-0-0-0-0-
Chapter 1 - One Misstep
Spoiler: show
How would you expect a grand adventure to start? With a flair for the dramatic? No, no too obvious. Maybe then it could work that way. Everyone expects it to happen, so they think it won’t happen, but it does! Subvert it then? How would you manage that? Have an ordinary day gone wrong?
Or right depending on how much of a masochist you are.
Here’s a hint, I’m not one.
So when one simple day of the week decided to screw me over I would have never expected that. Which is why I should have, more ironic that way. I never saw it coming after all!
It started as any other, went to bed sometime after one in the morning, slept right through till twelve thirty, and actually got up just before one. Big accomplishment for me. I set my alarm to go off at ten, but I kept slamming the snooze button for hours on end. Yes I have horrible sleeping habits, but it’s Christmas break and I do what I want!
Dragging my body out of bed, I fumbled for my glasses, threw on a shirt and a pair of socks. Leaving my room I was greeted by my fat ass cat. I gave him a friendly scratch under the chin. He deserved, the fat bastard was waiting there right outside my door. How cute of him.
“Hey there kitty. Who’s a pretty kitty? You are. Yes you are. Yes you are.” I said in that cutesy voice everyone makes, but is too embarrassed to admit it. You know the one.
Following that I found my way to the kitchen, and made myself a bowl of cereal. Almost out of milk, gotta ask mom to pick up more today. Ate while browsing the internet on my dad’s IPad. I checked out Spacebattles, no new alerts there. Hmm seemed like my parents were already at work, and my brother had left for his friend’s house. Home alone for the short time that it mattered.
I finished up with breakfast and went to take a shower, wasted twenty minutes in there enjoying the hot water. I was deliberately trying to fog up the bathroom mirrors. Usually I never do that, causes mold after all, but what the hell? Who’s here to stop me? Nobody! That’s who!
I dried off and quickly got dressed. Ah, the old tried and true jeans and a t-shirt look. The shirt was one of my thicker ones with a chest pocket. I may not use that pocket, but it’s there! Just in case! I think that particular shirt was green, of course over the next fews months of hell that became my life it didn’t stay that colour. My only pair of socks don’t last too long either, nor did my underwear. My jeans though, they, were good to me.
What had forced me to give a damn about today? Very good question! Does looking into a picture of the sun hurt my eyes? Who asked that?! Was it you?! *Blam!* That’s a very stupid question! This is the intro part, so don’t count on the fourth wall protecting you yet! I can still get you! So see what happens if you try that again!
… Anyways, I was going out to a friend’s house that afternoon with the guys. He was hosting a movie night then later we’d try to go out to a pub for some drinks. Never got to do that, everyone’s too busy with school or work to get together. But if there wasn’t the promise of cheap junk food or pizza I wouldn’t have gotten up that morning, afternoon technically. Okay that and they’re my friends.
As any sensible man would, I threw on my hoodie and leather jacket, gotta layer up on that clothing. It might not have been snowing, but damn was it cold. I should have even put on gloves or a hat, but that’s just too sensible. And the hat would mess up my hair… yes, I’m petty.
I checked all my pockets to ensure I had everything I would need for the day. A part of the plan at my friends house was us staying over for the night and making it a sleepover, sort of thing. It would have been smart to pack a bag of spare clothing, toiletries like my toothbrush and toothpaste, a spare package of my medication, pajamas. You know the standard stuff. Really wished I had, but at the time I wasn’t planning on staying overnight.
Seriously if I had packed that bag, so many of my problems that are yet to come, would’ve been much more tolerable if I had my pajamas. They were so comfy.
Before I left I gave my cat a small snack to placate him. If I hadn’t he would’ve torn up the house. I walked for about five minutes before turning onto the main road. This put me in a pretty good mood.
You want to know why? Course you do, you’re reading this. What?!You don’t?! How dare you! *Blam!* I told you the fourth wall is weakest at the introduction! I haven’t been caged by the narrative proper yet!
Now to reach my friend’s house I simply could have walked there. But I’m too lazy to do that, so it was the bus for me. Thankfully there was a bus stop at the end of a nearby street. There was something I loved about this street. That was it was flat and long so I could sing and walk without feeling out of breath. Have you ever tried to climb a really steep hill and sing at the same time? Not fun.
Let’s see, what to sing? What to sing? Ah! I’ve got it! Remembering the lyrics…. alright got that!
I began to snaps my fingers and hum to build up the right rhythm. There was nobody else on the street, so I could sing as loud as I wanted.
“Times, have changed.
And we’ve often rewound the clock,
Since the puritans got the shock,
When they landed on Plymouth Rock.
If today,
Any shock they should try to stand,
‘Stead of landing on Plymouth rock. Plymouth Rock would land on them!
In olden days, a glimpse of stocking,
Was looked on as something shocking.
But now, God know!
Anything goes!
Good authors too who once knew better words,
Now only use four-letter words,
Writing prose.
Anything goes!”
It was a wonderful day, not a cloud in the sky and the sun was shining bright. It was the type of day were the only indications that it was winter was the freezing temperature and I could see my own breath.
“If driving fast cars you like,
If low bars you like,
If old hymns you like,
If bare limbs you like,
If Mae West you like,
Or me undressed you like,
Why, nobody will o-ppose~.
When ev’ry night the set that’s smart,
Is intruding nudist parties in studios.
Anything goes!”
What's the next verse? Something, something, Mcclane? Russian Reds?
“When Missus Ned McLean, God bless her,
Can get Russian reds to "yes" her,
Then I suppose
Anything goes!
When Rockefeller still can hoard enough money to let Max Gordon
Produce his shows,
Anything goes!
The world has gone mad today
And good's bad today,
And black's white today,
And day's night today,
And that gent today
You gave a cent today
Once had several chateaux.
When folks who still can ride in jitneys
Find out that the Vanderbilts and Whitneys
Lack baby clothes,
Anything goes!”
I was nearing the end of the song. Don’t screw it up! It had taken weeks to remember the lyrics to this song, even then I’m still second guessing which verse is which. Eh, who cares. Just me here. It’s funny though, I guess that meme holds true, play Fallout, become musically cultured.
“When Sam Goldwyn can with great conviction
Instruct Anna Sten in diction,
Then Anna shows
Anything goes.
When you hear that Lady Mendl standing up
Now turns a handspring landing up-
On her toes!
Anything goes!
Just think of those shocks you've got
And those knocks you've got
And those blues you've got
From that news you've got
And those pains you've got,
If any brains you've got,
From those little radios~.
So Missus R., with all her trimmings,
Can broadcast a bed from Simmons
'Cause Franklin knows
Anything goes!”
I finished the song as my bus just passed me by… Fuck! How did I miss that?! I turned my head to follow the bus and whelp. He just kept going, driving down the road. How the hell did he miss me?
Well… nothing I can do now. I walked up to the bus stop's signpost and stood there. I’ve got thirty minutes to burn now. Great.
As a car speeds by me, I instinctively step back a few feet. It felt a little too close for comfort. I heard some honking and turned to look down the street. Approaching me was a massive semi-trailer so I again step back a few feet away from the curb.
As I did I saw something at the edge of my vision. It was a blurry purple… tear?
And now everything around me is green!
Where’s the street lights?! Where’s that signpost?! The concrete?!
As I was suppressing the urge to freak out I didn’t notice the truck I thought to avoid continue driving by the curb with plenty of room to spare. No, what caught my eye was that the purple tear in reality suddenly closed with a pop sound.
Leaving me standing on a dirt path in the middle of a forest.
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
“Did I, did I…. just do that? Was that a portal? Did I just walk through a portal!? On accident!?!”
It was going to be one of those days.
***
I had been walking through this forest for the better part of three hours. I know that because I constantly checked my cell phone to keep track of the time, and in the dim hope of getting a signal. But let’s be honest here… I’m fucked.
The forest around is pretty generic. I mean it’s a forest. What do you expect. It’s got trees, and grass, and leaves, and bushes, and shrubs, and dirt, plenty of dirt. In fact I’m on a dirt path right now!
I think this path may be well traveled. There’s plenty of faded foot and hoof prints in the dirt, so people on horses come through here. The trees aren’t packed close together like they would be if this was… more natural? Untouched by man? Fuck! You know what I mean. No people around equals shoulder to shoulder trees. Least that’s what I’ve read.
Really this place wouldn’t look out of place as a city park. Save for the lack of cigerette buds on the ground or car noises in the distance or gum staining the ground. So either that means this place has a really great maintenance staff or more likely I wasn’t in a civilized area. No, better term would be industrial, saying it’s not civilized feels rude…. even though I’m not talking to anyone.
Great thought policing there citizen.
There’s clouds in the sky, not that noteworthy except there wasn't any before. Sun was warmer as well, so I had to unzip my hoodie and I tied my jacket around my waist. There was a nice, gentle breeze, so I wasn’t overheating. I think I’m taking this rather well, backed into a portal, got dumped into a forest and I haven’t freaked out! Yet.
My feet were killing me, I was just walking for three hours straight. No breaks. I mean, what would I do? Sit on the grass and think stuff over? Hah! Nope. If I’ve already got momentum built up I’m not letting it go to waste, so that means I kept walking.
As a passed a bush I thought I heard a bubbling noise. I smartly kept going past it.
Oh wow, that is getting louder. Better check out what it is.
I looked over my shoulder and saw a puddle of blue slime ooze out from the bushes and onto the path, constantly bubbling and gurgling as it went. Leaving a thin trail of blue slime in its wake.
Well I’m sure that’s completely normal… so normal in fact I’m just going to continue walking away from it.
So I guess this means I’m in some sort of fantasy word. Blue slimes are the weakest RGP enemy right? Never mind the fact I have no effective means of actually hurting it if it should catch up to me, but it won’t.
I increased my walking speed and continued off down the path.
“Hello~”
Oh thank god! Another person! But why did it come from… behind me…
I looked over my shoulder again and…
“Oh fuck me.”
“Okay!”
Flowing towards me at a disconcerting speed was not a regular slime or gelatinous cube or even a woman. No, it was a slime girl… yes that name says it all. It is a slime monster, except that it is in the shape of a young woman…
So monster girls…
I’m doomed.
“Stop running! I just want to love you!”
***
“How are you keeping up with me?!”
“My lust for you drives me forward! And you’re fat!”
“I don’t know you!”
“We can get to know each other later… physically!”
“Leave me alone!”
“Never! You’re gonna get slimed and love it!”
***
I collapsed in a heap on the ground, leaning against a tree and panting heavily. My shirt was drenched in sweat, my hair was a matted mess and my glasses were fogging up from my body heat alone. I had lost that crazy slime girl. She was persistent, but… I don’t really have anything else to say. She wouldn’t fucking quit!
She almost got me a few times, as the slime stains on my jacket and jeans can attest to. I tried wiping it off but it only got stuck to my hand, and then I wiped my hand off on jeans. So everything is a sticky mess.
I also learned I fucking love adrenaline. God that is stuff great! I was running off and on again for over an hour. I wasn’t even… tired… well until now.
Now I think… that I’m just going to take a quick nap. My eyes were feeling heavy and I was slowly nodding my head.
Man that took a lot out of me. Am I that out of shape?
The answer was yes.
I blinked a few times. One second it was still daytime, next the sun was setting.
Shit! I should… I should get up and keep walking, go find a nearby town or something.
Begrudgingly I pushed myself up. Blinking the sleep from my eyes I set back down the path, in the hopes of finding civilization soon.
Or right depending on how much of a masochist you are.
Here’s a hint, I’m not one.
So when one simple day of the week decided to screw me over I would have never expected that. Which is why I should have, more ironic that way. I never saw it coming after all!
It started as any other, went to bed sometime after one in the morning, slept right through till twelve thirty, and actually got up just before one. Big accomplishment for me. I set my alarm to go off at ten, but I kept slamming the snooze button for hours on end. Yes I have horrible sleeping habits, but it’s Christmas break and I do what I want!
Dragging my body out of bed, I fumbled for my glasses, threw on a shirt and a pair of socks. Leaving my room I was greeted by my fat ass cat. I gave him a friendly scratch under the chin. He deserved, the fat bastard was waiting there right outside my door. How cute of him.
“Hey there kitty. Who’s a pretty kitty? You are. Yes you are. Yes you are.” I said in that cutesy voice everyone makes, but is too embarrassed to admit it. You know the one.
Following that I found my way to the kitchen, and made myself a bowl of cereal. Almost out of milk, gotta ask mom to pick up more today. Ate while browsing the internet on my dad’s IPad. I checked out Spacebattles, no new alerts there. Hmm seemed like my parents were already at work, and my brother had left for his friend’s house. Home alone for the short time that it mattered.
I finished up with breakfast and went to take a shower, wasted twenty minutes in there enjoying the hot water. I was deliberately trying to fog up the bathroom mirrors. Usually I never do that, causes mold after all, but what the hell? Who’s here to stop me? Nobody! That’s who!
I dried off and quickly got dressed. Ah, the old tried and true jeans and a t-shirt look. The shirt was one of my thicker ones with a chest pocket. I may not use that pocket, but it’s there! Just in case! I think that particular shirt was green, of course over the next fews months of hell that became my life it didn’t stay that colour. My only pair of socks don’t last too long either, nor did my underwear. My jeans though, they, were good to me.
What had forced me to give a damn about today? Very good question! Does looking into a picture of the sun hurt my eyes? Who asked that?! Was it you?! *Blam!* That’s a very stupid question! This is the intro part, so don’t count on the fourth wall protecting you yet! I can still get you! So see what happens if you try that again!
… Anyways, I was going out to a friend’s house that afternoon with the guys. He was hosting a movie night then later we’d try to go out to a pub for some drinks. Never got to do that, everyone’s too busy with school or work to get together. But if there wasn’t the promise of cheap junk food or pizza I wouldn’t have gotten up that morning, afternoon technically. Okay that and they’re my friends.
As any sensible man would, I threw on my hoodie and leather jacket, gotta layer up on that clothing. It might not have been snowing, but damn was it cold. I should have even put on gloves or a hat, but that’s just too sensible. And the hat would mess up my hair… yes, I’m petty.
I checked all my pockets to ensure I had everything I would need for the day. A part of the plan at my friends house was us staying over for the night and making it a sleepover, sort of thing. It would have been smart to pack a bag of spare clothing, toiletries like my toothbrush and toothpaste, a spare package of my medication, pajamas. You know the standard stuff. Really wished I had, but at the time I wasn’t planning on staying overnight.
Seriously if I had packed that bag, so many of my problems that are yet to come, would’ve been much more tolerable if I had my pajamas. They were so comfy.
Before I left I gave my cat a small snack to placate him. If I hadn’t he would’ve torn up the house. I walked for about five minutes before turning onto the main road. This put me in a pretty good mood.
You want to know why? Course you do, you’re reading this. What?!You don’t?! How dare you! *Blam!* I told you the fourth wall is weakest at the introduction! I haven’t been caged by the narrative proper yet!
Now to reach my friend’s house I simply could have walked there. But I’m too lazy to do that, so it was the bus for me. Thankfully there was a bus stop at the end of a nearby street. There was something I loved about this street. That was it was flat and long so I could sing and walk without feeling out of breath. Have you ever tried to climb a really steep hill and sing at the same time? Not fun.
Let’s see, what to sing? What to sing? Ah! I’ve got it! Remembering the lyrics…. alright got that!
I began to snaps my fingers and hum to build up the right rhythm. There was nobody else on the street, so I could sing as loud as I wanted.
“Times, have changed.
And we’ve often rewound the clock,
Since the puritans got the shock,
When they landed on Plymouth Rock.
If today,
Any shock they should try to stand,
‘Stead of landing on Plymouth rock. Plymouth Rock would land on them!
In olden days, a glimpse of stocking,
Was looked on as something shocking.
But now, God know!
Anything goes!
Good authors too who once knew better words,
Now only use four-letter words,
Writing prose.
Anything goes!”
It was a wonderful day, not a cloud in the sky and the sun was shining bright. It was the type of day were the only indications that it was winter was the freezing temperature and I could see my own breath.
“If driving fast cars you like,
If low bars you like,
If old hymns you like,
If bare limbs you like,
If Mae West you like,
Or me undressed you like,
Why, nobody will o-ppose~.
When ev’ry night the set that’s smart,
Is intruding nudist parties in studios.
Anything goes!”
What's the next verse? Something, something, Mcclane? Russian Reds?
“When Missus Ned McLean, God bless her,
Can get Russian reds to "yes" her,
Then I suppose
Anything goes!
When Rockefeller still can hoard enough money to let Max Gordon
Produce his shows,
Anything goes!
The world has gone mad today
And good's bad today,
And black's white today,
And day's night today,
And that gent today
You gave a cent today
Once had several chateaux.
When folks who still can ride in jitneys
Find out that the Vanderbilts and Whitneys
Lack baby clothes,
Anything goes!”
I was nearing the end of the song. Don’t screw it up! It had taken weeks to remember the lyrics to this song, even then I’m still second guessing which verse is which. Eh, who cares. Just me here. It’s funny though, I guess that meme holds true, play Fallout, become musically cultured.
“When Sam Goldwyn can with great conviction
Instruct Anna Sten in diction,
Then Anna shows
Anything goes.
When you hear that Lady Mendl standing up
Now turns a handspring landing up-
On her toes!
Anything goes!
Just think of those shocks you've got
And those knocks you've got
And those blues you've got
From that news you've got
And those pains you've got,
If any brains you've got,
From those little radios~.
So Missus R., with all her trimmings,
Can broadcast a bed from Simmons
'Cause Franklin knows
Anything goes!”
I finished the song as my bus just passed me by… Fuck! How did I miss that?! I turned my head to follow the bus and whelp. He just kept going, driving down the road. How the hell did he miss me?
Well… nothing I can do now. I walked up to the bus stop's signpost and stood there. I’ve got thirty minutes to burn now. Great.
As a car speeds by me, I instinctively step back a few feet. It felt a little too close for comfort. I heard some honking and turned to look down the street. Approaching me was a massive semi-trailer so I again step back a few feet away from the curb.
As I did I saw something at the edge of my vision. It was a blurry purple… tear?
And now everything around me is green!
Where’s the street lights?! Where’s that signpost?! The concrete?!
As I was suppressing the urge to freak out I didn’t notice the truck I thought to avoid continue driving by the curb with plenty of room to spare. No, what caught my eye was that the purple tear in reality suddenly closed with a pop sound.
Leaving me standing on a dirt path in the middle of a forest.
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
“Did I, did I…. just do that? Was that a portal? Did I just walk through a portal!? On accident!?!”
It was going to be one of those days.
***
I had been walking through this forest for the better part of three hours. I know that because I constantly checked my cell phone to keep track of the time, and in the dim hope of getting a signal. But let’s be honest here… I’m fucked.
The forest around is pretty generic. I mean it’s a forest. What do you expect. It’s got trees, and grass, and leaves, and bushes, and shrubs, and dirt, plenty of dirt. In fact I’m on a dirt path right now!
I think this path may be well traveled. There’s plenty of faded foot and hoof prints in the dirt, so people on horses come through here. The trees aren’t packed close together like they would be if this was… more natural? Untouched by man? Fuck! You know what I mean. No people around equals shoulder to shoulder trees. Least that’s what I’ve read.
Really this place wouldn’t look out of place as a city park. Save for the lack of cigerette buds on the ground or car noises in the distance or gum staining the ground. So either that means this place has a really great maintenance staff or more likely I wasn’t in a civilized area. No, better term would be industrial, saying it’s not civilized feels rude…. even though I’m not talking to anyone.
Great thought policing there citizen.
There’s clouds in the sky, not that noteworthy except there wasn't any before. Sun was warmer as well, so I had to unzip my hoodie and I tied my jacket around my waist. There was a nice, gentle breeze, so I wasn’t overheating. I think I’m taking this rather well, backed into a portal, got dumped into a forest and I haven’t freaked out! Yet.
My feet were killing me, I was just walking for three hours straight. No breaks. I mean, what would I do? Sit on the grass and think stuff over? Hah! Nope. If I’ve already got momentum built up I’m not letting it go to waste, so that means I kept walking.
As a passed a bush I thought I heard a bubbling noise. I smartly kept going past it.
Oh wow, that is getting louder. Better check out what it is.
I looked over my shoulder and saw a puddle of blue slime ooze out from the bushes and onto the path, constantly bubbling and gurgling as it went. Leaving a thin trail of blue slime in its wake.
Well I’m sure that’s completely normal… so normal in fact I’m just going to continue walking away from it.
So I guess this means I’m in some sort of fantasy word. Blue slimes are the weakest RGP enemy right? Never mind the fact I have no effective means of actually hurting it if it should catch up to me, but it won’t.
I increased my walking speed and continued off down the path.
“Hello~”
Oh thank god! Another person! But why did it come from… behind me…
I looked over my shoulder again and…
“Oh fuck me.”
“Okay!”
Flowing towards me at a disconcerting speed was not a regular slime or gelatinous cube or even a woman. No, it was a slime girl… yes that name says it all. It is a slime monster, except that it is in the shape of a young woman…
So monster girls…
I’m doomed.
“Stop running! I just want to love you!”
***
“How are you keeping up with me?!”
“My lust for you drives me forward! And you’re fat!”
“I don’t know you!”
“We can get to know each other later… physically!”
“Leave me alone!”
“Never! You’re gonna get slimed and love it!”
***
I collapsed in a heap on the ground, leaning against a tree and panting heavily. My shirt was drenched in sweat, my hair was a matted mess and my glasses were fogging up from my body heat alone. I had lost that crazy slime girl. She was persistent, but… I don’t really have anything else to say. She wouldn’t fucking quit!
She almost got me a few times, as the slime stains on my jacket and jeans can attest to. I tried wiping it off but it only got stuck to my hand, and then I wiped my hand off on jeans. So everything is a sticky mess.
I also learned I fucking love adrenaline. God that is stuff great! I was running off and on again for over an hour. I wasn’t even… tired… well until now.
Now I think… that I’m just going to take a quick nap. My eyes were feeling heavy and I was slowly nodding my head.
Man that took a lot out of me. Am I that out of shape?
The answer was yes.
I blinked a few times. One second it was still daytime, next the sun was setting.
Shit! I should… I should get up and keep walking, go find a nearby town or something.
Begrudgingly I pushed myself up. Blinking the sleep from my eyes I set back down the path, in the hopes of finding civilization soon.
Chapter 2 - Hello Village
Spoiler: show
Okay, so it turns out that trying to sleep walk through the night was a bad idea. I eventually had to stumble off the road and get some sleep under a different tree. I’d gambled with my life, again, by doing that, but I was too tired to carry on. What little sleep I got was wracked by nightmares, thirst and hunger. First time I’ve ever gone to sleep without eating or drinking anything.
It was worth it though, I woke up near sunrise feeling slightly refreshed. Enough that I could get walking without the threat of collapsing again. During the night I tried to remember what I knew about this setting. The major characters, factions, and the general outline of the plot. Surprisingly I think I remembered a lot from the game.
I didn’t want to assume too much about where I was just based on meeting a slime girl, but some of the things she had said were very explicit as to where I was.
***
“This is because of Ilias isn’t it?! It’s not intercourse if it’s slime!”
“How did you find me?!”
“Your delicious scent darling!”
“Leave me alone! Don’t you have anything better to do?!”
“Nothing is better than you darling! If you want I can change for you! I’m a slime, we’re remoldable!”
“How desperate are you?!”
“Very!”
***
The path I was on had started to widen into a proper dirt road, and I saw a sign that read “Ilias Village”. That’s a good sign.
Hehehe.
So I was nearly at the village now, close to good old civilization! The path looked increasingly well-traveled, and through the trees and leaves, I could make out the tips of buildings and farmland in the distance.
As I moved closer to the forest's edge I wondered what I was planning to do. I know I need to speak to Luka. He’s the key figure to stopping Ilias and ultimately saving the world. No pressure.
So, what the fuck am I going to say to him? Oh hi I fell through a portal and know your entire life story, now listen to me if you want to live! Are you a bad enough dude to romance the Monster Lord?! Yeah! That will go over well.
Maybe play up the religious angle?
Yeah that could work. I’ll just claim I got a vision from Ilias, standard “seek out this hero and help him defeat the Monster Lord” stuff. He’d believe that since he’s got visions from her himself and then bam. I’m in!… God that feels manipulative saying that.
Thinking about trying to insert myself into his life to better pull the puppet strings as it were, just feels like I’m being a stalker… Eh it’s for his good, the worlds good, but most importantly my own good. I can’t leave it up to chance that he’s going to save the world. I mean if I know that the world is being threatened I should do something about it. Even if that's pawning off all responsibility onto Luka.
I was passing by a fence post when I noticed a farmer tending to the field not too far away. I shouted to gain his attention and waved at him “Hello! Ah, over here!”
He looked up from his field and waved back.
I walked off the road to get closer to him.
I hoped my clothing wasn’t too unusual. I don’t want to draw any unnecessary attention to myself. What if the townsfolk start mocking me behind my back! Unusual? More like ridiculous! They’re going see the slime stains! The rumors!
Wait, stop that train of thought, it’s just going to throw me off.
“Sorry to be a bother, but I’ve been lost for the last couple days and need some directions. Could you offer me some assistance?” I asked him.
“Sure, no problem. What are you looking for?”
“Ah well, I was just wondering if this is indeed Ilias Village. I’d gotten all mixed up on the way over here, so I don’t know which way is which.”
He nodded. “Eyup, happens to the best of us. Probably some monster working her vile magic to get ya lost in them woods. Good thing you ran into my though, been living here my whole life. Know these woods like the back of my hand.” To demonstrate he lifted up his hand.
And it was then speared by an arrow.
“Jesus Christ! The fuck?!”
The farmer for his part was calm. “Sweet Ilias, those elves are attacking again. Best start running boy, lest they catch ya.” With that he ran off with an arrow in his hand, blood trailing on the ground behind him.
“Again! What?!”
Now a smart person would have ran off with the farmer, maybe followed him to the safety of other people. I on the other hand, looked around like an idiot, too confused to process what was going on.
A few arrows shot into the ground near my feet, making me jump is surprise.
“Don’t move!” A woman’s voice called out.
I turned to see where it was coming from. At the edge of the farmers field was a broken down fence separating the field from the forest I had just wandered out of.
Jumping the fence was two dark elves with bows. I could tell they were dark elves because of the bright, platinum hair, and well, their dark brown skin. It’s a dead give away, really.
“You shot the wrong one!” One elf berated the other.
“It doesn’t matter we scared him off! Now get the fat one!”
Shit! Are they talking about me?! Of course they are! Who else is here!
They were half jogging, half running towards me. Closing the distance between us too quickly for my liking. I turned away from them and finally started running, going in the same direction I saw the farmer go. I felt a pairs of hands tried and fail to grasp the back of my jacket.
Too close!
“The fuck is going on?!” I yelled out in confused frustration. Really shouldn’t have done that though, man I was out of shape. Running for only ten seconds and I’m already getting out of breath.
This was going end pathetically for me, I just know it.
“A marriage proposal! Sunny, bring him down!”
“The arm or leg?”
“The arm! I don’t want to carry him!”
As I kept going the sound of the elves boots on the ground stopped. For a brief moment I fooled myself into thinking they had given up, and then I realized what they had just said. They aren’t really going to shoot me-
They shot me!
“The hell?!”
And now I’m one the ground, clutching the arrow sticking out of my left arm!
Ow that hurts! Seriously, you would not believe the pain I’m in! I don’t think I would have been able to keep running like that crazy farmer. The pain and shock was too distracting for me. Did I mention I’m kind of a pussy, never been in a fight before and I bruise like a ripe orange.
I noticed two shadows on the ground next to me and felt a boot press down on my back.
I glanced up to get a look at them. They looked… just like normal women, save for those big anime, pointed elf ears. You know the ones that stick out to the side. Clothing was a green tunic and skirt. The only difference between them was the one that had her boot on my back had green eyes and the other one holding her bow had golden, yellowish eyes.
Through clenched teeth I said. “Lovely weather we’re having. Think I might bother you to get this arrow out of my arm? Seeing as you put it there in the first place!”
“Quit crying, it doesn’t hurt that much.” Green eyes said. “Sunny tie him up.” Oh the golden eye one is Sunny, that’s cute.
“Uh sure, but should I remove the arrow first?”
“Well obviously… no, maybe? We removed it when we shot those deer.”
“Yeah, and without the arrow blocking the wound they bleed out. We want him alive after all.”
“Huh, yeah but you remember that Mom said not to leave the arrow in, it can cause long term damage to the body. A crippled man would be worthless.”
“Okay,” Sunny looked down at me. “This is going to hurt, so uh, sorry.”
Oh please say she isn't going to? I was just joking about that!
Fuck!
She did!
She pulled the arrow clean out, and now I’m listing off every swear I know.
They gave me a few moments to calm down, before my arms were roughly grabbed and pulled behind my back. I felt my wrist being loosely bound together by rope. Great, been here two days and already caught by monster girls. “Is this really necessary?! Aren’t we are all rational people here?!”
I was pulled up by my shoulders to a standing position by the two elves. They were stronger than they looked, and short than I thought. They didn’t come up to my shoulders.
“We were being ‘rational’. We told you not to move.”
“Why, did you run? Scared by two pretty girls running at you~?” Sunny asked.
“You startled me.”
“We startled you?”
“Yes. You, startled me.”
“Aw, we’re sorry, but don’t worry. We’ve got all the time in the world to make up for it~.” Green eyes said sarcastically.
“Or, or, hear me out. You let me go, and…”
“And?” She motioned for me to continue.
“… Give me a moment. I’m still trying to get my wits about. You did just shoot me.”
She gave me a flat look. “Get walking.” With that both of them started to shove me towards the forest.
Whelp, I’m a goner.
It was a good run. A short run, but…. No, I suck. Caught by elves, the most boring monster girls ever, and I still have a gaping wound in my arm. I should have taken that slime up on her offers, at least that would have been a unique experience. But elves, all they had were those ears.
With all the possibilities in the world, why elves?
“We did it, we did it, we did it! Sis we finally caught one!” Sunny excitedly exclaimed.
“Yes! We can hopefully pay off that bounty… ”
“What are you two talking about?” I asked them. Man, whatever this is about really has them excited… Why can’t I feel my arm?
“N-nothing! Foolish man! We’ve got you ensnared in our trap. Right Sunny?”
“Yeah-h, yes!”
“That’s great but, my arm has gone numb… I think I need serious medical attention.”
There’s a hole in my arm, my shirt, and my hoodie. All of three of which are being stained by fresh blood, my own blood might I add, and I’m feeling more and more lightheaded. Taking a second to process that.
“It’s not like the Harpy Queen put a bounty on us for trying to steal her village’s men.”
“That man was rightfully ours! We stole him from the bees first!” Sunny interjected.
“And it’s not like we’re taking you her as tribute in the vain hope that she won’t imprison us.”
My whole body was going numb now. That was not a good sign. I slurred out a mumble for help.
“Good, that toxin is working now.”
I fell over, face first into the ground.
“Sunny, you used the knockout one right?” Sis asked. Yes that’s what I’m calling her. In no position to ask for her real name at the moment.
“Of course, it’s the one from the red bottle.”
“No… that’s the heart stopping one. The knockout is in the maroon bottle.”
“…”
“Quick feed him the antidote!”
My face was roughly grabbed and bottle was shoved into my mouth. A vile tasting liquid was poured in, which I promptly threw up.
“Sis! I think we screwed up! We should’ve just served the jail time with the harpies.”
“Sunny!”
“They have those soft down feathers,”
“Sunny!”
“And those little baby chicks loved us,”
“Sunny!”
“And now he’s going to die!”
“Sunny! Shut up!” I heard a loud slap. “Everything is going to be fine! He is fine.” She pulled me up from the ground, again. “See! Standing up right!”
It was at that moment the metaphorical cavalry arrived. We heard the wild shouting first, and I was turned to see who was coming to get me out of here.
On the dirt road I could make out a small figure waving a sword wildly over his head with a big red cloak billowing in the wind. And I think I could see his hair color, it was… purple.
It was Luka, and only Luka- Oh wait, there’s an angry mob of farmers armed with pitchforks trailing behind him. Vision blacked out there for a moment. Couldn’t see them.
Great! I'm recused!
“The humans are onto us Sis! What do we do?”
“Cut loose the bastard and run Sunny! Run!”
“Are you sure?! Can’t we carry him-”
“Yes!”
They panicked and acted in a way I had really hoped they wouldn’t. They stabbed me in the back… multiple times, and left the dagger in there.
Killed by the most amateurish kidnappers ever.
On the plus side though I think Sunny was against that, I saw golden eyes looking worried for me… or that was worried about the angry mob.
So there I was, back to being face down on the ground. Again. I wish I had blacked out from blood loss or from the poison, but I was still conscious. I even heard Luka ask me something, he shook me a little to see if I was alive. So I yelled in pain some more.
The welcome to this place sucks.
It was worth it though, I woke up near sunrise feeling slightly refreshed. Enough that I could get walking without the threat of collapsing again. During the night I tried to remember what I knew about this setting. The major characters, factions, and the general outline of the plot. Surprisingly I think I remembered a lot from the game.
I didn’t want to assume too much about where I was just based on meeting a slime girl, but some of the things she had said were very explicit as to where I was.
***
“This is because of Ilias isn’t it?! It’s not intercourse if it’s slime!”
“How did you find me?!”
“Your delicious scent darling!”
“Leave me alone! Don’t you have anything better to do?!”
“Nothing is better than you darling! If you want I can change for you! I’m a slime, we’re remoldable!”
“How desperate are you?!”
“Very!”
***
The path I was on had started to widen into a proper dirt road, and I saw a sign that read “Ilias Village”. That’s a good sign.
Hehehe.
So I was nearly at the village now, close to good old civilization! The path looked increasingly well-traveled, and through the trees and leaves, I could make out the tips of buildings and farmland in the distance.
As I moved closer to the forest's edge I wondered what I was planning to do. I know I need to speak to Luka. He’s the key figure to stopping Ilias and ultimately saving the world. No pressure.
So, what the fuck am I going to say to him? Oh hi I fell through a portal and know your entire life story, now listen to me if you want to live! Are you a bad enough dude to romance the Monster Lord?! Yeah! That will go over well.
Maybe play up the religious angle?
Yeah that could work. I’ll just claim I got a vision from Ilias, standard “seek out this hero and help him defeat the Monster Lord” stuff. He’d believe that since he’s got visions from her himself and then bam. I’m in!… God that feels manipulative saying that.
Thinking about trying to insert myself into his life to better pull the puppet strings as it were, just feels like I’m being a stalker… Eh it’s for his good, the worlds good, but most importantly my own good. I can’t leave it up to chance that he’s going to save the world. I mean if I know that the world is being threatened I should do something about it. Even if that's pawning off all responsibility onto Luka.
I was passing by a fence post when I noticed a farmer tending to the field not too far away. I shouted to gain his attention and waved at him “Hello! Ah, over here!”
He looked up from his field and waved back.
I walked off the road to get closer to him.
I hoped my clothing wasn’t too unusual. I don’t want to draw any unnecessary attention to myself. What if the townsfolk start mocking me behind my back! Unusual? More like ridiculous! They’re going see the slime stains! The rumors!
Wait, stop that train of thought, it’s just going to throw me off.
“Sorry to be a bother, but I’ve been lost for the last couple days and need some directions. Could you offer me some assistance?” I asked him.
“Sure, no problem. What are you looking for?”
“Ah well, I was just wondering if this is indeed Ilias Village. I’d gotten all mixed up on the way over here, so I don’t know which way is which.”
He nodded. “Eyup, happens to the best of us. Probably some monster working her vile magic to get ya lost in them woods. Good thing you ran into my though, been living here my whole life. Know these woods like the back of my hand.” To demonstrate he lifted up his hand.
And it was then speared by an arrow.
“Jesus Christ! The fuck?!”
The farmer for his part was calm. “Sweet Ilias, those elves are attacking again. Best start running boy, lest they catch ya.” With that he ran off with an arrow in his hand, blood trailing on the ground behind him.
“Again! What?!”
Now a smart person would have ran off with the farmer, maybe followed him to the safety of other people. I on the other hand, looked around like an idiot, too confused to process what was going on.
A few arrows shot into the ground near my feet, making me jump is surprise.
“Don’t move!” A woman’s voice called out.
I turned to see where it was coming from. At the edge of the farmers field was a broken down fence separating the field from the forest I had just wandered out of.
Jumping the fence was two dark elves with bows. I could tell they were dark elves because of the bright, platinum hair, and well, their dark brown skin. It’s a dead give away, really.
“You shot the wrong one!” One elf berated the other.
“It doesn’t matter we scared him off! Now get the fat one!”
Shit! Are they talking about me?! Of course they are! Who else is here!
They were half jogging, half running towards me. Closing the distance between us too quickly for my liking. I turned away from them and finally started running, going in the same direction I saw the farmer go. I felt a pairs of hands tried and fail to grasp the back of my jacket.
Too close!
“The fuck is going on?!” I yelled out in confused frustration. Really shouldn’t have done that though, man I was out of shape. Running for only ten seconds and I’m already getting out of breath.
This was going end pathetically for me, I just know it.
“A marriage proposal! Sunny, bring him down!”
“The arm or leg?”
“The arm! I don’t want to carry him!”
As I kept going the sound of the elves boots on the ground stopped. For a brief moment I fooled myself into thinking they had given up, and then I realized what they had just said. They aren’t really going to shoot me-
They shot me!
“The hell?!”
And now I’m one the ground, clutching the arrow sticking out of my left arm!
Ow that hurts! Seriously, you would not believe the pain I’m in! I don’t think I would have been able to keep running like that crazy farmer. The pain and shock was too distracting for me. Did I mention I’m kind of a pussy, never been in a fight before and I bruise like a ripe orange.
I noticed two shadows on the ground next to me and felt a boot press down on my back.
I glanced up to get a look at them. They looked… just like normal women, save for those big anime, pointed elf ears. You know the ones that stick out to the side. Clothing was a green tunic and skirt. The only difference between them was the one that had her boot on my back had green eyes and the other one holding her bow had golden, yellowish eyes.
Through clenched teeth I said. “Lovely weather we’re having. Think I might bother you to get this arrow out of my arm? Seeing as you put it there in the first place!”
“Quit crying, it doesn’t hurt that much.” Green eyes said. “Sunny tie him up.” Oh the golden eye one is Sunny, that’s cute.
“Uh sure, but should I remove the arrow first?”
“Well obviously… no, maybe? We removed it when we shot those deer.”
“Yeah, and without the arrow blocking the wound they bleed out. We want him alive after all.”
“Huh, yeah but you remember that Mom said not to leave the arrow in, it can cause long term damage to the body. A crippled man would be worthless.”
“Okay,” Sunny looked down at me. “This is going to hurt, so uh, sorry.”
Oh please say she isn't going to? I was just joking about that!
Fuck!
She did!
She pulled the arrow clean out, and now I’m listing off every swear I know.
They gave me a few moments to calm down, before my arms were roughly grabbed and pulled behind my back. I felt my wrist being loosely bound together by rope. Great, been here two days and already caught by monster girls. “Is this really necessary?! Aren’t we are all rational people here?!”
I was pulled up by my shoulders to a standing position by the two elves. They were stronger than they looked, and short than I thought. They didn’t come up to my shoulders.
“We were being ‘rational’. We told you not to move.”
“Why, did you run? Scared by two pretty girls running at you~?” Sunny asked.
“You startled me.”
“We startled you?”
“Yes. You, startled me.”
“Aw, we’re sorry, but don’t worry. We’ve got all the time in the world to make up for it~.” Green eyes said sarcastically.
“Or, or, hear me out. You let me go, and…”
“And?” She motioned for me to continue.
“… Give me a moment. I’m still trying to get my wits about. You did just shoot me.”
She gave me a flat look. “Get walking.” With that both of them started to shove me towards the forest.
Whelp, I’m a goner.
It was a good run. A short run, but…. No, I suck. Caught by elves, the most boring monster girls ever, and I still have a gaping wound in my arm. I should have taken that slime up on her offers, at least that would have been a unique experience. But elves, all they had were those ears.
With all the possibilities in the world, why elves?
“We did it, we did it, we did it! Sis we finally caught one!” Sunny excitedly exclaimed.
“Yes! We can hopefully pay off that bounty… ”
“What are you two talking about?” I asked them. Man, whatever this is about really has them excited… Why can’t I feel my arm?
“N-nothing! Foolish man! We’ve got you ensnared in our trap. Right Sunny?”
“Yeah-h, yes!”
“That’s great but, my arm has gone numb… I think I need serious medical attention.”
There’s a hole in my arm, my shirt, and my hoodie. All of three of which are being stained by fresh blood, my own blood might I add, and I’m feeling more and more lightheaded. Taking a second to process that.
“It’s not like the Harpy Queen put a bounty on us for trying to steal her village’s men.”
“That man was rightfully ours! We stole him from the bees first!” Sunny interjected.
“And it’s not like we’re taking you her as tribute in the vain hope that she won’t imprison us.”
My whole body was going numb now. That was not a good sign. I slurred out a mumble for help.
“Good, that toxin is working now.”
I fell over, face first into the ground.
“Sunny, you used the knockout one right?” Sis asked. Yes that’s what I’m calling her. In no position to ask for her real name at the moment.
“Of course, it’s the one from the red bottle.”
“No… that’s the heart stopping one. The knockout is in the maroon bottle.”
“…”
“Quick feed him the antidote!”
My face was roughly grabbed and bottle was shoved into my mouth. A vile tasting liquid was poured in, which I promptly threw up.
“Sis! I think we screwed up! We should’ve just served the jail time with the harpies.”
“Sunny!”
“They have those soft down feathers,”
“Sunny!”
“And those little baby chicks loved us,”
“Sunny!”
“And now he’s going to die!”
“Sunny! Shut up!” I heard a loud slap. “Everything is going to be fine! He is fine.” She pulled me up from the ground, again. “See! Standing up right!”
It was at that moment the metaphorical cavalry arrived. We heard the wild shouting first, and I was turned to see who was coming to get me out of here.
On the dirt road I could make out a small figure waving a sword wildly over his head with a big red cloak billowing in the wind. And I think I could see his hair color, it was… purple.
It was Luka, and only Luka- Oh wait, there’s an angry mob of farmers armed with pitchforks trailing behind him. Vision blacked out there for a moment. Couldn’t see them.
Great! I'm recused!
“The humans are onto us Sis! What do we do?”
“Cut loose the bastard and run Sunny! Run!”
