the weeping being, the weeping being who had begun muttering to herself softly, the being which now drew herself up and glared at him and his stained weapon.


"Unforgivable."


The man lunged at her then, throwing himself at her bodily as though he were a crazed beast. The axe was deflected by a tiny hand as if it were merely a paper fan, it sailed out of the window and disappeared into the viridian grass outside.


"You will regret this papa."


The doll's eyes had taken on a baleful gleam, a gleam which promised an inescapable vengeance. The defeated man sat down hard, he could only gawk at the strength of the tiny girl swathed in a cute dress he had made himself, her coiled silvery locks cascading around her slight shoulders.


"From now onwards, I will be your daughter papa. I will remind you every day about my sister, your child, I will coat everything that could hurt you in my energy so that you cannot escape, and I will remind you for the rest of your days about the heart you have broken."


The man slumped further, his will to fight draining from his body. He realised that even if he smashed her up and scattered her to the winds she would return to torment him. He supposed it was true what they said about a doll's wrath being something to be feared, not only this, but that other saying about engaging your brain before acting appeared to ring true too.


The doll took in her papa's expressions and nodded to herself, this would do for now, he would be sorry about what he had done to her dear sister, but that would not be the end of it, she would ensure that he would remember and take in the full measure of her pain. After all, she had the rest of his life ahead of her.

Re: A Doll's Wrath

Posted: Mon Aug 19, 2013 6:12 pm
by Feathers
I'm unfamiliar with the backstory of this, but it sounds like this "Papa" got what he deserved. Even though it was short, the dramatic writing style made it engaging.

Re: A Doll's Wrath

Posted: Mon Aug 19, 2013 7:36 pm
by Kaijin
I'm unfamiliar with the backstory of this, but it sounds like this "Papa" got what he deserved
It pretty much dependends on how you look at it.
He was a humble and handworking father who despite having little resources wanted to give a present to his daughter more than anything else in the world, one day he found a doll lying in the streets, he picked it up, restored the best he could and gave it to his daughter. His daughter was more than delighted with her new gift... her first gift... However the girl's attitude started to change... Eventually one day the doll he picked up moved on its own looking for him, alongside his daughter, his little girl... Who was not human anymore, wings sprouted from her back, horns appeared on her head and a tail on her backside.
The man, having fallen completely to fear, did what he considered the most sane thing to do: Dispose of both of them. His daughter met her demise instantly, sadly for him the doll didn't...

The only thing he wanted was see his only child's happy face. Did he deserve to see how his daughter was stripped of her humanity? Did he deserve to fall victim of both fear and despair? Did he deserve to be forced of reaping what he cherished most in this world? Did he deserve to suffer a destiny a million times worse than death itself? In my opinion he didn't, but s I said it depends on how you look at it.
______________________________________________________________

A way too grimdark story, but pretty much necessary nonetheless.
It acts as the reminder that not everything on MGE's world (Lescatie was it?) is not WAFF-y by default and also that not everything ends as "they lived happily ever after". It also shows how people would react when confronted by things they're unable to understand or even accept.

Also, it's pretty well written ^^

.P.S.: However I can't help but picturing a different ending on my mind: The man grasping his remaining traces of sanity and willpower decides to atone for his sin by taking his own life, and as his life starts to fade away he curses the day he found that doll. On the other hand the doll remained there, alone... her heart consumed by hatred, despair, sadness, sorrow... As she found everything she was looking for just to lose it again.

Re: A Doll's Wrath

Posted: Mon Aug 19, 2013 8:20 pm
by Feathers
Ah I see, that's interesting (and sad) indeed. Classic bad ending for a story when it's "mercy killing", especially when coupled with a tragic twist. That reminds me of a movie I saw where a father killed his little boy, two elders, and a newfound girlfriend to prevent them from getting eaten by spiders or starving to death. Shortly after he shot them all, a rescue team showed up and he's sitting in his car with 3 dead friends and his little boy that could of lived, if only had he waited at least another 5 minutes..

Yeah, those kind of endings always stick to me and I get the chills thinking about it.

Re: A Doll's Wrath

Posted: Tue Aug 20, 2013 1:45 am
by Raet
In the case of this short piece, I was going for a Stephen King type of feel as he is one author who's work I admire.

Re: A Doll's Wrath

Posted: Tue Aug 20, 2013 7:26 pm
by Feathers
I did get a S.King. vibe from your writing, now that you mention it. I'm a fan of Stephen King as well. I've watched a good deal of his movies, though I did not read any of the books.

Re: A Doll's Wrath

Posted: Wed Aug 21, 2013 4:27 am
by Pierce
A well constructed vibe coming from the prose and tone of your fanfiction. Impressive Raet.

Though I've not watched enough S.King (Books and/or media) to perceive the signature vibe, it appears well executed.

Grimdark and potentially much more realistic in experiencing the unknown.

Outstanding.

Re: A Doll's Wrath

Posted: Tue Apr 14, 2015 2:45 pm
by Raet
Just remember and I know this is extremely late, I am not a fan of grimdark, I cannot handle endings where there is not a good ending. This story however was written as a response to the ending because for me it went beyond a simple mercy killing and even so I would have looked for aother way to fix the situation instead of just killing her. As a result, this man got his just desserts for killing his own daughter.

PS: The doll was more going to keep reminding him of what he had done and was going to make sure that he had no way to kill himself, she would never have resorted to physical violence.