“Are you sure?! Can’t we carry him-”
“Yes!”
They panicked and acted in a way I had really hoped they wouldn’t. They stabbed me in the back… multiple times, and left the dagger in there.
Killed by the most amateurish kidnappers ever.
On the plus side though I think Sunny was against that, I saw golden eyes looking worried for me… or that was worried about the angry mob.
So there I was, back to being face down on the ground. Again. I wish I had blacked out from blood loss or from the poison, but I was still conscious. I even heard Luka ask me something, he shook me a little to see if I was alive. So I yelled in pain some more.
The welcome to this place sucks.
Omake - Sweetroll
Spoiler: show
It has come to this.
I must fight the Monster Lord. We could have stopped this madness at any point. We could have walked away from each other. Let cooler heads prevail. We could have tried giving diplomacy a chance. But in the end we both knew it would come to this.
From the day we meet in that forest outside Ilias Village all the way to now. All the adventures and good times and hardships we’ve suffered together, forgotten in this very moment.
I was going to face Alipheese Fateburn the Sixteenth in one on one combat for the ultimate prize.
The last sweetroll.
Don’t laugh!
This is a very serious manner! I haven’t had a proper sweet in weeks!
I haven’t braved to try anything new since the first honey incident. After that I let Luka try everything first, or took my chances when alone with Alice… hence why there are other honey incidents that shall not be named or ever spoken of unless I get really drunk and tell Luka, but he’d be too ashamed to tell anyone else.
I was staring her down from across the table, poised with my fork. Ready to skewer that sweetroll for myself! It tasted like a cinnamon bun, but better! I think that was the sugar deprivation I was going through, I needed my fix! I know Alice was holding out on me, so there was no way I was letting her get that sweetroll.
Sure I had like four or five maybe six, seven at most, but it was the principle of the matter. The principle being hazy and unclear at the moment, but it was a principle none the less!
I glanced at her face and our eyes met. Her gaze hardened while she nudged her head towards that wonderful sweetroll.
My arm tensed. Should I make the first move or her?
I stabbed down on the sweetroll before she could react! Yes! It is mine!
As I brought my fork up to enjoy the well-earned victory my hand stopped. Intercepted by… her tongue? Clever girl.
She was leaning over the table and had shot out her tongue to grab the fork. That thing has to have been stretched out over a foot long! Luka was staring at her in shock and surprise.
“Alice, let go of my fork.”
“You release my sweetroll.”
“How are speaking with your tongue like that? You should be slurring all your words and making a fool out of yourself.” Luka pointed out to her.
“With plenty of practice.” She started to reel in her tongue.
Well two can play at that game.
I grabbed my wrist with my other hand, planted my feet and pulled with all my might. I think I stood a chance there!
And was then promptly dragged onto the table. Note to self, monster girls are really strong. I kept forgetting that.
“I will repeat myself. Release my sweetroll or I add you to my dessert for making work for what is rightfully mine.”
“Fine!” I release my grip on my fork. She began smiling triumphantly, thinking she had won or “put me in my place”. Well I had one more ace up my sleeve. In hindsight this was a stupid idea, but totally not worth it.
I pushed myself up and dove at her! Grabbing her tongue with my hands and wrenched the sweetroll from it! I quickly took a bite of it and dropped the tiny flake that was left on the table.
“You, my, you… you.” She glared at me.
Yes that was unbelievably stupid.
“Ahhaha! I got it! Mine! All mine” I shouted, basking in my short lived and suicidal victory.
What happened next a blur, but the last coherent thing I remember seeing was Luka’s terrified face and then the hard wooden edge of the table slamming into mine.
I must fight the Monster Lord. We could have stopped this madness at any point. We could have walked away from each other. Let cooler heads prevail. We could have tried giving diplomacy a chance. But in the end we both knew it would come to this.
From the day we meet in that forest outside Ilias Village all the way to now. All the adventures and good times and hardships we’ve suffered together, forgotten in this very moment.
I was going to face Alipheese Fateburn the Sixteenth in one on one combat for the ultimate prize.
The last sweetroll.
Don’t laugh!
This is a very serious manner! I haven’t had a proper sweet in weeks!
I haven’t braved to try anything new since the first honey incident. After that I let Luka try everything first, or took my chances when alone with Alice… hence why there are other honey incidents that shall not be named or ever spoken of unless I get really drunk and tell Luka, but he’d be too ashamed to tell anyone else.
I was staring her down from across the table, poised with my fork. Ready to skewer that sweetroll for myself! It tasted like a cinnamon bun, but better! I think that was the sugar deprivation I was going through, I needed my fix! I know Alice was holding out on me, so there was no way I was letting her get that sweetroll.
Sure I had like four or five maybe six, seven at most, but it was the principle of the matter. The principle being hazy and unclear at the moment, but it was a principle none the less!
I glanced at her face and our eyes met. Her gaze hardened while she nudged her head towards that wonderful sweetroll.
My arm tensed. Should I make the first move or her?
I stabbed down on the sweetroll before she could react! Yes! It is mine!
As I brought my fork up to enjoy the well-earned victory my hand stopped. Intercepted by… her tongue? Clever girl.
She was leaning over the table and had shot out her tongue to grab the fork. That thing has to have been stretched out over a foot long! Luka was staring at her in shock and surprise.
“Alice, let go of my fork.”
“You release my sweetroll.”
“How are speaking with your tongue like that? You should be slurring all your words and making a fool out of yourself.” Luka pointed out to her.
“With plenty of practice.” She started to reel in her tongue.
Well two can play at that game.
I grabbed my wrist with my other hand, planted my feet and pulled with all my might. I think I stood a chance there!
And was then promptly dragged onto the table. Note to self, monster girls are really strong. I kept forgetting that.
“I will repeat myself. Release my sweetroll or I add you to my dessert for making work for what is rightfully mine.”
“Fine!” I release my grip on my fork. She began smiling triumphantly, thinking she had won or “put me in my place”. Well I had one more ace up my sleeve. In hindsight this was a stupid idea, but totally not worth it.
I pushed myself up and dove at her! Grabbing her tongue with my hands and wrenched the sweetroll from it! I quickly took a bite of it and dropped the tiny flake that was left on the table.
“You, my, you… you.” She glared at me.
Yes that was unbelievably stupid.
“Ahhaha! I got it! Mine! All mine” I shouted, basking in my short lived and suicidal victory.
What happened next a blur, but the last coherent thing I remember seeing was Luka’s terrified face and then the hard wooden edge of the table slamming into mine.
Chapter 3 - Recovery
Spoiler: show
Okay! Some good news, I am not dead.
***
“Luka, grab the hard liquor!”
“R-right!”
“Clamp down on this buddy! We don’t need you biting your tongue off because this is gonna hurt you, a lot.”
***
Bad news, I am in a tremendous amount of pain.
***
“The skin on his back has started to turn black.”
“What can we do?”
“Luka, run to the Temple, find the priest, and bring him here!”
“Ah – Okay!”
“And remember one thing while you’re at it. Pray for him Luka, he’s going to need it.”
***
Surgery was a bit touch and go there, well what qualifies as surgery around here anyway, but I think I’m going to make a full recovery!
***
“Dear Ilias, who art thou Lord of Heaven, sacred be thy name…”
***
That’s right. I’m going to be just fine…
You buy that?
Yeah me neither.
I was lying down in bed, trying to get some rest.
I’m pretty sure I was in Luka’s house. Nobody loudly said “here’s Luka’s house!” to me, just dumped me in a bed. Though he is the only person I consistently see here, and he brings me food and water… and helps me up to the washroom.
I shifted my head on my pillow.
The bed was not comfortable at all, but it’s better than what I had in the forest, i.e. nothing. It’s to be suspected, no modern mattresses after all. The bed’s just… I don’t know, cloth and stuffing.
I’m dying here. The intricacies of medieval mattress manufacturing are one of the last things on my mind. Okay not dying, but it feels like it.
Sometimes it felt like I was just laying here drifting in and out of consciousness for days one end.
So, I’m trying to stay positive… uh, I’m covered in comfy pillows and blankets. It’s like my own private pillow fort!
Okay what else?
Oh, the chamber pot isn’t that bad….
Though it is demeaning to have a guy that just barely comes up to my chest help me out of bed and walk me to the washroom. Luka is freakishly small. More than four feet tall, but less than five feet tall, maybe little old lady size? I don’t know! He’s a real life shota! I’m just guesstimating here!
The time’s I’ve gotten the chance I’ve been scrubbing my hands raw with hot water and soap. I’ve also only been drinking boiled water and eating soup or oatmeal. I may have survived being stabbed in the back, with no signs of an infection so far, but I don’t want to be done in by a cup of bad water.
What was strange about my surgery is that the doctor knew proper sanitation and surgical procedure. I might not be giving much credit to the guy, so I asked Luka about it. He said Ilias appeared in front of everyone in the room and gave instructions on how to save my life.
Yay.
I’m interesting to a mad, genocidal goddess.
No, I’m not joking.
I’m only alive right now because of literal divine intervention.
I was worried about that causing some big stir, but she comes down to the village’s Temple in person every year like clockwork, so it’s not as miraculous as it sounds.
While I was laying here I’ve had nothing but time to go over what I knew, again. I would try reading, but I’m still too tired to.
“Let’s see here, what do I remember?”
Okay, the big players, contrary to what Ilias claims she is not the goddess that created the world. In fact nobody did, she stumbled upon it or was born long after it’s formation. Nobody made humans either, they were already alive by the time Ilias and the First arrived or were born. Although I’m pretty sure the First is the one that created that Critical Ecstasy bullshit thing in humans, only one with the motive and the means to do it, or maybe Ilias did.
So Ilias is really just a jumped up “light” elemental. Wouldn’t say that to her face, she has some major mental issues and would take it very personally.
Then about a thousand years ago she got into a massive war with the First Monster Lord, who was the jumped up “dark” elemental. Ilias started it in part because she spent millions of years roaming the world alone and couldn’t create life effortlessly like the First. Thus she got jealous and things deteriorated from there. Another thing, light can’t created life, so much as influence thoughts and behaviour. Well it can create life, angels are nothing of pure light energy, but point is Ilias had only herself for millions of years.
Coincidentally Luka’s mother is- was Lucifina who was one of the first angels created, she held the rank of Eden or Seraphim I think, thus technically making Ilias Luka’s grandmother in some sense of the word.
“All one big messed up family tree.” I mumbled to myself.
As the war progressed it almost destroyed the planet from all the energy the combatants were releasing, or something like that. The First realized this, didn’t want the world to end, and tried to make a ceasefire with Ilias. Ilias did a “if I can’t have it no one can”, and the First relented.
Ilias then forced the First and her ‘daughters’, the Six Ancestors, into a seal that draws power from their own power, making it impossible for them to break free. Any attempt to just makes it stronger. But a failsafe was built in to prevent Ilias from completing her genocide of all monsters. Killing enough monster would release enough dark energy into the world that would allow the First to overpower her seal, then fight Ilias, and make more monsters. Although now Ilias believes she’s created a suitable work around for that.
The Six Ancestors being the first monsters created by the First, and thus all monsters in existence are descended from them, except for the Monster Lord family line who comes from the First.
“What do I know about them?”
I only know about two of them. One was the original succubus, Whore of Babylon or something to that effect… I think. That’s probably a title she got, not a name. She’s only noted for going against the First in general because she wanted to eat and fuck everyone to death. Sounds right for the original succubus. The other one was a nine tailed kitsune named-
I snapped my fingers. “Right! Tamamo!”
Tamamo is one of the Six Ancestors and was there to see this all go down… hmmm, and Luka runs into her at that ocean cliff face, cave, shrine, place.
A very stupid plan was forming in my delirious head. I could tag along with Luka on his quest, get to that cave, speak to Tamamo, and then BOOM! Make a better plan to save the world with her!
Okay it’s not that easy, but I’ve got to start somewhere and that’s assuming anything is even close to canon. I don’t want to assume too much, but if the threat of a world ending genocide is a possibility, better safe than sorry. I want as many people onboard as possible to prevent that.
It may seem silly to base my whole plan on the off chance of running into Tamamo, but she's a nine tailed kitsune who can get into a fist fight with Ilias and walk away unscathed… And that’s in her sealed loli form, not even at full strength.
She’s really the best bet I have.
“Operation Touch Fluffy Tails is a go! You onboard Luka?”
“What are you talking about?”
“My deranged imagination! Now give me those painkillers!”
Even if we don’t directly run into Tamamo, there’s hopefully plenty of other chances to get into contact with her.
Again assuming anything in this world I run into resembles the canon of that visual novel hentai game. Though at this point assuming is all I got.
***
So I have confirmed it. I am indeed living with Luka, he’s a nice enough lad. Gave me a spare room and bed after the surgery, apparently Ilias had suggested it to him. She said it would be fitting for a hero like him to lend me help, which he obviously did.
Yes, she did physically descend from Heaven into the room, and then spoke to them all.
Also yes, from the glimpses I got between blacking out from the pain and then the drugs, she is hot. Very hot…
What?
I got my priorities.
I should be more disturbed or worried by that, but drugs!
Sure they’re not as good as real drugs, but damn if these guys don’t know what they’re doing!
I may have been living at his house for a while, but most of the time it was me lying in bed trying not to reopen my wounds, and him going about usual schedule. Not much interaction between us. I guess today’s as good a time as any to chat with Luka.
I decided to wait till noon, when he entered my room with a bowl of soup. I straightened up in the bed before speaking.
“SO! Luka, how are you?”
“Good. Is your back acting up?”
“Nah, it’s fine. I had just realized I haven’t thanked you for all your help. So, thank you.”
“Oh, don’t worry about that, it would be unheroic not to help you. After all you were stabbed… repeatedly. Though most people would die from that.”
“Yes! That’s why I’m thanking you now! I am going to live! If I thought I was dying then I’d be cursing you for not doing enough to save me!”
“Wha-”
“But enough about me! I want to know more about you. You keep mentioning heroes, do you plan to become one?”
“Yes!” He said with re-found confidence. “I plan to become a hero and defeat the Monster Lord.”
“Thus bringing peace to the world, how very noble of you. But I was just curious about something, if you don’t mind me asking.”
“Go ahead.” He nodded.
“If you defeat the Monster Lord, that’ll bring peace to the entire world, but that also includes monsters. Who will then coexist with humans, like what happened five hundred years ago. That seems like something you wouldn’t want, does it? In fact Ilias may take issue with that.”
He started to fidget. “Uh, sure I’d like to stop monsters from fighting with humans and- ”
“Because that’s what I want! Peace between monsters and humans! Won’t be easy, but I think it’s a worthy goal.” I say exactly what I need to say to draw his attention.
Yeah, I pulled those puppet strings like a sociopath. I’m not exactly lying, peace is the best option for everyone, but I can’t help but feel like a manipulative bastards towards him. I figure it’s best to keep what I really think to myself for the time being.
“Why would you tell me that!? I agree with you but what if I didn’t!? The people here hate monsters!”
“I’m high on drugs and life Luka! I can say whatever I want!”
***
It’s kind of funny. I had worried about how to insert myself into his life- No! There’s nothing strange about that! It’s completely normal! The world is at stake here!
Anyway, it just happened. Weird, but I guess almost dying is as good a bonding opportunity as any, and divine intervention. We didn’t talk that much. He’d just check up on me every now and again. Brought the doctor to check up on how I was healing once, but other than that not much.
By the way, can not stress that enough. An elemental goddess descended from heaven to instruct them on how to heal me. A giant target has been painted on my back. I can only hope Ilias doesn’t feel like taking a shot at it before I get a chance to try to stop her whole world wide genocide plan.
In my defense though, on the not speaking with him thing, I did literally spend days on end sleeping. Doing nothing other than sleep, and when I was awake demanding boiled water to stay hydrated.
I did manage to get my hands on some writing supplies. I had accidentally left a few pens, pencils, erasers, and a sharpener in my jacket pocket, probably left them in there after an exam. I must have forgotten to put them back in my binder, hehe, works for me.
I wanted to write down what I knew, to better formalized my thoughts, but decided against that. I had considered just giving Luka a bunch of letters and having him pass it on to the relevant people he’s going to meet, but there’s too much risk there. Him playing mailman is out and I can’t tell him anything without the risk of Ilias finding out, so that leaves me to travel with him till we run into more qualified people.
So I just scribbled unimportant stuff down and doodles, trying to burn time.
Turns out literacy is rare here so that’s an advantage I have. And yes they have the English alphabet with modernish grammatical rules, so no Elizabethan style dialogue I need to constantly translate…
I fucking lucked out there! Imagine if they didn’t! I wouldn’t have anything to read!
Unfortunately, there wasn’t too many highlights during that time.
***
“Are you okay? Why are you crying?”
“I’m going to miss new episodes of Gravity Falls!”
“Uh sure, if you say so.”
***
Really it’s just awkward living here…. dying here… recovering? I don’t know! Pain and drugs and sleeping for days on end throw me off!
You’re lucky I’m making any kind of coherent sense!
Just, one day I just got out of bed, left my room, walked to the kitchen, and took a seat at the table. Luka was sitting there eating a bowl of oatmeal.
“Can I have some?” I pointed to his bowl.
“Of course.” He got up to get me a bowl. “How are you feeling?”
“Better… How long was I in there?” I jerked my thumb to the room down the hallway.
He placed the bowl in front of me and sat back down. “For under a month.”
“A month? Really that long?”
“Yes, a month. You were stabbed in the back and poisoned. That doesn’t heal quickly.”
“Huh, I’m more surprised that I’m not dead, or that my heart or lungs weren’t stabbed.”
“Well you’re only alive right now because Ilias blessed you by saving your life.”
“Thank her for that!” I nodded in agreement. “That does bring me to why I was coming here in the first place, the village that is. I got distracted, what with the attempt on my life and all, then recovering.”
“What is it?”
“I came here seeking you! I had received a vision from Ilias, instructing me to come to this village to find a young hero in training named Luka. She told me to help you on your quest to defeat the Monster Lord.”
“She did!?”
“Yes! That is why I am here! That brings me to another point…”
“…”
“You don’t mind if I join you on your quest? Right? I didn’t want to presume- ”
“Of course you can! It’s the will of Ilias!”
Yep, I feel like an ass for doing that… but, fate of the world and all that. Ilias intervening to save me helps build credibility to my story. My thinking being if she wanted me dead or not able to interact with Luka at all she would’ve just let me die.
“Can you also put on pants?” He asked me.
“Would if I could, but don’t know where they are.” I ate a spoonful of oatmeal. Hmm, not half bad, needs more sugar though.
“They were folded on the bed, stacked on your other clothes.”
“Too early for me too care.”
***
I don’t like it here.
Not one bit.
I miss running water or at least having access to clean water. Here I only drink water that I personally boiled beforehand, or alcohol. I’ve taken a liking to the local gin.
What else?
I got a dagger as a present. It was the one the elves stabbed me with, and now it was mine. Sold it off to the local smith, worth a lot of money.
***
“Look at the craftsmanship! The engravings, the flowing lines, the light weight, and even that shine! I’d say this is the genuine article! A real piece of elven smithery! Don’t see too much of that these days, not enough travellers or heroes coming to the village.”
“They usually brought product like that?” I motioned to the dagger in his hand.
“Yes they did! Use to be that every year dozens of heroes would march through that forest to come to the village Temple to be baptized. On their way here they may encounter hordes of frightening elves and other monsters! Made into a sort of right of passage! Weren’t truly a hero till you had an elven dagger.”
For some reason I feel that story may not be true to life. Given there’s a fallen angel, and dark elf monster village a ways west from here that openingly trades with Iliasburg, relations may be more cordial than he’d like to acknowledge. “When did they stop coming?”
“Huh, tough to say. I haven’t been keeping track of the exact years myself, but I know no one’s shown up this year to be baptized, save for Luka. He’s doesn’t count though, lived here his whole life.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Just one year there was less and less people coming here. Which is why this dagger is such a rarity now. I'll be willing to give you a fair price for it. By the way, where did you get it?”
“I was stabbed with it and left for dead…”
“Ohhhh…”
“Yeah… I’m not really fond of the idea of keeping it around.”
“Wait? If it ain’t yours, then how did some bandits get their hands on this? They’re too weak to fight elves for it and too stupid to steal from them.”
“Bandits? What bandits?” Who the hell is he referring to?
“What bandits? What do you mean ‘what bandits’?!”
“I mean, what bandits?” I wasn’t attacked by bandits, technically, I think. Didn’t mentally label them as that.
“Wha- The men who stabbed you!”
“Oh those! Those were elves! Confused me there for a second!”
“What!?”
“Dark elves specifically.”
“And we ready to go fight them?! By Ilias!” He quickly got on his knees, uttering prayers.
“Uh, clue me in here. What’s the issue?” He must have been part of that mob.
He didn’t answer immediately, instead continuing to pray for a few moments longer. “Amen.” He straightened himself up. “The issue is we, folks like me, aren’t meant to fight monsters! That’s a heroes job! Not cause we’re cowards or lazy, but monsters are far too dangerous for regular folks to handle.”
Considering all you did was run up a dirt road with twenty other people against two elves, I don’t think you were in danger. You could have literally mobbed them. “So what are you saying? If you had know it was elves you wouldn’t have come to save me?”
“UM… well, you see.. it’s like this, but yet… that.”
“Wow! Buddy, you are losing a customer here, but! I am a forgiving man. So why don’t we discuss a much higher buying price of my elven dagger?”
***
Seriously, a lot of money. Luka had saved up barely five hundred gold for his journey… I sold that dagger for three hundred and fifty gold.
Thank you elven craftsmanship!
When word got around that I was up and about I received a visit from the local priest. He had heard from Luka that I was literate, and being that “Ilias had chosen me to aid him in his quest”, he saw it fit to offer me a job at the Temple. Not a position in the official church, just a job.
I ended up being a clerk in the Temple, came with a free set of robes and holy book. It was more bureaucratic than the priest made it out to be, and I was placed in the back… away from all the people.
***
“Thank you for offering me this job, uhhh…”
“Father will suffice.”
“If you say so Father. So I was curious as to what I am actually supposed to do here.” Motioning to the decayed desk in front of us, littered with crumpled pieces of parchment and dusty books.
“Oh yes, I’m sure you would be! I need you to work in the back room down here in the basement as a clerk.”
“Okay, and what will I be doing as a clerk? I need more instructions than that.” I glanced at the book selection on a nearby shelf, all of them were about Ilias.
“Why, you’ll be doing your duties in Ilias Temple! It’s a very prestigious job, one worthy of yourself!”
“What do you mean by that? I only got here recently and haven’t done anything other than be stabbed. Nothing prestigious about that.”
He clapped his hands down on my shoulders. “Why my son, you’ve been blessed by Ilias! Being favored by her isn’t something that should go to waste or be treated as a trivial matter.”
“Okay.”
“Even though I’ve been working here for over twenty years I’ve never so much as got a vision from her! None whatsoever! When she comes down here to baptize the heroes, you think she could spare some wisdom for a devout follower of hers’? No! But you!” He gripped my shoulders harder. “One day here and she descends from Heaven to heal you herself!” His hands started shaking.
“Uh well that’s all fine and good Father but-”
“Yes it is!” He released my shoulders, spun on his heel and walked towards the door.
“What exactly am I suppose to do? You never answered that question.”
“You'll do fine!” He waved without turning back and walked out the door, then slamming it shut.
“I guess I’ll… figure out my clerical duties from here.” I mentally shrugged. “Doesn’t seem like he really cares what I do.”
***
I got the feeling he didn’t like me, but that was okay. I didn’t like him either. I didn’t bother remembering his name. To me he’s always going to be “that priest from Ilias Temple”. I got around fine by calling him sir or father or shit like that.
Should I have cared more? Maybe!
Should I not have stolen money and supplies from the Temple in preparation for the quest? Possibly!
Should I have returned all those books and tomes of knowledge I borrowed from the Temple library before going? Perhaps!
But all of that was completely necessary… because I was really bored and wanted luxuries.
So bored in fact I took up exercise. Plus everyone pointed out how pathetic I was physically and that I was currently dead weight to Luka’s quest.
Now let me be clear here, I hate exercise, plain and simple. I avoided it at all cost and always tried find something better to do with my time.
Unfortunately I don’t have anything better to do.
No internet, no computer, no television, and no music! Just no electricity and everything that entails!
There’s the lack of mass produced books available to read. I also lack any easy to use light source, again no electricity, so I’m forced to read during daylight hours. My sleeping cycle is now defined by dawn and dusk, instead of the time on a clock. I could try to read during the night, but candles are a horrible source of light, plus that damages your eyes I think.
So what am I forced to do?
Exercise.
So the days fell into this routine of me waking up first in the morning, making oatmeal and boiling water for Luka and myself. He insisted on tea, but I'll be damned if I have to drink the stuff. Then doing our morning exercise routine, no, I’m not listing out every single little activity we did. That’d be tedious. Got chewed out for trying to slack off a few times. Go to the Temple, get annoying comments about my how awful I smelt. Not my fault they don’t have deodorant. I’d sit in “my office” in back, burn time for a few hours, and go back“home” for the night. Repeat ad nauseum.
In the evenings I made my own preparations for how I was going to survive this. Mostly it made use of an old alchemy book Luka had laying around. It reminded me of my old highschool chemistry book, but with more exotic materials and rituals. Several of which were “squick” and “oh god why would you ever use that, my eyes have been tainted by this horror” worthy.
I had decided on saving my money until we reached Iliasburg, the village was unfortunately lacking in the supplies and services that I needed.
Over time I ended up doing most of the chores around the house, making meals, cleaning dishes, sweeping the floor, chopping firewood, etc. Luka appreciated that because it gave him more time to practice his swordplay and fighting skills. I hope he used that time effectively.
He once caught me singing while I was working, that was embarrassing.
***
“I go out to work on Monday morning
Tuesday I go off to honeymoon
I'll be back again before it's time for sunny-down,
I'll be lazing on a Sunday afternoon!
Bicycling on every Wednesday evening
Thursday I go waltzing to the zoo!
I come from London Town, I'm just an ordinary guy
Fridays I go painting in the louvre!
I'm bound to be proposing on a Saturday night
I'll be lazing on a Sunday,
Lazing on a Sunday,
Lazing on a Sunday afternoon!”
“Hey-”
“BAH!! Luka! Hehe… You snuck up on me there.”
“Uh, sorry. What are you doing?”
“Obviously I was singing while cleaning the dishes.”
“Sure, but why singing?”
“Well I can’t be whistling while I work now can I.”
“Why not?”
“I haven’t figured out the whistling part yet.”
***
Three weeks!
I had to live here for three weeks until the day of Luka’s baptism came.
It was a very annoying three weeks, putting up with that priest wasn’t fun.
I didn’t bother to socialise further with many of the locals, save for one or two of them. They had connections that I could use later.
Luka and I had also worked out the details on how I was going to help him on his quest, our quest technically. He would do all of the real fighting and I was going to be the support. If a monster defeated him, I’d drag him to safety. He’d carry his own supplies, but I’d be carry a massive backpack filled with my own stuff and extra supplies.
I’m basically the companion.
***
I knew today was going to be the day. I had been looking forward to leaving this village and getting started on this quest since I got here. To officially start on our quest to save the world from a mad genocidal goddess, I cannot stress that enough.
Also, maybe try to hook up with a monster or two while I’m at it. Who knows? There’s bound to be friendly ones out there.
The day started unlike any other. Mostly because everyone in the village was screaming about a monster, and running to go hide in their homes.
Luka came rushing into the kitchen half dressed, pulling a shirt on as he spoke. “What’s going on?! I heard Hans outside yelling about a monster attack!”
“Hans? He’s the lumberjack, right? Is he okay?”
“Uh yes, why does that-” He shook his head. “What’s going on?!”
“A monster came into the village, everyone is freaking out.”
“Then why are you sitting there?!”
“I sat down to eat my breakfast, monsters or not, I’m not leaving this chair till I’m finished.” I took a bite of my oatmeal.
“Fine! I’m going out there to help!” He finished throwing on his clothes and ran out the door.
I watched out the window as I continued eating, Luka was making slow progress running against the crowd of people. That neighbour lady, Betty, tried to stop him, but he kept going. He took long enough that I was finished eating by the time the crowd dispersed.
I had already gotten dressed for this event when I got up earlier. I dropped my bowl on the counter to clean later and before walking out the door, I checked in a shelf to make sure of a surprise I had prepared for Luka… and for a certain Monster Lord if she shows up.
If not, then what I suspect about canon is thrown out and I wing it.
God, I hope I don’t need to wing it.
A few minutes of light jogging and I had reached the edge of the village where Luka was facing off against a monster.
“Darling! I knew I’d find you again one day! Come here and let me slime you!”
The monster being that clingy blue slime girl I met on my first day.
“Oh bugger.”
***
“Luka, grab the hard liquor!”
“R-right!”
“Clamp down on this buddy! We don’t need you biting your tongue off because this is gonna hurt you, a lot.”
***
Bad news, I am in a tremendous amount of pain.
***
“The skin on his back has started to turn black.”
“What can we do?”
“Luka, run to the Temple, find the priest, and bring him here!”
“Ah – Okay!”
“And remember one thing while you’re at it. Pray for him Luka, he’s going to need it.”
***
Surgery was a bit touch and go there, well what qualifies as surgery around here anyway, but I think I’m going to make a full recovery!
***
“Dear Ilias, who art thou Lord of Heaven, sacred be thy name…”
***
That’s right. I’m going to be just fine…
You buy that?
Yeah me neither.
I was lying down in bed, trying to get some rest.
I’m pretty sure I was in Luka’s house. Nobody loudly said “here’s Luka’s house!” to me, just dumped me in a bed. Though he is the only person I consistently see here, and he brings me food and water… and helps me up to the washroom.
I shifted my head on my pillow.
The bed was not comfortable at all, but it’s better than what I had in the forest, i.e. nothing. It’s to be suspected, no modern mattresses after all. The bed’s just… I don’t know, cloth and stuffing.
I’m dying here. The intricacies of medieval mattress manufacturing are one of the last things on my mind. Okay not dying, but it feels like it.
Sometimes it felt like I was just laying here drifting in and out of consciousness for days one end.
So, I’m trying to stay positive… uh, I’m covered in comfy pillows and blankets. It’s like my own private pillow fort!
Okay what else?
Oh, the chamber pot isn’t that bad….
Though it is demeaning to have a guy that just barely comes up to my chest help me out of bed and walk me to the washroom. Luka is freakishly small. More than four feet tall, but less than five feet tall, maybe little old lady size? I don’t know! He’s a real life shota! I’m just guesstimating here!
The time’s I’ve gotten the chance I’ve been scrubbing my hands raw with hot water and soap. I’ve also only been drinking boiled water and eating soup or oatmeal. I may have survived being stabbed in the back, with no signs of an infection so far, but I don’t want to be done in by a cup of bad water.
What was strange about my surgery is that the doctor knew proper sanitation and surgical procedure. I might not be giving much credit to the guy, so I asked Luka about it. He said Ilias appeared in front of everyone in the room and gave instructions on how to save my life.
Yay.
I’m interesting to a mad, genocidal goddess.
No, I’m not joking.
I’m only alive right now because of literal divine intervention.
I was worried about that causing some big stir, but she comes down to the village’s Temple in person every year like clockwork, so it’s not as miraculous as it sounds.
While I was laying here I’ve had nothing but time to go over what I knew, again. I would try reading, but I’m still too tired to.
“Let’s see here, what do I remember?”
Okay, the big players, contrary to what Ilias claims she is not the goddess that created the world. In fact nobody did, she stumbled upon it or was born long after it’s formation. Nobody made humans either, they were already alive by the time Ilias and the First arrived or were born. Although I’m pretty sure the First is the one that created that Critical Ecstasy bullshit thing in humans, only one with the motive and the means to do it, or maybe Ilias did.
So Ilias is really just a jumped up “light” elemental. Wouldn’t say that to her face, she has some major mental issues and would take it very personally.
Then about a thousand years ago she got into a massive war with the First Monster Lord, who was the jumped up “dark” elemental. Ilias started it in part because she spent millions of years roaming the world alone and couldn’t create life effortlessly like the First. Thus she got jealous and things deteriorated from there. Another thing, light can’t created life, so much as influence thoughts and behaviour. Well it can create life, angels are nothing of pure light energy, but point is Ilias had only herself for millions of years.
Coincidentally Luka’s mother is- was Lucifina who was one of the first angels created, she held the rank of Eden or Seraphim I think, thus technically making Ilias Luka’s grandmother in some sense of the word.
“All one big messed up family tree.” I mumbled to myself.
As the war progressed it almost destroyed the planet from all the energy the combatants were releasing, or something like that. The First realized this, didn’t want the world to end, and tried to make a ceasefire with Ilias. Ilias did a “if I can’t have it no one can”, and the First relented.
Ilias then forced the First and her ‘daughters’, the Six Ancestors, into a seal that draws power from their own power, making it impossible for them to break free. Any attempt to just makes it stronger. But a failsafe was built in to prevent Ilias from completing her genocide of all monsters. Killing enough monster would release enough dark energy into the world that would allow the First to overpower her seal, then fight Ilias, and make more monsters. Although now Ilias believes she’s created a suitable work around for that.
The Six Ancestors being the first monsters created by the First, and thus all monsters in existence are descended from them, except for the Monster Lord family line who comes from the First.
“What do I know about them?”
I only know about two of them. One was the original succubus, Whore of Babylon or something to that effect… I think. That’s probably a title she got, not a name. She’s only noted for going against the First in general because she wanted to eat and fuck everyone to death. Sounds right for the original succubus. The other one was a nine tailed kitsune named-
I snapped my fingers. “Right! Tamamo!”
Tamamo is one of the Six Ancestors and was there to see this all go down… hmmm, and Luka runs into her at that ocean cliff face, cave, shrine, place.
A very stupid plan was forming in my delirious head. I could tag along with Luka on his quest, get to that cave, speak to Tamamo, and then BOOM! Make a better plan to save the world with her!
Okay it’s not that easy, but I’ve got to start somewhere and that’s assuming anything is even close to canon. I don’t want to assume too much, but if the threat of a world ending genocide is a possibility, better safe than sorry. I want as many people onboard as possible to prevent that.
It may seem silly to base my whole plan on the off chance of running into Tamamo, but she's a nine tailed kitsune who can get into a fist fight with Ilias and walk away unscathed… And that’s in her sealed loli form, not even at full strength.
She’s really the best bet I have.
“Operation Touch Fluffy Tails is a go! You onboard Luka?”
“What are you talking about?”
“My deranged imagination! Now give me those painkillers!”
Even if we don’t directly run into Tamamo, there’s hopefully plenty of other chances to get into contact with her.
Again assuming anything in this world I run into resembles the canon of that visual novel hentai game. Though at this point assuming is all I got.
***
So I have confirmed it. I am indeed living with Luka, he’s a nice enough lad. Gave me a spare room and bed after the surgery, apparently Ilias had suggested it to him. She said it would be fitting for a hero like him to lend me help, which he obviously did.
Yes, she did physically descend from Heaven into the room, and then spoke to them all.
Also yes, from the glimpses I got between blacking out from the pain and then the drugs, she is hot. Very hot…
What?
I got my priorities.
I should be more disturbed or worried by that, but drugs!
Sure they’re not as good as real drugs, but damn if these guys don’t know what they’re doing!
I may have been living at his house for a while, but most of the time it was me lying in bed trying not to reopen my wounds, and him going about usual schedule. Not much interaction between us. I guess today’s as good a time as any to chat with Luka.
I decided to wait till noon, when he entered my room with a bowl of soup. I straightened up in the bed before speaking.
“SO! Luka, how are you?”
“Good. Is your back acting up?”
“Nah, it’s fine. I had just realized I haven’t thanked you for all your help. So, thank you.”
“Oh, don’t worry about that, it would be unheroic not to help you. After all you were stabbed… repeatedly. Though most people would die from that.”
“Yes! That’s why I’m thanking you now! I am going to live! If I thought I was dying then I’d be cursing you for not doing enough to save me!”
“Wha-”
“But enough about me! I want to know more about you. You keep mentioning heroes, do you plan to become one?”
“Yes!” He said with re-found confidence. “I plan to become a hero and defeat the Monster Lord.”
“Thus bringing peace to the world, how very noble of you. But I was just curious about something, if you don’t mind me asking.”
“Go ahead.” He nodded.
“If you defeat the Monster Lord, that’ll bring peace to the entire world, but that also includes monsters. Who will then coexist with humans, like what happened five hundred years ago. That seems like something you wouldn’t want, does it? In fact Ilias may take issue with that.”
He started to fidget. “Uh, sure I’d like to stop monsters from fighting with humans and- ”
“Because that’s what I want! Peace between monsters and humans! Won’t be easy, but I think it’s a worthy goal.” I say exactly what I need to say to draw his attention.
Yeah, I pulled those puppet strings like a sociopath. I’m not exactly lying, peace is the best option for everyone, but I can’t help but feel like a manipulative bastards towards him. I figure it’s best to keep what I really think to myself for the time being.
“Why would you tell me that!? I agree with you but what if I didn’t!? The people here hate monsters!”
“I’m high on drugs and life Luka! I can say whatever I want!”
***
It’s kind of funny. I had worried about how to insert myself into his life- No! There’s nothing strange about that! It’s completely normal! The world is at stake here!
Anyway, it just happened. Weird, but I guess almost dying is as good a bonding opportunity as any, and divine intervention. We didn’t talk that much. He’d just check up on me every now and again. Brought the doctor to check up on how I was healing once, but other than that not much.
By the way, can not stress that enough. An elemental goddess descended from heaven to instruct them on how to heal me. A giant target has been painted on my back. I can only hope Ilias doesn’t feel like taking a shot at it before I get a chance to try to stop her whole world wide genocide plan.
In my defense though, on the not speaking with him thing, I did literally spend days on end sleeping. Doing nothing other than sleep, and when I was awake demanding boiled water to stay hydrated.
I did manage to get my hands on some writing supplies. I had accidentally left a few pens, pencils, erasers, and a sharpener in my jacket pocket, probably left them in there after an exam. I must have forgotten to put them back in my binder, hehe, works for me.
I wanted to write down what I knew, to better formalized my thoughts, but decided against that. I had considered just giving Luka a bunch of letters and having him pass it on to the relevant people he’s going to meet, but there’s too much risk there. Him playing mailman is out and I can’t tell him anything without the risk of Ilias finding out, so that leaves me to travel with him till we run into more qualified people.
So I just scribbled unimportant stuff down and doodles, trying to burn time.
Turns out literacy is rare here so that’s an advantage I have. And yes they have the English alphabet with modernish grammatical rules, so no Elizabethan style dialogue I need to constantly translate…
I fucking lucked out there! Imagine if they didn’t! I wouldn’t have anything to read!
Unfortunately, there wasn’t too many highlights during that time.
***
“Are you okay? Why are you crying?”
“I’m going to miss new episodes of Gravity Falls!”
“Uh sure, if you say so.”
***
Really it’s just awkward living here…. dying here… recovering? I don’t know! Pain and drugs and sleeping for days on end throw me off!
You’re lucky I’m making any kind of coherent sense!
Just, one day I just got out of bed, left my room, walked to the kitchen, and took a seat at the table. Luka was sitting there eating a bowl of oatmeal.
“Can I have some?” I pointed to his bowl.
“Of course.” He got up to get me a bowl. “How are you feeling?”
“Better… How long was I in there?” I jerked my thumb to the room down the hallway.
He placed the bowl in front of me and sat back down. “For under a month.”
“A month? Really that long?”
“Yes, a month. You were stabbed in the back and poisoned. That doesn’t heal quickly.”
“Huh, I’m more surprised that I’m not dead, or that my heart or lungs weren’t stabbed.”
“Well you’re only alive right now because Ilias blessed you by saving your life.”
“Thank her for that!” I nodded in agreement. “That does bring me to why I was coming here in the first place, the village that is. I got distracted, what with the attempt on my life and all, then recovering.”
“What is it?”
“I came here seeking you! I had received a vision from Ilias, instructing me to come to this village to find a young hero in training named Luka. She told me to help you on your quest to defeat the Monster Lord.”
“She did!?”
“Yes! That is why I am here! That brings me to another point…”
“…”
“You don’t mind if I join you on your quest? Right? I didn’t want to presume- ”
“Of course you can! It’s the will of Ilias!”
Yep, I feel like an ass for doing that… but, fate of the world and all that. Ilias intervening to save me helps build credibility to my story. My thinking being if she wanted me dead or not able to interact with Luka at all she would’ve just let me die.
“Can you also put on pants?” He asked me.
“Would if I could, but don’t know where they are.” I ate a spoonful of oatmeal. Hmm, not half bad, needs more sugar though.
“They were folded on the bed, stacked on your other clothes.”
“Too early for me too care.”
***
I don’t like it here.
Not one bit.
I miss running water or at least having access to clean water. Here I only drink water that I personally boiled beforehand, or alcohol. I’ve taken a liking to the local gin.
What else?
I got a dagger as a present. It was the one the elves stabbed me with, and now it was mine. Sold it off to the local smith, worth a lot of money.
***
“Look at the craftsmanship! The engravings, the flowing lines, the light weight, and even that shine! I’d say this is the genuine article! A real piece of elven smithery! Don’t see too much of that these days, not enough travellers or heroes coming to the village.”
“They usually brought product like that?” I motioned to the dagger in his hand.
“Yes they did! Use to be that every year dozens of heroes would march through that forest to come to the village Temple to be baptized. On their way here they may encounter hordes of frightening elves and other monsters! Made into a sort of right of passage! Weren’t truly a hero till you had an elven dagger.”
For some reason I feel that story may not be true to life. Given there’s a fallen angel, and dark elf monster village a ways west from here that openingly trades with Iliasburg, relations may be more cordial than he’d like to acknowledge. “When did they stop coming?”
“Huh, tough to say. I haven’t been keeping track of the exact years myself, but I know no one’s shown up this year to be baptized, save for Luka. He’s doesn’t count though, lived here his whole life.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Just one year there was less and less people coming here. Which is why this dagger is such a rarity now. I'll be willing to give you a fair price for it. By the way, where did you get it?”
“I was stabbed with it and left for dead…”
“Ohhhh…”
“Yeah… I’m not really fond of the idea of keeping it around.”
“Wait? If it ain’t yours, then how did some bandits get their hands on this? They’re too weak to fight elves for it and too stupid to steal from them.”
“Bandits? What bandits?” Who the hell is he referring to?
“What bandits? What do you mean ‘what bandits’?!”
“I mean, what bandits?” I wasn’t attacked by bandits, technically, I think. Didn’t mentally label them as that.
“Wha- The men who stabbed you!”
“Oh those! Those were elves! Confused me there for a second!”
“What!?”
“Dark elves specifically.”
“And we ready to go fight them?! By Ilias!” He quickly got on his knees, uttering prayers.
“Uh, clue me in here. What’s the issue?” He must have been part of that mob.
He didn’t answer immediately, instead continuing to pray for a few moments longer. “Amen.” He straightened himself up. “The issue is we, folks like me, aren’t meant to fight monsters! That’s a heroes job! Not cause we’re cowards or lazy, but monsters are far too dangerous for regular folks to handle.”
Considering all you did was run up a dirt road with twenty other people against two elves, I don’t think you were in danger. You could have literally mobbed them. “So what are you saying? If you had know it was elves you wouldn’t have come to save me?”
“UM… well, you see.. it’s like this, but yet… that.”
“Wow! Buddy, you are losing a customer here, but! I am a forgiving man. So why don’t we discuss a much higher buying price of my elven dagger?”
***
Seriously, a lot of money. Luka had saved up barely five hundred gold for his journey… I sold that dagger for three hundred and fifty gold.
Thank you elven craftsmanship!
When word got around that I was up and about I received a visit from the local priest. He had heard from Luka that I was literate, and being that “Ilias had chosen me to aid him in his quest”, he saw it fit to offer me a job at the Temple. Not a position in the official church, just a job.
I ended up being a clerk in the Temple, came with a free set of robes and holy book. It was more bureaucratic than the priest made it out to be, and I was placed in the back… away from all the people.
***
“Thank you for offering me this job, uhhh…”
“Father will suffice.”
“If you say so Father. So I was curious as to what I am actually supposed to do here.” Motioning to the decayed desk in front of us, littered with crumpled pieces of parchment and dusty books.
“Oh yes, I’m sure you would be! I need you to work in the back room down here in the basement as a clerk.”
“Okay, and what will I be doing as a clerk? I need more instructions than that.” I glanced at the book selection on a nearby shelf, all of them were about Ilias.
“Why, you’ll be doing your duties in Ilias Temple! It’s a very prestigious job, one worthy of yourself!”
“What do you mean by that? I only got here recently and haven’t done anything other than be stabbed. Nothing prestigious about that.”
He clapped his hands down on my shoulders. “Why my son, you’ve been blessed by Ilias! Being favored by her isn’t something that should go to waste or be treated as a trivial matter.”
“Okay.”
“Even though I’ve been working here for over twenty years I’ve never so much as got a vision from her! None whatsoever! When she comes down here to baptize the heroes, you think she could spare some wisdom for a devout follower of hers’? No! But you!” He gripped my shoulders harder. “One day here and she descends from Heaven to heal you herself!” His hands started shaking.
“Uh well that’s all fine and good Father but-”
“Yes it is!” He released my shoulders, spun on his heel and walked towards the door.
“What exactly am I suppose to do? You never answered that question.”
“You'll do fine!” He waved without turning back and walked out the door, then slamming it shut.
“I guess I’ll… figure out my clerical duties from here.” I mentally shrugged. “Doesn’t seem like he really cares what I do.”
***
I got the feeling he didn’t like me, but that was okay. I didn’t like him either. I didn’t bother remembering his name. To me he’s always going to be “that priest from Ilias Temple”. I got around fine by calling him sir or father or shit like that.
Should I have cared more? Maybe!
Should I not have stolen money and supplies from the Temple in preparation for the quest? Possibly!
Should I have returned all those books and tomes of knowledge I borrowed from the Temple library before going? Perhaps!
But all of that was completely necessary… because I was really bored and wanted luxuries.
So bored in fact I took up exercise. Plus everyone pointed out how pathetic I was physically and that I was currently dead weight to Luka’s quest.
Now let me be clear here, I hate exercise, plain and simple. I avoided it at all cost and always tried find something better to do with my time.
Unfortunately I don’t have anything better to do.
No internet, no computer, no television, and no music! Just no electricity and everything that entails!
There’s the lack of mass produced books available to read. I also lack any easy to use light source, again no electricity, so I’m forced to read during daylight hours. My sleeping cycle is now defined by dawn and dusk, instead of the time on a clock. I could try to read during the night, but candles are a horrible source of light, plus that damages your eyes I think.
So what am I forced to do?
Exercise.
So the days fell into this routine of me waking up first in the morning, making oatmeal and boiling water for Luka and myself. He insisted on tea, but I'll be damned if I have to drink the stuff. Then doing our morning exercise routine, no, I’m not listing out every single little activity we did. That’d be tedious. Got chewed out for trying to slack off a few times. Go to the Temple, get annoying comments about my how awful I smelt. Not my fault they don’t have deodorant. I’d sit in “my office” in back, burn time for a few hours, and go back“home” for the night. Repeat ad nauseum.
In the evenings I made my own preparations for how I was going to survive this. Mostly it made use of an old alchemy book Luka had laying around. It reminded me of my old highschool chemistry book, but with more exotic materials and rituals. Several of which were “squick” and “oh god why would you ever use that, my eyes have been tainted by this horror” worthy.
I had decided on saving my money until we reached Iliasburg, the village was unfortunately lacking in the supplies and services that I needed.
Over time I ended up doing most of the chores around the house, making meals, cleaning dishes, sweeping the floor, chopping firewood, etc. Luka appreciated that because it gave him more time to practice his swordplay and fighting skills. I hope he used that time effectively.
He once caught me singing while I was working, that was embarrassing.
***
“I go out to work on Monday morning
Tuesday I go off to honeymoon
I'll be back again before it's time for sunny-down,
I'll be lazing on a Sunday afternoon!
Bicycling on every Wednesday evening
Thursday I go waltzing to the zoo!
I come from London Town, I'm just an ordinary guy
Fridays I go painting in the louvre!
I'm bound to be proposing on a Saturday night
I'll be lazing on a Sunday,
Lazing on a Sunday,
Lazing on a Sunday afternoon!”
“Hey-”
“BAH!! Luka! Hehe… You snuck up on me there.”
“Uh, sorry. What are you doing?”
“Obviously I was singing while cleaning the dishes.”
“Sure, but why singing?”
“Well I can’t be whistling while I work now can I.”
“Why not?”
“I haven’t figured out the whistling part yet.”
***
Three weeks!
I had to live here for three weeks until the day of Luka’s baptism came.
It was a very annoying three weeks, putting up with that priest wasn’t fun.
I didn’t bother to socialise further with many of the locals, save for one or two of them. They had connections that I could use later.
Luka and I had also worked out the details on how I was going to help him on his quest, our quest technically. He would do all of the real fighting and I was going to be the support. If a monster defeated him, I’d drag him to safety. He’d carry his own supplies, but I’d be carry a massive backpack filled with my own stuff and extra supplies.
I’m basically the companion.
***
I knew today was going to be the day. I had been looking forward to leaving this village and getting started on this quest since I got here. To officially start on our quest to save the world from a mad genocidal goddess, I cannot stress that enough.
Also, maybe try to hook up with a monster or two while I’m at it. Who knows? There’s bound to be friendly ones out there.
The day started unlike any other. Mostly because everyone in the village was screaming about a monster, and running to go hide in their homes.
Luka came rushing into the kitchen half dressed, pulling a shirt on as he spoke. “What’s going on?! I heard Hans outside yelling about a monster attack!”
“Hans? He’s the lumberjack, right? Is he okay?”
“Uh yes, why does that-” He shook his head. “What’s going on?!”
“A monster came into the village, everyone is freaking out.”
“Then why are you sitting there?!”
“I sat down to eat my breakfast, monsters or not, I’m not leaving this chair till I’m finished.” I took a bite of my oatmeal.
“Fine! I’m going out there to help!” He finished throwing on his clothes and ran out the door.
I watched out the window as I continued eating, Luka was making slow progress running against the crowd of people. That neighbour lady, Betty, tried to stop him, but he kept going. He took long enough that I was finished eating by the time the crowd dispersed.
I had already gotten dressed for this event when I got up earlier. I dropped my bowl on the counter to clean later and before walking out the door, I checked in a shelf to make sure of a surprise I had prepared for Luka… and for a certain Monster Lord if she shows up.
If not, then what I suspect about canon is thrown out and I wing it.
God, I hope I don’t need to wing it.
A few minutes of light jogging and I had reached the edge of the village where Luka was facing off against a monster.
“Darling! I knew I’d find you again one day! Come here and let me slime you!”
The monster being that clingy blue slime girl I met on my first day.
“Oh bugger.”
Chapter 4 - Goodbye Village
Spoiler: show
“Oh darling! I never knew you were into that! But if it pleases you I’d gladly-”
“No, stop. Stop talking.” I held back the urge to sigh. She is very annoying to deal with.
Luka looked at me. “You know her?!”
“Of course he does! He’s my-” I cut her off.
“No, I was stalked by her on my way here. She’s just a slime girl.”
“Aww, why do you hurt me, my darling?”
I motioned for him to go on. “Well, go on Luka, don’t let me interrupt you. It’s best to just pretend I’m not here. She can’t focus on me if you’re hitting her with your sword… and no, that isn’t a euphemism.”
“Okay…” He turned back to the slime girl. “Uh, you’re pretty close to the village, and you’re scaring everyone. If you don’t mean them any harm, do you think you could turn back?”
“I could, but only if you give my darling back to me~.”
“No, not happening. Luka hit her, hit her now.”
He stepped forward to swing his sword at her. “LUKA ATTACK!” She easily moved out of the way of his slow attack. That didn’t really say anything about the slime girl’s fighting skills, only Luka’s lack thereof.
It really was a pathetic attack, really pathetic… like, fat kid with a plastic lightsaber level of skill. “Luka… what have you been doing with your time? You said you were practicing.”
“I am! That was just a… fluke! I’ll hit her next time!” He sounded confident, it didn’t last.
“Wow! You suck at this! Oh! Am I your first~?” The grin on her face grew.
“Wha-”
“I am! I’m the first monster you’ve seen! Awww, there’s no need to be shy. I’ll show you a good time~.” The slim girl moved closer to Luka, where slime start to ooze onto his boots.
He swung at her again while shouting. “LUKA ATTACK!” He missed again, and the slime had made it up to his knees. “Gah!”
“Luka, just move! Stop standing in one spot! You’ve got legs! Use them!” I shouted at him. Under a minute in and he was losing. “No! Don’t grapple with her! She’s a slime! She’ll suck you into herself and then suck on you! And yes that one is a euphemism.”
He stopped trying to grab her and took my advice to heart. He pulled himself out of the slime girl’s grip and took a few steps back, creating some distance between the two of them.
“If big attacks aren’t working, then maybe a smaller attack will.” He mumbled to himself. He swung at her again. “LUKA - small - ATTACK!”
He hit her that time! It had left a large gash on the slime’s body… that quickly closed back up.
“How!?”
“I’m a slime, swords do nothing to me.”
“N-no way.”
“Yep! I’ll beat you then I’ll get my darling back… maybe I’ll take you as well~.”
“No, I’m not going anywhere with you. You can’t make me. I don’t even know you, and if I did, why would I? Where do you live? Where would I live if I went with you? Out in the woods? And then what?” I interjected. “Where do you get your food? Your water?”
“Meaningless questions! We only need our love!” She shouted in response. She then lashed out at Luka with a small slime tentacle, catching him off guard and striking him in his gut.
Luka was pushed back, the strike leaving a blue stain on the front of his pants… which then slid right off.
“What?! That isn’t fair! How did could this happen?!”
“My slime is an excellent lubricant! Not just for lovers but also for clothing!” Nobody needed to hear that! Just lose already! “Your clothes couldn’t help but slide right off.”
“You forgot to put on a belt… didn’t you Luka? The one thing keeping you from becoming indecent and you forgot it.” I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. “This… this is my life now.”
Luka recovered faster than I thought he would. He pulled up his pants with one hand and flailed his sword wildly at her with the other, striking her multiple times.
The slashes on the slime girl sluggishly start to close, before stopping halfway. “Ow! That hurt!”
He flailed wildly at her again, doing more damage to her body. Again the slime’s body was covered in deep slashes and cuts, but only some of them closed up.
I did put some distance between Luka and myself… and maybe a tree as well. I was worried that I’d be hit by him while he was flailing around like an idiot.
“Ow! Fine! I’ll go you big meanie.” She looked at me. “My darling, wait for me.”
“No, goodbye.”
With that she oozed back into the forest.
“I did it… I beat my first monster!” Luka was shaking slightly.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw something.
“That’s great Luka, but just a sec.”
I took a glance towards the sky, since something shiny had caught my attention.
Way off in the distance were two tiny specks of light, one moving towards the village and the other racing in on an intercept.
Ah, I think the women of the hour have arrived! So Ilias doesn’t just appear in the Temple, she flies down to it. Interesting, I wonder why. Maybe it’s a display of power? She likes the presentation?
The two lights quickly collided and- Holy shit! I can see the shockwave from here!
The first light- fuck it, it’s Ilias. Second one is probably Alice.
Ilias was sent flying off and before she could reorient herself she was struck again, producing another shockwave. Ilias quickly recovered from that and flew around Alice. She then struck Alice and sent her flying towards the ground, the strike sending more shockwaves rippling out.
The fight started and finished in barely ten seconds.
“Wow… that looks like it’s coming this way… fuck… wait, it isn’t.” Thankfully I had guessed the trajectory wrong.
She smashed through the nearby forest canopy. The resulting crash made the ground shake, nearly throwing me off my feet.
I took a moment to regain my footing, then I looked back at Luka. He was still panting heavily from the fight; it must’ve taken a lot out of him. “Hey Luka, I’m going to go check that out, you coming?”
He didn’t respond, instead he just nodded and we started off.
***
We travelled deeper into the forest, and after pushing through more trees we found what had caused the crash.
It was her, Alice… the current Monster Lord.
There was no mistaking it. She has a very distinct look.
She had pointed ears like other monsters and lavender colored skin, with large tattoos running down her left side. A strange gem in the shape of a vertical eye sat in the center of her chest. Very long, white hair with pink flowers in it and strangely shaped purple horns that curved out from the back of her head.
Her clothing was also distinct as well. Black gloves that ran up past her elbows, a skirt that looked like it was made out of giant black scales, and a cloth collar that barely qualified as a “top”. All of which was covered with gold bars around her waist and under her chest, and vertical eye decorations.
Oh and the lower half of her body is a fifteen foot long, red scaled snake tail! Kinda hard to miss that part of her!
All in all she looked weird, but very exotic. She’s also the first real monster I’ve seen… the slime doesn’t count… neither do the elves. They’re just like humans only with pointy anime ears.
“Uh… Miss Monster, are you dead?” Luka awkwardly asked. She didn’t respond.
HAH! I suppressed the urge to laugh. Oh I needed that Luka, thanks!
I crouched near her to check if she actually was alive. “I don’t think she is Luka, look at her chest, not like that. It’s still moving up and down, so she’s breathing.” I glanced around the clearing she made. “I don’t see any blood on the ground or bruises on her for that matter. Hopefully there isn’t any internal bleeding or wounds, those would be very difficult to treat. Seeing as we don’t have the means to treat those anyway.”
“Um… okay, what should we do?” He nervously asked.
“Wait here for her to wake up and make sure she’s alright. You don’t just leave an unconscious person alone in the forest, that’s poor form.” I gently shook her shoulder. “Ma’am, can you hear me? Are you okay?”
“But, it’s almost noon… I’ll miss the baptism if I do.”
“Luka, you can wait.” I looked back up at him.
“It’s once in lifetime… I, can’t.” He turned around.
“Luka seriously?!”
“It- it’s okay, you’re watching over her!” With that he ran off through the forest.
…
…
…
He just… he just ran off…
…
Thad idiot left her lying there… oh my God…
Oh my God!!!
I don’t want to sound gamey, but only fucking shit! He just triggered the death flag!
If I don’t do anything right now he’s dead! And I’m dead! And the Monster Lord will kill all humans! And the whole world will be destroyed in a massive war between monster and angels! And…
Dammit!
Salvage the situation! Now!
I kept doing what I was doing, while ignoring the growing sense of dread in my gut. “Ma’am, are you okay?” Her eyes opened up. “Take it easy, you’ve had quite the fall. You don’t want to get up too quickly, since-” She slithered into an upright position. “You don’t want to get lightheaded.”
She was staring very intently at my face. “Where am I?” She asked rather bluntly, ignoring what I had just been saying.
“A little ways outside of Ilias Village.” No need to antagonize her by lying.
“I was blown to such a place… That damn girl… what crazy strength she has.”
“Alright then-”
“Anyway, who was that boy?”
“Oh… that was Luka. He’s a local hero apprentice.” I think I know what to say to grab her attention. I need her onboard with this journey. Otherwise Luka and I are doomed.
“An apprentice, he hasn’t been baptized yet? That explains the delicious smell.” She made a showing of licking her lips with a loud smack. No, that’s not unnerving at all. “Why did he run away?”
“He uh… had a baptism to go to. He’s been looking forward to it for ages. It should be happening right.” I slowly start to back away, playing up my nervousness to further draw her attention. “In fact, I think I should be attending it, so if you’re okay-”
“Stop.” I was interrupted by her tail coiling around me, and turning me to face her. “A baptism today… Ahhh that’s right. It’s Ilias’s birthday today, heroes lining up to pray and then to be dunked in water and oil by her… how foolish.”
I shrugged my shoulders as best I could. “Well it’s certainly not for me. I personally don’t care for it, but it’s the nice thing to at least show up.”
“You’re not getting baptized?” Her tone expressed some curiosity. “Aren’t you also becoming a hero?”
“Nope, I like to think of myself as more of a philosopher than a fighter. Since I am rather averse to violence.”
It took several moments for her to reply. “…Why didn’t he try to kill me when I was unconscious? It’s a golden opportunity for an aspiring hero.”
“I guess you could say he’s not that type of person. Doesn’t really care whether you’re monster or human, only if you’re good or bad. Well, that’s how he put it when I asked him a while ago on his views. Even then, if he tried to kill you, I would have stopped him.”
“He doesn’t see all monsters as enemies?” Fine, ignore my comment and focus solely on the person that isn’t even here.
“Uhh… no. Nothing he’s said to me has suggested otherwise.”
“But he wants to be a hero… Someone who doesn’t hate all monsters wants to be a hero, but whose sole goal is to kill the Monster Lord? Is he doing it for fame or ambition?”
“No, he’s not that type of person. I don’t think he even hates the Monster Lord, he just wants her to stop doing evil stuff.”
“… What?”
“Yeah, he doesn’t care. I mean, Luka and I both agree that peaceful coexist between monsters and humans is possible, and best for all parties involved. He wouldn’t put it exactly like that, but it’s the general idea.”
“… He’s an idiot and you’re an idiot.”
“No I’m an idealist! There’s a difference.”
“No there isn’t, believing in an immature view of world peace, with everyone living in harmony, peacefully with no issues… it could nothing but idiotic.”
“I never said a world without issues, that would be impossible to achieve. Hell! You can’t even get that with a society of just humans! I’m more curious about seeing how all these different societies and cultures around the world function. Why do some hate monsters more than others? How some have integrated monsters and humans together? What are the problems they faced doing it? What factors into it all?”
“Then what? You’re going to use your knowledge to fix the world? Are monsters and humans going to live hand-in-hand with each other because of you? When are you going to wake up from your dreaming?” It sounded like she was asking herself more than me.
“Eh, there’s an old saying I’ve taken a liking to. It goes nihil novi sub sole, there is nothing new under the sun. I doubt I’m the first to think that and I’m definitely not the last. I hope I’m not! Peace between monsters and humans may seem like an insurmountable problem, but that’s just right now! It’s happened multiple times in the past for a plethora of reasons. It can happen again.”
“That’s a naïve view to hold… What does this ‘Luka’ believe?”
“Look, if you want to know more about what he thinks then why don’t you go ask him yourself.”
“Mmm… yes, that idea works… I’d like to meet this fool.” With that she started to slither in the direction of the village… while her tail was still coiled around my chest.
“Um, can you let go of me now? My arms are getting sore?”
“No.” Thus I was forced to trail behind her through the forest. At least I had my feet on the ground. “By the way, your concern was… noted.”
***
I used that time to reflect on what I knew about Alice and her connection to Luka, since I got nothing else to do. Though it feels like I’m going to need a flowchart to work out all of this.
Okay first, the woman leading me through the forest is Alipheese Fateburn the Sixteenth better known as Alice. She’s the daughter of the late Alipheese Fateburn the Fifteenth. That family really must love that name… and manhandling people.
Her mother was killed by a team of four heroes, which included Luka’s father, Marcellus, and uncle, Lazarus. The other two heroes being an old mage, Merlin, and a cleric woman, Karen. Who both men had fallen in love with. Boy there must have been a lot of sexual tension in their group…
That’s important because moments after they killed the Monster Lord, Alice, who was a little girl at the time, broke into the throne room and saw them looming over her mother’s fresh corpse. She caught them off guard and attacked them in a blind rage.
What’s funny, uh… in the ironic way, was that as the late Monster Lord died she professed her desire for peace between monsters and humans, but believed she needed to die to make it happen. So when Alice came into the throne room all the heroes were ready to throw down their weapons and go into the world to preach a message of peace.
Of course that didn’t happen. Alice killed Merlin and Karen instantly when she attacked. Lazarus and Marcellus barely made it out alive and then went on the found the terrorist organization Ilias Kreuz out of pure vengeance. To this day they still operate by bombing schools or attacking any place where monsters and humans coexist.
Well, Lazarus does. Marcellus is dead, and Luka believes he died from a random monster attack, but he didn’t. He was killed by his brother, after Marcellus met Lucifina and mellowed out, he started to help monsters by founding a safe refuge for them.
That place being the village of Enrika, which is filled with monsters, humans, and fallen angels. When Lazarus found out Marcellus had been helping monsters he attacked him. Driven by rage, he accidentally killed him. Then immediately afterwards he regretted it and lives to this day filled with regret, shame, anger, hate, more regret, you know, all those “fun” emotions.
Luka doesn’t know that part and still believes his father is a worthless piece of shit terrorist. Best not to drop that bombshell on him for a while.
Meanwhile Alice had to grow up in self-hatred and pity for herself because she believes she wasted her mother’s sacrifice and now has to die in her place. It’s the way she believes the story has to go, the Monster Lord needs to be killed by a hero to bring peace to the world.
That’s one of the reasons why Alice mocks Luka, well, will probably mock Luka, is she agrees with him. At least on some level. But you know what they say, inside every cynic is a disappointed idealist.
So both of my travelling companions have the potential to become emotionally unstable while suffering from suicidal depression or rather a severe martyr complex, i.e. they both want to die.
Damn, fate has really fucked both these families over…
Haha… Fateburn.
***
I heard Luka come in through the door. “SO! How was the baptism?” I called to him from where I was sitting at the kitchen table.
I had been able to convince Alice to let go of me on our way here. Turned out Luka hadn’t earned as much of Alice’s ire as I thought he did, so my earlier freak-out wasn’t needed. I had also bribed her with the offer of food… so yay! No angry Monster Lord!
“Ilias didn’t show… all this time, training… I need to think on what to do next.” He sounded despondent.
“Well that’s too bad! No time to think! I’ve got a guest here! Come say hello!”
“What do you- AH!” Luka rounded the corner and entered the kitchen. “Why is she here?!”
“Luka let me introduce Alipheese Fateburn, better known as Alice!”
“That doesn’t answer my question! And… what are you eating?”
“Oh this! It’s a little surprise I had prepared for us! Pancakes in a berry sauce, served with a fruit platter! You know how hard it was to get my hands on this much fruit?!” I stole it from the Temple. “It’s simple but very tasty. I had made plenty so we’d have leftovers for our journey, but seeing as we have a guest I don’t think there’s going to be any left.” I motioned to Alice who had just consumed two pancakes whole.
I pulled my plate closer to myself. I didn’t want her stealing my food.
“Uh that’s great, but…” He pointed at Alice. “What is she doing here?! If anyone sees her we’re all in trouble!” He’s not taking it well.
“She wanted to talk to you.”
“And you led her here?!”
“No, she found the place by herself.”
“How?!”
Alice chimed in. “By following your unsophisticated, but delicious scent.”
“What do you mean by unsophisticated?!”
“Your… companion told me much about you. From how you were described by him, you sound very unsophisticated.”
“Thanks for that! And how can you be so nonchalant? There’s a monster is our home!” Our home? Aw the little guy likes me! I’m touched, really I am.
“You want peace between monsters and humans, but you don’t want one in your house?”
“That’s a double standard there Luka.” I pointed out.
“Bah… uh” he sighed in defeat and pulled up a chair. “Fine, why are you here Miss Monster- er, Alice?”
“I came here to mock you for believing in something as childish as peace between monsters and humans… but after much rethinking I won’t… yet.” Yep, she’d mellowed out from earlier, bribing her with food definitely worked. It is the best gift you can give anyone… because they can eat it.
“He believes the in same goals as me!” He waved his arm at me. “Why don’t you mock him?”
“Because unlike you I don’t overreact to everything she says. I’m more use to people insulting my views. It’s what happens when you enter a debate club or take philosophy classes.”
I sort of disengaged from the conversation and tuned them out after that.
They were doing their introductions and I wanted to stay focused on my food. It might not seem like much, but all I’d been having for breakfast was oatmeal with only the tiniest amounts of syrup and sugar! I’d also been missing meat! Sure Luka and I had it often enough, but I want it with dinner every night!
A man can only take so much salad and bread and pasta and lentils and soup! Okay, most of those meals were excellent, but it’s the principle of the matter!
So pancakes and fruit are heavenly right about now, and I hate using that word. That’s how happy I was!
There was some yelling about between Alice and Luka, mostly about him being childish, but not my problem! She’s taken an interest in Luka that hasn’t resulted in his death. My work here is done!
And it eventually decided that Alice was tagging along with us. She wanted to observe Luka’s dream shatter before his very eyes and his idealism be crushed beneath the harsh cruelty and apathy of the world! Before we left Luka and I had to say our goodbyes to the villagers.
***
“Don’t worry Luka, Ilias is still with you… No, I can’t say something as clichéd as that. Luka, Ilias as abandoned you, and I doubt she will answer any of your prayers.”
“Oh…”
“But still you plan on going on your quest! Even if she won’t answer you, I will pray for you Luka.”
Luka bowed his head. “Thank you, Father!”
The priest turned to me. “Now, my son.” He placed a hand on my shoulder. “How favored do you feel right now? I’m betting on… not very! Hahaha!” He laughed like a creepy old man.
***
Well… mostly he did. After speaking to the priest I waited outside the village with Alice for Luka. At my feet sat the massive backpack I was going to be lugging around with us. I figured it was best not to get sore shoulders by wearing it if I didn’t need too.
I also was trying my best not to stare at Alice’s non-human features… and look at her… revealing outfit.
Don’t think about it…
Don't thinking about those...
Stonking...
Great...
Tits!
Nope!
Not one bit...
Luka eventually came walking up the road, mumbling to himself and looking downtrodden. “Oh Ilias… have you really abandoned me? I waited for today for so long, and I wasn’t able to be baptized in the end.”
“Isn’t it better not have been baptized? I don’t understand why humans want to be slaves to Ilias.”Alice said.
“Well not every human does, I certainly don’t… though, yeah, it is the most predominant religion in the world. And it certainly wouldn't appeal to monsters.”
“I wanted to be baptized to become a hero. It does come with perks, you know. You get the respect of the people, cheap rates at inns, and you can even walk into people’s house and take stuff.” Luka explained to her.
“Hold up! You mean we can just rob people like a common thief?! … That isn’t a bad idea.” I brought my hand to my chin to theatrically ponder it as an option.
“You can’t do that! It’s wrong and you’re not a hero!”
I shrugged. “Neither are you.”
“Gah! Yes I am!”
“No, you weren’t baptized. Remember?” I pointed out.
“ … Which means I don’t Ilias’s divine protection against evil monsters.”
“Eh don’t worry about it Luka.” I put my arm over his shoulder. “Our ugly mugs are enough to drive off any monster!”
“That’s not helping.”
“It’s not meant to.” I glanced over at Alice. “You have any thoughts on the matter?”
“… I’m not the only monster that will notice his smell. Though… I’m curious about where we’re going. You’re not going to walk straight to the Monster Lord’s Castle.”
“No, we’re staying on this continent for now. Next stop, Iliasburg! From there we do some hero work. After that, Iliasport!” Luka loudly exclaimed.
“Oh come one. Iliasburg, Iliasport, Ilias Village, Ilias, Ilias, Ilias. What’s with all the cheesy names? Do humans lack any sense of creativity?”
“Why is it that everything that comes out of your mouth is horrible?” He replied.
She glared at him. “Don’t use that tone with me.”
“Alright! Enough lollygagging you two! Let’s get a move on! We’ve burning daylight here!” I adjusted the straps on my shoulders and set off down the road.
***
As fate would have it, not much later a slug girl came onto the path. At a distance she looked like a regular woman in a fancy brown dress with a hat, but no. That would be too easy.
The slug girl stopped in front of us. “Travelers? Neither of you are baptized, either.” She looks at Luka. “And you smell delicious.”
I backed up, better let Luka deal with her. I’m sure he’ll do fine.
“Alice do you have any advice?” Luka glanced around and noticed she had pulled her vanishing act. “Oi! Alice?! Where are you?!”
The slug girl tilted her head. “Who are you yelling at? Are you crazy?”
“No of course not!”
“If you say so…” She moved closer to him. “Now, would don’t you have a feel of my wonderful mucus? I’m sure you’ll love it~.” She reached down to lifted up the edge of her ‘dress’, revealing a pulsing mass of membrane and mucus…. Ew.
It looked like the underside of a slug had been scaled up to human size and painted flesh colored… which it kinda was… Ewwww.
“So… were you just waiting there all this time for travelers to pass by you?” I asked the slug girl
“Maybe…”
“Doesn't that seem like a waste of your time? Don’t you have anything better to do?”
“There’s nothing better than finding a mate!” She loudly exclaimed.
Luka took that as an opportunity to swing his sword at the slug girl, doing no damage to her. He didn’t even shout “Luka attack” either, he’s learning so quickly!
“What?! My sword!” He tugged hard several times to remove his sword from her sticky hide. “I can’t pierce her thick mucus! How am I going to beat her?!”
“Luka, we covered this with the slime girl. Just move back or move at all.” I replied. “She’s a slug, you’re faster than her.”
“I can’t do that! It’s not how I was trained to fight! Even if I did my sword can’t doesn’t hurt her!”
“Luka, just… Dear God you can’t be serious.” I pushed up my glasses and pinched my nose. “Use your brain! Think of something!”
“Hey! Don’t try to distract me! I’ll finish off the hero and then I’ll get you next.” The slug girl yelled at me.
“Think of something… If my sword can’t hurt her, then I’ll use… her natural weakness!” he reached into his bag and took out- “Salt!”
“No! Luka, stop!” I grabbed his hand. “How about this… I got a better idea. What do you see on the ground around you?”
“Slime and dirt?”
I gave him a flat look. “And?”
“Uh… rocks I guess.”
“There you go! Use a rock! Blunt trauma always works!”
“Fine.” I let go of his hand. He reached down to scoop up some rocks from the ground. “Okay slug girl, leave or else I’ll… throw rocks at you.” He sounded unsure.
“If your sword couldn’t stop me, why would a simple rock- Ow! Ouch! Ow! Hey! Ow!” She was interrupted by several fist sized rocks to her gut. “That’s not fair!”
“Sorry!”
“Fine I’m leaving, but I’ll remember this!” She pointed at me. “And you smelt bad anyways!” With that she crawled back into the forest.
“I won!” Luka cheered.
A few moments later Alice reappeared. “That fight was pathetic. The self-described ‘philosopher’ knows more about fighting than you do. If you can’t fight off a slug, how are you going to challenge the Monster Lord?”
“I was winning! I was going to use the salt.”
“Yeah, that would have been almost half of our cooking salt gone. If I wasn’t carrying more than that, you would have used all of it.” I chimed in.
“Then I’m left with poorly a seasoned dinner and an unfulfilled appetite.” Alice said.
“Hey! Why do think you get anything? Where were you to help in the fight?” He asked, pointing an accusatory finger at her.
“I’ll make this clear for you. I am not your ally. I am not helping you in a fight. If you get captured by a monster I’m leaving you behind and continuing without you.”
“Yet you still want our food.” He replied.
“I’m okay with sharing some food, it’s coming out of your portion anyways. You don’t need to eat as much as me.” I said.
“What?! Why do you get more food than me?”
“Aw I’m kidding! Take it easy.” I put a hand on his shoulder. “Beside Luka, don’t try to stop her… She’s a really powerful monster. If you don’t feed her, she’ll just use one of us as a food source… and I don’t mean in the sexy way.”
Alice wagged her tail and grinned. “Oh I don’t know about that… it could be.”
I held back a sigh of annoyance; it was either this or stay back in a village of religious hicks and let the world be destroyed.
“Please don’t encourage her.” Luka chided me.
I thought you were supposed to be more competent. You should try working on that some time.
***
We kept walking until nightfall. That’s when we stopped and I set up camp for all of us on a spot a little ways off the road. I had spent the previous weeks practicing how to properly set up camp, so I had everything in short order.
We moved to the discussion of dinner plans.
“So Luka, do you want me to cook or are you going to?”
“I’ll do it tonight. How does omelet and bread with wild grass salad sound for dinner sound?” Luka asked.
“Bad, unfortunately eggs don’t sit right with me. So I’d rather not spend the rest of the night crouching over a hole in the woods. I’ll substitute omelet for some spare meat I have.”
Do you know how annoying it is to cook using a campfire? The only thing you have to use is an open fire. It’s so limiting! One day out and I already miss that tiny peasant kitchen Luka had! Everything we used I had to carry! Makes me feel like I’m a hoarder! My backpack is filled to the seams with an endless supply of junk and hidden compartments!
It’s like a little mobile house strapped to my back! Need something? It’s in there! Somewhere… You only need to look…
After dinner Alice quickly went straight to mocking Luka pathetic fighting skills.
“But… I’ve been training for more than five years…”
“Luka… I don’t want to sound mean, but… your sword skills are bad and you should feel bad about that.” I said.
“Five years? I thought you were fighting for the first time! Where did he learn those horrible… ‘techniques’?” She directed the question at me.
“Well obviously not from competent people. Sorry Luka, but that’s the truth.”
“I learned them from visiting pilgrims and heroes! I combined all their skills and made it into my own style!” He shouted, trying to defend himself.
“And reality has shown you the error of your ways.”
Alice sighed. “Crappy skills learned from crappy people will be crappy even when combined. Alright, I’ll teach you a little.”
Luka looked unsure about her offer. “I don’t know… learning from a monster doesn’t feel…”
“Luka take the offer! This is a chance to learn how not to die to a monster! Take it!”
“Uh, okay… Please teach me how to fight monsters.” He bowed his head to her.
“Good. It would be boring if you got eaten quickly.”
I thought entered my mind. “Hey Alice, what would you do if a monster captured me?” I asked her.
“You don’t get any special treatment. If you’re captured and Luka isn’t, I’m going on with him. If he’s captured and you aren’t, I’ll go with you. If you’re both captured, then I’m leaving you both to your fate.”
***
After a few hours Alice had declared his training had finished for the night. Luka was visibly tired and quickly found his way into his sleeping bag. “Night.” he called out
Alice then approached me.
“Hey, need something?” I asked her. “A sleeping bag? I think we got a spare.”
“No. It’s too restrictive.”
“Okay then, what about a blanket? Maybe a pillow?”
“No, I’m fine… I want to ask you about something you mentioned earlier.”
I shrugged. “Sure, what is it?”
“You said you took classes. Do you have a formal education?”
“Yep, it started when I was around four, well three, and it finished when I was seventeen. After that I went into university, I’ve been there for two years… well obviously I’m on a break of sorts right now.”
“What? Fourteen years of school and then university?! Where did you find that in Ilias Village?!”
“Oh, I didn’t. I’m not from Ilias Village.”
“Wait… If you’re not from Ilias Village… and you don’t want to be a hero? What other reason could you have to be there besides being baptized?”
“Well, I was only there for a month and a half. Beyond that, never there before in my life. And the reason why I was there, it was to find Luka.”
“Are you a relative?”
“Nope, complete strangers when we met.”
“Then… why?”
“I got a vision from Ilias, she said to seek out a young hero in training named Luka at Ilias Village and for me to help him on his journey.”
“I thought you said you aren’t a slave to Ilias.”
“Well, I never said I was a very good follower of hers.” I chuckled. “Maybe that’s why she spoke to me, make a quest to ‘restore my faith’, heh. Let’s just say you won’t catch me praying to her anytime soon.”
“You don’t follow her… I’ll keep that in mind.” She smirked. “Good night~.”
That’s a good sign right…
Right?
“No, stop. Stop talking.” I held back the urge to sigh. She is very annoying to deal with.
Luka looked at me. “You know her?!”
“Of course he does! He’s my-” I cut her off.
“No, I was stalked by her on my way here. She’s just a slime girl.”
“Aww, why do you hurt me, my darling?”
I motioned for him to go on. “Well, go on Luka, don’t let me interrupt you. It’s best to just pretend I’m not here. She can’t focus on me if you’re hitting her with your sword… and no, that isn’t a euphemism.”
“Okay…” He turned back to the slime girl. “Uh, you’re pretty close to the village, and you’re scaring everyone. If you don’t mean them any harm, do you think you could turn back?”
“I could, but only if you give my darling back to me~.”
“No, not happening. Luka hit her, hit her now.”
He stepped forward to swing his sword at her. “LUKA ATTACK!” She easily moved out of the way of his slow attack. That didn’t really say anything about the slime girl’s fighting skills, only Luka’s lack thereof.
It really was a pathetic attack, really pathetic… like, fat kid with a plastic lightsaber level of skill. “Luka… what have you been doing with your time? You said you were practicing.”
“I am! That was just a… fluke! I’ll hit her next time!” He sounded confident, it didn’t last.
“Wow! You suck at this! Oh! Am I your first~?” The grin on her face grew.
“Wha-”
“I am! I’m the first monster you’ve seen! Awww, there’s no need to be shy. I’ll show you a good time~.” The slim girl moved closer to Luka, where slime start to ooze onto his boots.
He swung at her again while shouting. “LUKA ATTACK!” He missed again, and the slime had made it up to his knees. “Gah!”
“Luka, just move! Stop standing in one spot! You’ve got legs! Use them!” I shouted at him. Under a minute in and he was losing. “No! Don’t grapple with her! She’s a slime! She’ll suck you into herself and then suck on you! And yes that one is a euphemism.”
He stopped trying to grab her and took my advice to heart. He pulled himself out of the slime girl’s grip and took a few steps back, creating some distance between the two of them.
“If big attacks aren’t working, then maybe a smaller attack will.” He mumbled to himself. He swung at her again. “LUKA - small - ATTACK!”
He hit her that time! It had left a large gash on the slime’s body… that quickly closed back up.
“How!?”
“I’m a slime, swords do nothing to me.”
“N-no way.”
“Yep! I’ll beat you then I’ll get my darling back… maybe I’ll take you as well~.”
“No, I’m not going anywhere with you. You can’t make me. I don’t even know you, and if I did, why would I? Where do you live? Where would I live if I went with you? Out in the woods? And then what?” I interjected. “Where do you get your food? Your water?”
“Meaningless questions! We only need our love!” She shouted in response. She then lashed out at Luka with a small slime tentacle, catching him off guard and striking him in his gut.
Luka was pushed back, the strike leaving a blue stain on the front of his pants… which then slid right off.
“What?! That isn’t fair! How did could this happen?!”
“My slime is an excellent lubricant! Not just for lovers but also for clothing!” Nobody needed to hear that! Just lose already! “Your clothes couldn’t help but slide right off.”
“You forgot to put on a belt… didn’t you Luka? The one thing keeping you from becoming indecent and you forgot it.” I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. “This… this is my life now.”
Luka recovered faster than I thought he would. He pulled up his pants with one hand and flailed his sword wildly at her with the other, striking her multiple times.
The slashes on the slime girl sluggishly start to close, before stopping halfway. “Ow! That hurt!”
He flailed wildly at her again, doing more damage to her body. Again the slime’s body was covered in deep slashes and cuts, but only some of them closed up.
I did put some distance between Luka and myself… and maybe a tree as well. I was worried that I’d be hit by him while he was flailing around like an idiot.
“Ow! Fine! I’ll go you big meanie.” She looked at me. “My darling, wait for me.”
“No, goodbye.”
With that she oozed back into the forest.
“I did it… I beat my first monster!” Luka was shaking slightly.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw something.
“That’s great Luka, but just a sec.”
I took a glance towards the sky, since something shiny had caught my attention.
Way off in the distance were two tiny specks of light, one moving towards the village and the other racing in on an intercept.
Ah, I think the women of the hour have arrived! So Ilias doesn’t just appear in the Temple, she flies down to it. Interesting, I wonder why. Maybe it’s a display of power? She likes the presentation?
The two lights quickly collided and- Holy shit! I can see the shockwave from here!
The first light- fuck it, it’s Ilias. Second one is probably Alice.
Ilias was sent flying off and before she could reorient herself she was struck again, producing another shockwave. Ilias quickly recovered from that and flew around Alice. She then struck Alice and sent her flying towards the ground, the strike sending more shockwaves rippling out.
The fight started and finished in barely ten seconds.
“Wow… that looks like it’s coming this way… fuck… wait, it isn’t.” Thankfully I had guessed the trajectory wrong.
She smashed through the nearby forest canopy. The resulting crash made the ground shake, nearly throwing me off my feet.
I took a moment to regain my footing, then I looked back at Luka. He was still panting heavily from the fight; it must’ve taken a lot out of him. “Hey Luka, I’m going to go check that out, you coming?”
He didn’t respond, instead he just nodded and we started off.
***
We travelled deeper into the forest, and after pushing through more trees we found what had caused the crash.
It was her, Alice… the current Monster Lord.
There was no mistaking it. She has a very distinct look.
She had pointed ears like other monsters and lavender colored skin, with large tattoos running down her left side. A strange gem in the shape of a vertical eye sat in the center of her chest. Very long, white hair with pink flowers in it and strangely shaped purple horns that curved out from the back of her head.
Her clothing was also distinct as well. Black gloves that ran up past her elbows, a skirt that looked like it was made out of giant black scales, and a cloth collar that barely qualified as a “top”. All of which was covered with gold bars around her waist and under her chest, and vertical eye decorations.
Oh and the lower half of her body is a fifteen foot long, red scaled snake tail! Kinda hard to miss that part of her!
All in all she looked weird, but very exotic. She’s also the first real monster I’ve seen… the slime doesn’t count… neither do the elves. They’re just like humans only with pointy anime ears.
“Uh… Miss Monster, are you dead?” Luka awkwardly asked. She didn’t respond.
HAH! I suppressed the urge to laugh. Oh I needed that Luka, thanks!
I crouched near her to check if she actually was alive. “I don’t think she is Luka, look at her chest, not like that. It’s still moving up and down, so she’s breathing.” I glanced around the clearing she made. “I don’t see any blood on the ground or bruises on her for that matter. Hopefully there isn’t any internal bleeding or wounds, those would be very difficult to treat. Seeing as we don’t have the means to treat those anyway.”
“Um… okay, what should we do?” He nervously asked.
“Wait here for her to wake up and make sure she’s alright. You don’t just leave an unconscious person alone in the forest, that’s poor form.” I gently shook her shoulder. “Ma’am, can you hear me? Are you okay?”
“But, it’s almost noon… I’ll miss the baptism if I do.”
“Luka, you can wait.” I looked back up at him.
“It’s once in lifetime… I, can’t.” He turned around.
“Luka seriously?!”
“It- it’s okay, you’re watching over her!” With that he ran off through the forest.
…
…
…
He just… he just ran off…
…
Thad idiot left her lying there… oh my God…
Oh my God!!!
I don’t want to sound gamey, but only fucking shit! He just triggered the death flag!
If I don’t do anything right now he’s dead! And I’m dead! And the Monster Lord will kill all humans! And the whole world will be destroyed in a massive war between monster and angels! And…
Dammit!
Salvage the situation! Now!
I kept doing what I was doing, while ignoring the growing sense of dread in my gut. “Ma’am, are you okay?” Her eyes opened up. “Take it easy, you’ve had quite the fall. You don’t want to get up too quickly, since-” She slithered into an upright position. “You don’t want to get lightheaded.”
She was staring very intently at my face. “Where am I?” She asked rather bluntly, ignoring what I had just been saying.
“A little ways outside of Ilias Village.” No need to antagonize her by lying.
“I was blown to such a place… That damn girl… what crazy strength she has.”
“Alright then-”
“Anyway, who was that boy?”
“Oh… that was Luka. He’s a local hero apprentice.” I think I know what to say to grab her attention. I need her onboard with this journey. Otherwise Luka and I are doomed.
“An apprentice, he hasn’t been baptized yet? That explains the delicious smell.” She made a showing of licking her lips with a loud smack. No, that’s not unnerving at all. “Why did he run away?”
“He uh… had a baptism to go to. He’s been looking forward to it for ages. It should be happening right.” I slowly start to back away, playing up my nervousness to further draw her attention. “In fact, I think I should be attending it, so if you’re okay-”
“Stop.” I was interrupted by her tail coiling around me, and turning me to face her. “A baptism today… Ahhh that’s right. It’s Ilias’s birthday today, heroes lining up to pray and then to be dunked in water and oil by her… how foolish.”
I shrugged my shoulders as best I could. “Well it’s certainly not for me. I personally don’t care for it, but it’s the nice thing to at least show up.”
“You’re not getting baptized?” Her tone expressed some curiosity. “Aren’t you also becoming a hero?”
“Nope, I like to think of myself as more of a philosopher than a fighter. Since I am rather averse to violence.”
It took several moments for her to reply. “…Why didn’t he try to kill me when I was unconscious? It’s a golden opportunity for an aspiring hero.”
“I guess you could say he’s not that type of person. Doesn’t really care whether you’re monster or human, only if you’re good or bad. Well, that’s how he put it when I asked him a while ago on his views. Even then, if he tried to kill you, I would have stopped him.”
“He doesn’t see all monsters as enemies?” Fine, ignore my comment and focus solely on the person that isn’t even here.
“Uhh… no. Nothing he’s said to me has suggested otherwise.”
“But he wants to be a hero… Someone who doesn’t hate all monsters wants to be a hero, but whose sole goal is to kill the Monster Lord? Is he doing it for fame or ambition?”
“No, he’s not that type of person. I don’t think he even hates the Monster Lord, he just wants her to stop doing evil stuff.”
“… What?”
“Yeah, he doesn’t care. I mean, Luka and I both agree that peaceful coexist between monsters and humans is possible, and best for all parties involved. He wouldn’t put it exactly like that, but it’s the general idea.”
“… He’s an idiot and you’re an idiot.”
“No I’m an idealist! There’s a difference.”
“No there isn’t, believing in an immature view of world peace, with everyone living in harmony, peacefully with no issues… it could nothing but idiotic.”
“I never said a world without issues, that would be impossible to achieve. Hell! You can’t even get that with a society of just humans! I’m more curious about seeing how all these different societies and cultures around the world function. Why do some hate monsters more than others? How some have integrated monsters and humans together? What are the problems they faced doing it? What factors into it all?”
“Then what? You’re going to use your knowledge to fix the world? Are monsters and humans going to live hand-in-hand with each other because of you? When are you going to wake up from your dreaming?” It sounded like she was asking herself more than me.
“Eh, there’s an old saying I’ve taken a liking to. It goes nihil novi sub sole, there is nothing new under the sun. I doubt I’m the first to think that and I’m definitely not the last. I hope I’m not! Peace between monsters and humans may seem like an insurmountable problem, but that’s just right now! It’s happened multiple times in the past for a plethora of reasons. It can happen again.”
“That’s a naïve view to hold… What does this ‘Luka’ believe?”
“Look, if you want to know more about what he thinks then why don’t you go ask him yourself.”
“Mmm… yes, that idea works… I’d like to meet this fool.” With that she started to slither in the direction of the village… while her tail was still coiled around my chest.
“Um, can you let go of me now? My arms are getting sore?”
“No.” Thus I was forced to trail behind her through the forest. At least I had my feet on the ground. “By the way, your concern was… noted.”
***
I used that time to reflect on what I knew about Alice and her connection to Luka, since I got nothing else to do. Though it feels like I’m going to need a flowchart to work out all of this.
Okay first, the woman leading me through the forest is Alipheese Fateburn the Sixteenth better known as Alice. She’s the daughter of the late Alipheese Fateburn the Fifteenth. That family really must love that name… and manhandling people.
Her mother was killed by a team of four heroes, which included Luka’s father, Marcellus, and uncle, Lazarus. The other two heroes being an old mage, Merlin, and a cleric woman, Karen. Who both men had fallen in love with. Boy there must have been a lot of sexual tension in their group…
That’s important because moments after they killed the Monster Lord, Alice, who was a little girl at the time, broke into the throne room and saw them looming over her mother’s fresh corpse. She caught them off guard and attacked them in a blind rage.
What’s funny, uh… in the ironic way, was that as the late Monster Lord died she professed her desire for peace between monsters and humans, but believed she needed to die to make it happen. So when Alice came into the throne room all the heroes were ready to throw down their weapons and go into the world to preach a message of peace.
Of course that didn’t happen. Alice killed Merlin and Karen instantly when she attacked. Lazarus and Marcellus barely made it out alive and then went on the found the terrorist organization Ilias Kreuz out of pure vengeance. To this day they still operate by bombing schools or attacking any place where monsters and humans coexist.
Well, Lazarus does. Marcellus is dead, and Luka believes he died from a random monster attack, but he didn’t. He was killed by his brother, after Marcellus met Lucifina and mellowed out, he started to help monsters by founding a safe refuge for them.
That place being the village of Enrika, which is filled with monsters, humans, and fallen angels. When Lazarus found out Marcellus had been helping monsters he attacked him. Driven by rage, he accidentally killed him. Then immediately afterwards he regretted it and lives to this day filled with regret, shame, anger, hate, more regret, you know, all those “fun” emotions.
Luka doesn’t know that part and still believes his father is a worthless piece of shit terrorist. Best not to drop that bombshell on him for a while.
Meanwhile Alice had to grow up in self-hatred and pity for herself because she believes she wasted her mother’s sacrifice and now has to die in her place. It’s the way she believes the story has to go, the Monster Lord needs to be killed by a hero to bring peace to the world.
That’s one of the reasons why Alice mocks Luka, well, will probably mock Luka, is she agrees with him. At least on some level. But you know what they say, inside every cynic is a disappointed idealist.
So both of my travelling companions have the potential to become emotionally unstable while suffering from suicidal depression or rather a severe martyr complex, i.e. they both want to die.
Damn, fate has really fucked both these families over…
Haha… Fateburn.
***
I heard Luka come in through the door. “SO! How was the baptism?” I called to him from where I was sitting at the kitchen table.
I had been able to convince Alice to let go of me on our way here. Turned out Luka hadn’t earned as much of Alice’s ire as I thought he did, so my earlier freak-out wasn’t needed. I had also bribed her with the offer of food… so yay! No angry Monster Lord!
“Ilias didn’t show… all this time, training… I need to think on what to do next.” He sounded despondent.
“Well that’s too bad! No time to think! I’ve got a guest here! Come say hello!”
“What do you- AH!” Luka rounded the corner and entered the kitchen. “Why is she here?!”
“Luka let me introduce Alipheese Fateburn, better known as Alice!”
“That doesn’t answer my question! And… what are you eating?”
“Oh this! It’s a little surprise I had prepared for us! Pancakes in a berry sauce, served with a fruit platter! You know how hard it was to get my hands on this much fruit?!” I stole it from the Temple. “It’s simple but very tasty. I had made plenty so we’d have leftovers for our journey, but seeing as we have a guest I don’t think there’s going to be any left.” I motioned to Alice who had just consumed two pancakes whole.
I pulled my plate closer to myself. I didn’t want her stealing my food.
“Uh that’s great, but…” He pointed at Alice. “What is she doing here?! If anyone sees her we’re all in trouble!” He’s not taking it well.
“She wanted to talk to you.”
“And you led her here?!”
“No, she found the place by herself.”
“How?!”
Alice chimed in. “By following your unsophisticated, but delicious scent.”
“What do you mean by unsophisticated?!”
“Your… companion told me much about you. From how you were described by him, you sound very unsophisticated.”
“Thanks for that! And how can you be so nonchalant? There’s a monster is our home!” Our home? Aw the little guy likes me! I’m touched, really I am.
“You want peace between monsters and humans, but you don’t want one in your house?”
“That’s a double standard there Luka.” I pointed out.
“Bah… uh” he sighed in defeat and pulled up a chair. “Fine, why are you here Miss Monster- er, Alice?”
“I came here to mock you for believing in something as childish as peace between monsters and humans… but after much rethinking I won’t… yet.” Yep, she’d mellowed out from earlier, bribing her with food definitely worked. It is the best gift you can give anyone… because they can eat it.
“He believes the in same goals as me!” He waved his arm at me. “Why don’t you mock him?”
“Because unlike you I don’t overreact to everything she says. I’m more use to people insulting my views. It’s what happens when you enter a debate club or take philosophy classes.”
I sort of disengaged from the conversation and tuned them out after that.
They were doing their introductions and I wanted to stay focused on my food. It might not seem like much, but all I’d been having for breakfast was oatmeal with only the tiniest amounts of syrup and sugar! I’d also been missing meat! Sure Luka and I had it often enough, but I want it with dinner every night!
A man can only take so much salad and bread and pasta and lentils and soup! Okay, most of those meals were excellent, but it’s the principle of the matter!
So pancakes and fruit are heavenly right about now, and I hate using that word. That’s how happy I was!
There was some yelling about between Alice and Luka, mostly about him being childish, but not my problem! She’s taken an interest in Luka that hasn’t resulted in his death. My work here is done!
And it eventually decided that Alice was tagging along with us. She wanted to observe Luka’s dream shatter before his very eyes and his idealism be crushed beneath the harsh cruelty and apathy of the world! Before we left Luka and I had to say our goodbyes to the villagers.
***
“Don’t worry Luka, Ilias is still with you… No, I can’t say something as clichéd as that. Luka, Ilias as abandoned you, and I doubt she will answer any of your prayers.”
“Oh…”
“But still you plan on going on your quest! Even if she won’t answer you, I will pray for you Luka.”
Luka bowed his head. “Thank you, Father!”
The priest turned to me. “Now, my son.” He placed a hand on my shoulder. “How favored do you feel right now? I’m betting on… not very! Hahaha!” He laughed like a creepy old man.
***
Well… mostly he did. After speaking to the priest I waited outside the village with Alice for Luka. At my feet sat the massive backpack I was going to be lugging around with us. I figured it was best not to get sore shoulders by wearing it if I didn’t need too.
I also was trying my best not to stare at Alice’s non-human features… and look at her… revealing outfit.
Don’t think about it…
Don't thinking about those...
Stonking...
Great...
Tits!
Nope!
Not one bit...
Luka eventually came walking up the road, mumbling to himself and looking downtrodden. “Oh Ilias… have you really abandoned me? I waited for today for so long, and I wasn’t able to be baptized in the end.”
“Isn’t it better not have been baptized? I don’t understand why humans want to be slaves to Ilias.”Alice said.
“Well not every human does, I certainly don’t… though, yeah, it is the most predominant religion in the world. And it certainly wouldn't appeal to monsters.”
“I wanted to be baptized to become a hero. It does come with perks, you know. You get the respect of the people, cheap rates at inns, and you can even walk into people’s house and take stuff.” Luka explained to her.
“Hold up! You mean we can just rob people like a common thief?! … That isn’t a bad idea.” I brought my hand to my chin to theatrically ponder it as an option.
“You can’t do that! It’s wrong and you’re not a hero!”
I shrugged. “Neither are you.”
“Gah! Yes I am!”
“No, you weren’t baptized. Remember?” I pointed out.
“ … Which means I don’t Ilias’s divine protection against evil monsters.”
“Eh don’t worry about it Luka.” I put my arm over his shoulder. “Our ugly mugs are enough to drive off any monster!”
“That’s not helping.”
“It’s not meant to.” I glanced over at Alice. “You have any thoughts on the matter?”
“… I’m not the only monster that will notice his smell. Though… I’m curious about where we’re going. You’re not going to walk straight to the Monster Lord’s Castle.”
“No, we’re staying on this continent for now. Next stop, Iliasburg! From there we do some hero work. After that, Iliasport!” Luka loudly exclaimed.
“Oh come one. Iliasburg, Iliasport, Ilias Village, Ilias, Ilias, Ilias. What’s with all the cheesy names? Do humans lack any sense of creativity?”
“Why is it that everything that comes out of your mouth is horrible?” He replied.
She glared at him. “Don’t use that tone with me.”
“Alright! Enough lollygagging you two! Let’s get a move on! We’ve burning daylight here!” I adjusted the straps on my shoulders and set off down the road.
***
As fate would have it, not much later a slug girl came onto the path. At a distance she looked like a regular woman in a fancy brown dress with a hat, but no. That would be too easy.
The slug girl stopped in front of us. “Travelers? Neither of you are baptized, either.” She looks at Luka. “And you smell delicious.”
I backed up, better let Luka deal with her. I’m sure he’ll do fine.
“Alice do you have any advice?” Luka glanced around and noticed she had pulled her vanishing act. “Oi! Alice?! Where are you?!”
The slug girl tilted her head. “Who are you yelling at? Are you crazy?”
“No of course not!”
“If you say so…” She moved closer to him. “Now, would don’t you have a feel of my wonderful mucus? I’m sure you’ll love it~.” She reached down to lifted up the edge of her ‘dress’, revealing a pulsing mass of membrane and mucus…. Ew.
It looked like the underside of a slug had been scaled up to human size and painted flesh colored… which it kinda was… Ewwww.
“So… were you just waiting there all this time for travelers to pass by you?” I asked the slug girl
“Maybe…”
“Doesn't that seem like a waste of your time? Don’t you have anything better to do?”
“There’s nothing better than finding a mate!” She loudly exclaimed.
Luka took that as an opportunity to swing his sword at the slug girl, doing no damage to her. He didn’t even shout “Luka attack” either, he’s learning so quickly!
“What?! My sword!” He tugged hard several times to remove his sword from her sticky hide. “I can’t pierce her thick mucus! How am I going to beat her?!”
“Luka, we covered this with the slime girl. Just move back or move at all.” I replied. “She’s a slug, you’re faster than her.”
“I can’t do that! It’s not how I was trained to fight! Even if I did my sword can’t doesn’t hurt her!”
“Luka, just… Dear God you can’t be serious.” I pushed up my glasses and pinched my nose. “Use your brain! Think of something!”
“Hey! Don’t try to distract me! I’ll finish off the hero and then I’ll get you next.” The slug girl yelled at me.
“Think of something… If my sword can’t hurt her, then I’ll use… her natural weakness!” he reached into his bag and took out- “Salt!”
“No! Luka, stop!” I grabbed his hand. “How about this… I got a better idea. What do you see on the ground around you?”
“Slime and dirt?”
I gave him a flat look. “And?”
“Uh… rocks I guess.”
“There you go! Use a rock! Blunt trauma always works!”
“Fine.” I let go of his hand. He reached down to scoop up some rocks from the ground. “Okay slug girl, leave or else I’ll… throw rocks at you.” He sounded unsure.
“If your sword couldn’t stop me, why would a simple rock- Ow! Ouch! Ow! Hey! Ow!” She was interrupted by several fist sized rocks to her gut. “That’s not fair!”
“Sorry!”
“Fine I’m leaving, but I’ll remember this!” She pointed at me. “And you smelt bad anyways!” With that she crawled back into the forest.
“I won!” Luka cheered.
A few moments later Alice reappeared. “That fight was pathetic. The self-described ‘philosopher’ knows more about fighting than you do. If you can’t fight off a slug, how are you going to challenge the Monster Lord?”
“I was winning! I was going to use the salt.”
“Yeah, that would have been almost half of our cooking salt gone. If I wasn’t carrying more than that, you would have used all of it.” I chimed in.
“Then I’m left with poorly a seasoned dinner and an unfulfilled appetite.” Alice said.
“Hey! Why do think you get anything? Where were you to help in the fight?” He asked, pointing an accusatory finger at her.
“I’ll make this clear for you. I am not your ally. I am not helping you in a fight. If you get captured by a monster I’m leaving you behind and continuing without you.”
“Yet you still want our food.” He replied.
“I’m okay with sharing some food, it’s coming out of your portion anyways. You don’t need to eat as much as me.” I said.
“What?! Why do you get more food than me?”
“Aw I’m kidding! Take it easy.” I put a hand on his shoulder. “Beside Luka, don’t try to stop her… She’s a really powerful monster. If you don’t feed her, she’ll just use one of us as a food source… and I don’t mean in the sexy way.”
Alice wagged her tail and grinned. “Oh I don’t know about that… it could be.”
I held back a sigh of annoyance; it was either this or stay back in a village of religious hicks and let the world be destroyed.
“Please don’t encourage her.” Luka chided me.
I thought you were supposed to be more competent. You should try working on that some time.
***
We kept walking until nightfall. That’s when we stopped and I set up camp for all of us on a spot a little ways off the road. I had spent the previous weeks practicing how to properly set up camp, so I had everything in short order.
We moved to the discussion of dinner plans.
“So Luka, do you want me to cook or are you going to?”
“I’ll do it tonight. How does omelet and bread with wild grass salad sound for dinner sound?” Luka asked.
“Bad, unfortunately eggs don’t sit right with me. So I’d rather not spend the rest of the night crouching over a hole in the woods. I’ll substitute omelet for some spare meat I have.”
Do you know how annoying it is to cook using a campfire? The only thing you have to use is an open fire. It’s so limiting! One day out and I already miss that tiny peasant kitchen Luka had! Everything we used I had to carry! Makes me feel like I’m a hoarder! My backpack is filled to the seams with an endless supply of junk and hidden compartments!
It’s like a little mobile house strapped to my back! Need something? It’s in there! Somewhere… You only need to look…
After dinner Alice quickly went straight to mocking Luka pathetic fighting skills.
“But… I’ve been training for more than five years…”
“Luka… I don’t want to sound mean, but… your sword skills are bad and you should feel bad about that.” I said.
“Five years? I thought you were fighting for the first time! Where did he learn those horrible… ‘techniques’?” She directed the question at me.
“Well obviously not from competent people. Sorry Luka, but that’s the truth.”
“I learned them from visiting pilgrims and heroes! I combined all their skills and made it into my own style!” He shouted, trying to defend himself.
“And reality has shown you the error of your ways.”
Alice sighed. “Crappy skills learned from crappy people will be crappy even when combined. Alright, I’ll teach you a little.”
Luka looked unsure about her offer. “I don’t know… learning from a monster doesn’t feel…”
“Luka take the offer! This is a chance to learn how not to die to a monster! Take it!”
“Uh, okay… Please teach me how to fight monsters.” He bowed his head to her.
“Good. It would be boring if you got eaten quickly.”
I thought entered my mind. “Hey Alice, what would you do if a monster captured me?” I asked her.
“You don’t get any special treatment. If you’re captured and Luka isn’t, I’m going on with him. If he’s captured and you aren’t, I’ll go with you. If you’re both captured, then I’m leaving you both to your fate.”
***
After a few hours Alice had declared his training had finished for the night. Luka was visibly tired and quickly found his way into his sleeping bag. “Night.” he called out
Alice then approached me.
“Hey, need something?” I asked her. “A sleeping bag? I think we got a spare.”
“No. It’s too restrictive.”
“Okay then, what about a blanket? Maybe a pillow?”
“No, I’m fine… I want to ask you about something you mentioned earlier.”
I shrugged. “Sure, what is it?”
“You said you took classes. Do you have a formal education?”
“Yep, it started when I was around four, well three, and it finished when I was seventeen. After that I went into university, I’ve been there for two years… well obviously I’m on a break of sorts right now.”
“What? Fourteen years of school and then university?! Where did you find that in Ilias Village?!”
“Oh, I didn’t. I’m not from Ilias Village.”
“Wait… If you’re not from Ilias Village… and you don’t want to be a hero? What other reason could you have to be there besides being baptized?”
“Well, I was only there for a month and a half. Beyond that, never there before in my life. And the reason why I was there, it was to find Luka.”
“Are you a relative?”
“Nope, complete strangers when we met.”
“Then… why?”
“I got a vision from Ilias, she said to seek out a young hero in training named Luka at Ilias Village and for me to help him on his journey.”
“I thought you said you aren’t a slave to Ilias.”
“Well, I never said I was a very good follower of hers.” I chuckled. “Maybe that’s why she spoke to me, make a quest to ‘restore my faith’, heh. Let’s just say you won’t catch me praying to her anytime soon.”
“You don’t follow her… I’ll keep that in mind.” She smirked. “Good night~.”
That’s a good sign right…
Right?
Chapter 5 - Ain`t That a Kick in the Head
Spoiler: show
“Ilias!” Something bumped against me. “ Alright! I can do it!”
“Um… Hey.” I heard someone speak, but it was too early in the morning for me to care.
“Hey.” There it goes again.
“Hey!” Someone was yelling near my face.
“What?” I mumbled.
“Let go of me.” Sounds like Luka.
“Mmmm no… too comfy.” I buried my face deeper into my pillow.
“No! It’s already day time and we need to get moving if we want to make it to Iliasburg before dark!”
“Yeah that’s… great Luka… mmmm goodnight.” I don’t know what he was complaining about. It’s not like I was holding him down or something, I was just snuggling with the spare pillow.
I cracked one eye open and saw purple… Oh…. still don’t care.
“How did you even grab me?! You were sleeping on the other side of the fire!” He was trying to squirm out of my hold… not gonna happen.
“I move around in my sleep sometimes. Now… qui- quit bugging me.” I closed my eye.
“What’s with all this noise so early in the morning. Oh! Luka… could this be why you refuse a monster’s advances? You aren’t attracted to them?”
“No! He’s the one holding me!”
“Alice right, too early.” My side was getting sore, so I rolled over, still holding Luka. “It’s not my fault you're so… snuggleable.”
“Ahhhh! Let go!” He kept wiggling till he accidentally hit my face.
“Fu- Okay!” I opened both my eyes and let go of Luka, who was trapped in his sleeping bag. “Now! I’m up! Are you happy?!”
“S-sorry!” He apologized.
I sighed and rubbed my face. “Ughhh… it’s okay. All… is forgiven. Alright…” I clapped my hands together. ”Let’s break camp and get started!”
“What about breakfast?” Alice asked.
“Okay, we eat first then get started!”
***
After a few hours of walking, there was a plant sitting off to the side of the road. One that was easily overlooked.
Luka didn’t overlook it… He really should of.
“What type of plant is that?” He was crouching near it. “It looks familiar, but I can’t place it.”
It’s a monster girl, you probably should stop touching it. Do I have a reasonable excuse to know that? “I think it’d be best if you stay away from that Luka. I think I saw it in one of the books back at the Temple, maybe related to a monster.”
“Really you think so?” He stood up. “Hey. Where did Alice go? Did she get lost or something?”
“No, I think that means this is monster related. Best just to keep moving.” I walked back onto the road and keep going. We were still another few hours from Iliasburg, so I wanted to reach it before dark.
“AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”
My thoughts were interrupted by an ear piercing scream. I stood still in the road, as my left eye twitched slightly.
I don’t feel paralyzed or dead, so that's a good sign.
Luka having pulled on her leaves, a bad one.
I looked over and my shoulder. Luka was slumped on the ground with a shocked expression on his face and in front of him was a Mandragora. She was rubbing where the leaf attached to her head.
I won’t lie, for a second there I was torn. I could leave him- NO!!!
Okay, less than half a second.
With a heavy sigh I turned around and started walking back towards Luka. The Plant Girl’s back facing me with only her upper body sticking out of the ground..
“What the hell are you doing?! I was finally asleep… Oh a boy? That was very rude to pull my leaves, but… You are cute… maybe I should punish you for disrupting my sleep~.”
“N-no!” Luka flopped on the ground. “Why can’t I move?!”
“My scream paralyzes all those who hear it, and can even kill those who are weak hearted. If you’re still moving even that much you must be very strong.” She reached for his belt.
I was almost there. Man! I really got far ahead of Luka.
I picked up my pace.
“S-stop that!” He looked over her shoulder and at me. “Help!”
“Who are you talking…” She turned around. “… to?” She sounded very nervous all of the sudden. She even dropped the belt that she was holding.
Maybe it was because I was towering over her with the sun at my back? That tends to look dramatic.
“What are you doing?”
“Uh, well I’m just… uh, playing around-”
“Really? Because it sounded like you wanted, what? Abduct him? Drag him underground with you for that ten year nap?”
“… if I said maybe would you-”
“Yes, I would be upset.” I glanced over at Luka. “Luka, can you move yet?”
His arm twitched. “Trying.”
I circled around the plant girl, maintaining eye contact the whole time. “Let me help you there.” I crouched down-
“No! He’s mine!” Her hair- roots struck my shoulder, knocking me on my ass and then wrapped around Luka. “You can’t take him!” She started descending back into the dirt and had quickly dragged Luka’s feet underground.
“God dammit!” I lurched forward to grab onto Luka. “Now’s a good time to hit her! Your arm’s still free.”
His arm started to spasm, the sword in his hand by some miracle struck a root, loosening the plant girl’s grip on him.
I kicked at her, hitting her head with my heel, further loosening the roots grip on Luka. “Let! Him! Go!” I planted my feet on the ground, shifted into a good position I then pushed with all my might! Going into a standing position and had Luka dangling off the ground between her and me.
I had probably 80 pounds, 2 feet of reach and better leverage than her, but she wasn’t giving up easily.
“If you're so attached to him.” She grabbed onto Luka’s ankles hard enough her knuckles turned white. Her roots started wrapping around my legs and breaking up the ground beneath me. “I’ll drag you down as well!”
“Oh for the love of- Fuck! Luka?!” I couldn’t hit her myself, if I moved my hands Luka would be dragged under. I try to kick her, I’m dragged under. So I was stuck.
He didn’t respond, instead his boot swung up, crashing into the plant girl’s jaw with a horrible crunching noise. Her grip on his ankles was lost. She recoiled and before she could scream, she was quickly interrupted by his other, now freed, boot smashing into her face.
Her roots slackened and feel to the ground, limp. She glared at us, spat some blood on the dirt and retreated back underground. All while clutching her bloodied and bruised face.
We stood there for a few moments before I dropped Luka on his feet. “Well… that was brutal.”
“I know…”
“Like… I think you broke her face… Now I feel bad!”
“Me too…”
“She did start it…”
“Yeah…”
I shook my head. “Wait a second! No she didn’t! You did!” I poke him in the chest. “I said not to touch the plant, but noooooo! You had to! Why?!”
Alice choose that moment to reappear. “I’d like to know that too. Your companion showed common sense and you almost did… almost.”
“I have a name you know, it wouldn’t kill you to use it.” I said.
“I’m sure it won’t… but why did you disturb her? She was sleeping off the road, minding her own business.”
Luka rubbed the back of his head. “Uhhh, well…”
“What a barbarian you are.”
“What?! No! I’m-”
“It’s good that you have a violent side. Only with violence do you have any hope of fulfilling your dream.”
“That's not right!” He exclaimed.
“Well Luka… it is unfortunate, but too many monsters in this world only respect one thing: pure physical strength. It’s only through besting them in combat that you’ll get their support… but would you want it?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well sure you can keep them in line with power, but then what? They don’t believe in your cause. They won’t fight to protect your ideals. You don’t convert them to your way of thought. You didn’t convince them to follow you and the second someone beats you in a fight, they’ll switch sides. Why would you every want someone as… shallow as that working for you?”
“No, what do you mean by support?”
I sighed. “Luka… you kinda need monsters to agree with you, if you want peace between them and humans… that should be obvious. You know what? Never mind, let’s keep going.”
I readjusted the straps on my shoulders and started down the road, travelling north.
***
The sun had started to set by the time Iliasburg got into view.
Luka looked at Alice. “Alice… I don’t think you can enter with us. You don’t look… human. Is there anything you could do about that?”
“Why would you think I should change that? Are you saying there’s something wrong with me?”
“N-no! Nothing like that!” He shook his head.
“Because I can, but why would I? It’s very unpleasant to change form like that.”
“Well if you don’t I guess you won’t be able to enjoy those Ama-ama Dango you wanted. What a shame.” I said.
“Crap… I guess that's true.” One moment she was a monster, the next, a human. “How does this look?”
“You look good.” I nodded. “I think it works.”
“You look underdressed.” He said.
Luka, you failed to complement her, especially after asking her to change form. She’s going to remember that.
With that, we entered the city.
***
The streets were completely empty, I couldn’t see anyone, not even beggars or bums hiding down alleyways. All the windows and doors on nearby buildings were shut and blocked, some streets even had the remains of barricades littering them.
Luka noticed it too. “What the… Why does the city look so strange?”
“I’m not sure, is someone attacking the city? It’s the only thing I can think of.”
“Maybe… what’s going on?!” He shouted, obviously no one answered. “I need to find out!” He started running down the street.
“Luka wait!”
I ran after him.
I rounded a corner and… he wasn’t there.
“Ah shit.” I lost him… well better get searching.
***
“Luka?! Where the hell are you?!” I must have been searching for ten minutes. How the hell did he get so far ahead of me?!
I heard the sound of fighting nearby. That must be him!
I picked up my speed, and turned down a side alley.
Sounds closer! Almost there!
I turned onto the street and-
“Gah!” I ran into someone at full speed and knocked both of us to the ground. “Sorry! Didn’t see you there…” Sitting on the ground beside me was one of the Four Heavenly Knights…
Granberia…
“What? How…” She looked at me. “You.”
“Ahh! I’m sorry! Please don’t kill me!” I scuttled backwards until my back hit a wall.
She was suddenly standing above me. She grabbed my shoulders and dragged me up, still keeping my back against the wall, her eyes glaring into mine. “I’ll make you bleed for that… Wait.” Then she looked confused. “You don’t have a sword.”
“Nope! I’m unarmed! Noncombatant! Civilian! Come on let me go! It was an accident!”
She shook me. “Quiet.”
“Let him go!” Luka!
“You’re still here boy? I thought I told you to stay down.” She didn’t bother to look over at him.
“I said let him go! You aren’t taking this city and you aren’t killing him!” Aww always nice to see someone cares about me. Though I don’t think Granberia’s going to kill me… maybe only maim.
“You’re too green kid. Run away while I… interrogate your friend.”
“Uh, um, that’s not really necessary! I’m open book, no need to get physical, just ask away!” I stammered out.
“Good. That will make it short and painless.”
“Yeah I like short and painless! Sounds great!” I rapidly nodded my head
Luka choose that moment to attack her, swinging his sword at her flank.
For a second I felt the pressure of her hands leave my shoulders, saw Luka fall to the ground, and then being slammed back against the wall.
Fuck me she’s fast!
“Now… tell me how-”
“Granberia.” Alice! She just appeared! “How long are you going to keep doing that?”
“A-Alice?!” Luka said.
Granberia’s astonished face turned away from me to stare at Alice, looking petrified for a couple seconds. She released me, took a step back and then got down on one knee.
“What are you doing here? Who ordered this attack?” Alice asked.
“I did. I took upon myself to remove those annoying heroes.”
“Go away.” She flatly ordered her.
“But… ” She stood back up and grabbed me, again. “My Lord there is something off about this man. I wish to bring him back to-”
“I didn’t ask you about him. I said leave.”
Behind Granberia, I noticed Luka had gotten back up to his feet. He stepped forward and swung his sword, aimed at her neck. “Demon Decapitation!” Luka shouted.
I watched the whole thing unfold, one second her hand was holding me up, next it was grabbing Luka’s blade- With only two fingers!
At least he didn’t flail wildly; she would have killed him on pure principle.
“You know a monster technique.” She lazily glanced over at Alice. “I see you’ve been teaching him, my Lord.”
“ Enough of this.” Alice stated.
“Understood… I’ll only disarm him.” Luka was still pushing against her with visible effort, and to no effect. Granberia placed her thumb on the edge of the blade and started to scratch it, creating a noise comparable to nails on a chalkboard. “Nice knife boy.” She simply crossed her two fingers, snapping the end of Luka’s sword off!
Holy shit! It offered no resistance at all!
“Making me repeat myself… is that how you show your loyalty?” Alice was obviously annoyed. “Leave now.”
“Of course.” After saying that, she vanished.
A few moments later Luka slowly collapsed to the ground, groaning in pain. “Ow… Alice…”
She made an effort to avoid looking at either of us.
“You… were pretty awesome back there.”
“That’s it?! That’s all you can say after what’s happened you idiot?!”
“Well ignore him then! Alice, I’m pretty sure you just saved my life!” I rushed forward to grab her. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! If it wasn’t for you I’d be in a rape dungeon right now!” I shouted while spinning her around.
“Put me down.”
“Alright, alright.” I put her down. “Also… I have questions about what just happened right now, but I’ll save them for later.” Our eyes briefly met and she nodded.
“What did you say? I didn’t catch it.” Luka asked.
I turned back to him and helped him up. “I was saying what you did was both the bravest thing I’ve ever seen you do… and the most suicidal! I’d reprimand you for doing that… but I think we’re going to need that type of stupidity in this journey.
“Really?”
“Yeah, just remember to keep training and improving, that way your next defeat isn’t as humiliating.”
He responded with a sour expression.
“Is… is she gone?” A man cautiously peeked his head out of door. “That monster, did she run away?”
“Those three over there!” A woman yelled. “I don’t believe it, but they drove that monster away!”
People started to rush out from their homes and surrounded us. Luka was caught off guard and Alice was as impassive as ever.
A different man came up to me to shake my hand. “Thank you! All little bit longer and this would have been a monster city.”
“No, no, don’t thank me. Luka here did all the work!” I patted his back. “I was just the distraction.”
With that the crowd’s attention turned almost solely to Luka, thanking him profusely. It lasted for several minutes until they started to disperse and go back to their own activities.
Alice pointed at a random person from the crowd. “You there, Citizen A. I need to ask you something.”
“Citizen A?! How dare you ma’am! How could you use anything less than my magnificent name, Cervantes?!” He said with a flourish of his hand.
“Where is the Sutherland Inn, Citizen A?”
“If it will make you leave me alone, it is west from here. It’s incredibly old, you shouldn’t miss it.”
“Excellent. I know where we’re staying for the night.” She grabbed Luka’s and my hand, and dragged us in direction of the inn.
I looked back. “Uhh, thanks for the help Cervantes.”
***
“Let’s see the cost, one day… two million, four hundred thousand gold per person?!” Luka shouted. “We only have enough to stay here eighteen seconds!”
“Jesus Christ! How the hell do they make any money!? Prices that high, no one can stay here!”
“Alice, there’s no way we can stay here. If we both go inside, we only have nine seconds…”
“Hey you forgot me!”
“Fine, six seconds.”
“If I had known that, I might have let Granberia take over the city.” She said.
“It’s not too late to do that is it?” I asked. “Do I get any perks for being a sell out?
“Oi! Oi!”
“Maybe…”
“Excuse me, can you step aside?” A soldier slipped past us, and walked up to the reception desk. “Hey Owner, I’m a hero, so give me a room at the hero’s rate.”
Wow, five seconds and I already don’t like the guy.
The Owner was having none of it. “What type of stupidity is this?! What kind of hero hides like a coward in an empty wine barrel?!” She shouted at him, chasing him back outside.
“Uh… hehe… oh, you saw that…” her nervously said. “But ah, I’ve been baptized so you can’t-”
“Someone like you call yourself a hero?! Get out!” She had scared him off.
Knew I didn’t like the guy.
She then turned to us, her expression softening. “Oh, you three. You saved the city! Please, why don’t you stay here tonight?”
“Er… we don’t have enough money-” Luka said.
She waved her hand. “Nonsense!” She motions for us to come inside. “Come, come, I’ll give you the special hero rate, two gold per person. I’ll just bill the other seven million, one hundred and ninety nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety four gold to Ilias Temple.”
I don’t think they have the funds to pay off a fraction of that.
“Thank you, but… I’m not a baptized hero.”
“That doesn’t matter. Baptized or not, it’s your actions that make you a hero.” Aww, that little comment brought a giant grin to Luka’s face.
“Don’t get full of yourself yet… Didn’t you just get your ass beat?” Then Alice had to cut him down.
“Aww Alice, you had to go and ruin his good mood.” I put my arm over his shoulder. “Well Luka, what are waiting for out here for?! Let’s check out the room!”
***
“Hehehe.”
“Are you going to keep doing that?”
“Yes! I love this bed! It’s mine! All mine! If only for the one night!” I rolled over to stare up at the ceiling for a moment. “It has that fresh, crisp clean smell! And the sheets feel all cool and- hahahahaha! And it’s free! HAHA! Oh how I’ve missed you high society!”
The Owner had put us up in two conjoined rooms, I’m not sure why.
“Luka who cares what he does if he’s…” Alice spared a glance my way. “… Well he’s not as annoying as you are.” She went back to eating her Ama-ama Dango.
“Is it good?” Luka asked.
“It sweet~.” She replied, happily waving her tail.
“Luka… that was the sweetest thing I’ve eaten in months. I’d have more, but I’m too stuffed to move.” I said.
“Oi, Alice, try not to be caught in monster form.”
“That was delicious, I think I’ll have some more.” She changed back into her human form, and rung the service bell.
The Owner came in to clear away the dishes littering the room. She was a member of the towns Guild Council, so Granberia taking over would have hurt her a lot. Meaning we get the VIP treatment. I sat up and moved to the edge of the bed.
“How did you like the hotel’s Ama-ama Dango?” She asked.
“Even though it’s incredibly sweet, it doesn’t overpower the flavor of the dango. Simply delicious. If you were a monster, I’d make you a duchess.”
“I second her opinion, and Alice, just wait till you get a chance to taste my cooking or baking. I’ll make baron for sure.” I chimed in.
The Owner found her comment quite funny. “Hahaha. What a strange remark, young lady. Though unfortunately I can’t make any more Ama-ama Dango for you, we’ve run out of Happiness Honey.” She sighed. “I guess it can’t be helped, ever since that village ran out of men…”
Luka leaned forward. “Did something happen to Happiness Village?”
“Yeah… Hmm… Hey that’s right. If it’s you three, I bet you could do something about it. If you were able to beat that swordswoman I’m sure you could beat any monster!” She finished stacking the dishes. “Well then, have a pleasant sleep.” She then left the room.
“I need to go speak with her about something, goodnight Alice, goodnight William.” He chased after her out of the room. “Wait up Miss!”
“Night!” I called back.
Alice closed the door and turned back into her regular self.
“So Alice… is now a good time to talk about what happened with Granberia earlier?”
“Yes.”
“So… you're her lord.”
She nodded.
“And unless I’m mistaken, there’s no other position between Heavenly Knight and Monster Lord. Is there?”
She shook her head.
“Which would make you the Monster Lord, am I right?” I point to her.
“Yes, you are.” She sighed. “I am Alipheese Fateburn the Sixteenth, current Monster Lord.”
“Ah.” I nodded. “Well… I assume you don’t want Luka knowing.”
“No, I’d rather he figured it out for himself.”
“So, where do we go from here?”
She looked surprised. “That’s it?! Don’t you have anything else to say?”
“Sure I do, but… I don’t know. Heh, you know what’s funny? I sort of suspected you were some type of noble.”
“Why?”
“At the Temple there were a lot of older texts stuffed into my ‘office’. Most dated back further than thirty years ago, before-”
“The Slaughter of Remina.”
I nodded. “Yep. Some of those texts had detailed descriptions of previous Monster Lords, including their names. With only a few exceptions, they all sort had the same look. It wasn’t tough putting two and two together.”
Yay! I have justifications for my knowledge! Wait… now I feel manipulative again… Dammit!
“Do… you know about my mother?” She asked.
“Uhh, I don’t want to assume, but… if you’re the Monster Lord then, is she…”
“Yes, she is.”
I hopped off the bed and hugged her. “Well I’m not sure how much this means, but, I’m sorry for your loss.” I was never good at this, how to comfort people.
She returned the embrace. “Thank you.” We separated after a few moments. “Do you expect me to leave you and Luka now? If you do, I won’t”
“Nope! I say we keep moving forward. I won’t bring it up unless you want to talk about, which in that case I’m always open.”
“I’ll keep that offer in mind.”
Huh, surprised that went as well as it did.
“Any chance you’d save me from a monster?” I asked
“No… unless I was hungry and thought I needed you… like right now even.”
I clapped my hands “Well that’s great! But it’s late and I want to take a shower before bed.” I walked over to the bathroom door.
“Oh, are you going to leave me all alone and hungry? It’s very rude to leave a lady waiting.” She teased, sounding much more cheery.
“Why don’t you come join me then?”
Wait…
Did I just say that?
Alice licked her lips and was smirking.
Ah fuck…
“Hora~.”
***
“Morning Luka.”
“Good morning, how was your sleep?”
“The best I’ve ever had.”
“What’s with that big goofy smile?”
“Because Luka, I know today is going to be a good day.”
“Okay… what are our plans anyways?”
“We’re going shopping. ”
***
I held the door open for Luka and Alice as we entered the blacksmith’s shop.
Standing behind the counter was the blacksmith. I walked over with Luka to greet him. “Luka! Come over here and meet Frederick! He’ll set you up with whatever you need.”
“Nice to meet you.” Luka shook his hand. “How did you meet? We’ve been here for less than a day.”
“Ah that's simple, Luka. He was one of the people I was writing to when we were still in Ilias Village. I was ordering some special equipment for myself.”
“Speaking of which, I have it right here for you Bill!” He crouched down to reach what he had behind the counter. “It came in just last week, and has been sitting here you all this time!”
“Wait, Bill? Does he mean you?” He pointed at me.
“Yeah, there’s a lot of variations you can give my name.” Frederick came back up. “Hey, do mind just calling me William? I don’t like using nicknames.”
“Not Bill?”
“No, just William.”
“Will?”
“No.”
“Willy?”
“No-”
“Billy Bob?!”
I gave him a flat look. “You’re mocking me aren't you?”
He slapped my shoulder and laughed. “Hahaha! Ahah, it’s all in jest! Now let’s take a look at what we’ve got here.” He placed a small pile of assorted armor and clothing on the counter. “All custom ordered from Enrika village! Gloves, greaves, bracers, boots, and a shirt.”
“What makes them so special?” Luka asked.
“When they’re making this, they can sew iron right into the fabric! Makes it as strong as any plate armor, but as light as cloth! It's not as flashy some of those other sets of armor I got, but it’s better than that.” He replied.
“Aw, the one with the spikes and giant paldrons looked really cool.”
“Quite being an idiot.” She looked at me. “At least one of you can choose effective armor.”
“Ah more than that! He custom ordered them! The gloves have dozens of small plates of steel wedged between leather and more cloth in them. So they don’t just protect you, you can punch someone like you were wearing a steel gauntlet! I bet you can’t even be stabbed through them!” To demonstrate he slipped one of the gloves on, and placed his hand on the counter. He pulled out a knife and stabbed it into the wooden counter, driving it in several inches. “A real knife.” He then tried the same on the glove… the knife… bent in half!
“That’s amazing! But, is your hand bruised?”
He pulled the glove off. “Nope! Barely felt a thing!”
“I want to try them on.” He passed them to me and I put them on. “Hmmm, it feels like I'm wearing nothing at all.” I pulled out a pencil from a pocket and twirled it around my fingers. “Usually the gloves are too thick for me to hold or use anything properly. Mind if I try something?”
Frederick motioned to the counter. “No, go ahead. I did just stab it.”
I started to scribble on the desk, just random words, numbers, phrases. “Wow! I can actually write with these! I love them!”
“That’s excellent! The rest of the gear should also be of similar quality. Now onto the price… four hundred and fifty gold.”
“What?! That’s all our money!” Luka exclaimed.
“Relax Luka, I’ve got more money.”
“But you only sold that dagger for three fifty and I only have a hundred.” He looked over at Alice. “Unless you have some.” She just stared in response.
“Yes, but I was… paid for my time working at the Temple.” I acquired funds from the priest. Really though, it’s amazing what you can find in storage, just waiting to be taken.
“Oh, well, how much do we have then?”
“Enough. Hey Frederick, mind if I try it all on? I want to see if it fits right.”
“Sure go ahead!”
I dropped the backpack to the ground and then changed shirts right there. “Hm, very comfy, nothing irritating me.” I took of my sneakers, stuffed them in the backpack, and put on the boots. “Steel toed right?”
He nodded.
I strapped the greaves to the front of my jeans. “Good straps, hopefully it won’t shift when I’m moving.” Next were the bracers, and finally the gloves. I did some stretches. “Still have full range of movement. I’m loving this already.” I reached into a pocket and brought out the payment. “Here it is, Frederick, fifty gold!”
“Four fifty!”
“Three seventy?”
“Four fifty!”
“Two twenty!”
“It’s four fifty dammit!”
“You’ll pay me to take it?! Well if you insist.”
“You’re screwing with me boy!” He shouted.
“Yeah, I am.” I broke out into a smirk. “Hahaha! It’s all in good fun! Right?!”
“Uh, ohh. Haha! That’s funny.” He laughed and I paid him. “Alright, have a good day and thank you for the purchase.”
We left the store, and made a few more stops.
***
“Armor plated jock strap! The perfect defense against any monster that won’t take no for an answer!”
“It does look useful… but is it hard to move in?” Luka asked.
“Luka… look at it! It’s dented and stained! You know exactly what happened to the last poor bastard that wore it! Lying to yourself isn’t going to change that!”
“Uh… okay…”
***
Including the local church.
***
“Ilias, please watch over me!”
“How boring.”
“Really Alice, I just want to give my prayers to her in thanks.”
The local priest walked up to us. “Exactly. One should always pray faithfully.”
“Look, a boring person came out.” She said.
“Pff, hehehe. Really Alice, it’s not his fault most priests are boring people. I mean, look where he’s stuck all day.” I said.
The priest frowned. “Well I’m sorry for being boring. Just remember to always pray faithfully. It is one of the Five Commandments after all.”
“Really, how boring.”
“Alice, even if he is boring, you should still listen to him.” Luka replied.
The priest’s frown deepened.
***
I also needed to visit a barber shop.
***
“How much?” I asked.
“A clean shave and a trim? Ehhhh, five gold.” He replied.
“Do you really need to waste your money on this?” Alice asked.
“Yes! Look at my hair!” I brushed the front hair down onto my face. “Look at it! It goes down past my mouth! It should just barely be past eye level.”
“How does that matter? You always brush it back anyways.”
“It’s to make it manageable! Plus the back and sides around the ears are getting scruffy. And the patchwork of stubble is marring this beautiful face as well.”
“… True.”
“Besides! I thought you’d love it if my face was clean shaven and smooth.”
“Why you! What are you imply-” She was cut off by the barber.
“Alright sir, if you would please take a seat right here. I can get to work.”
***
When we finished with the shopping, we headed out of the city.
“Fufufufu… I found you! My darling! My one true hero!”
“Ahh! Cheese it Luka! The slime found us!” I shouted.
“What? Who said that?!” He said.
Suddenly appearing before us was… an unfortunate lamia… “I’m not drunk enough for this.” I grabbed a flask from a pocket. “I’ll work on this, Luka you deal with her.”
“Uwa… what?”
“My name is Amira… and you stole my maiden heart!” She loudly declared.
Luka looked around unsure as to what was happening.
“You filled my heart with love and courage! Ah, my sweet heart… an unbreakable dream.”
I looked at my flask. “Nope, still not drunk enough. Should have gone with vodka instead of gin.”
Luka also wasn’t having any of it. “Excuse me Miss… Can I kill you?” Man! Look at that twitching grin on his face!
“I’ll drink to that. In fact, I am!”
Alice put a hand on his shoulder. “I know how you feel, but you need to calm down. If you want a world where monsters and humans can live in peace, it would include that… thing too.”
“Why is she posing like that with no pants on?”
“Alas, for I have no arms! And nobody to help me dress myself!” She lamented.
I cut in. “You got that underwear on somehow, didn’t you? You’d think pants would be easier than that.”
“Uh… Don’t poke holes in my story!”
“Go away and disappear.” Luka said
Amira sighed dramatically. “Even you are discriminating against me… Everyone does it too… the children throw stones at me. Nobody will ever get close to me.”
Seconds later a bunch of people walked by all wishing her a nice day or asking her to come play with them.
“Really? Discriminated against.” Luka flatly said.
“Well… putting my situation aside. I came to profess more than my love for you. I have a request, recently a band of monster thieves have been rampaging around. Having fellow monsters do such a thing, it pains my heart! Everyone else in the town is troubled by it as well!”
“Monster thieves?”
“Are you sure it’s just not human scare mongering?” Alice asked.
“Don’t insult my information gathering! There’s even supposed to be a vampire and a dragon!”
That surprised Luka. “A vampire?! And a dragon?!”
“That’s odd. I’ve never heard of monsters like that this far into the countryside.” Alice chimed in. “If they were here, it should be more obvious.”
“Please my love! Can you defeat the bandits?”
“Uh… Fine, I get it. I’ll do something.”
“Luka that’s suicide… unless of the course we’re missing something here.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, if there is a dragon and a vampire you would think that would be more… obvious. Powerful monsters like that wouldn’t be content simply raiding travelling merchants, and if they were you’d hear more about it. They’re so big and powerful everyone should know about them… unless of course for some reason they want to remain hidden. I’m not really going anywhere with this, just thinking out loud.” I shrugged.
“Then it’s meaningless. Really Luka, you can’t be serious?” Alice said.
“Of course I’m serious. I can’t allow monsters to be harming humans without reason!”
“Just as expect from the man I love! My heart-”
He interrupted her. “Keep going on and I’ll make you wear your heart as a hat. Where’s the thieves hideout?”
“I don’t know the exact location, but it should be to the west at the base of the mountain range.”
“Great. Can we go now? We’re burning daylight and we haven’t even decided where the hell we’re going? Enrika? Happiness Village? Combing the mountains for bandits?”
“Alright! Good luck my love!’ She then crawled away on the ground.
“Luka, are you really going to go hunt for bandits? Maybe you’re confusing bravery with stupidity. A vampire and a dragon can easily kill both of you.”
“Because! I! Am! A! Hero!” He shouted.
“A fake one.”
“Guh…” He didn't take that comment well.
“Why bother? Just go north to Iliasport and take a ship off the continent.”
“Nah, detours are good for him. Gives him a chance to practice his skills.” I said.
“With his current skills a dragon could easily burn him to charcoal” She replied.
“I would rather be charcoal than abandon my dream.” Luka muttered under his breath.
***
We were on the outskirts of the city.
“Wait! We need to go back! We forgot to buy a new sword!”
I sighed. “Do we really need to?”
“I need a sword to fight and you don’t have one!”
“Maybe Alice does?” I turned to her. “Hey Alice, any chance you got a spare sword?”
“Has the idiot infected you? What type of question is that? Why would you think I have a sword on me? Where would I be keeping it?”
“I don’t know, do you?”
“Yes… lucky guess.” she pulled out a sword. “I’ll lend this one to you.” The sword was a disgusting mess of fleshy looking grey metal, with purples eyes down the blade, disjointed wings jutting out around the handle, and a massive halo ring at the end of it.
“Ew… what is that?”
“Angel Halo, the only sword of its kind. It’s very valuable. So don’t break it.”
“Uh…. this thing? It’s… horrible! Now way I’m using that creepy thing!”
“Really?” She curiously looked at the blade. “But it has those angels you humans love so much embedded right on the handle. I thought you’d be happy!”
“Yeah Luka, don’t turn down her gift. That’s just rude!”
“It looks like those angels are being tortured…”
“If you don’t want it I’ve just put it back away-”
“No! Uhg… I’ll take it. I have no other option.”
“That’s the spirit Luka!”
He took the sword from Alice. “Wha?! Ri-right now I just heard it moan! Did you not hear that?!”
“No I heard it too.”
“Well that’s to be expected. The sword was refined from six hundred and sixty six angels after all.”
Luka glared at her. “I hate the way you said that so matter-of-factly.”
“I don’t!”
“Now listen up. Because the angel’s grudges are hammered into this sword, it holds their curse. It eats away at the magic of whatever it slashes, making it hard for your opponent to maintain their form.” She explained.
“… I don’t get it”
“Luka, she’s saying it seals monsters.”
She nodded. “Good, I was worried I’d have to explain further to the idiot. Now why don’t you give it a try.” After that she vanished… so a monster’s about to attack us.
The ground started to buckle and swell, like a mini earthquake was happening. A worm girl rose from the ground. “Do I smell the delicious scent of-”
“Oh God! You’re hideous! I mean, I’m sorry, but…” I trailed off and grabbed another flask. “Still not drunk enough. My eyes have been damaged in a way that can never be repaired.”
“Hey! I’m… pretty.”
“No you aren’t! You’re a worm! Do you even have any arms?!”
“No…”
“What about your face? Do you just ram it into the dirt to move? Are your teeth all chipped away by the dirt and rock you must eat?”
“No… I travel tail first.”
“And your hair! It’s a mangled mess!”
“You didn’t need to bring that up…”
“What do you do with your life? Is it just crawling around in the ground and hope a man walks by your subterranean pit you call a home? What do you eat? Do you just munch on dirt and bugs?”
“There was no reason to go there… Because I… I do stuff… with all my friends, sometimes.”
“Good! Go bother them then! Hey! I got an idea! Go work on a farm! At least them nobody would care about you eating through their fields.”
She started tearing up. “I-I’m going to get you! I’m gonna go get my friends, and- and they’re so going to beat you up for this!” She dove back into the ground.
“William… that was unnecessary. I was going to seal her, but you… You don’t do that!”
“Do what?” I paused. “Wait, what did I just say?”
“You insulted her and sent her running away crying!”
“Really? Doesn't sound like me… Ah dammit!” I sighed and pinched the bridge of me nose. “I just ran my mouth off the second I saw her, didn’t I?”
“Yes, you did. That was downright mean what you said!”
“Great… now I feel guilty. Think we could try to find her and-”
“No, I doubt we could. Let’s just get going.”
“Where to? I vote Happiness Village first.”
“Okay, let’s go east then.”
***
After a while we passed by a small stream when I realized something. “Hey Luka… Alice hasn’t reappeared yet.”
He glanced around. “Yeah, she hasn’t. I wonder why-”
“You!” A woman shouted. We both turned to look at the source.
Crawling out of the stream was a leach girl. She was human torso on a massive leech… thing. The gaping maw was filled with rows of serrated teeth, and a massive hooked tongue hung out of it. Disturbingly, it reminded me of a hagfish’s mouth.
“You picked on my friend! Now, I’m going to kill you for that.”
“Uh, don’t you mean-”
“I mean I’m going to peel the skin off your bones and scrape your eyes down layer after layer until you're begging for death! You bastards will feel pain! Pure and simple pain!” She was slowly crawling out of the water, already ten feet of leech tail was visible.
“Holy shit she’s big! Luka, running sounds like a great idea right about now!”
“N-no! I’m hero! And heroes don’t run!”
Suddenly her tail burst from the water, throwing a massive rotting tree trunk at us. It shattered on the ground only a few feet away.
“Run as fast as you can! You’ll only die tired! You hear me- gah, wha?!” The water around the edge of the stream started to flow over her, steadily pulling her back into the water. “What!? No! Let me go! AHH! What’s happening?!” Her shrieks were silenced after being pulled under the surface.
Luka and I looked at each other. Cautiously we walked closer to the edge of the water, trying to see what happened.
A face emerged from the water. “Darling! I’ve hear that you’ve been a very naughty boy! Maybe I should punish you~.” Followed by a body…
“The slime! Luka I don’t know how but she found us!” I grabbed his arm and ran.
“Darling wait!” She oozed out of the water and started following us. “If you run you won’t have enough energy to enjoy our honeymoon together!”
“What honeymoon?!”
“If you don’t like that word, then it’s really more of a celebration! I know commitment makes you nervous!”
“The hell would we be celebrating?!”
“That the world’s our oyster and I’m your slime!”
“Um… Hey.” I heard someone speak, but it was too early in the morning for me to care.
“Hey.” There it goes again.
“Hey!” Someone was yelling near my face.
“What?” I mumbled.
“Let go of me.” Sounds like Luka.
“Mmmm no… too comfy.” I buried my face deeper into my pillow.
“No! It’s already day time and we need to get moving if we want to make it to Iliasburg before dark!”
“Yeah that’s… great Luka… mmmm goodnight.” I don’t know what he was complaining about. It’s not like I was holding him down or something, I was just snuggling with the spare pillow.
I cracked one eye open and saw purple… Oh…. still don’t care.
“How did you even grab me?! You were sleeping on the other side of the fire!” He was trying to squirm out of my hold… not gonna happen.
“I move around in my sleep sometimes. Now… qui- quit bugging me.” I closed my eye.
“What’s with all this noise so early in the morning. Oh! Luka… could this be why you refuse a monster’s advances? You aren’t attracted to them?”
“No! He’s the one holding me!”
“Alice right, too early.” My side was getting sore, so I rolled over, still holding Luka. “It’s not my fault you're so… snuggleable.”
“Ahhhh! Let go!” He kept wiggling till he accidentally hit my face.
“Fu- Okay!” I opened both my eyes and let go of Luka, who was trapped in his sleeping bag. “Now! I’m up! Are you happy?!”
“S-sorry!” He apologized.
I sighed and rubbed my face. “Ughhh… it’s okay. All… is forgiven. Alright…” I clapped my hands together. ”Let’s break camp and get started!”
“What about breakfast?” Alice asked.
“Okay, we eat first then get started!”
***
After a few hours of walking, there was a plant sitting off to the side of the road. One that was easily overlooked.
Luka didn’t overlook it… He really should of.
“What type of plant is that?” He was crouching near it. “It looks familiar, but I can’t place it.”
It’s a monster girl, you probably should stop touching it. Do I have a reasonable excuse to know that? “I think it’d be best if you stay away from that Luka. I think I saw it in one of the books back at the Temple, maybe related to a monster.”
“Really you think so?” He stood up. “Hey. Where did Alice go? Did she get lost or something?”
“No, I think that means this is monster related. Best just to keep moving.” I walked back onto the road and keep going. We were still another few hours from Iliasburg, so I wanted to reach it before dark.
“AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”
My thoughts were interrupted by an ear piercing scream. I stood still in the road, as my left eye twitched slightly.
I don’t feel paralyzed or dead, so that's a good sign.
Luka having pulled on her leaves, a bad one.
I looked over and my shoulder. Luka was slumped on the ground with a shocked expression on his face and in front of him was a Mandragora. She was rubbing where the leaf attached to her head.
I won’t lie, for a second there I was torn. I could leave him- NO!!!
Okay, less than half a second.
With a heavy sigh I turned around and started walking back towards Luka. The Plant Girl’s back facing me with only her upper body sticking out of the ground..
“What the hell are you doing?! I was finally asleep… Oh a boy? That was very rude to pull my leaves, but… You are cute… maybe I should punish you for disrupting my sleep~.”
“N-no!” Luka flopped on the ground. “Why can’t I move?!”
“My scream paralyzes all those who hear it, and can even kill those who are weak hearted. If you’re still moving even that much you must be very strong.” She reached for his belt.
I was almost there. Man! I really got far ahead of Luka.
I picked up my pace.
“S-stop that!” He looked over her shoulder and at me. “Help!”
“Who are you talking…” She turned around. “… to?” She sounded very nervous all of the sudden. She even dropped the belt that she was holding.
Maybe it was because I was towering over her with the sun at my back? That tends to look dramatic.
“What are you doing?”
“Uh, well I’m just… uh, playing around-”
“Really? Because it sounded like you wanted, what? Abduct him? Drag him underground with you for that ten year nap?”
“… if I said maybe would you-”
“Yes, I would be upset.” I glanced over at Luka. “Luka, can you move yet?”
His arm twitched. “Trying.”
I circled around the plant girl, maintaining eye contact the whole time. “Let me help you there.” I crouched down-
“No! He’s mine!” Her hair- roots struck my shoulder, knocking me on my ass and then wrapped around Luka. “You can’t take him!” She started descending back into the dirt and had quickly dragged Luka’s feet underground.
“God dammit!” I lurched forward to grab onto Luka. “Now’s a good time to hit her! Your arm’s still free.”
His arm started to spasm, the sword in his hand by some miracle struck a root, loosening the plant girl’s grip on him.
I kicked at her, hitting her head with my heel, further loosening the roots grip on Luka. “Let! Him! Go!” I planted my feet on the ground, shifted into a good position I then pushed with all my might! Going into a standing position and had Luka dangling off the ground between her and me.
I had probably 80 pounds, 2 feet of reach and better leverage than her, but she wasn’t giving up easily.
“If you're so attached to him.” She grabbed onto Luka’s ankles hard enough her knuckles turned white. Her roots started wrapping around my legs and breaking up the ground beneath me. “I’ll drag you down as well!”
“Oh for the love of- Fuck! Luka?!” I couldn’t hit her myself, if I moved my hands Luka would be dragged under. I try to kick her, I’m dragged under. So I was stuck.
He didn’t respond, instead his boot swung up, crashing into the plant girl’s jaw with a horrible crunching noise. Her grip on his ankles was lost. She recoiled and before she could scream, she was quickly interrupted by his other, now freed, boot smashing into her face.
Her roots slackened and feel to the ground, limp. She glared at us, spat some blood on the dirt and retreated back underground. All while clutching her bloodied and bruised face.
We stood there for a few moments before I dropped Luka on his feet. “Well… that was brutal.”
“I know…”
“Like… I think you broke her face… Now I feel bad!”
“Me too…”
“She did start it…”
“Yeah…”
I shook my head. “Wait a second! No she didn’t! You did!” I poke him in the chest. “I said not to touch the plant, but noooooo! You had to! Why?!”
Alice choose that moment to reappear. “I’d like to know that too. Your companion showed common sense and you almost did… almost.”
“I have a name you know, it wouldn’t kill you to use it.” I said.
“I’m sure it won’t… but why did you disturb her? She was sleeping off the road, minding her own business.”
Luka rubbed the back of his head. “Uhhh, well…”
“What a barbarian you are.”
“What?! No! I’m-”
“It’s good that you have a violent side. Only with violence do you have any hope of fulfilling your dream.”
“That's not right!” He exclaimed.
“Well Luka… it is unfortunate, but too many monsters in this world only respect one thing: pure physical strength. It’s only through besting them in combat that you’ll get their support… but would you want it?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well sure you can keep them in line with power, but then what? They don’t believe in your cause. They won’t fight to protect your ideals. You don’t convert them to your way of thought. You didn’t convince them to follow you and the second someone beats you in a fight, they’ll switch sides. Why would you every want someone as… shallow as that working for you?”
“No, what do you mean by support?”
I sighed. “Luka… you kinda need monsters to agree with you, if you want peace between them and humans… that should be obvious. You know what? Never mind, let’s keep going.”
I readjusted the straps on my shoulders and started down the road, travelling north.
***
The sun had started to set by the time Iliasburg got into view.
Luka looked at Alice. “Alice… I don’t think you can enter with us. You don’t look… human. Is there anything you could do about that?”
“Why would you think I should change that? Are you saying there’s something wrong with me?”
“N-no! Nothing like that!” He shook his head.
“Because I can, but why would I? It’s very unpleasant to change form like that.”
“Well if you don’t I guess you won’t be able to enjoy those Ama-ama Dango you wanted. What a shame.” I said.
“Crap… I guess that's true.” One moment she was a monster, the next, a human. “How does this look?”
“You look good.” I nodded. “I think it works.”
“You look underdressed.” He said.
Luka, you failed to complement her, especially after asking her to change form. She’s going to remember that.
With that, we entered the city.
***
The streets were completely empty, I couldn’t see anyone, not even beggars or bums hiding down alleyways. All the windows and doors on nearby buildings were shut and blocked, some streets even had the remains of barricades littering them.
Luka noticed it too. “What the… Why does the city look so strange?”
“I’m not sure, is someone attacking the city? It’s the only thing I can think of.”
“Maybe… what’s going on?!” He shouted, obviously no one answered. “I need to find out!” He started running down the street.
“Luka wait!”
I ran after him.
I rounded a corner and… he wasn’t there.
“Ah shit.” I lost him… well better get searching.
***
“Luka?! Where the hell are you?!” I must have been searching for ten minutes. How the hell did he get so far ahead of me?!
I heard the sound of fighting nearby. That must be him!
I picked up my speed, and turned down a side alley.
Sounds closer! Almost there!
I turned onto the street and-
“Gah!” I ran into someone at full speed and knocked both of us to the ground. “Sorry! Didn’t see you there…” Sitting on the ground beside me was one of the Four Heavenly Knights…
Granberia…
“What? How…” She looked at me. “You.”
“Ahh! I’m sorry! Please don’t kill me!” I scuttled backwards until my back hit a wall.
She was suddenly standing above me. She grabbed my shoulders and dragged me up, still keeping my back against the wall, her eyes glaring into mine. “I’ll make you bleed for that… Wait.” Then she looked confused. “You don’t have a sword.”
“Nope! I’m unarmed! Noncombatant! Civilian! Come on let me go! It was an accident!”
She shook me. “Quiet.”
“Let him go!” Luka!
“You’re still here boy? I thought I told you to stay down.” She didn’t bother to look over at him.
“I said let him go! You aren’t taking this city and you aren’t killing him!” Aww always nice to see someone cares about me. Though I don’t think Granberia’s going to kill me… maybe only maim.
“You’re too green kid. Run away while I… interrogate your friend.”
“Uh, um, that’s not really necessary! I’m open book, no need to get physical, just ask away!” I stammered out.
“Good. That will make it short and painless.”
“Yeah I like short and painless! Sounds great!” I rapidly nodded my head
Luka choose that moment to attack her, swinging his sword at her flank.
For a second I felt the pressure of her hands leave my shoulders, saw Luka fall to the ground, and then being slammed back against the wall.
Fuck me she’s fast!
“Now… tell me how-”
“Granberia.” Alice! She just appeared! “How long are you going to keep doing that?”
“A-Alice?!” Luka said.
Granberia’s astonished face turned away from me to stare at Alice, looking petrified for a couple seconds. She released me, took a step back and then got down on one knee.
“What are you doing here? Who ordered this attack?” Alice asked.
“I did. I took upon myself to remove those annoying heroes.”
“Go away.” She flatly ordered her.
“But… ” She stood back up and grabbed me, again. “My Lord there is something off about this man. I wish to bring him back to-”
“I didn’t ask you about him. I said leave.”
Behind Granberia, I noticed Luka had gotten back up to his feet. He stepped forward and swung his sword, aimed at her neck. “Demon Decapitation!” Luka shouted.
I watched the whole thing unfold, one second her hand was holding me up, next it was grabbing Luka’s blade- With only two fingers!
At least he didn’t flail wildly; she would have killed him on pure principle.
“You know a monster technique.” She lazily glanced over at Alice. “I see you’ve been teaching him, my Lord.”
“ Enough of this.” Alice stated.
“Understood… I’ll only disarm him.” Luka was still pushing against her with visible effort, and to no effect. Granberia placed her thumb on the edge of the blade and started to scratch it, creating a noise comparable to nails on a chalkboard. “Nice knife boy.” She simply crossed her two fingers, snapping the end of Luka’s sword off!
Holy shit! It offered no resistance at all!
“Making me repeat myself… is that how you show your loyalty?” Alice was obviously annoyed. “Leave now.”
“Of course.” After saying that, she vanished.
A few moments later Luka slowly collapsed to the ground, groaning in pain. “Ow… Alice…”
She made an effort to avoid looking at either of us.
“You… were pretty awesome back there.”
“That’s it?! That’s all you can say after what’s happened you idiot?!”
“Well ignore him then! Alice, I’m pretty sure you just saved my life!” I rushed forward to grab her. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! If it wasn’t for you I’d be in a rape dungeon right now!” I shouted while spinning her around.
“Put me down.”
“Alright, alright.” I put her down. “Also… I have questions about what just happened right now, but I’ll save them for later.” Our eyes briefly met and she nodded.
“What did you say? I didn’t catch it.” Luka asked.
I turned back to him and helped him up. “I was saying what you did was both the bravest thing I’ve ever seen you do… and the most suicidal! I’d reprimand you for doing that… but I think we’re going to need that type of stupidity in this journey.
“Really?”
“Yeah, just remember to keep training and improving, that way your next defeat isn’t as humiliating.”
He responded with a sour expression.
“Is… is she gone?” A man cautiously peeked his head out of door. “That monster, did she run away?”
“Those three over there!” A woman yelled. “I don’t believe it, but they drove that monster away!”
People started to rush out from their homes and surrounded us. Luka was caught off guard and Alice was as impassive as ever.
A different man came up to me to shake my hand. “Thank you! All little bit longer and this would have been a monster city.”
“No, no, don’t thank me. Luka here did all the work!” I patted his back. “I was just the distraction.”
With that the crowd’s attention turned almost solely to Luka, thanking him profusely. It lasted for several minutes until they started to disperse and go back to their own activities.
Alice pointed at a random person from the crowd. “You there, Citizen A. I need to ask you something.”
“Citizen A?! How dare you ma’am! How could you use anything less than my magnificent name, Cervantes?!” He said with a flourish of his hand.
“Where is the Sutherland Inn, Citizen A?”
“If it will make you leave me alone, it is west from here. It’s incredibly old, you shouldn’t miss it.”
“Excellent. I know where we’re staying for the night.” She grabbed Luka’s and my hand, and dragged us in direction of the inn.
I looked back. “Uhh, thanks for the help Cervantes.”
***
“Let’s see the cost, one day… two million, four hundred thousand gold per person?!” Luka shouted. “We only have enough to stay here eighteen seconds!”
“Jesus Christ! How the hell do they make any money!? Prices that high, no one can stay here!”
“Alice, there’s no way we can stay here. If we both go inside, we only have nine seconds…”
“Hey you forgot me!”
“Fine, six seconds.”
“If I had known that, I might have let Granberia take over the city.” She said.
“It’s not too late to do that is it?” I asked. “Do I get any perks for being a sell out?
“Oi! Oi!”
“Maybe…”
“Excuse me, can you step aside?” A soldier slipped past us, and walked up to the reception desk. “Hey Owner, I’m a hero, so give me a room at the hero’s rate.”
Wow, five seconds and I already don’t like the guy.
The Owner was having none of it. “What type of stupidity is this?! What kind of hero hides like a coward in an empty wine barrel?!” She shouted at him, chasing him back outside.
“Uh… hehe… oh, you saw that…” her nervously said. “But ah, I’ve been baptized so you can’t-”
“Someone like you call yourself a hero?! Get out!” She had scared him off.
Knew I didn’t like the guy.
She then turned to us, her expression softening. “Oh, you three. You saved the city! Please, why don’t you stay here tonight?”
“Er… we don’t have enough money-” Luka said.
She waved her hand. “Nonsense!” She motions for us to come inside. “Come, come, I’ll give you the special hero rate, two gold per person. I’ll just bill the other seven million, one hundred and ninety nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety four gold to Ilias Temple.”
I don’t think they have the funds to pay off a fraction of that.
“Thank you, but… I’m not a baptized hero.”
“That doesn’t matter. Baptized or not, it’s your actions that make you a hero.” Aww, that little comment brought a giant grin to Luka’s face.
“Don’t get full of yourself yet… Didn’t you just get your ass beat?” Then Alice had to cut him down.
“Aww Alice, you had to go and ruin his good mood.” I put my arm over his shoulder. “Well Luka, what are waiting for out here for?! Let’s check out the room!”
***
“Hehehe.”
“Are you going to keep doing that?”
“Yes! I love this bed! It’s mine! All mine! If only for the one night!” I rolled over to stare up at the ceiling for a moment. “It has that fresh, crisp clean smell! And the sheets feel all cool and- hahahahaha! And it’s free! HAHA! Oh how I’ve missed you high society!”
The Owner had put us up in two conjoined rooms, I’m not sure why.
“Luka who cares what he does if he’s…” Alice spared a glance my way. “… Well he’s not as annoying as you are.” She went back to eating her Ama-ama Dango.
“Is it good?” Luka asked.
“It sweet~.” She replied, happily waving her tail.
“Luka… that was the sweetest thing I’ve eaten in months. I’d have more, but I’m too stuffed to move.” I said.
“Oi, Alice, try not to be caught in monster form.”
“That was delicious, I think I’ll have some more.” She changed back into her human form, and rung the service bell.
The Owner came in to clear away the dishes littering the room. She was a member of the towns Guild Council, so Granberia taking over would have hurt her a lot. Meaning we get the VIP treatment. I sat up and moved to the edge of the bed.
“How did you like the hotel’s Ama-ama Dango?” She asked.
“Even though it’s incredibly sweet, it doesn’t overpower the flavor of the dango. Simply delicious. If you were a monster, I’d make you a duchess.”
“I second her opinion, and Alice, just wait till you get a chance to taste my cooking or baking. I’ll make baron for sure.” I chimed in.
The Owner found her comment quite funny. “Hahaha. What a strange remark, young lady. Though unfortunately I can’t make any more Ama-ama Dango for you, we’ve run out of Happiness Honey.” She sighed. “I guess it can’t be helped, ever since that village ran out of men…”
Luka leaned forward. “Did something happen to Happiness Village?”
“Yeah… Hmm… Hey that’s right. If it’s you three, I bet you could do something about it. If you were able to beat that swordswoman I’m sure you could beat any monster!” She finished stacking the dishes. “Well then, have a pleasant sleep.” She then left the room.
“I need to go speak with her about something, goodnight Alice, goodnight William.” He chased after her out of the room. “Wait up Miss!”
“Night!” I called back.
Alice closed the door and turned back into her regular self.
“So Alice… is now a good time to talk about what happened with Granberia earlier?”
“Yes.”
“So… you're her lord.”
She nodded.
“And unless I’m mistaken, there’s no other position between Heavenly Knight and Monster Lord. Is there?”
She shook her head.
“Which would make you the Monster Lord, am I right?” I point to her.
“Yes, you are.” She sighed. “I am Alipheese Fateburn the Sixteenth, current Monster Lord.”
“Ah.” I nodded. “Well… I assume you don’t want Luka knowing.”
“No, I’d rather he figured it out for himself.”
“So, where do we go from here?”
She looked surprised. “That’s it?! Don’t you have anything else to say?”
“Sure I do, but… I don’t know. Heh, you know what’s funny? I sort of suspected you were some type of noble.”
“Why?”
“At the Temple there were a lot of older texts stuffed into my ‘office’. Most dated back further than thirty years ago, before-”
“The Slaughter of Remina.”
I nodded. “Yep. Some of those texts had detailed descriptions of previous Monster Lords, including their names. With only a few exceptions, they all sort had the same look. It wasn’t tough putting two and two together.”
Yay! I have justifications for my knowledge! Wait… now I feel manipulative again… Dammit!
“Do… you know about my mother?” She asked.
“Uhh, I don’t want to assume, but… if you’re the Monster Lord then, is she…”
“Yes, she is.”
I hopped off the bed and hugged her. “Well I’m not sure how much this means, but, I’m sorry for your loss.” I was never good at this, how to comfort people.
She returned the embrace. “Thank you.” We separated after a few moments. “Do you expect me to leave you and Luka now? If you do, I won’t”
“Nope! I say we keep moving forward. I won’t bring it up unless you want to talk about, which in that case I’m always open.”
“I’ll keep that offer in mind.”
Huh, surprised that went as well as it did.
“Any chance you’d save me from a monster?” I asked
“No… unless I was hungry and thought I needed you… like right now even.”
I clapped my hands “Well that’s great! But it’s late and I want to take a shower before bed.” I walked over to the bathroom door.
“Oh, are you going to leave me all alone and hungry? It’s very rude to leave a lady waiting.” She teased, sounding much more cheery.
“Why don’t you come join me then?”
Wait…
Did I just say that?
Alice licked her lips and was smirking.
Ah fuck…
“Hora~.”
***
“Morning Luka.”
“Good morning, how was your sleep?”
“The best I’ve ever had.”
“What’s with that big goofy smile?”
“Because Luka, I know today is going to be a good day.”
“Okay… what are our plans anyways?”
“We’re going shopping. ”
***
I held the door open for Luka and Alice as we entered the blacksmith’s shop.
Standing behind the counter was the blacksmith. I walked over with Luka to greet him. “Luka! Come over here and meet Frederick! He’ll set you up with whatever you need.”
“Nice to meet you.” Luka shook his hand. “How did you meet? We’ve been here for less than a day.”
“Ah that's simple, Luka. He was one of the people I was writing to when we were still in Ilias Village. I was ordering some special equipment for myself.”
“Speaking of which, I have it right here for you Bill!” He crouched down to reach what he had behind the counter. “It came in just last week, and has been sitting here you all this time!”
“Wait, Bill? Does he mean you?” He pointed at me.
“Yeah, there’s a lot of variations you can give my name.” Frederick came back up. “Hey, do mind just calling me William? I don’t like using nicknames.”
“Not Bill?”
“No, just William.”
“Will?”
“No.”
“Willy?”
“No-”
“Billy Bob?!”
I gave him a flat look. “You’re mocking me aren't you?”
He slapped my shoulder and laughed. “Hahaha! Ahah, it’s all in jest! Now let’s take a look at what we’ve got here.” He placed a small pile of assorted armor and clothing on the counter. “All custom ordered from Enrika village! Gloves, greaves, bracers, boots, and a shirt.”
“What makes them so special?” Luka asked.
“When they’re making this, they can sew iron right into the fabric! Makes it as strong as any plate armor, but as light as cloth! It's not as flashy some of those other sets of armor I got, but it’s better than that.” He replied.
“Aw, the one with the spikes and giant paldrons looked really cool.”
“Quite being an idiot.” She looked at me. “At least one of you can choose effective armor.”
“Ah more than that! He custom ordered them! The gloves have dozens of small plates of steel wedged between leather and more cloth in them. So they don’t just protect you, you can punch someone like you were wearing a steel gauntlet! I bet you can’t even be stabbed through them!” To demonstrate he slipped one of the gloves on, and placed his hand on the counter. He pulled out a knife and stabbed it into the wooden counter, driving it in several inches. “A real knife.” He then tried the same on the glove… the knife… bent in half!
“That’s amazing! But, is your hand bruised?”
He pulled the glove off. “Nope! Barely felt a thing!”
“I want to try them on.” He passed them to me and I put them on. “Hmmm, it feels like I'm wearing nothing at all.” I pulled out a pencil from a pocket and twirled it around my fingers. “Usually the gloves are too thick for me to hold or use anything properly. Mind if I try something?”
Frederick motioned to the counter. “No, go ahead. I did just stab it.”
I started to scribble on the desk, just random words, numbers, phrases. “Wow! I can actually write with these! I love them!”
“That’s excellent! The rest of the gear should also be of similar quality. Now onto the price… four hundred and fifty gold.”
“What?! That’s all our money!” Luka exclaimed.
“Relax Luka, I’ve got more money.”
“But you only sold that dagger for three fifty and I only have a hundred.” He looked over at Alice. “Unless you have some.” She just stared in response.
“Yes, but I was… paid for my time working at the Temple.” I acquired funds from the priest. Really though, it’s amazing what you can find in storage, just waiting to be taken.
“Oh, well, how much do we have then?”
“Enough. Hey Frederick, mind if I try it all on? I want to see if it fits right.”
“Sure go ahead!”
I dropped the backpack to the ground and then changed shirts right there. “Hm, very comfy, nothing irritating me.” I took of my sneakers, stuffed them in the backpack, and put on the boots. “Steel toed right?”
He nodded.
I strapped the greaves to the front of my jeans. “Good straps, hopefully it won’t shift when I’m moving.” Next were the bracers, and finally the gloves. I did some stretches. “Still have full range of movement. I’m loving this already.” I reached into a pocket and brought out the payment. “Here it is, Frederick, fifty gold!”
“Four fifty!”
“Three seventy?”
“Four fifty!”
“Two twenty!”
“It’s four fifty dammit!”
“You’ll pay me to take it?! Well if you insist.”
“You’re screwing with me boy!” He shouted.
“Yeah, I am.” I broke out into a smirk. “Hahaha! It’s all in good fun! Right?!”
“Uh, ohh. Haha! That’s funny.” He laughed and I paid him. “Alright, have a good day and thank you for the purchase.”
We left the store, and made a few more stops.
***
“Armor plated jock strap! The perfect defense against any monster that won’t take no for an answer!”
“It does look useful… but is it hard to move in?” Luka asked.
“Luka… look at it! It’s dented and stained! You know exactly what happened to the last poor bastard that wore it! Lying to yourself isn’t going to change that!”
“Uh… okay…”
***
Including the local church.
***
“Ilias, please watch over me!”
“How boring.”
“Really Alice, I just want to give my prayers to her in thanks.”
The local priest walked up to us. “Exactly. One should always pray faithfully.”
“Look, a boring person came out.” She said.
“Pff, hehehe. Really Alice, it’s not his fault most priests are boring people. I mean, look where he’s stuck all day.” I said.
The priest frowned. “Well I’m sorry for being boring. Just remember to always pray faithfully. It is one of the Five Commandments after all.”
“Really, how boring.”
“Alice, even if he is boring, you should still listen to him.” Luka replied.
The priest’s frown deepened.
***
I also needed to visit a barber shop.
***
“How much?” I asked.
“A clean shave and a trim? Ehhhh, five gold.” He replied.
“Do you really need to waste your money on this?” Alice asked.
“Yes! Look at my hair!” I brushed the front hair down onto my face. “Look at it! It goes down past my mouth! It should just barely be past eye level.”
“How does that matter? You always brush it back anyways.”
“It’s to make it manageable! Plus the back and sides around the ears are getting scruffy. And the patchwork of stubble is marring this beautiful face as well.”
“… True.”
“Besides! I thought you’d love it if my face was clean shaven and smooth.”
“Why you! What are you imply-” She was cut off by the barber.
“Alright sir, if you would please take a seat right here. I can get to work.”
***
When we finished with the shopping, we headed out of the city.
“Fufufufu… I found you! My darling! My one true hero!”
“Ahh! Cheese it Luka! The slime found us!” I shouted.
“What? Who said that?!” He said.
Suddenly appearing before us was… an unfortunate lamia… “I’m not drunk enough for this.” I grabbed a flask from a pocket. “I’ll work on this, Luka you deal with her.”
“Uwa… what?”
“My name is Amira… and you stole my maiden heart!” She loudly declared.
Luka looked around unsure as to what was happening.
“You filled my heart with love and courage! Ah, my sweet heart… an unbreakable dream.”
I looked at my flask. “Nope, still not drunk enough. Should have gone with vodka instead of gin.”
Luka also wasn’t having any of it. “Excuse me Miss… Can I kill you?” Man! Look at that twitching grin on his face!
“I’ll drink to that. In fact, I am!”
Alice put a hand on his shoulder. “I know how you feel, but you need to calm down. If you want a world where monsters and humans can live in peace, it would include that… thing too.”
“Why is she posing like that with no pants on?”
“Alas, for I have no arms! And nobody to help me dress myself!” She lamented.
I cut in. “You got that underwear on somehow, didn’t you? You’d think pants would be easier than that.”
“Uh… Don’t poke holes in my story!”
“Go away and disappear.” Luka said
Amira sighed dramatically. “Even you are discriminating against me… Everyone does it too… the children throw stones at me. Nobody will ever get close to me.”
Seconds later a bunch of people walked by all wishing her a nice day or asking her to come play with them.
“Really? Discriminated against.” Luka flatly said.
“Well… putting my situation aside. I came to profess more than my love for you. I have a request, recently a band of monster thieves have been rampaging around. Having fellow monsters do such a thing, it pains my heart! Everyone else in the town is troubled by it as well!”
“Monster thieves?”
“Are you sure it’s just not human scare mongering?” Alice asked.
“Don’t insult my information gathering! There’s even supposed to be a vampire and a dragon!”
That surprised Luka. “A vampire?! And a dragon?!”
“That’s odd. I’ve never heard of monsters like that this far into the countryside.” Alice chimed in. “If they were here, it should be more obvious.”
“Please my love! Can you defeat the bandits?”
“Uh… Fine, I get it. I’ll do something.”
“Luka that’s suicide… unless of the course we’re missing something here.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, if there is a dragon and a vampire you would think that would be more… obvious. Powerful monsters like that wouldn’t be content simply raiding travelling merchants, and if they were you’d hear more about it. They’re so big and powerful everyone should know about them… unless of course for some reason they want to remain hidden. I’m not really going anywhere with this, just thinking out loud.” I shrugged.
“Then it’s meaningless. Really Luka, you can’t be serious?” Alice said.
“Of course I’m serious. I can’t allow monsters to be harming humans without reason!”
“Just as expect from the man I love! My heart-”
He interrupted her. “Keep going on and I’ll make you wear your heart as a hat. Where’s the thieves hideout?”
“I don’t know the exact location, but it should be to the west at the base of the mountain range.”
“Great. Can we go now? We’re burning daylight and we haven’t even decided where the hell we’re going? Enrika? Happiness Village? Combing the mountains for bandits?”
“Alright! Good luck my love!’ She then crawled away on the ground.
“Luka, are you really going to go hunt for bandits? Maybe you’re confusing bravery with stupidity. A vampire and a dragon can easily kill both of you.”
“Because! I! Am! A! Hero!” He shouted.
“A fake one.”
“Guh…” He didn't take that comment well.
“Why bother? Just go north to Iliasport and take a ship off the continent.”
“Nah, detours are good for him. Gives him a chance to practice his skills.” I said.
“With his current skills a dragon could easily burn him to charcoal” She replied.
“I would rather be charcoal than abandon my dream.” Luka muttered under his breath.
***
We were on the outskirts of the city.
“Wait! We need to go back! We forgot to buy a new sword!”
I sighed. “Do we really need to?”
“I need a sword to fight and you don’t have one!”
“Maybe Alice does?” I turned to her. “Hey Alice, any chance you got a spare sword?”
“Has the idiot infected you? What type of question is that? Why would you think I have a sword on me? Where would I be keeping it?”
“I don’t know, do you?”
“Yes… lucky guess.” she pulled out a sword. “I’ll lend this one to you.” The sword was a disgusting mess of fleshy looking grey metal, with purples eyes down the blade, disjointed wings jutting out around the handle, and a massive halo ring at the end of it.
“Ew… what is that?”
“Angel Halo, the only sword of its kind. It’s very valuable. So don’t break it.”
“Uh…. this thing? It’s… horrible! Now way I’m using that creepy thing!”
“Really?” She curiously looked at the blade. “But it has those angels you humans love so much embedded right on the handle. I thought you’d be happy!”
“Yeah Luka, don’t turn down her gift. That’s just rude!”
“It looks like those angels are being tortured…”
“If you don’t want it I’ve just put it back away-”
“No! Uhg… I’ll take it. I have no other option.”
“That’s the spirit Luka!”
He took the sword from Alice. “Wha?! Ri-right now I just heard it moan! Did you not hear that?!”
“No I heard it too.”
“Well that’s to be expected. The sword was refined from six hundred and sixty six angels after all.”
Luka glared at her. “I hate the way you said that so matter-of-factly.”
“I don’t!”
“Now listen up. Because the angel’s grudges are hammered into this sword, it holds their curse. It eats away at the magic of whatever it slashes, making it hard for your opponent to maintain their form.” She explained.
“… I don’t get it”
“Luka, she’s saying it seals monsters.”
She nodded. “Good, I was worried I’d have to explain further to the idiot. Now why don’t you give it a try.” After that she vanished… so a monster’s about to attack us.
The ground started to buckle and swell, like a mini earthquake was happening. A worm girl rose from the ground. “Do I smell the delicious scent of-”
“Oh God! You’re hideous! I mean, I’m sorry, but…” I trailed off and grabbed another flask. “Still not drunk enough. My eyes have been damaged in a way that can never be repaired.”
“Hey! I’m… pretty.”
“No you aren’t! You’re a worm! Do you even have any arms?!”
“No…”
“What about your face? Do you just ram it into the dirt to move? Are your teeth all chipped away by the dirt and rock you must eat?”
“No… I travel tail first.”
“And your hair! It’s a mangled mess!”
“You didn’t need to bring that up…”
“What do you do with your life? Is it just crawling around in the ground and hope a man walks by your subterranean pit you call a home? What do you eat? Do you just munch on dirt and bugs?”
“There was no reason to go there… Because I… I do stuff… with all my friends, sometimes.”
“Good! Go bother them then! Hey! I got an idea! Go work on a farm! At least them nobody would care about you eating through their fields.”
She started tearing up. “I-I’m going to get you! I’m gonna go get my friends, and- and they’re so going to beat you up for this!” She dove back into the ground.
“William… that was unnecessary. I was going to seal her, but you… You don’t do that!”
“Do what?” I paused. “Wait, what did I just say?”
“You insulted her and sent her running away crying!”
“Really? Doesn't sound like me… Ah dammit!” I sighed and pinched the bridge of me nose. “I just ran my mouth off the second I saw her, didn’t I?”
“Yes, you did. That was downright mean what you said!”
“Great… now I feel guilty. Think we could try to find her and-”
“No, I doubt we could. Let’s just get going.”
“Where to? I vote Happiness Village first.”
“Okay, let’s go east then.”
***
After a while we passed by a small stream when I realized something. “Hey Luka… Alice hasn’t reappeared yet.”
He glanced around. “Yeah, she hasn’t. I wonder why-”
“You!” A woman shouted. We both turned to look at the source.
Crawling out of the stream was a leach girl. She was human torso on a massive leech… thing. The gaping maw was filled with rows of serrated teeth, and a massive hooked tongue hung out of it. Disturbingly, it reminded me of a hagfish’s mouth.
“You picked on my friend! Now, I’m going to kill you for that.”
“Uh, don’t you mean-”
“I mean I’m going to peel the skin off your bones and scrape your eyes down layer after layer until you're begging for death! You bastards will feel pain! Pure and simple pain!” She was slowly crawling out of the water, already ten feet of leech tail was visible.
“Holy shit she’s big! Luka, running sounds like a great idea right about now!”
“N-no! I’m hero! And heroes don’t run!”
Suddenly her tail burst from the water, throwing a massive rotting tree trunk at us. It shattered on the ground only a few feet away.
“Run as fast as you can! You’ll only die tired! You hear me- gah, wha?!” The water around the edge of the stream started to flow over her, steadily pulling her back into the water. “What!? No! Let me go! AHH! What’s happening?!” Her shrieks were silenced after being pulled under the surface.
Luka and I looked at each other. Cautiously we walked closer to the edge of the water, trying to see what happened.
A face emerged from the water. “Darling! I’ve hear that you’ve been a very naughty boy! Maybe I should punish you~.” Followed by a body…
“The slime! Luka I don’t know how but she found us!” I grabbed his arm and ran.
“Darling wait!” She oozed out of the water and started following us. “If you run you won’t have enough energy to enjoy our honeymoon together!”
“What honeymoon?!”
“If you don’t like that word, then it’s really more of a celebration! I know commitment makes you nervous!”
“The hell would we be celebrating?!”
“That the world’s our oyster and I’m your slime!”
Chapter 6 - A Taste of Honey?
Spoiler: show
“Idiots.”
“I know… and I’m sorry.” I said despondently.
“Wasted. Not one, not two, but three monsters and what did you do?”
“Drove them off-”
“No. He made one cry and you ran away.” Alice reprimanded us.
“I didn’t run… he dragged me along with him.” Luka said.
“And again… I’m sorry. I kinda… panicked.”
“When did you even meet a slime in the first place?” She asked.
“We first crossed paths when I was on my way to Ilias Village, and then she came into the village same day as you. Fought her off a few minutes before your crash landing in the forest actually. For some reason she’s fixated on me.” I replied.
“You must have made a good impression. Did you say or do anything when you first meet her?”
“Um… well she caught me off guard when I saw her, so in my surprise I said ‘Oh fuck me’. She responded, what was it? I think she enthusiastically nodded, well jiggled, her head and said ‘Okay’. I ran away from her, she then shouted, ‘Stop running. I want to love you.’”
She smirked. “That explains it.”
“Really?”
“Yes, that explains it all… By the way, do either of you know why it’s called Happiness Village?” Alice asked us.
“I think I do, but let’s see if Luka does. Luka?” I motioned to him.
“Because they’re all happy? All those being farms making all that delicious honey. They must be frolicking through the fields.”
“You’re an idiot.” She said.
“Hahaha! No! Their name comes from the nearby Harpy Village. And if it isn’t obvious yet, there's a clear correlation between the shortage of men and honey and the harpies.”
“I can see a possible etymology there… But, why would you think that?”
“Nice vocabulary there Luka! Where did you learn that word?”
“From my Mother.” He rubbed the ring on his finger. Has he told Alice about her? I don’t he has or even mentioned his father yet… at least to Alice. He told me the whole story before.
“Ah.” I nodded. “Well the fact people back in Iliasburg and Ilias Village were talking about harpies abducting people should the your first clue. The next one is, why do harpies need men?”
“They’re… lonely?”
“Partially! They are a female only race… or species, or is it race? Eh who cares. Point is they need men to reproduce. And the only way they feel they can get men is through force.”
“Wait, I don’t follow you. What do you mean?”
“There’s a bit of history here. Before the Slaughter of Remina there was peace between monsters and humans. Harpy Village was no exception. So they got their men from travelers and previous generations of humans that lived there. Life goes on, until the Slaughter happens. Things go downwards quickly. The Harpy Queen at the time was a warmonger, earning the nickname ‘God of War’. Her aggressive attacks to surrounding villages and the general hatred in the world didn’t lend itself to any sort of peace. Plus all those battles she conducted cost a lot of harpy lives over time.”
“Okay.” He nodded.
“Thus we have this situation where this generation of harpies are severely underpopulated and desperate for men. The problem they face is humans hate them and feel they won’t negotiate with them for men. So that’s kinda where we are, or rather might be. A bit of this is guesswork and deductive reasoning back by the sources I’ve found.” I shrugged. “For all I know the situation on the ground could be completely different.”
“Thanks for the information. I didn’t learn too much from asking around back in town.”
“No problem! I’m always happy to be of assistance. Makes it feel like I’m contributing something to this whole journey.”
Alice was strangely staring at me. “…Where did you learn all that? I wouldn’t think humans would have much knowledge on the history of monsters.”
“Again you’d be surprised what was put in storage back at the Temple. Nobody even stopped me from reading them or borrowing them.”
The best feeling in the world is when your meta knowledge is confirmed! Allows me to actually form plans with it.
I suddenly stopped walking and glanced up. “Hey Luka… I think we got trouble.”
“Why?”
“I think I see a monster in the air… and Alice just vanished.” Honey dripped on the ground in front of us, coming from a bee girl perched on a branch above us. The bee girl caught me looking at her, and smiled and waved at me. “Make that, I know a monster is directly above us.”
She flew off the branch and landed.
Her lower chest and body was black and yellow fuzzy bee carapace. Two antennas sticking out of her hair and two insect arms coming out of her upper back. More yellow fuzz around her neck and wrists. Attached to her lower abdomen was a massive nest of honeycombs, overflowing with honey. And two wings on her back above the nest.
All in all not as monstrous as she could have looked.
I didn’t mind it as much as I should have.
“How did you see her?” Luka asked, getting into a fighting stance.
“Well unlike a lot of people I remember to always look up. With everything we’re going to be facing you’d think you would do that more often.”
He nodded. “I’ll remember that.”
“Two unbaptized travelers? You both look delicious, but I wonder how good you’d taste with my honey? Why don’t we find out?”
“Who? Me or him?” I asked, pointing between Luka and I.
“What?! Don’t ask her that! I need to fight her.”
“I don’t know, can’t we resolve this peacefully?” I asked her.
“Maybe~, but only if I get to play with one of you. I promise I’ll even let you go when I’m done.” She replied.
“See Luka! We don’t need to fight her! In the name of peace, I bravely volunteer myself!” I dropped the backpack on the ground and started undoing my belt. “Now I should probably get changed, I don’t want honey on my clothing-”
“No! I’m not letting you have sex with a bee girl!”
“Why not? We’re both adults. Why can’t we?”
“Because! It’s against Ilias’s Commandments!”
“Yes and?”
“I can’t believe we need to talk about this, but you can’t! Have! Sex! With a bee girl! It’s heresy to do that!”
“And?”
“That’s bad! Very, very bad!”
I looked at the bee girl. “Sorry, I’ll just be a moment.”
She smiled and nodded. “The anticipation only makes me hungrier~.”
“See Luka! You can’t make me leave a lady waiting like that. It’s plain rude.”
“No! It! Is! Heresy!” He shouted.
“Well fine, how about I repent afterwards? Can I do that? I mean, I thought Ilias was supposed to be all loving and forgiving. So can’t I, a mere human, make a few mistakes in my life?”
“Y-yes you can, but- er, uh… No! You can’t! I’m the one here telling you that you are making a mistake! And you’re ignoring me on purpose because you still want to do it.”
“Are you sure I can’t? It won’t even take that long. What, fifteen minutes?”
“I’ll be done in under ten~.” She replied.
“See Luka! Won’t even take that long!”
“No! Do you even hear what I am saying?!”
“Well obviously I do, but I don’t care.”
“Grrrr…” He was growling.
“Fine, fine… Spoilsport… Sorry Miss, but it ain’t happening. ”
“Aww, are you-” Her antennas shot up and she froze. “I need to leave. Now.”
“Okay, why?” I asked.
“More bee girls are showing up. They’re from a rival hive. One that's not as friendly as mine… run.” The wings on her back buzzed and like that she flew off.
Moments later three bee girls appeared above us, one chasing after the friendly one that just left and two landing in front of us. Instead of a massive nest attached to their back, there was a small bee abdomen with a tiny stinger.
Great. That’s just what we need.
Human sized bee stingers.
They were both smirking. “Two unbaptized travelers? I wonder how you’d taste with-”
“Dear Ilias enough of this! Demon Decapitation!” He jumped forward, slashing the first bee girl on the neck. He followed it with a slash to her back and a kick to her knee.
She fell to one leg, where he brought the blade down on her neck again.
That was fucking brutal! Luka must be really angry.
The cut on her was… not bleeding, but… kind of glowing. It reminded me of an anime style. The wound wasn’t bloody, rather it was a technicolored, rainbow light, with… sparkles? Pixels? Little glowing orbs of light flowing out.
She weakly looked at her hand. “My power… it’s… draining?” She disappeared in a cloud of sparkles, and in her place was a tiny bee flying away.
The other bee girl tried to stab Luka with her stinger, but he moved out of the way, only getting scratched by it.
“An opening!” He shouted. He took a swipe at her exposed back, tearing her wing. She lost her balance and fell to the ground.
“Ow! That hurts!” She shouted.
He didn’t give her time to recover and lunged at her, striking her several times. Seconds later she was sealed and a tiny bee flew off.
“Luka… that was amazing! I mean, holy shit! You didn’t hesitate at all!” I said.
“Thanks… I guess that’s the power of this sword. Allows me to fight at my full strength without any fear of killing them.”
“But where did that come from? You seemed very… driven? Angry?”
“William… I’m feeling very… frustrated with you.”
“Oh… Yeah… Hey Luka?”
“Yes?”
“I’m sorry about the whole… trying to have sex with the bee girl thing just now. It was a stupid thing to do. I don’t know what I was thinking.” I do know and it was only a slightly stupid thing, but I don’t think he wanted to hear.
He waved me off. “It’s… okay, sort of. Just don’t do that again, we can’t waste time with stuff like… that.”
“Sounds good. I think we should- Wait there’s a third one!”
“Damn!” Luka jumped to the ready… and fell over, dropping Angel Halo on the ground. “Ah! I can’t move!”
The third bee girl flew down to grab him. “The poison in our stinger paralyzes men. It makes it easier to carry them off.” She smirked and jumped into the air.
I dove to grab her, but missed, only tearing the edge of her wing.
“Ow! Not the wing you asshole!” She shouted back as she limply flew off.
Oh my God…
I need to save him! Now!
Alice reappeared after a few seconds. She shook her head. “What a shame. He was actually doing well… for a second, but in the end he lost to such a pitiful monster.”
She started moving down the path, then looked back at me. “Well… are you coming?”
“No!”
“What?”
I ran over to her. “Alice! I need you to watch the bag!” I said, quickly rummaging through the backpack to find what I needed.
“No. He’s captured. You both knew what I would do.”
“I know! I know! But you’re not the one rescuing him! I am! I just need you to make sure our stuff isn’t stolen!”
“No-”
“Alice! Please! If you do this I’ll return the favor to you! Okay!?”
“Mm… What would you do for me?”
“Dammit, dammit, dammit! Not there, not there!” I kept searching. “Name it! I’ll do just about anything!”
“Anything~.”
“Yes almost anything! We’ll talk later! I gotta get Luka back!” I pulled out a bag. “Yes! There it is!”
Alice glanced over my shoulder. “What’s in there?”
“Flashbangs, flares, smoke bombs, stuff like that! Luka showed me how to make them!”
“I thought you said you were adverse to violence.”
“I am! I’m just scaring them off and then grabbing Luka!” I threw the bag’s strap over my shoulder and had a flare ready. “Okay! I gotta go! I’ll be back in like, fifteen, twenty minutes!”
I ran off in the direction the bee girl went, following Luka’s cries of help.
***
She was waiting!
Alice was actually on the side of the road for us, with our stuff sitting beside her! I didn’t expect her to wait! I thought, best case scenario, we’d have to catch up with her at Happiness Village.
“Hey Alice!” She noticed us. “Thanks for waiting! I brought you a present. Which one do you want? Sweet and sour Luka or the honeycombs stuck to him?” I was carry him over my shoulder.
“How am I sour? In fact… How can you joke about this?”
“See! Sour! Hah!” I shifted Luka on my shoulder.
He glared at me.
“Eh relax Luka. We got you back safely! Well I did, but the point is that we can laugh about it now!”
“You’re late.” Alice said.
“What… Oh! How long was I?”
“Thirty minutes.”
I shrugged. “Damn.”
“But I’m willing to overlook that. You did bring me a treat.” She slithered right next us.
“Um, I was joking about offering up Luka.”
“I know… but you’ve got some honeycomb on you.” She placed her hands on my face and tilted slightly. “Let me help you clean it off.”
“What are you-” She licked the side of my face. “Hey! Hey! Warn a guy first! Hehe, that tickles.”
“Hmm it’s sweet… but not as tasty as those Ama-ama Dangos… Which is why we’re going this way in the first place. To save Happiness Village, get their honey and then go back to Sutherland Inn for more Ama-ama Dangos. Enough wasting time”
“Well you’ve got your priorities straight. Hey Luka, think you can walk yet?”
“Maybe.” I set him down. He was wobbling a bit and using me for support. Poor guy, the bee girl’s paralyzing poison hadn’t worn off yet. Thankfully I caught up to the bee that was carrying him before they got too close to the hive, I only had to fight off a few of them.
Well not so much fight off, as bombed… a lot.
I’m sure they’re fine, it was only like two flares… and one flashbang… maybe three smoke bombs.
“William, why do I smell something burning?”
“I don’t know Alice. But you know what I do know?”
“You’re avoiding my question, William.”
“I don't want to set the world on fire
I just want to start a flame in your heart- Gurk!” I was cut off my Alice wrapping her tail around my neck. “Hey! Hey! Take it easy! It’s just a song!”
“What do you think you’re doing?” She flatly asked.
“Singing! But now- guh struggling to breath!” I wasn’t really being choked. I was just being overdramatic.
“No more of that.” Her tail loosened up, but then wrapped over my mouth.
Wonderful. I’ve lost speaking privileges now. Gagged by her tail.
Haha! There’s a sex pun in there I just know it.
She turned to Luka. “When did he first start this… nonsense he calls singing?”
“When we was recovering at our house.” Aw! He’s still calling it that!
***
I sat up in my bed. “Luka my boy. Come here, please, I feel tired and weak.”
“Are you okay? Should I get the doctor?”
“No, no, no that won’t be necessary. I’m just… thirsty. Can you please get me something to drink?”
He nodded. “Sure, I’ll be back right away.”
I grabbed his wrist. “Wait. It’s something very specific. I need you to listen to me, for only a little bit.”
He sat back down on the chair beside my bed. “Okay. What do you need?”
“A little glass of water please
A fresh pressed hanky if I sneeze
Some tea with honey from the bees
Whenever you can brew it.”
“I’ll get your water and tea.” He moved to get up, but I yanked him back down.
“And while I get a little rest
A teeny tiny small request
Some codfish oil for my chest
Poured from a crystal cruet.”
“A… crystal cruet?”
“My goodness, I'm a nincompoop
Because I fear I've got the croup
I need a vat of pumpkin soup
And scarves made out of zinnias.
Did I say zinnias? I meant silk
Or something shiny of that ilk
And then I'll need some nice warm milk
And pastries from Abyssinia.”
“You’ve gone mad haven’t you?”
“And since my stomach's feeling crummy
Why not give my aching tummy
Something soothing, something yummy
Piled up with noodles?
Add a slice of homemade rye
With stacks of Swiss way up high
Served with sides of sweet mince pie
More basil; I need oodles!”
“It’s the fever isn't’ it?”
I pulled him onto the bed and mock danced with him.
“I'll be grateful for your charity
Until the bitter end
Because I've heard that tenderness
Is what you lend an ailing friend
Tenderness, isn't that right, friend?”
“Uh right… Please let go of me.”
“So, who's ready for my big reprise?!”
“I’m not.”
“I'd like that glass of water please
Some magic spell to cure disease
A firm "gesundheit" when I sneeze
A fresh bouquet of roses.
Some lozenges will soon appease
My wheezing when I start to sneeze
A wig to keep me from the breeze
And blankets for my toes-es.
Take tweezers out of my valise
And then massage my knobby knees
A bowl of peas, some extra cheese
A cuddle with a Pekingese
A singing harp who's named Louise
A goat on skis, a new trapeze
And more and more and more and more of these!”
I took a deep breath.
“And just because I oughta..
Make sure I'm drinking in the right
Amount of fluids day and night
I wish I may, I wish I might
Have just one little thing
Oh, would you please finally bring
Me that tiny glass
Of water?!”
I dumped Luka on the chair and laid back down.
***
“I thought it was the fever, but he’s done that more since then.”
“It’d be best if he avoided doing that in my presence.”
“Are you going to take your tail off him?”
“When we get there.”
Why is it I’m always wrapped up and forced to trail behind her? Does she get- No! Not going down that train of thought.
“I know… and I’m sorry.” I said despondently.
“Wasted. Not one, not two, but three monsters and what did you do?”
“Drove them off-”
“No. He made one cry and you ran away.” Alice reprimanded us.
“I didn’t run… he dragged me along with him.” Luka said.
“And again… I’m sorry. I kinda… panicked.”
“When did you even meet a slime in the first place?” She asked.
“We first crossed paths when I was on my way to Ilias Village, and then she came into the village same day as you. Fought her off a few minutes before your crash landing in the forest actually. For some reason she’s fixated on me.” I replied.
“You must have made a good impression. Did you say or do anything when you first meet her?”
“Um… well she caught me off guard when I saw her, so in my surprise I said ‘Oh fuck me’. She responded, what was it? I think she enthusiastically nodded, well jiggled, her head and said ‘Okay’. I ran away from her, she then shouted, ‘Stop running. I want to love you.’”
She smirked. “That explains it.”
“Really?”
“Yes, that explains it all… By the way, do either of you know why it’s called Happiness Village?” Alice asked us.
“I think I do, but let’s see if Luka does. Luka?” I motioned to him.
“Because they’re all happy? All those being farms making all that delicious honey. They must be frolicking through the fields.”
“You’re an idiot.” She said.
“Hahaha! No! Their name comes from the nearby Harpy Village. And if it isn’t obvious yet, there's a clear correlation between the shortage of men and honey and the harpies.”
“I can see a possible etymology there… But, why would you think that?”
“Nice vocabulary there Luka! Where did you learn that word?”
“From my Mother.” He rubbed the ring on his finger. Has he told Alice about her? I don’t he has or even mentioned his father yet… at least to Alice. He told me the whole story before.
“Ah.” I nodded. “Well the fact people back in Iliasburg and Ilias Village were talking about harpies abducting people should the your first clue. The next one is, why do harpies need men?”
“They’re… lonely?”
“Partially! They are a female only race… or species, or is it race? Eh who cares. Point is they need men to reproduce. And the only way they feel they can get men is through force.”
“Wait, I don’t follow you. What do you mean?”
“There’s a bit of history here. Before the Slaughter of Remina there was peace between monsters and humans. Harpy Village was no exception. So they got their men from travelers and previous generations of humans that lived there. Life goes on, until the Slaughter happens. Things go downwards quickly. The Harpy Queen at the time was a warmonger, earning the nickname ‘God of War’. Her aggressive attacks to surrounding villages and the general hatred in the world didn’t lend itself to any sort of peace. Plus all those battles she conducted cost a lot of harpy lives over time.”
“Okay.” He nodded.
“Thus we have this situation where this generation of harpies are severely underpopulated and desperate for men. The problem they face is humans hate them and feel they won’t negotiate with them for men. So that’s kinda where we are, or rather might be. A bit of this is guesswork and deductive reasoning back by the sources I’ve found.” I shrugged. “For all I know the situation on the ground could be completely different.”
“Thanks for the information. I didn’t learn too much from asking around back in town.”
“No problem! I’m always happy to be of assistance. Makes it feel like I’m contributing something to this whole journey.”
Alice was strangely staring at me. “…Where did you learn all that? I wouldn’t think humans would have much knowledge on the history of monsters.”
“Again you’d be surprised what was put in storage back at the Temple. Nobody even stopped me from reading them or borrowing them.”
The best feeling in the world is when your meta knowledge is confirmed! Allows me to actually form plans with it.
I suddenly stopped walking and glanced up. “Hey Luka… I think we got trouble.”
“Why?”
“I think I see a monster in the air… and Alice just vanished.” Honey dripped on the ground in front of us, coming from a bee girl perched on a branch above us. The bee girl caught me looking at her, and smiled and waved at me. “Make that, I know a monster is directly above us.”
She flew off the branch and landed.
Her lower chest and body was black and yellow fuzzy bee carapace. Two antennas sticking out of her hair and two insect arms coming out of her upper back. More yellow fuzz around her neck and wrists. Attached to her lower abdomen was a massive nest of honeycombs, overflowing with honey. And two wings on her back above the nest.
All in all not as monstrous as she could have looked.
I didn’t mind it as much as I should have.
“How did you see her?” Luka asked, getting into a fighting stance.
“Well unlike a lot of people I remember to always look up. With everything we’re going to be facing you’d think you would do that more often.”
He nodded. “I’ll remember that.”
“Two unbaptized travelers? You both look delicious, but I wonder how good you’d taste with my honey? Why don’t we find out?”
“Who? Me or him?” I asked, pointing between Luka and I.
“What?! Don’t ask her that! I need to fight her.”
“I don’t know, can’t we resolve this peacefully?” I asked her.
“Maybe~, but only if I get to play with one of you. I promise I’ll even let you go when I’m done.” She replied.
“See Luka! We don’t need to fight her! In the name of peace, I bravely volunteer myself!” I dropped the backpack on the ground and started undoing my belt. “Now I should probably get changed, I don’t want honey on my clothing-”
“No! I’m not letting you have sex with a bee girl!”
“Why not? We’re both adults. Why can’t we?”
“Because! It’s against Ilias’s Commandments!”
“Yes and?”
“I can’t believe we need to talk about this, but you can’t! Have! Sex! With a bee girl! It’s heresy to do that!”
“And?”
“That’s bad! Very, very bad!”
I looked at the bee girl. “Sorry, I’ll just be a moment.”
She smiled and nodded. “The anticipation only makes me hungrier~.”
“See Luka! You can’t make me leave a lady waiting like that. It’s plain rude.”
“No! It! Is! Heresy!” He shouted.
“Well fine, how about I repent afterwards? Can I do that? I mean, I thought Ilias was supposed to be all loving and forgiving. So can’t I, a mere human, make a few mistakes in my life?”
“Y-yes you can, but- er, uh… No! You can’t! I’m the one here telling you that you are making a mistake! And you’re ignoring me on purpose because you still want to do it.”
“Are you sure I can’t? It won’t even take that long. What, fifteen minutes?”
“I’ll be done in under ten~.” She replied.
“See Luka! Won’t even take that long!”
“No! Do you even hear what I am saying?!”
“Well obviously I do, but I don’t care.”
“Grrrr…” He was growling.
“Fine, fine… Spoilsport… Sorry Miss, but it ain’t happening. ”
“Aww, are you-” Her antennas shot up and she froze. “I need to leave. Now.”
“Okay, why?” I asked.
“More bee girls are showing up. They’re from a rival hive. One that's not as friendly as mine… run.” The wings on her back buzzed and like that she flew off.
Moments later three bee girls appeared above us, one chasing after the friendly one that just left and two landing in front of us. Instead of a massive nest attached to their back, there was a small bee abdomen with a tiny stinger.
Great. That’s just what we need.
Human sized bee stingers.
They were both smirking. “Two unbaptized travelers? I wonder how you’d taste with-”
“Dear Ilias enough of this! Demon Decapitation!” He jumped forward, slashing the first bee girl on the neck. He followed it with a slash to her back and a kick to her knee.
She fell to one leg, where he brought the blade down on her neck again.
That was fucking brutal! Luka must be really angry.
The cut on her was… not bleeding, but… kind of glowing. It reminded me of an anime style. The wound wasn’t bloody, rather it was a technicolored, rainbow light, with… sparkles? Pixels? Little glowing orbs of light flowing out.
She weakly looked at her hand. “My power… it’s… draining?” She disappeared in a cloud of sparkles, and in her place was a tiny bee flying away.
The other bee girl tried to stab Luka with her stinger, but he moved out of the way, only getting scratched by it.
“An opening!” He shouted. He took a swipe at her exposed back, tearing her wing. She lost her balance and fell to the ground.
“Ow! That hurts!” She shouted.
He didn’t give her time to recover and lunged at her, striking her several times. Seconds later she was sealed and a tiny bee flew off.
“Luka… that was amazing! I mean, holy shit! You didn’t hesitate at all!” I said.
“Thanks… I guess that’s the power of this sword. Allows me to fight at my full strength without any fear of killing them.”
“But where did that come from? You seemed very… driven? Angry?”
“William… I’m feeling very… frustrated with you.”
“Oh… Yeah… Hey Luka?”
“Yes?”
“I’m sorry about the whole… trying to have sex with the bee girl thing just now. It was a stupid thing to do. I don’t know what I was thinking.” I do know and it was only a slightly stupid thing, but I don’t think he wanted to hear.
He waved me off. “It’s… okay, sort of. Just don’t do that again, we can’t waste time with stuff like… that.”
“Sounds good. I think we should- Wait there’s a third one!”
“Damn!” Luka jumped to the ready… and fell over, dropping Angel Halo on the ground. “Ah! I can’t move!”
The third bee girl flew down to grab him. “The poison in our stinger paralyzes men. It makes it easier to carry them off.” She smirked and jumped into the air.
I dove to grab her, but missed, only tearing the edge of her wing.
“Ow! Not the wing you asshole!” She shouted back as she limply flew off.
Oh my God…
I need to save him! Now!
Alice reappeared after a few seconds. She shook her head. “What a shame. He was actually doing well… for a second, but in the end he lost to such a pitiful monster.”
She started moving down the path, then looked back at me. “Well… are you coming?”
“No!”
“What?”
I ran over to her. “Alice! I need you to watch the bag!” I said, quickly rummaging through the backpack to find what I needed.
“No. He’s captured. You both knew what I would do.”
“I know! I know! But you’re not the one rescuing him! I am! I just need you to make sure our stuff isn’t stolen!”
“No-”
“Alice! Please! If you do this I’ll return the favor to you! Okay!?”
“Mm… What would you do for me?”
“Dammit, dammit, dammit! Not there, not there!” I kept searching. “Name it! I’ll do just about anything!”
“Anything~.”
“Yes almost anything! We’ll talk later! I gotta get Luka back!” I pulled out a bag. “Yes! There it is!”
Alice glanced over my shoulder. “What’s in there?”
“Flashbangs, flares, smoke bombs, stuff like that! Luka showed me how to make them!”
“I thought you said you were adverse to violence.”
“I am! I’m just scaring them off and then grabbing Luka!” I threw the bag’s strap over my shoulder and had a flare ready. “Okay! I gotta go! I’ll be back in like, fifteen, twenty minutes!”
I ran off in the direction the bee girl went, following Luka’s cries of help.
***
She was waiting!
Alice was actually on the side of the road for us, with our stuff sitting beside her! I didn’t expect her to wait! I thought, best case scenario, we’d have to catch up with her at Happiness Village.
“Hey Alice!” She noticed us. “Thanks for waiting! I brought you a present. Which one do you want? Sweet and sour Luka or the honeycombs stuck to him?” I was carry him over my shoulder.
“How am I sour? In fact… How can you joke about this?”
“See! Sour! Hah!” I shifted Luka on my shoulder.
He glared at me.
“Eh relax Luka. We got you back safely! Well I did, but the point is that we can laugh about it now!”
“You’re late.” Alice said.
“What… Oh! How long was I?”
“Thirty minutes.”
I shrugged. “Damn.”
“But I’m willing to overlook that. You did bring me a treat.” She slithered right next us.
“Um, I was joking about offering up Luka.”
“I know… but you’ve got some honeycomb on you.” She placed her hands on my face and tilted slightly. “Let me help you clean it off.”
“What are you-” She licked the side of my face. “Hey! Hey! Warn a guy first! Hehe, that tickles.”
“Hmm it’s sweet… but not as tasty as those Ama-ama Dangos… Which is why we’re going this way in the first place. To save Happiness Village, get their honey and then go back to Sutherland Inn for more Ama-ama Dangos. Enough wasting time”
“Well you’ve got your priorities straight. Hey Luka, think you can walk yet?”
“Maybe.” I set him down. He was wobbling a bit and using me for support. Poor guy, the bee girl’s paralyzing poison hadn’t worn off yet. Thankfully I caught up to the bee that was carrying him before they got too close to the hive, I only had to fight off a few of them.
Well not so much fight off, as bombed… a lot.
I’m sure they’re fine, it was only like two flares… and one flashbang… maybe three smoke bombs.
“William, why do I smell something burning?”
“I don’t know Alice. But you know what I do know?”
“You’re avoiding my question, William.”
“I don't want to set the world on fire
I just want to start a flame in your heart- Gurk!” I was cut off my Alice wrapping her tail around my neck. “Hey! Hey! Take it easy! It’s just a song!”
“What do you think you’re doing?” She flatly asked.
“Singing! But now- guh struggling to breath!” I wasn’t really being choked. I was just being overdramatic.
“No more of that.” Her tail loosened up, but then wrapped over my mouth.
Wonderful. I’ve lost speaking privileges now. Gagged by her tail.
Haha! There’s a sex pun in there I just know it.
She turned to Luka. “When did he first start this… nonsense he calls singing?”
“When we was recovering at our house.” Aw! He’s still calling it that!
***
I sat up in my bed. “Luka my boy. Come here, please, I feel tired and weak.”
“Are you okay? Should I get the doctor?”
“No, no, no that won’t be necessary. I’m just… thirsty. Can you please get me something to drink?”
He nodded. “Sure, I’ll be back right away.”
I grabbed his wrist. “Wait. It’s something very specific. I need you to listen to me, for only a little bit.”
He sat back down on the chair beside my bed. “Okay. What do you need?”
“A little glass of water please
A fresh pressed hanky if I sneeze
Some tea with honey from the bees
Whenever you can brew it.”
“I’ll get your water and tea.” He moved to get up, but I yanked him back down.
“And while I get a little rest
A teeny tiny small request
Some codfish oil for my chest
Poured from a crystal cruet.”
“A… crystal cruet?”
“My goodness, I'm a nincompoop
Because I fear I've got the croup
I need a vat of pumpkin soup
And scarves made out of zinnias.
Did I say zinnias? I meant silk
Or something shiny of that ilk
And then I'll need some nice warm milk
And pastries from Abyssinia.”
“You’ve gone mad haven’t you?”
“And since my stomach's feeling crummy
Why not give my aching tummy
Something soothing, something yummy
Piled up with noodles?
Add a slice of homemade rye
With stacks of Swiss way up high
Served with sides of sweet mince pie
More basil; I need oodles!”
“It’s the fever isn't’ it?”
I pulled him onto the bed and mock danced with him.
“I'll be grateful for your charity
Until the bitter end
Because I've heard that tenderness
Is what you lend an ailing friend
Tenderness, isn't that right, friend?”
“Uh right… Please let go of me.”
“So, who's ready for my big reprise?!”
“I’m not.”
“I'd like that glass of water please
Some magic spell to cure disease
A firm "gesundheit" when I sneeze
A fresh bouquet of roses.
Some lozenges will soon appease
My wheezing when I start to sneeze
A wig to keep me from the breeze
And blankets for my toes-es.
Take tweezers out of my valise
And then massage my knobby knees
A bowl of peas, some extra cheese
A cuddle with a Pekingese
A singing harp who's named Louise
A goat on skis, a new trapeze
And more and more and more and more of these!”
I took a deep breath.
“And just because I oughta..
Make sure I'm drinking in the right
Amount of fluids day and night
I wish I may, I wish I might
Have just one little thing
Oh, would you please finally bring
Me that tiny glass
Of water?!”
I dumped Luka on the chair and laid back down.
***
“I thought it was the fever, but he’s done that more since then.”
“It’d be best if he avoided doing that in my presence.”
“Are you going to take your tail off him?”
“When we get there.”
Why is it I’m always wrapped up and forced to trail behind her? Does she get- No! Not going down that train of thought.
Chapter 7 - At The Pantomime
Spoiler: show
“Mlunmch!”
“Moodhm!”
“Meedh me!”
“Alice can you… ungag him?”
“Does he promise not to sing?”
I nodded my head. “Mempf!”
“He says yes.”
Her tail unwrapped around my head. “Ah thank you! I haven’t eaten anything since we left Iliasburg and I am starving!” I pulled out a strip of dried meat and started gnawing on it.
Damn tail! Stopping me from eating.
“You have food?!” Alice exclaimed.
“Yeah… your point?”
“I’m hungry too…”
I sighed. “If you want some just ask. I’m not going to say no.” I pulled out another strip and passed it to her.
“It's good! I like the seasoning~!”
I doubt it would sate her, but it was more of a snack for the road than a real meal.
***
We had finally made it to Happiness Village.
The place look like any other village, save for the lack of men anywhere. It was only women and children working the fields and attending the beehives.
“So this is Happiness Village?” Luka said, surveying the area. “It’s doesn’t look like anything horrible is happening…”
“Are you blind you idiot?”
“Come on Luka, I’m sure you notice something off about this place.”
“Eh… Uh, no.”
“Do you see any men? Doesn’t that strike you as unusual?” Alice asked.
A shadow passed over us, and I idly noted it was a harpy flying overhead… rather erratically.
“You’re right, I only see women. Not a single man.”
“I think I see one or two- No, wait. Those are women… they look like something out of Rocky Horror Picture Show… Don’t tell them I said that.” I said.
“Uh… I won’t, but what’s Rocky Horror?” He asked.
“A play with a lot of obvious and hilarious cross-dressing in it. I’m basically saying at first glance they look like men.”
A nearby woman had noticed us and stopped working. She came over to greet us. “Oh, travelers? We don’t get too many of those these days. I’m sorry to say you wasted all your time coming here. We don’t have anything to trade you with.”
“Why not?” Luka asked.
“It’s due to the recent shortage of manpower, we don't have enough people working the beehives, so then we have a shortage of Happiness Honey too.”
“A shortage of manpower?” Luka, did we not cover this on the way here? Eh, I guess there’s nothing wrong with asking around, but come on.
You don’t have to sound so damn lost, though.
“Yes dearie,” Oh look, that harpy’s swooping down. “But, unfortunately due to the recent har-”
She was interrupted by screaming breaking out all over the village. The harpy swooped down at a nearby boy and…
Passed by him, completely ignoring him to start harassing a very mannish woman in the field. “AHHHH! Release me once you foul beastie! Didn't your mother ever tell you not to go around groping strangers?!”
She even sounds like a guy. Her voice reminds me of one of those pantomimes my family always went to.
“H-hey. Hey! How you doing sweetie? I’ve be-be… been missing you~.” Correction, drunkenly harassing. Apparently that harpy is a friendly drunk because she’s trying to hug that mannish woman. “Come ‘ere and give me some sugar honey~. Hehe, sugar, sugar… Hehehe.”
Yep drunk, she’s giggling like a fool.
Another villager scooped the boy up as she ran by. In a few moments everyone had shut themselves into their homes.
“Help! Help! Help… isn’t anyone going to help me?” The mannish women yelled.
“I will!” Luka shouted. He ran out into the field where the two were and I followed behind him.
“Help? Aw sugar what do you need help with? I’m sure my magic fa-f-fu-feathers can help with anything~.”
Okay so the harpy isn’t so much attacking or kidnapping the women, but just drunkenly flopping against her and trying to feel her up.
Luka ran up to them and took out his sword… then awkwardly looked at the two of them. “Uh… I’m here to save you! So uh… can you please leave that woman alone Miss Harpy?”
Woman?! Ugh! Up close she looks like a man! She’s has stubble!
“Miss Harpy?! I have a name you know! It’s Misses Neil-Newm- Nesbitt! My name… is Misses Nesbitt!” The harpy slurred, drunkenly waving her wing in Luka’s face. “And this is my sweet and sugary hubby!”
“Oh thank you brave sirs to coming to my rescue! This ghastly harpy is trying to steal me away!” She dramatically swooned.
“Steal you? I’m sweeping you off your feet~!” The harpy tried to sweep the woman into her wings, but could barely get her to budge. “Any! Second! Now!”
“Uh… should I hit her with my sword? I feel like I shouldn’t.”
“Oh heavens no! Don’t kill the poor lass! Scare her off!”
“I’m sorry to interrupt, but what’s your name?” I asked the mannish woman.
“Julia!” She replied. “And now’s not the time to ask that!”
“Thanks Julia, and no Luka here won’t kill her. His sword actually only seals monsters. I mean look at it! That is not a normal sword!”
“Hey! It’s a heroic sword… sort of.” He weakly said.
“You’re right! Look at it!” She nodded. “Okay! Swing away then brave hero!”
“Huh…” The harpy was looking at us funny. “Wait… Are you guys new here or something?”
“Yes we are, Luka and I just got here.”
“Oh… Travellers. I-I need to go tell th-the others!” The harpy hopped onto Julia’s shoulders. “Come my honey! We fly! Together!” She erratically flapped her wings and produced zero lift.
“Any moment now hero.” Julia said.
Luka stepped forward unsure, and lightly poked the harpy in the leg with his sword. Leaving a small cut.
“Ah! My power! It’s fading! Need! More… Mead!” The harpy shouted.
“This is both sad and hilarious…” I walked up to the harpy and tapped her on back. “Hey Miss. Do you really need to do this? Wouldn’t you rather, say… get drunk and then maybe go have a nap somewhere else?”
She stopped flapping and crouched down to face me. “I’d never leave my sweetie! But… I’ll drink if you got any?”
I pulled out a spare flask. “Gin.” I unscrewed the cap and passed it to her.
“William?! Don’t share alcohol with the monster! She’s kidnapping Julia!”
“At this point I think she’s given up.” Julia said, visibly annoyed a harpy was standing on her shoulders.
She grabbed the flask in a talon and took a sip. “Hmm… not bad, but not sweet enough.”
“Yeah, but it’s not meant to be.” I pulled out my flask, and raised it to hers. “Cheers!”
“Cheers!” We both took a sip.
“So… are we done now? She is defeated?” Luka asked.
“I don’t know. Miss, can you let Julia go?”
“It’s Nesbitt!… Bu-but I can’t leave him! He’s my honey hubby.”
“That’s a woman.”
“He is?” She bent over and grabbed Julia’s face in her wings, staring at it. Aw she even stuck her tongue out!
“I am! And I demand that you release me this instant!”
“Are you sure? You are very hairy. Hehe. I got an idea. You should strip down and prove you aren’t a man~.”
“Alright enough of this tomfoolery.” Julia reached up and grabbed the harpy by the scruff of her neck. “Missy, you will leave me and this village at once! Am I understood?!”
“Bu-but… honey? Why?”
“But nothing! Leave now!”
“Okay…” She despondently responded. Julia dropped her on the ground and she half hopped, half flew away from the village. Barely getting a few feet off the ground.
I picked up the flask she dropped. “Well… this is certainly an odd turn of events. Julia… do you mind tell us what the hell has been going on here?” I’m pretty sure I know, but I want to hear it from the horse’s mouth.
Luka put his sword away. “I’m with William. What’s been happening?”
Some villagers were cautiously poking their heads out of their homes. “What happened?!” “Did those travelers drive that harpy away?!” “Julia’s saved!” “Are there any feathers?! Those make great stuffing!”
Alice also choose that moment to reappear with Luka and I. Julia glanced at them and then back at us. “Yes, I believe an explanation is in order. Follow me boys, I’ll explain everything at my house over a nice cup of tea.”
Ugh, I hate tea.
***
“Please have a seat dearies. I’ll be right with you in a moment with the tea.”
Julia had invited the three of us into her house and sat us down at her table.
“Uh, no thank you. None for me, I never quite liked the taste and wouldn’t want you to waste any on me.” I said.
“Nonsense! I’m sure you’ll love it.”
“No, no I’m sure. None for me please.”
“Okay… if you're sure.” She went back to rummaging through her cabinet.
“You don’t like tea?” Alice asked me.
“No he doesn’t. Back at our house he never had any.” Luka answered for me.
“Yep, I could never stand the flavor. I just prefer plain water, boiled that is.”
“Fine, three cups of tea and one cup of water.” Julia said, back still turned to us. “Spit in the face of hospitality.” She muttered under her breath. Setting the kettle on the stove top, she took a seat at the table with us. “Give it a few minutes to heat up.”
“Okay. Now, when did all of this start?” I asked.
“Goodness it’s been so long… I think, five, maybe six years perhaps, since they started abducting men. Dreadful, one day out of the blue a harpy swooped down and flew off with a man. We’re all distressed but we didn’t think it was a start of a new trend with the harpies. Before that they left us alone… mostly.”
“Mostly?” Luka asked.
“Yes… like what happened today. Drunk flyers, they’d swoop in and ‘harass’ people. Sometimes they get a little too grabby. Usually you'd swat at them with a broom and they’d fly off.”
“How often did that happen?”
“With… discouraging regularity I’m afraid. They were constantly bemoaning the lack men in their village… in hindsight them kidnapping men isn’t that surprising. At times some of the more… feisty harpies thought that women could substitute men for… ‘companionship’… or maybe they were the desperate ones.”
“Well that’s certainly an… odd turn of events.” I said.
“But monsters trying to seduce women? Why would they?” Luka asked. “Alice? You have any thoughts?”
“It’s not… unheard of, but very rare.”
“Oh my! I’m sorry! I didn’t realize I haven't introduced myself to such a lovely young lady!” Julia reached across the table and shoot Alice’s hand. “Julia! And I take it your name is Alice?”
“Are you deaf?”
“Splendid! It is! Are you the monster expert of the group? From your way of dress and tattoos you must come from an exotic land? I must hear all about it!”
“… You’re done shaking, now let go of my hand.”
“Hm, spoilsport.” Julia leaned back into her chair. “Anyway, this whole thing started off slow. One man every other month, then four years ago they started grabbing a man almost every day! The village was larger back then and we had more travelers visiting… though after a while they just stopped coming. Without the travelers nobody was using the roads from here to Iliasburg, no heroes, no merchants, no knights, and no priests, not anyone! That allowed those bee girls to move in and spread their hives along the roads. Now the few travelers we get are picked off by bees or show up covered in honey and too traumatized to talk.”
“Wow. Just how big was this place?” I asked
“Big.”
“But still, a man almost every day, even if they don’t succeed is still hundreds of men gone. They couldn’t possibly keep up those rates for long.”
“The men tried hiding, never going out, always being armed, staying in a group, even disguising themselves, but over the years it’s been whittled away to nothing. A dozen families even packed up their belongings and left the village a year ago. The bees don’t attack large groups so they made it out okay. We still get letters from them from time to time.” She sighed. “Since then it’s been nothing but women and children here.”
“That’s a lot of issues… Where do we even begin? How would we help?” I ask.
“We can help because I’m a hero! I’m sure there’s something I can do to help.”
“Exactly the attitude we need now! I’ll arrange a meeting with the chief and other villagers later today so we can start sorting this dreadful business out!”
The kettle started to whistle. “Ah yes! The tea’s ready! I’ll get it.” Julia got up “Luka, do you want any sugar in yours-”
She was interrupted by a bee girl bursting through the front door. Her face and chest was covered in cuts and bruises…
I think she looked familiar.
“Julius! Julius! I ran into travelers today! But then the other hive attacked us! I don’t know if they’re okay! We need to organize a search party and rescue them! One was even friendly to me!” The bee girl shouted, obviously flustered and panting for breath.
Oh it’s the bee girl from earlier!
“Beatrice.” HAH! “Calm down. Those travelers are here right now.”
“What?” She then noticed Luka, Alice, and I were in the room.
“You’re… okay? B-but… I thought they would overwhelm both of you. I even saw one of you get carried off.”
“Nah! They almost did! But Luka here.” I hooked my arm over his shoulder. “He defeated two of them in under thirty seconds! You should have seen it! He didn’t give them an inch of ground!”
“Yeah… They only beat me because one grabbed me and flew off while I was paralyzed from their poison.” Luka said.
“You beat them that quickly?! But… how did you get back? They wouldn’t have let you go and you would have still been paralyzed by the time you got to their hive.”
“I helped with that. A few smoke bombs, couple flares, a flashbang or two, stuff like that. Plus Luka had damaged the bee girl’s wing, so she wasn’t flying that fast. I caught up to her when she had landed and was taking a break.”
She winced and rubbed her wing. “Ouch… that’s painful.”
“Yeah it looked like it… Hey why did you call Julia, Julius? She got a twin brother or something?” I asked her.
“Beatrice! No! There’s travelers here! Go hide with the others!” A woman was shouting from outside the house. Though her voice sounded… odd. “Get back to the hive now!” She ran up to the doorway… with a wig in her hand, face smeared with makeup … and a half shaved mustache.
Julia stood up from her seat. “Uh, Reginald… What do you think you’re doing here?” She tensely asked.
The… man in the doorway, Reginald, looked at Julia.
Then at Beatrice.
Then at us at the table.
Then back at Beatrice.
And then at the wig in his hand.
“Ah crap…” He said. “I just gave it away… Didn’t I?”
“Moodhm!”
“Meedh me!”
“Alice can you… ungag him?”
“Does he promise not to sing?”
I nodded my head. “Mempf!”
“He says yes.”
Her tail unwrapped around my head. “Ah thank you! I haven’t eaten anything since we left Iliasburg and I am starving!” I pulled out a strip of dried meat and started gnawing on it.
Damn tail! Stopping me from eating.
“You have food?!” Alice exclaimed.
“Yeah… your point?”
“I’m hungry too…”
I sighed. “If you want some just ask. I’m not going to say no.” I pulled out another strip and passed it to her.
“It's good! I like the seasoning~!”
I doubt it would sate her, but it was more of a snack for the road than a real meal.
***
We had finally made it to Happiness Village.
The place look like any other village, save for the lack of men anywhere. It was only women and children working the fields and attending the beehives.
“So this is Happiness Village?” Luka said, surveying the area. “It’s doesn’t look like anything horrible is happening…”
“Are you blind you idiot?”
“Come on Luka, I’m sure you notice something off about this place.”
“Eh… Uh, no.”
“Do you see any men? Doesn’t that strike you as unusual?” Alice asked.
A shadow passed over us, and I idly noted it was a harpy flying overhead… rather erratically.
“You’re right, I only see women. Not a single man.”
“I think I see one or two- No, wait. Those are women… they look like something out of Rocky Horror Picture Show… Don’t tell them I said that.” I said.
“Uh… I won’t, but what’s Rocky Horror?” He asked.
“A play with a lot of obvious and hilarious cross-dressing in it. I’m basically saying at first glance they look like men.”
A nearby woman had noticed us and stopped working. She came over to greet us. “Oh, travelers? We don’t get too many of those these days. I’m sorry to say you wasted all your time coming here. We don’t have anything to trade you with.”
“Why not?” Luka asked.
“It’s due to the recent shortage of manpower, we don't have enough people working the beehives, so then we have a shortage of Happiness Honey too.”
“A shortage of manpower?” Luka, did we not cover this on the way here? Eh, I guess there’s nothing wrong with asking around, but come on.
You don’t have to sound so damn lost, though.
“Yes dearie,” Oh look, that harpy’s swooping down. “But, unfortunately due to the recent har-”
She was interrupted by screaming breaking out all over the village. The harpy swooped down at a nearby boy and…
Passed by him, completely ignoring him to start harassing a very mannish woman in the field. “AHHHH! Release me once you foul beastie! Didn't your mother ever tell you not to go around groping strangers?!”
She even sounds like a guy. Her voice reminds me of one of those pantomimes my family always went to.
“H-hey. Hey! How you doing sweetie? I’ve be-be… been missing you~.” Correction, drunkenly harassing. Apparently that harpy is a friendly drunk because she’s trying to hug that mannish woman. “Come ‘ere and give me some sugar honey~. Hehe, sugar, sugar… Hehehe.”
Yep drunk, she’s giggling like a fool.
Another villager scooped the boy up as she ran by. In a few moments everyone had shut themselves into their homes.
“Help! Help! Help… isn’t anyone going to help me?” The mannish women yelled.
“I will!” Luka shouted. He ran out into the field where the two were and I followed behind him.
“Help? Aw sugar what do you need help with? I’m sure my magic fa-f-fu-feathers can help with anything~.”
Okay so the harpy isn’t so much attacking or kidnapping the women, but just drunkenly flopping against her and trying to feel her up.
Luka ran up to them and took out his sword… then awkwardly looked at the two of them. “Uh… I’m here to save you! So uh… can you please leave that woman alone Miss Harpy?”
Woman?! Ugh! Up close she looks like a man! She’s has stubble!
“Miss Harpy?! I have a name you know! It’s Misses Neil-Newm- Nesbitt! My name… is Misses Nesbitt!” The harpy slurred, drunkenly waving her wing in Luka’s face. “And this is my sweet and sugary hubby!”
“Oh thank you brave sirs to coming to my rescue! This ghastly harpy is trying to steal me away!” She dramatically swooned.
“Steal you? I’m sweeping you off your feet~!” The harpy tried to sweep the woman into her wings, but could barely get her to budge. “Any! Second! Now!”
“Uh… should I hit her with my sword? I feel like I shouldn’t.”
“Oh heavens no! Don’t kill the poor lass! Scare her off!”
“I’m sorry to interrupt, but what’s your name?” I asked the mannish woman.
“Julia!” She replied. “And now’s not the time to ask that!”
“Thanks Julia, and no Luka here won’t kill her. His sword actually only seals monsters. I mean look at it! That is not a normal sword!”
“Hey! It’s a heroic sword… sort of.” He weakly said.
“You’re right! Look at it!” She nodded. “Okay! Swing away then brave hero!”
“Huh…” The harpy was looking at us funny. “Wait… Are you guys new here or something?”
“Yes we are, Luka and I just got here.”
“Oh… Travellers. I-I need to go tell th-the others!” The harpy hopped onto Julia’s shoulders. “Come my honey! We fly! Together!” She erratically flapped her wings and produced zero lift.
“Any moment now hero.” Julia said.
Luka stepped forward unsure, and lightly poked the harpy in the leg with his sword. Leaving a small cut.
“Ah! My power! It’s fading! Need! More… Mead!” The harpy shouted.
“This is both sad and hilarious…” I walked up to the harpy and tapped her on back. “Hey Miss. Do you really need to do this? Wouldn’t you rather, say… get drunk and then maybe go have a nap somewhere else?”
She stopped flapping and crouched down to face me. “I’d never leave my sweetie! But… I’ll drink if you got any?”
I pulled out a spare flask. “Gin.” I unscrewed the cap and passed it to her.
“William?! Don’t share alcohol with the monster! She’s kidnapping Julia!”
“At this point I think she’s given up.” Julia said, visibly annoyed a harpy was standing on her shoulders.
She grabbed the flask in a talon and took a sip. “Hmm… not bad, but not sweet enough.”
“Yeah, but it’s not meant to be.” I pulled out my flask, and raised it to hers. “Cheers!”
“Cheers!” We both took a sip.
“So… are we done now? She is defeated?” Luka asked.
“I don’t know. Miss, can you let Julia go?”
“It’s Nesbitt!… Bu-but I can’t leave him! He’s my honey hubby.”
“That’s a woman.”
“He is?” She bent over and grabbed Julia’s face in her wings, staring at it. Aw she even stuck her tongue out!
“I am! And I demand that you release me this instant!”
“Are you sure? You are very hairy. Hehe. I got an idea. You should strip down and prove you aren’t a man~.”
“Alright enough of this tomfoolery.” Julia reached up and grabbed the harpy by the scruff of her neck. “Missy, you will leave me and this village at once! Am I understood?!”
“Bu-but… honey? Why?”
“But nothing! Leave now!”
“Okay…” She despondently responded. Julia dropped her on the ground and she half hopped, half flew away from the village. Barely getting a few feet off the ground.
I picked up the flask she dropped. “Well… this is certainly an odd turn of events. Julia… do you mind tell us what the hell has been going on here?” I’m pretty sure I know, but I want to hear it from the horse’s mouth.
Luka put his sword away. “I’m with William. What’s been happening?”
Some villagers were cautiously poking their heads out of their homes. “What happened?!” “Did those travelers drive that harpy away?!” “Julia’s saved!” “Are there any feathers?! Those make great stuffing!”
Alice also choose that moment to reappear with Luka and I. Julia glanced at them and then back at us. “Yes, I believe an explanation is in order. Follow me boys, I’ll explain everything at my house over a nice cup of tea.”
Ugh, I hate tea.
***
“Please have a seat dearies. I’ll be right with you in a moment with the tea.”
Julia had invited the three of us into her house and sat us down at her table.
“Uh, no thank you. None for me, I never quite liked the taste and wouldn’t want you to waste any on me.” I said.
“Nonsense! I’m sure you’ll love it.”
“No, no I’m sure. None for me please.”
“Okay… if you're sure.” She went back to rummaging through her cabinet.
“You don’t like tea?” Alice asked me.
“No he doesn’t. Back at our house he never had any.” Luka answered for me.
“Yep, I could never stand the flavor. I just prefer plain water, boiled that is.”
“Fine, three cups of tea and one cup of water.” Julia said, back still turned to us. “Spit in the face of hospitality.” She muttered under her breath. Setting the kettle on the stove top, she took a seat at the table with us. “Give it a few minutes to heat up.”
“Okay. Now, when did all of this start?” I asked.
“Goodness it’s been so long… I think, five, maybe six years perhaps, since they started abducting men. Dreadful, one day out of the blue a harpy swooped down and flew off with a man. We’re all distressed but we didn’t think it was a start of a new trend with the harpies. Before that they left us alone… mostly.”
“Mostly?” Luka asked.
“Yes… like what happened today. Drunk flyers, they’d swoop in and ‘harass’ people. Sometimes they get a little too grabby. Usually you'd swat at them with a broom and they’d fly off.”
“How often did that happen?”
“With… discouraging regularity I’m afraid. They were constantly bemoaning the lack men in their village… in hindsight them kidnapping men isn’t that surprising. At times some of the more… feisty harpies thought that women could substitute men for… ‘companionship’… or maybe they were the desperate ones.”
“Well that’s certainly an… odd turn of events.” I said.
“But monsters trying to seduce women? Why would they?” Luka asked. “Alice? You have any thoughts?”
“It’s not… unheard of, but very rare.”
“Oh my! I’m sorry! I didn’t realize I haven't introduced myself to such a lovely young lady!” Julia reached across the table and shoot Alice’s hand. “Julia! And I take it your name is Alice?”
“Are you deaf?”
“Splendid! It is! Are you the monster expert of the group? From your way of dress and tattoos you must come from an exotic land? I must hear all about it!”
“… You’re done shaking, now let go of my hand.”
“Hm, spoilsport.” Julia leaned back into her chair. “Anyway, this whole thing started off slow. One man every other month, then four years ago they started grabbing a man almost every day! The village was larger back then and we had more travelers visiting… though after a while they just stopped coming. Without the travelers nobody was using the roads from here to Iliasburg, no heroes, no merchants, no knights, and no priests, not anyone! That allowed those bee girls to move in and spread their hives along the roads. Now the few travelers we get are picked off by bees or show up covered in honey and too traumatized to talk.”
“Wow. Just how big was this place?” I asked
“Big.”
“But still, a man almost every day, even if they don’t succeed is still hundreds of men gone. They couldn’t possibly keep up those rates for long.”
“The men tried hiding, never going out, always being armed, staying in a group, even disguising themselves, but over the years it’s been whittled away to nothing. A dozen families even packed up their belongings and left the village a year ago. The bees don’t attack large groups so they made it out okay. We still get letters from them from time to time.” She sighed. “Since then it’s been nothing but women and children here.”
“That’s a lot of issues… Where do we even begin? How would we help?” I ask.
“We can help because I’m a hero! I’m sure there’s something I can do to help.”
“Exactly the attitude we need now! I’ll arrange a meeting with the chief and other villagers later today so we can start sorting this dreadful business out!”
The kettle started to whistle. “Ah yes! The tea’s ready! I’ll get it.” Julia got up “Luka, do you want any sugar in yours-”
She was interrupted by a bee girl bursting through the front door. Her face and chest was covered in cuts and bruises…
I think she looked familiar.
“Julius! Julius! I ran into travelers today! But then the other hive attacked us! I don’t know if they’re okay! We need to organize a search party and rescue them! One was even friendly to me!” The bee girl shouted, obviously flustered and panting for breath.
Oh it’s the bee girl from earlier!
“Beatrice.” HAH! “Calm down. Those travelers are here right now.”
“What?” She then noticed Luka, Alice, and I were in the room.
“You’re… okay? B-but… I thought they would overwhelm both of you. I even saw one of you get carried off.”
“Nah! They almost did! But Luka here.” I hooked my arm over his shoulder. “He defeated two of them in under thirty seconds! You should have seen it! He didn’t give them an inch of ground!”
“Yeah… They only beat me because one grabbed me and flew off while I was paralyzed from their poison.” Luka said.
“You beat them that quickly?! But… how did you get back? They wouldn’t have let you go and you would have still been paralyzed by the time you got to their hive.”
“I helped with that. A few smoke bombs, couple flares, a flashbang or two, stuff like that. Plus Luka had damaged the bee girl’s wing, so she wasn’t flying that fast. I caught up to her when she had landed and was taking a break.”
She winced and rubbed her wing. “Ouch… that’s painful.”
“Yeah it looked like it… Hey why did you call Julia, Julius? She got a twin brother or something?” I asked her.
“Beatrice! No! There’s travelers here! Go hide with the others!” A woman was shouting from outside the house. Though her voice sounded… odd. “Get back to the hive now!” She ran up to the doorway… with a wig in her hand, face smeared with makeup … and a half shaved mustache.
Julia stood up from her seat. “Uh, Reginald… What do you think you’re doing here?” She tensely asked.
The… man in the doorway, Reginald, looked at Julia.
Then at Beatrice.
Then at us at the table.
Then back at Beatrice.
And then at the wig in his hand.
“Ah crap…” He said. “I just gave it away… Didn’t I?”
Chapter 8 - Enough Fucking Exposition
Spoiler: show
“Ah crap…” He said. “I just gave it away… didn’t I?”
“Yeah… sure, I guess.” I said
No one else was saying anything and just staring at each other.
I wasn’t too focused on him.
Rather, I was focused on Beatrice, the bee girl from earlier. I was not looking forward to speaking to her further, I hope I don’t have to. She may try to take me up on my previous offer. I just feel that “wonderful” mixture of anxiety and dread thinking about it.
What was I thinking when I said yes?! I ran my mouth off again!
And why?!
Well I know why.
I was still riding the emotional high from the night spent with Alice. Which I’m still shocked and amazed that actually happened… but I’m kinda uncertain over it. I barely know her and what we did last night… probably doesn’t mean anything to her.
Not sure how I feel about that.
No wait! I do know a lot about her! Almost her entire life story in fact… and that makes me feel like some sort of creep.
Anyway, Beatrice was there, she offered a chance at physical intimacy and I wanted it…
What an idiotic thing to do!
Ah yes! There’s that feeling of regret in the pit of my gut.
Great! That’s going to last there for the next few hours.
I just know Alice is going to tease me about it later. There’s no way she didn’t see or hear what I said.
“You’re… not surprised? Not panicking or attacking? A bee girl is standing in the same room as you!” Reginald asked from the doorway, finally deciding to break the silence in the room.
Ah right. Luka hero, Beatrice monster, usually equals one less hero in the world or sometimes a dead monster. I can see why he wouldn’t want them to mix…
“Uh, should we be?” I asked.
“I don’t want you too! But yes! Outsiders hate the bee girls here!”
“Reggie! Now don’t be telling them everything about our sweet village dear!” Julia tensely said.
I’m betting she’s actually a man in drag… Unless she isn’t which in that case that would be very rude. Like mistaking a fat woman for being pregnant. Not something that’s easily forgiven.
I glanced over at Luka and Alice to gauge their reactions. Luka was unsure what exactly was going on. While Alice was grinning, like she was let in on a joke.
“Julia… Why is he dressed as a woman?” Luka asked her.
“Oh that’s very easy to explain! It all began seven years ago when I was still a young maiden in the prime of her life! I think I was-”
“What was… Beatrice talking about when she ran in here? About rescuing us from the bee girls? Is she living with you?” He “innocently” asked.
“Julius, just tell them the truth. They’re friendly and I’m sure they’ll understand what we’re going through.” Beatrice said.
“Shut up now dearie, the adults are talking-”
“Hey Julius! Don’t speak to her that way! That cat’s out of the bag!” Reginald yelled. They keep calling Julia Julius, so yeah probably a guy in drag.
“What?! No! Uh we can still salvage the… Oh fine.” Julius pulled the wig off his head and slumped down into his seat. “Reggie, get the tea you bastard. Beatrice, grab the first aid kit and let’s get a look at you. Don’t want you getting an infection.”
Reginald entered the house and went over to the stove, while Beatrice went into a different room.
I’m surprised nobody is going to point out she’s topless, but then again she looks like she went ten rounds in a boxing match. Her left eye has swollen shut and that massive honeycomb attached to her abdomen is gone.
“So kids, you want to know what’s really going on here?” He asked, dropping the fake effeminate voice.
“Yes! Why are there bee girls here? No one mentioned them before.” Luka said.
Julius sighed. “They… are the source of our famous Happiness Honey and in part, are why we’re currently failing as a village.”
So that’s where they get their famous Happiness Honey from… but bee girls would require men to keep working. The harpies are abducting all the men, so that would lead to a shortage of “manpower” and thus the honey. Which has been the source of fame and revenue for this village for over five hundred years.
Wait has Alice revealed she has that old travel guide yet? Hmm… no she hasn’t, better not bring it up specifically. For that matter has she asked Luka about his ring or his parents?
No she hasn’t.
Anyway, no men, no bee girls, no honey, expect the few men are probably disguising themselves as women…
“Hehehehe.” I started chuckling and clapping my hands. “Hahahahahaha! Oh that is just too funny!”
Luka looked at me confused. “Uh William… I don’t get it.”
“I don’t see how our lack of livelihood is ‘funny’ to you.”
“Don’t get it?! It’s hilarious! They aren’t running out of honey because they can’t harvest the beehives! They're running out of honey because they don’t have enough men to feed the bee girls!”
“You’ve yet to explain why that’s funny.” Reggie tensely said.
“Because I wasn’t expecting it! You caught me right off guard!” I said, my chuckling dying down.
It makes sense. There’s nothing stopping the men from dressing up as women, thus preventing their abductions, while at the same time the nearby hives of bee girls are the reason Happiness Honey is as good as it is. It’s one of those moments when all the pieces fall into place and I just can’t help but laugh.
It’s also a reminder that this is not “canon” or that I shouldn’t become complacent with my knowledge. Everything isn’t going to go the way I expect it too. I had to check fact a lot of information back at the Temple while I was there, just to confirm what I knew about the setting background. Kingdoms, continents, major players, locations, and other world information.
That reminded me, I need to check a calendar. There are a few events Luka can’t afford to miss. The run in with Granberia is easy enough to understand, she probably started the attack around the same time Alice left, but other events are once in a lifetime.
Some that I refuse to miss. Such as that one in Succubus Village, I think it was called Purple Moon or Sabbath. Something like that, I’ll look for more records later.
“Yeah, yeah laugh it up. Just for that you don’t get any tea.” Reginald said as he brought over a tray of drinks.
“Good, I didn’t want any.” I pulled out a canteen. “I got my own water.”
Beatrice re-entered the room with bandages in her hand. “Here.” She passed them to Julius.
“Thanks sweetie. Take a seat and I’ll get you cleaned up.” He got up and she took his seat. “So… how should we start this?”
“How bout the part where you’re dressing up like woman?” I asked.
“As good a place as any.” He said, starting to bandage up Beatrice. “We started doing this almost three years ago. It was at the high point of the kidnappings, we were losing a minimum of three men a week. You can’t keep a village going like that.”
“At one point there were so many harpies in the sky that the sun was blotted out. They even kidnapped dozens of women by mistake, so many of them swooping down into crowds. It was bound to happen… a lot.” Reggie added.
“Horrible times, the harpies were in a complete frenzy. It got so bad that bee girls couldn’t even go out to collect pollen and stretch their wings. That honey growing on their butts has to come from somewhere.”
Oh so that’s what the giant honeycomb was for, it’s the source of Happiness Honey.
Beatrice chimed in. “Abdomen Julius.”
“I know that dear, now turn your head. After weeks of that it died down, at least to the point where no women or bee girls were attacked by the harpies.”
“What about children?” I asked.
“Never touched! The harpies always avoided the children, even during the worst of it.”
“They love the little tikes. In the past when a kid went missing in the woods, it was always a harpy that brought them back home the next day.” Reggie said. “They still do that to this day. Which is surprising but we all consider it small miracle. We're not going to complain.”
That’s good news to hear, nobody’s trying to do anything to the children. That makes the situation easier to solve diplomatically. Shows restraint and good will on the harpies’ part, and one less grievous act against the villagers.
Luka sighed. “That’s good. Maybe they aren’t too hostile to humans after all.”
“Obviously you haven't lived here to make that claim.” Julius remarked.
“When did you guys start dressing in women’s clothing?” I asked. “I want to know that part. I can see why you would, but I want to know when.”
“It was around the same time as those frenzies. At the time I was in a traveling theater group! We traveled all over this continent performing shows and plays! We were even invited for local musical festivals for audiences in every village! And I… I was the main star of it all!” Julius proudly announced while still bandaging her up. “Beatrice dear can you turn your head? Ah! Thank you!”
“You were three men with a cart and donkey. That’s all you had going for you.”
“No one asked you Reggie!”
“That’s why Julius is so good with make-up and women’s clothing. Someone had to play the singing fat lady or otherwise their shows might never have ended.” Reggie remarked. “And I think a horror like that is considered sacrilege.”
Heh. Fat lady sings, I get it.
“Oh! When did you get so clever?” Julius sarcastically asked.
“Around the same time you got stupid.”
“Coming from you! Really?!”
“Oi! This is story time, not fighting time. Now can it.” I said.
“Yes fine… I’ll behave, I don’t know about Reggie.”
“Screw you too.”
“But where did I leave off?”
“Theater group.” Luka chimed in.
“Yes! Yes! The theater! I was finishing a tour around the continent at that time, before the frenzy. So when we were attacked by a flock of harpies on the road here, it took us all by surprise!”
“We?” Alice asked.
Hey she spoke! She’s been sitting out this whole time.
“My two partners… may Ilias rest their souls.”
A look of concern bled onto her face. “… I’m sorry to hear-”
“Don’t be!” Julius cut her off.
Which was then replaced with a frown and glare.
He continued on, ignoring her. “They were bastards, had it coming since day one. But I survived! And do you know why?”
“You were in make-up at the time.” I said.
“Yes I was! I was testing out a new kit I bought from this little boutique in Iliasburg. Great shop for actors, I met all sorts of wonderful people there, but unfortunately it was closing at the time. He shook his head. “A shame… Anyway! When the harpies attacked our cart they left me alone while flying off with my former-companions to their village. Where I’m sure they’re still there today.”
“Uh… then why did you say ‘Ilias rest their souls’?” Luka asked.
“Oh I never liked them! They’re already dead to me. I can only hope they got what was coming to them.”
I just noticed. Is anyone even drinking their tea? Are they just going to leave it sitting there? I look around the table. There’s also no pastries or snacks here.
“After they left me I ran all the way back to village and shared we I had discovered with everyone here! Well… at first they all laughed at me, but over the months not a single harpy bothered me. A few brave souls asked me to teach them my secrets. Ever since then the dozen odd men left in this village get around daily life by dressing up in disguise. A genius plan, and an even greater work of art!” Julius dramatically posed…
Whatever effort he was trying for was ruined by the roll of bandages hanging from his hand, tied around Beatrice's chest. She hadn’t said anything else during the course of the conversation.
You know…
I’m getting hungry. I glanced at the backpack on the floor beside my chair.
I think I have leftover bread left in it.
Oh and it’s my focaccia bread! God I love it! I always go a bit heavy on the cheeses but it is so worth it! If only I have an oven to work with, I can make it into garlic bread. Make the garlic sauce, it’s mostly just melted butter and more seasoning, spread it on, bake, and enjoy.
Well more like fight me to get a share of it, but that’s beside the point.
I made it a few times when living with Luka and he gave it his seal of approval.
Luka glanced over at me with a questioning look. “William what’s that… clicking noise coming from you?”
Biting or chewing or just opening and closing jaw while keeping mouth closed, imagining the food, teeth sinking into it. I love that feeling! The warm buttery taste, filled with cheeses and spices, the crunching outer part and it’s all filled with that softer center… And the smell! There is nothing better than the smell of fresh bread!
Yes… I am very hungry.
Definitely hungry.
“It’s nothing.”
“Okay…" Luka turned back to Julius. "Is there anymore to the story Julius?” He asked.
Should I just pull it out now? I mean why wait, but… what if I have to share.
No it’s best to save it for later.
I don’t know when later is, but I know it’s later.
“Not much more…” He put the bandage roll away. “The bee girls have lived here for over five hundred years. Us men of the village are responsible for making sure they get enough, uh, ‘lifeforce’ in their lives and to help them with breeding. In return they give us the massive honeycomb that grows from their abdomen. Are you happy Beatrice? I used the correct name!”
She smiled and nodded her head.
Alice shook her head. “The hypocrisy you humans are capable of.”
“Hypocrisy?! I said the name correctly!”
“Moron… You’ve allowed bee girls to live in your village for centuries, but not harpies? They’re both monsters aren’t they? Isn’t that a sin against Ilias?” She asked.
“No of course not!” Julius yelled. “They’re bee girls, it’s totally different.”
“How? They’re both monsters.” I said.
“No the harpies are! Now don’t get me wrong, I like harpies… Certainly, there’s many things to like. They may have those pillowy soft feathers, the most beautiful singing voices I’ve ever heard, and a love for life that can move most men to tears! But, it’s still a sin to mate with them… Not like bee girls. Isn’t that right Beatrice?”
What does that last part even mean?
Beatrice looked uncomfortable with the question and elected to say nothing.
“Julius, don’t drag her down into this. You’re the only one that keeps spouting that crap, about harpies and bee girls and monsters.” Reggie said.
“Really?” Luka asked.
“Yeah, we’ve all lived with it for so long, it’s a basic fact of life. Nobody but him, and maybe a few women, try to justify it.”
“Okay… What do we do now?” He asked.
“We should call a town meeting this evening. We do that every time a harpy attacks, or harasses, the village. To make sure no one got taken away.” Julius said. “That will be for later today though, not to be a rude host, but I need you all to leave. Reggie and I have some private matters to discuss.”
“Uh-”
“Off you go now!” Julius said, motioning us towards the door. “We’ll see each other again at the town meeting later… If Reggie can remember to inform the chief this time.” He added, glaring at Reggie.
Who felt it necessary to glare back.
“Okay, see you later.” I got up from the seat and threw my backpack on.
“Thank you for having us.” Luka got up and lightly bowed his head.
“Hypocrites.” Was all Alice had to say. How polite of her…
“I’m not seeing you leave!” He pushed us all out of his house.
He really wanted us to leave.
***
As we were shoved out of Julius’s home a little old lady passing nearby saw Luka and approached him. “Oh my, what a handsome young lad.”
“Thank you miss. That really improved my mood.” Luka was smiling, her comment clearing improving his mood.
“And so well mannered!” She turned to look at Alice and I. “You two must be so proud of him. They just grow up so fast.”
Wait, does she think?
She does!
She thinks… Hehehehe Hahahahaha!
She thinks Alice and I are Luka’s parents!
“Hah! Uh no, we’re not. He’s not a kid.” I said. It feels like I’m too honest for my own good and I figured I’d throw Luka a bone.
“Are you sure? He’s such a cute little boy. He’s so short.” She reached over and pinched an ear. “Look at his adorable little face. By the time he’s grown up he’s gonna be beating off all the girls with a stick.”
Luka half-heartedly tried to push her away. He could have easily gotten out of her grip, but obviously didn’t want to hurt the old lady. “I’m not a boy! I’m eighteen! I’m a man!”
“Eight you say? Why my grandson just turned eight recently, same age as you. I’m sure you get along with him. Come along now.” She said, oblivious to Luka’s struggles.
“No! I’m a hero! William!? Alice?! Don’t let her drag me away!” He desperately shouted.
“Yes, yes that’s lovely to hear.” She dragged him by an ear into her house and shut the door.
Huh… That’s convenient. I wanted to speak with Alice privately and couldn’t think of a way to get rid of Luka.
I turned to face her. “Hey Alice? I wanted to speak to you about something.”
“And that is?”
“I’m not really comfortable when you gagged me with you tail. What if my nose got clogged up and I couldn’t breathe? I could have died or at least suffocated. I just feel that it was not a very nice thing to do.”
I felt it would be better to get that out in the open and discuss it with her now. We’re both adults, we can be rational with each other. Can’t we?
“William… Do you think I’m an idiot?”
Shit! We can’t!
“No… ”
“Do you think I’m stupid enough to let you suffocate?”
“No I don’t, but where are you going with this?” I asked.
“You said you got a proper education, so I’m sure you received instruction on natural philosophy. Why don’t you explain to me how I would have known that you were suffocating?”
Natural philosophy? Now that’s a fun term for her to use. I guess it makes sense for her to.
“Alright give me a second to think.”
She crossed her arms across her chest and smirked. “I’m waiting William.”
I don’t know why she feels the need to prove a point now, but whatever. I guess she’s seeing if I was bullshiting her the other day… Time to bullshit and hypothesize!
“Okay well, the most obvious answer is you could feel my breath on your tail. That stops, I’m dying. If I wasn’t able to breath, I also would have been struggling against you. But that’s too easy and I presume you don’t want an answer like that. It doesn’t show off my smarts, now does it? No, what else could you have done? You probably could have felt my heartbeat and breathing through your skin, much like a snake when constricting its prey… A metaphor I hope doesn’t come to pass.”
“Don’t give me cause to William.”
I don’t like the way she says my name, it’s like a parent scolding a child. Plus all the unsettling implications in that statement.
“I’d also assume since you are… a very powerful monster that you’re senses are stronger than the average human’s, correct?”
“Yes.”
“Well then you simply could have heard my heartbeat or breathing, even if your tail was covering my mouth. In fact, dare I say it, you can probably hear it beating as clear as my voice and the heartbeats of everyone around us. Am I right?”
“Not as well as you think, but yes. You’re… mostly correct.”
I’m sure she also had more, esoteric, means of determining if someone was alive. Like energy sensing or something.
“Uh… that still doesn’t really make me feel any better.”
“It should. You weren’t in any danger… from me anyway.” She shrugged
“Is there any chance that you won’t keep wrapping me up in your tail. It’s annoying to be manhandled like that, especially when we’re… out and about. Not that I’m against it completely, the cuddling earlier was fun, but-”
“No.”
I sighed. “Okay… Any chance you could tell me why that is?”
“I could… but Beatrice wants to speak with you. Have fun~.” She smirked and vanished.
I know I shouldn’t be surprised, she has said she’s going to make this a habit, but yet… I am. At least I tried to speak to her and really that’s what matters… Okay well a better response from her would have been nice. But it could have gone worse and hopefully I showed some agency.
I know I’m not going to have much of that in the coming weeks.
I also noticed she’s very short, curt and to the point with me, for the most part. It’s better than the condescending insults she makes when speaking to Luka though. Who knows! Maybe I can get a real two way conversation going.
I just had an interesting thought.
I think I may know why she treats me differently than Luka.
I just don’t act the way she thought humans would, that I simply fail to fit into any of her preconceived notions of humans. Luka on the other hand both met many of them, but at the same time defied them. It’s his faith to Ilias contrasted with his pacifism and belief in peace. Something she can reliably mock him about, but something she finds interesting in him. Interesting enough to follow him around and train him.
Thank goodness for that.
I heard the sound of buzzing wings and turned to see Beatrice landing on the ground in front of me. Thankfully wearing a tunic that was covering up her bandaged chest.
“Hey Beatrice, how are feeling? Hope those other bee girls didn’t injure you too badly.”
She shook her head. “No I’m… good. I should heal quickly, monsters are tougher than humans.”
I nodded. “Ah that’s great to hear.”
“Hey William?”
“Yes?” Hello sense of dread! I thought the hunger had consumed you earlier!
She was grinning. “I was going to do some chores, check the hives, move some supplies and… maybe some other stuff. And I wanted to know if you could help me? Or maybe just, keep me company~?”
I internally sighed, I hate physical labor. “Sure, I’d be glad to help you.” But she’s injured.
Really, what’s the harm in helping her out?
“Yeah… sure, I guess.” I said
No one else was saying anything and just staring at each other.
I wasn’t too focused on him.
Rather, I was focused on Beatrice, the bee girl from earlier. I was not looking forward to speaking to her further, I hope I don’t have to. She may try to take me up on my previous offer. I just feel that “wonderful” mixture of anxiety and dread thinking about it.
What was I thinking when I said yes?! I ran my mouth off again!
And why?!
Well I know why.
I was still riding the emotional high from the night spent with Alice. Which I’m still shocked and amazed that actually happened… but I’m kinda uncertain over it. I barely know her and what we did last night… probably doesn’t mean anything to her.
Not sure how I feel about that.
No wait! I do know a lot about her! Almost her entire life story in fact… and that makes me feel like some sort of creep.
Anyway, Beatrice was there, she offered a chance at physical intimacy and I wanted it…
What an idiotic thing to do!
Ah yes! There’s that feeling of regret in the pit of my gut.
Great! That’s going to last there for the next few hours.
I just know Alice is going to tease me about it later. There’s no way she didn’t see or hear what I said.
“You’re… not surprised? Not panicking or attacking? A bee girl is standing in the same room as you!” Reginald asked from the doorway, finally deciding to break the silence in the room.
Ah right. Luka hero, Beatrice monster, usually equals one less hero in the world or sometimes a dead monster. I can see why he wouldn’t want them to mix…
“Uh, should we be?” I asked.
“I don’t want you too! But yes! Outsiders hate the bee girls here!”
“Reggie! Now don’t be telling them everything about our sweet village dear!” Julia tensely said.
I’m betting she’s actually a man in drag… Unless she isn’t which in that case that would be very rude. Like mistaking a fat woman for being pregnant. Not something that’s easily forgiven.
I glanced over at Luka and Alice to gauge their reactions. Luka was unsure what exactly was going on. While Alice was grinning, like she was let in on a joke.
“Julia… Why is he dressed as a woman?” Luka asked her.
“Oh that’s very easy to explain! It all began seven years ago when I was still a young maiden in the prime of her life! I think I was-”
“What was… Beatrice talking about when she ran in here? About rescuing us from the bee girls? Is she living with you?” He “innocently” asked.
“Julius, just tell them the truth. They’re friendly and I’m sure they’ll understand what we’re going through.” Beatrice said.
“Shut up now dearie, the adults are talking-”
“Hey Julius! Don’t speak to her that way! That cat’s out of the bag!” Reginald yelled. They keep calling Julia Julius, so yeah probably a guy in drag.
“What?! No! Uh we can still salvage the… Oh fine.” Julius pulled the wig off his head and slumped down into his seat. “Reggie, get the tea you bastard. Beatrice, grab the first aid kit and let’s get a look at you. Don’t want you getting an infection.”
Reginald entered the house and went over to the stove, while Beatrice went into a different room.
I’m surprised nobody is going to point out she’s topless, but then again she looks like she went ten rounds in a boxing match. Her left eye has swollen shut and that massive honeycomb attached to her abdomen is gone.
“So kids, you want to know what’s really going on here?” He asked, dropping the fake effeminate voice.
“Yes! Why are there bee girls here? No one mentioned them before.” Luka said.
Julius sighed. “They… are the source of our famous Happiness Honey and in part, are why we’re currently failing as a village.”
So that’s where they get their famous Happiness Honey from… but bee girls would require men to keep working. The harpies are abducting all the men, so that would lead to a shortage of “manpower” and thus the honey. Which has been the source of fame and revenue for this village for over five hundred years.
Wait has Alice revealed she has that old travel guide yet? Hmm… no she hasn’t, better not bring it up specifically. For that matter has she asked Luka about his ring or his parents?
No she hasn’t.
Anyway, no men, no bee girls, no honey, expect the few men are probably disguising themselves as women…
“Hehehehe.” I started chuckling and clapping my hands. “Hahahahahaha! Oh that is just too funny!”
Luka looked at me confused. “Uh William… I don’t get it.”
“I don’t see how our lack of livelihood is ‘funny’ to you.”
“Don’t get it?! It’s hilarious! They aren’t running out of honey because they can’t harvest the beehives! They're running out of honey because they don’t have enough men to feed the bee girls!”
“You’ve yet to explain why that’s funny.” Reggie tensely said.
“Because I wasn’t expecting it! You caught me right off guard!” I said, my chuckling dying down.
It makes sense. There’s nothing stopping the men from dressing up as women, thus preventing their abductions, while at the same time the nearby hives of bee girls are the reason Happiness Honey is as good as it is. It’s one of those moments when all the pieces fall into place and I just can’t help but laugh.
It’s also a reminder that this is not “canon” or that I shouldn’t become complacent with my knowledge. Everything isn’t going to go the way I expect it too. I had to check fact a lot of information back at the Temple while I was there, just to confirm what I knew about the setting background. Kingdoms, continents, major players, locations, and other world information.
That reminded me, I need to check a calendar. There are a few events Luka can’t afford to miss. The run in with Granberia is easy enough to understand, she probably started the attack around the same time Alice left, but other events are once in a lifetime.
Some that I refuse to miss. Such as that one in Succubus Village, I think it was called Purple Moon or Sabbath. Something like that, I’ll look for more records later.
“Yeah, yeah laugh it up. Just for that you don’t get any tea.” Reginald said as he brought over a tray of drinks.
“Good, I didn’t want any.” I pulled out a canteen. “I got my own water.”
Beatrice re-entered the room with bandages in her hand. “Here.” She passed them to Julius.
“Thanks sweetie. Take a seat and I’ll get you cleaned up.” He got up and she took his seat. “So… how should we start this?”
“How bout the part where you’re dressing up like woman?” I asked.
“As good a place as any.” He said, starting to bandage up Beatrice. “We started doing this almost three years ago. It was at the high point of the kidnappings, we were losing a minimum of three men a week. You can’t keep a village going like that.”
“At one point there were so many harpies in the sky that the sun was blotted out. They even kidnapped dozens of women by mistake, so many of them swooping down into crowds. It was bound to happen… a lot.” Reggie added.
“Horrible times, the harpies were in a complete frenzy. It got so bad that bee girls couldn’t even go out to collect pollen and stretch their wings. That honey growing on their butts has to come from somewhere.”
Oh so that’s what the giant honeycomb was for, it’s the source of Happiness Honey.
Beatrice chimed in. “Abdomen Julius.”
“I know that dear, now turn your head. After weeks of that it died down, at least to the point where no women or bee girls were attacked by the harpies.”
“What about children?” I asked.
“Never touched! The harpies always avoided the children, even during the worst of it.”
“They love the little tikes. In the past when a kid went missing in the woods, it was always a harpy that brought them back home the next day.” Reggie said. “They still do that to this day. Which is surprising but we all consider it small miracle. We're not going to complain.”
That’s good news to hear, nobody’s trying to do anything to the children. That makes the situation easier to solve diplomatically. Shows restraint and good will on the harpies’ part, and one less grievous act against the villagers.
Luka sighed. “That’s good. Maybe they aren’t too hostile to humans after all.”
“Obviously you haven't lived here to make that claim.” Julius remarked.
“When did you guys start dressing in women’s clothing?” I asked. “I want to know that part. I can see why you would, but I want to know when.”
“It was around the same time as those frenzies. At the time I was in a traveling theater group! We traveled all over this continent performing shows and plays! We were even invited for local musical festivals for audiences in every village! And I… I was the main star of it all!” Julius proudly announced while still bandaging her up. “Beatrice dear can you turn your head? Ah! Thank you!”
“You were three men with a cart and donkey. That’s all you had going for you.”
“No one asked you Reggie!”
“That’s why Julius is so good with make-up and women’s clothing. Someone had to play the singing fat lady or otherwise their shows might never have ended.” Reggie remarked. “And I think a horror like that is considered sacrilege.”
Heh. Fat lady sings, I get it.
“Oh! When did you get so clever?” Julius sarcastically asked.
“Around the same time you got stupid.”
“Coming from you! Really?!”
“Oi! This is story time, not fighting time. Now can it.” I said.
“Yes fine… I’ll behave, I don’t know about Reggie.”
“Screw you too.”
“But where did I leave off?”
“Theater group.” Luka chimed in.
“Yes! Yes! The theater! I was finishing a tour around the continent at that time, before the frenzy. So when we were attacked by a flock of harpies on the road here, it took us all by surprise!”
“We?” Alice asked.
Hey she spoke! She’s been sitting out this whole time.
“My two partners… may Ilias rest their souls.”
A look of concern bled onto her face. “… I’m sorry to hear-”
“Don’t be!” Julius cut her off.
Which was then replaced with a frown and glare.
He continued on, ignoring her. “They were bastards, had it coming since day one. But I survived! And do you know why?”
“You were in make-up at the time.” I said.
“Yes I was! I was testing out a new kit I bought from this little boutique in Iliasburg. Great shop for actors, I met all sorts of wonderful people there, but unfortunately it was closing at the time. He shook his head. “A shame… Anyway! When the harpies attacked our cart they left me alone while flying off with my former-companions to their village. Where I’m sure they’re still there today.”
“Uh… then why did you say ‘Ilias rest their souls’?” Luka asked.
“Oh I never liked them! They’re already dead to me. I can only hope they got what was coming to them.”
I just noticed. Is anyone even drinking their tea? Are they just going to leave it sitting there? I look around the table. There’s also no pastries or snacks here.
“After they left me I ran all the way back to village and shared we I had discovered with everyone here! Well… at first they all laughed at me, but over the months not a single harpy bothered me. A few brave souls asked me to teach them my secrets. Ever since then the dozen odd men left in this village get around daily life by dressing up in disguise. A genius plan, and an even greater work of art!” Julius dramatically posed…
Whatever effort he was trying for was ruined by the roll of bandages hanging from his hand, tied around Beatrice's chest. She hadn’t said anything else during the course of the conversation.
You know…
I’m getting hungry. I glanced at the backpack on the floor beside my chair.
I think I have leftover bread left in it.
Oh and it’s my focaccia bread! God I love it! I always go a bit heavy on the cheeses but it is so worth it! If only I have an oven to work with, I can make it into garlic bread. Make the garlic sauce, it’s mostly just melted butter and more seasoning, spread it on, bake, and enjoy.
Well more like fight me to get a share of it, but that’s beside the point.
I made it a few times when living with Luka and he gave it his seal of approval.
Luka glanced over at me with a questioning look. “William what’s that… clicking noise coming from you?”
Biting or chewing or just opening and closing jaw while keeping mouth closed, imagining the food, teeth sinking into it. I love that feeling! The warm buttery taste, filled with cheeses and spices, the crunching outer part and it’s all filled with that softer center… And the smell! There is nothing better than the smell of fresh bread!
Yes… I am very hungry.
Definitely hungry.
“It’s nothing.”
“Okay…" Luka turned back to Julius. "Is there anymore to the story Julius?” He asked.
Should I just pull it out now? I mean why wait, but… what if I have to share.
No it’s best to save it for later.
I don’t know when later is, but I know it’s later.
“Not much more…” He put the bandage roll away. “The bee girls have lived here for over five hundred years. Us men of the village are responsible for making sure they get enough, uh, ‘lifeforce’ in their lives and to help them with breeding. In return they give us the massive honeycomb that grows from their abdomen. Are you happy Beatrice? I used the correct name!”
She smiled and nodded her head.
Alice shook her head. “The hypocrisy you humans are capable of.”
“Hypocrisy?! I said the name correctly!”
“Moron… You’ve allowed bee girls to live in your village for centuries, but not harpies? They’re both monsters aren’t they? Isn’t that a sin against Ilias?” She asked.
“No of course not!” Julius yelled. “They’re bee girls, it’s totally different.”
“How? They’re both monsters.” I said.
“No the harpies are! Now don’t get me wrong, I like harpies… Certainly, there’s many things to like. They may have those pillowy soft feathers, the most beautiful singing voices I’ve ever heard, and a love for life that can move most men to tears! But, it’s still a sin to mate with them… Not like bee girls. Isn’t that right Beatrice?”
What does that last part even mean?
Beatrice looked uncomfortable with the question and elected to say nothing.
“Julius, don’t drag her down into this. You’re the only one that keeps spouting that crap, about harpies and bee girls and monsters.” Reggie said.
“Really?” Luka asked.
“Yeah, we’ve all lived with it for so long, it’s a basic fact of life. Nobody but him, and maybe a few women, try to justify it.”
“Okay… What do we do now?” He asked.
“We should call a town meeting this evening. We do that every time a harpy attacks, or harasses, the village. To make sure no one got taken away.” Julius said. “That will be for later today though, not to be a rude host, but I need you all to leave. Reggie and I have some private matters to discuss.”
“Uh-”
“Off you go now!” Julius said, motioning us towards the door. “We’ll see each other again at the town meeting later… If Reggie can remember to inform the chief this time.” He added, glaring at Reggie.
Who felt it necessary to glare back.
“Okay, see you later.” I got up from the seat and threw my backpack on.
“Thank you for having us.” Luka got up and lightly bowed his head.
“Hypocrites.” Was all Alice had to say. How polite of her…
“I’m not seeing you leave!” He pushed us all out of his house.
He really wanted us to leave.
***
As we were shoved out of Julius’s home a little old lady passing nearby saw Luka and approached him. “Oh my, what a handsome young lad.”
“Thank you miss. That really improved my mood.” Luka was smiling, her comment clearing improving his mood.
“And so well mannered!” She turned to look at Alice and I. “You two must be so proud of him. They just grow up so fast.”
Wait, does she think?
She does!
She thinks… Hehehehe Hahahahaha!
She thinks Alice and I are Luka’s parents!
“Hah! Uh no, we’re not. He’s not a kid.” I said. It feels like I’m too honest for my own good and I figured I’d throw Luka a bone.
“Are you sure? He’s such a cute little boy. He’s so short.” She reached over and pinched an ear. “Look at his adorable little face. By the time he’s grown up he’s gonna be beating off all the girls with a stick.”
Luka half-heartedly tried to push her away. He could have easily gotten out of her grip, but obviously didn’t want to hurt the old lady. “I’m not a boy! I’m eighteen! I’m a man!”
“Eight you say? Why my grandson just turned eight recently, same age as you. I’m sure you get along with him. Come along now.” She said, oblivious to Luka’s struggles.
“No! I’m a hero! William!? Alice?! Don’t let her drag me away!” He desperately shouted.
“Yes, yes that’s lovely to hear.” She dragged him by an ear into her house and shut the door.
Huh… That’s convenient. I wanted to speak with Alice privately and couldn’t think of a way to get rid of Luka.
I turned to face her. “Hey Alice? I wanted to speak to you about something.”
“And that is?”
“I’m not really comfortable when you gagged me with you tail. What if my nose got clogged up and I couldn’t breathe? I could have died or at least suffocated. I just feel that it was not a very nice thing to do.”
I felt it would be better to get that out in the open and discuss it with her now. We’re both adults, we can be rational with each other. Can’t we?
“William… Do you think I’m an idiot?”
Shit! We can’t!
“No… ”
“Do you think I’m stupid enough to let you suffocate?”
“No I don’t, but where are you going with this?” I asked.
“You said you got a proper education, so I’m sure you received instruction on natural philosophy. Why don’t you explain to me how I would have known that you were suffocating?”
Natural philosophy? Now that’s a fun term for her to use. I guess it makes sense for her to.
“Alright give me a second to think.”
She crossed her arms across her chest and smirked. “I’m waiting William.”
I don’t know why she feels the need to prove a point now, but whatever. I guess she’s seeing if I was bullshiting her the other day… Time to bullshit and hypothesize!
“Okay well, the most obvious answer is you could feel my breath on your tail. That stops, I’m dying. If I wasn’t able to breath, I also would have been struggling against you. But that’s too easy and I presume you don’t want an answer like that. It doesn’t show off my smarts, now does it? No, what else could you have done? You probably could have felt my heartbeat and breathing through your skin, much like a snake when constricting its prey… A metaphor I hope doesn’t come to pass.”
“Don’t give me cause to William.”
I don’t like the way she says my name, it’s like a parent scolding a child. Plus all the unsettling implications in that statement.
“I’d also assume since you are… a very powerful monster that you’re senses are stronger than the average human’s, correct?”
“Yes.”
“Well then you simply could have heard my heartbeat or breathing, even if your tail was covering my mouth. In fact, dare I say it, you can probably hear it beating as clear as my voice and the heartbeats of everyone around us. Am I right?”
“Not as well as you think, but yes. You’re… mostly correct.”
I’m sure she also had more, esoteric, means of determining if someone was alive. Like energy sensing or something.
“Uh… that still doesn’t really make me feel any better.”
“It should. You weren’t in any danger… from me anyway.” She shrugged
“Is there any chance that you won’t keep wrapping me up in your tail. It’s annoying to be manhandled like that, especially when we’re… out and about. Not that I’m against it completely, the cuddling earlier was fun, but-”
“No.”
I sighed. “Okay… Any chance you could tell me why that is?”
“I could… but Beatrice wants to speak with you. Have fun~.” She smirked and vanished.
I know I shouldn’t be surprised, she has said she’s going to make this a habit, but yet… I am. At least I tried to speak to her and really that’s what matters… Okay well a better response from her would have been nice. But it could have gone worse and hopefully I showed some agency.
I know I’m not going to have much of that in the coming weeks.
I also noticed she’s very short, curt and to the point with me, for the most part. It’s better than the condescending insults she makes when speaking to Luka though. Who knows! Maybe I can get a real two way conversation going.
I just had an interesting thought.
I think I may know why she treats me differently than Luka.
I just don’t act the way she thought humans would, that I simply fail to fit into any of her preconceived notions of humans. Luka on the other hand both met many of them, but at the same time defied them. It’s his faith to Ilias contrasted with his pacifism and belief in peace. Something she can reliably mock him about, but something she finds interesting in him. Interesting enough to follow him around and train him.
Thank goodness for that.
I heard the sound of buzzing wings and turned to see Beatrice landing on the ground in front of me. Thankfully wearing a tunic that was covering up her bandaged chest.
“Hey Beatrice, how are feeling? Hope those other bee girls didn’t injure you too badly.”
She shook her head. “No I’m… good. I should heal quickly, monsters are tougher than humans.”
I nodded. “Ah that’s great to hear.”
“Hey William?”
“Yes?” Hello sense of dread! I thought the hunger had consumed you earlier!
She was grinning. “I was going to do some chores, check the hives, move some supplies and… maybe some other stuff. And I wanted to know if you could help me? Or maybe just, keep me company~?”
I internally sighed, I hate physical labor. “Sure, I’d be glad to help you.” But she’s injured.
Really, what’s the harm in helping her out?
Omake - Hello Beastie
Spoiler: show
We were on a ship heading to Port Natalia, currently caught in the middle of Alma’s storm. Not a pleasant place to be.
I grabbed the handrails tighter and crouched closer to the deck. Fearful that I’d be swept overboard by a powerful wave or gust of wind. This might be the first time that I’ve been this scared… Monsters I could handle, either Luka beats them or I’ll pull a dirty trick on them, but here…
This is the true power of a Heavenly Knight. To command the forces of nature on such a scale, to lay siege to an entire coastline for over a year with storms and hurricanes and tsunamis and god only knows what else. Poseidon's Bell is keeping the worst of it at bay, but it’s impossible to suppress that fear that one of the hundred foot waves is going to capsize this ship.
But, once they get close to the ship they subside.
Not like that makes me feel any better. I’d rather be hiding below deck with the rest of the crew, but Alice insists that I stay up here with her and Luka.
A wave rocked the boat and I slipped. Thankfully I fell against the handrail and my head leaned over the edge, looking straight overboard and into the sea itself.
What I saw rightfully terrified me. Just below the surface I could make out the silhouettes of large tentacles circling around the ship and an inky blackness spreading throughout the water…
No not just the water, but it was somehow rising above the water and darkening the air around the ship.
“Guys! Hey guys! I think we got a problem!” I shouted.
I could see something rising to the surface, an array of purple glowing lights which helped to illuminate a… woman?
I thought there was only one Kraken, the big grey one, but that looks like the design from Monster Girl Encyclopedia…
Her face slowly materialized from the water, as her white tentacles were crawling up the side of the ship. She saw that I was watching her and started to smile and blush. All tentacles visible waved at me, while she motioned with her arms for me to come to her.
I turned away from the handrail and to Alice and Luka, shouting louder than before. “Guys! Kraken! We got a Kraken here!”
Alice looked annoyed. “She isn’t going to bring the ship down is she? I have no where to go if she does.”
“I don’t know ask her yourself!” I shouted back, still clinging to the handrail.
She rolled her eyes and sighed. “Are you going to sink this ship?”
Why would she word it that way unless-
“No.”
I felt a cold and slimy tentacle run over my hands, making me jump back in surprise only to be tripped another one. Leaving me on my ass, I scurried backwards away from the edge of the ship.
Latched to the side of the deck was a woman with a mass of white tentacles instead of legs beneath her, long pink hair with some sort of crest atop her head, and barely covered in skin tight black clothing that glowed with bioluminescent lights. Her clothing was reminiscent of Alice’s own outfit.
A black mist was pouring off of her, covering the rest of the deck until only her glowing outline was visible.
All the while a chorus of, “Sink it! Sink it! Sink it!” Was being chanted by presumably other sea monsters, hoping to find themselves a husband or snack.
“Give me what I want and I’ll leave this ship and its crew alone.”
Alice slithered into view beside me and asked. “You do know who I am?”
“I do my lord.” The kraken nodded, avoiding Alice’s gaze.
“Yet you make demands of me.”
Yes! Alice is doing something useful for once! I’m sure she tell the kraken off!
“Yes my lord, but… I only want him.”
Shit! Please don’t be referring to me!
“Don’t waste my time. Be more specific. What who you want?”
She pointed at me. “Him.”
“Stop right there you husband stealing scum!” A familiar voice shouted. “Like I’d ever let a slimy sea creature like you lay a single tentacle on my darling!”
Oozing up from between the cracks in the deck was that damn blue slime again, only she had an eye patch stuck on her face and a tricorne hat floating half way out of her head. He right hand was shaped like a hook and I think she had a pistol in her…
Or maybe that was a very big stick.
Anyway… She’s back! I tried to scramble to my feet, but a tentacle emerged from the darkness, grabbing my shoulders and forcing me to sit back down on the deck.
I sighed, it’s gonna be one of those encounters. I just hope it ends better than the roper girl one did.
She turned to face me, smiling. “Look at me darling! I’m dressed up like a naughty pirate, but maybe I’d let you blunder my treasure later.” She said with a giggle that made her whole body jiggle.
“So you’re suffering from venereal diseases and scurvy.” I flatly said.
She looked crestfallen. “Why are you always crushing my fantasies darling?”
“Because reality is a cold and harsh mistress that must learn to live with.”
“I’m a much softer and gentler one than that.” The kraken said, still blushing.
“Hey! No trying to seduce my darling! He’s mine and mine alone!”
“No, he’s mine now. What do you think you could do? You’re just a lowly little slime.” She flicked a tentacle through the slime girl, who quickly reformed while frowning. “Look at yourself. You’re filled with rocks, dirt, and twigs! Filthy.”
“She’s right you know, about you being weak and dirty. There’s nothing you can do against her… I’m basically screwed right now.” I chimed in.
“No darling don’t give up!”
“I’m not filled with confidence.” I looked over at the kraken’s eerie, but enticing form in the darkness. “Hey Kraken, just a few questions? Where exactly do you plan on dragging me off to? What’s your whole plan here? Because if it involved magic and being under water that’s just not going to float.”
“Why’s that? I have a perfectly good underwater temple just waiting for us.”
“I’m resistant, actually more outright immune to most, if not all, magic. I mean Alice over here can’t even cast the simplest spell on me, so…. End result of your plan is me drowning.”
“That would be a problem. How do you feel about caves?” She asked.
“Hate it already. I’m high maintenance here, I need my creature comforts.”
“There’s this manor up along the coastline that I happen to own, just a day’s travel from Grand Noah. Beautiful place, impeccably maintained, with its own gardens, libraries, an outdoor pool, and even a little dock with ships. If you ever felt like taking one out you could.”
Hold on sec, this sounds pretty good. I’m gotta investigate this more. “Sounds impressive, but how could you afford it?”
“When you’ve sunk as many ships as I have, treasure just falls into your lap.” She coyly said.
“Got servants and maintenance staff?” I asked.
“Of course! You can’t expect me to do my own housework.”
“Running water? Indoor plumbing? Hot and cold shower?”
“Do I look like a common peasant scylla?”
“Sounds very tempting, but I need a second opinion. Alice what do you think?” I turned to asked her.
“You get the Monster Lord’s blessing to get married… you pervert.”
“Ara ara, if it’s settled come here and embrace me, my husband.” She spread her arms open.
The slime cut in. “Don’t make wedding plans with her! That’s adultery darling!”
“No, she’s just selling a better deal, plus.” I motioned to the tentacles. “I can’t exactly fight her off, so I’m just making the best of the situation.”
“Darling! If your conviction in this marriage has faltered then I must take it upon myself to rekindle that burning passion! I’ll have beat her in a duel! If you can’t find it in your heart to believe in me! Then believe in the you that does believe in me!” She yelled, slimy hook hand pointed upward.
“A duel?” The kraken chuckled. “Are you going to fight me? You don’t stand a chance.”
“No! Better than that! I’ve been training my whole life for this moment!” She started to bubble and jiggle on the spot, slushing her “legs” around on the deck, while waving her arms in my direction.
“Just listen to my words darling and I know you’ll be enraptured with my love song!”
“Please don’t sing, you’ll only embarrass yourself.”
“Ohh-hh darling, things are going to get easier!
Ohh-hh darling, things will get brighter!”
The kraken was obviously confused. “What are you doing?”
“Dance off hoe! Me and you!” She said, thrusting her gelatinous hips forward.
The kraken was momentarily unsure what to do, but then she flicked the slime again. Who splatted was sent sailing backwards and splattered against the cabin’s door.
“That’s cheating!”
“And like that everything’s been solved.” I suddenly realized something. “Hey where did Luka go? He hasn’t said anything this whole time.”
“Oh Alma flew off with him a while ago.” Alice nonchalantly said.
“What?!”
***
“Hey there Luka-boy~. Do you want to play a game?”
“Um, what game did you have in mind?”
“It’s called ss.”
“What does that stand for?”
“Let me show you.”
***
I sighed. “Yeah he’s probably dead.”
And like that the world was doomed.
I grabbed the handrails tighter and crouched closer to the deck. Fearful that I’d be swept overboard by a powerful wave or gust of wind. This might be the first time that I’ve been this scared… Monsters I could handle, either Luka beats them or I’ll pull a dirty trick on them, but here…
This is the true power of a Heavenly Knight. To command the forces of nature on such a scale, to lay siege to an entire coastline for over a year with storms and hurricanes and tsunamis and god only knows what else. Poseidon's Bell is keeping the worst of it at bay, but it’s impossible to suppress that fear that one of the hundred foot waves is going to capsize this ship.
But, once they get close to the ship they subside.
Not like that makes me feel any better. I’d rather be hiding below deck with the rest of the crew, but Alice insists that I stay up here with her and Luka.
A wave rocked the boat and I slipped. Thankfully I fell against the handrail and my head leaned over the edge, looking straight overboard and into the sea itself.
What I saw rightfully terrified me. Just below the surface I could make out the silhouettes of large tentacles circling around the ship and an inky blackness spreading throughout the water…
No not just the water, but it was somehow rising above the water and darkening the air around the ship.
“Guys! Hey guys! I think we got a problem!” I shouted.
I could see something rising to the surface, an array of purple glowing lights which helped to illuminate a… woman?
I thought there was only one Kraken, the big grey one, but that looks like the design from Monster Girl Encyclopedia…
Her face slowly materialized from the water, as her white tentacles were crawling up the side of the ship. She saw that I was watching her and started to smile and blush. All tentacles visible waved at me, while she motioned with her arms for me to come to her.
I turned away from the handrail and to Alice and Luka, shouting louder than before. “Guys! Kraken! We got a Kraken here!”
Alice looked annoyed. “She isn’t going to bring the ship down is she? I have no where to go if she does.”
“I don’t know ask her yourself!” I shouted back, still clinging to the handrail.
She rolled her eyes and sighed. “Are you going to sink this ship?”
Why would she word it that way unless-
“No.”
I felt a cold and slimy tentacle run over my hands, making me jump back in surprise only to be tripped another one. Leaving me on my ass, I scurried backwards away from the edge of the ship.
Latched to the side of the deck was a woman with a mass of white tentacles instead of legs beneath her, long pink hair with some sort of crest atop her head, and barely covered in skin tight black clothing that glowed with bioluminescent lights. Her clothing was reminiscent of Alice’s own outfit.
A black mist was pouring off of her, covering the rest of the deck until only her glowing outline was visible.
All the while a chorus of, “Sink it! Sink it! Sink it!” Was being chanted by presumably other sea monsters, hoping to find themselves a husband or snack.
“Give me what I want and I’ll leave this ship and its crew alone.”
Alice slithered into view beside me and asked. “You do know who I am?”
“I do my lord.” The kraken nodded, avoiding Alice’s gaze.
“Yet you make demands of me.”
Yes! Alice is doing something useful for once! I’m sure she tell the kraken off!
“Yes my lord, but… I only want him.”
Shit! Please don’t be referring to me!
“Don’t waste my time. Be more specific. What who you want?”
She pointed at me. “Him.”
“Stop right there you husband stealing scum!” A familiar voice shouted. “Like I’d ever let a slimy sea creature like you lay a single tentacle on my darling!”
Oozing up from between the cracks in the deck was that damn blue slime again, only she had an eye patch stuck on her face and a tricorne hat floating half way out of her head. He right hand was shaped like a hook and I think she had a pistol in her…
Or maybe that was a very big stick.
Anyway… She’s back! I tried to scramble to my feet, but a tentacle emerged from the darkness, grabbing my shoulders and forcing me to sit back down on the deck.
I sighed, it’s gonna be one of those encounters. I just hope it ends better than the roper girl one did.
She turned to face me, smiling. “Look at me darling! I’m dressed up like a naughty pirate, but maybe I’d let you blunder my treasure later.” She said with a giggle that made her whole body jiggle.
“So you’re suffering from venereal diseases and scurvy.” I flatly said.
She looked crestfallen. “Why are you always crushing my fantasies darling?”
“Because reality is a cold and harsh mistress that must learn to live with.”
“I’m a much softer and gentler one than that.” The kraken said, still blushing.
“Hey! No trying to seduce my darling! He’s mine and mine alone!”
“No, he’s mine now. What do you think you could do? You’re just a lowly little slime.” She flicked a tentacle through the slime girl, who quickly reformed while frowning. “Look at yourself. You’re filled with rocks, dirt, and twigs! Filthy.”
“She’s right you know, about you being weak and dirty. There’s nothing you can do against her… I’m basically screwed right now.” I chimed in.
“No darling don’t give up!”
“I’m not filled with confidence.” I looked over at the kraken’s eerie, but enticing form in the darkness. “Hey Kraken, just a few questions? Where exactly do you plan on dragging me off to? What’s your whole plan here? Because if it involved magic and being under water that’s just not going to float.”
“Why’s that? I have a perfectly good underwater temple just waiting for us.”
“I’m resistant, actually more outright immune to most, if not all, magic. I mean Alice over here can’t even cast the simplest spell on me, so…. End result of your plan is me drowning.”
“That would be a problem. How do you feel about caves?” She asked.
“Hate it already. I’m high maintenance here, I need my creature comforts.”
“There’s this manor up along the coastline that I happen to own, just a day’s travel from Grand Noah. Beautiful place, impeccably maintained, with its own gardens, libraries, an outdoor pool, and even a little dock with ships. If you ever felt like taking one out you could.”
Hold on sec, this sounds pretty good. I’m gotta investigate this more. “Sounds impressive, but how could you afford it?”
“When you’ve sunk as many ships as I have, treasure just falls into your lap.” She coyly said.
“Got servants and maintenance staff?” I asked.
“Of course! You can’t expect me to do my own housework.”
“Running water? Indoor plumbing? Hot and cold shower?”
“Do I look like a common peasant scylla?”
“Sounds very tempting, but I need a second opinion. Alice what do you think?” I turned to asked her.
“You get the Monster Lord’s blessing to get married… you pervert.”
“Ara ara, if it’s settled come here and embrace me, my husband.” She spread her arms open.
The slime cut in. “Don’t make wedding plans with her! That’s adultery darling!”
“No, she’s just selling a better deal, plus.” I motioned to the tentacles. “I can’t exactly fight her off, so I’m just making the best of the situation.”
“Darling! If your conviction in this marriage has faltered then I must take it upon myself to rekindle that burning passion! I’ll have beat her in a duel! If you can’t find it in your heart to believe in me! Then believe in the you that does believe in me!” She yelled, slimy hook hand pointed upward.
“A duel?” The kraken chuckled. “Are you going to fight me? You don’t stand a chance.”
“No! Better than that! I’ve been training my whole life for this moment!” She started to bubble and jiggle on the spot, slushing her “legs” around on the deck, while waving her arms in my direction.
“Just listen to my words darling and I know you’ll be enraptured with my love song!”
“Please don’t sing, you’ll only embarrass yourself.”
“Ohh-hh darling, things are going to get easier!
Ohh-hh darling, things will get brighter!”
The kraken was obviously confused. “What are you doing?”
“Dance off hoe! Me and you!” She said, thrusting her gelatinous hips forward.
The kraken was momentarily unsure what to do, but then she flicked the slime again. Who splatted was sent sailing backwards and splattered against the cabin’s door.
“That’s cheating!”
“And like that everything’s been solved.” I suddenly realized something. “Hey where did Luka go? He hasn’t said anything this whole time.”
“Oh Alma flew off with him a while ago.” Alice nonchalantly said.
“What?!”
***
“Hey there Luka-boy~. Do you want to play a game?”
“Um, what game did you have in mind?”
“It’s called ss.”
“What does that stand for?”
“Let me show you.”
***
I sighed. “Yeah he’s probably dead.”
And like that the world was doomed.
Chapter 9 - Bear Necessities
Spoiler: show
I hate manual labor. I think I said that already…
I’m not even sure what I was supposed to be doing with her. I was just following Beatrice around the fields while she does… stuff. I don’t know what, she looked at stuff, examined stuff, and asked me to help move some stuff. Boxes with vaguely defined contents from one spot to another…
Why did I agree to this?
At this point it’s just the two of us wandering around one of the many fields surrounding the village, near the forest’s edge. I can’t see anyone else…
Oh dammit. That’s what I get for purposefully ignoring any sort of subtext to what she said.
Hm, so far conversation between us has been meaningless small talk. Time to change that, I want to learn some more information.
“So Beatrice, what’s your opinion on the harpies?” I suddenly asked her.
She eyed me suspiciously. “Why do you want to know?”
“Why do I want to- Because I’m curious! I want to know more about the situation and how to help solve it. I want to know what you and the other bee girls think about the harpies.”
“Oh… That makes sense. Relations between us bee girls and the harpies are… complicated.”
“That doesn’t tell me much. Can you give me more than that?”
She pouted “Fine… When we’re out pollinating flowers the wasp girls often attack us, sometimes even stealing our honeycomb.” She glanced despondently at her abdomen.
“Ouch, that must have hurt.”
“It did. Kiss it bet-”
“No… So, you pollinate flowers? You seem a bit big to pull that off.”
“Of course we do. We’re bee girls, it’s what we do. Our honeycomb isn’t just magic, it requires weeks of hard work to grow. Besides… they’re not all normal flowers.”
“Okay, so the harpies? That’s related to them how?” I asked to keep her on topic.
“It’s a story William, keep listening… Before they started stealing all our men we were… friendly with each other. The women didn’t like that too much, but never they tried to stop us. It’s not like they could.” She giggled. “Even bee girls are stronger than humans and we can fly. Nothing they can do about that.”
I nodded and motioned for her to go on.
“A lot of times when we were out pollinating or just flying around we’d run into the harpies. Often times there’d be conversations, simple small talk about the weather or maybe about tips on how to pick the right man. It was nice having company when flying around, us bee girls all know each other, so we take any chance we can to meet new people. During that time we also something new.”
“And that is?”
“That those wasps don’t just attack us, they also attack harpies.”
I think a plan is formulating. Thank you over aggressive third party that everyone can hate!
“Wouldn’t you already know that from previous decades? You’re not the first generation of bee girls in this village, so previous ones must have encountered those wasp girls before.” I pointed out.
“Um… not really. They seem, relatively new to this area. None of the older bee girls knew anything about them.” She said.
“Okay, they must be arrivals then. Point is, they’re here, they attack everyone, and nobody likes them. Am I right or not?”
“No, you understand the situation.”
I nodded. “Good, just wanted to make sure. Please go on.”
“Sometimes when the wasp girls were attacking groups of us bee girls a harpy that happened to be passing by would intervene and come to our aid. It turns out a lot of them have military training.”
“Probably a practice held over from the previous Harpy Queen.” I commented.
“After a while harpies kept hanging around us whenever we went out pollinating. Always fighting off any wasp girl that would try to attack us.”
“Now that’s interesting.”
“It is, in return we often give the harpies gifts of honey or wax, as a thank you for protecting us. We usually have to smuggle it out of our hives without the villagers finding out.” She paused. “We feel like we might be betraying them, but… those harpies have done a lot to help us out.”
“Besides abducting all the men.”
She rolled her eyes. “Yes besides that.”
Can’t believe she doesn’t sound angry over it.
“So, would you say that you and the other girls are well trusted by both villages?”
“Yes… I guess you could say that.”
“Is it easy for you to travel from village to village? Do any guards harass you or stop you from entering Harpy Village?” I asked.
She took a few moments to think. “Not that I can remember. I haven’t visited Harpy Village in over three months. You would have to ask another bee girl. Maybe you can come to our hive later~”
“I’ll consider it, maybe you can show me where you live. I’ve always wanted to see what the inside of a beehive would look like, minus the bees. There aren’t any bees are there?”
“Nope! They don’t like being near bee girls or other monsters.” She replied.
“Okay thanks, definitely show me around later. I have another question, would it be possible to share the men between the villages? I’m sure you’d find a couple men willing to volunteer to do that.”
She shook her head. “There’s only has so many men between the villages. Even if the harpies give them all back and share, there’s just aren’t that many in the first place.”
“Well what about outsiders? You know, increase the entire population. Draw more people in.”
“We’ve tried that, but that rival hive keeps attacking them. The few men who’ve made it here wanted nothing to do with us.” She said, frowning.
“Is it possible to fight them off?”
She shivered. “No! They’re too strong! We’re honey bees and they’re half wasp! That’s why they have those huge stingers and sadistic attitude. We can’t fight them.”
“But the harpies could. I mean if you already trade with them and get protection from the wasp girls, then why not the whole village?”
And it all comes together… Hopefully.
Worst comes to worst we go with “Plan Canon” which involves Luka running into Harpy Village and hitting people with his sword until it all works out.
“No William, the villagers would never accept it, but-” She paused for a moment. “That… might actually work. Share the men with the harpies… for now, get rid of those wasp bitches, and then bring people back in!”
I shrugged. “Well it’s just an idea. Don’t forget there’s all those families that left Happiness Village, who I’m sure would be glad to move back once things have calmed down.”
“I’ll mention your idea to the others, see what they think of it.”
“Thank you. That’s all I’m asking for.”
Beatrice was suddenly looking at me very intently, while grinning. “You know William, we’re all alone out here.”
I don’t like the way she said it… or do I?
Fucking indecisiveness! Quit being so indecisive!
“Yep, looks that way. Shame, we could have used the extra help doing those chores you needed help. Maybe then we would have had more direction and not ended up out here because you conveniently forgot something, only then to realize that you really didn’t.”
She chuckled. “You know what they say about coincidence and fate~.”
“Yeah, it takes a lot of time and planning.”
“Are you implying that I purposefully led the both of us out here? Do you think I have some nefarious purpose in mind William?” She innocently asked.
I smiled and shook my head. “No of course not. Just that a less trusting person may find it suspicious, that’s all.”
Am I purposefully painting myself into a corner here? I think I am… but do I mind that though?
She started slowly stalking towards me. “That’s wonderful to hear because-”
Before she could do or say anything else a person loudly shouted right behind us. “Hey there buddy!” Then she roughly slapped my back, making me jump in surprise.
I was glad I had dropped my backpack off with Luka earlier, otherwise I think she might have crushed its contents.
I turned to see that it was a bear girl, a blonde woman that had brown, fuzzy bear arms and legs from her elbows and knees down, with sharp claws at the end. All smeared in, what else, honey and holding an empty bottle.
Well that’s certainly a strange animal stereotype I didn’t expect to see in real life. But then again I never expected to see monster girls, so the universe just loves throwing me curve balls.
Beatrice looked as surprised as I was. “Excuse me, but-”
“Is that a bee girl?” She waved her empty bottle at Beatrice. “I’m gon- gonna go talk to her. H-hold my drink buddy. Th-this cutie needs-” She shoved the bottle at me, smearing my chest and arms with honey and dirt.
She bumped me aside and stumbled up to an apprehensive Beatrice. “H-hey there honey bee. You got any honey for me?~” She drunkenly slurred. “W-wait… There’s nothing on your butt. Where’s the big honeycomb?”
Beatrice corrected her. “It’s not a butt, it’s called an abdomen.”
She gasped. “You don’t have a butt?! That’s horrible!” She rushed forward and wrapped Beatrice up in bear hug.
Haha. It’s wonderful when life gives you these puns.
“It’s a tr-tragic day when a honey bee doesn’t have any honey with her.”
“Beatrice, do you know her?” I asked.
“No I don’t! Who are you and why did you interrupt me!” She shouted.
“Hey, not so loud little honey bee. That hurts… hurts my ears.”
“I was about to make my move! Monsters don’t do that to other monsters!”
Yeah just going to ignore that statement… and hope that the bear girl ignores it too.
“Move? Are you leaving this village?” She gasped. “Do you need a place to stay!? You ca-can live with me!”
“No! That’s not what I meant!”
Well I got stuff I need to do today, so best to nip this bud right now. Don’t want her carrying Beatrice off.
I cautiously tapped the bear girl on the shoulder. “Hey Ma’am, can you please let Beatrice go? She clearly doesn’t like being held by you.”
“Huh” She was looking back at me. “A-are you a man? Where did, m-my buddy go? She was right there a moment ago!”
Wow she is really drunk, like that harpy from earlier. Only… she’s bigger and probably stronger than the harpy. I don’t think I could fight her off, that harpy was pint sized, but her. That bear girl is the same size as me.
I’m actually kinda worried now.
“Who’s your buddy?” I tentatively asked her.
“My Buddy? Oh she’s the g-greatest ever! Be-bestest drinking buddy I’ve ever had! In fact, we were drinking together… seconds ago. Where did she go? Did she fly off on me?”
“Fly off? Is she a bee girl? If she is maybe I know her, that way I can point you to her and you would leave!” Beatrice said, futilely trying to push the bear girl away with all four arms.
“No, she’s a harpy. She said… She said that she was g-going to the village to look for a mate. She s-said she couldn’t take being alone anymore…”
“Does her name happen to be Nesbitt?” Beatrice asked
“Yes it is! Are you a fortune teller honey bee? Can… Can you tell me why sh-she doesn’t love me?!” The bear girl cried out, starting to sob on to Beatrice’s head… Much to the later’s chagrin.
Oh great! First a drunk harpy, now a bear, and they know each other!
“What do you mean by that?” I asked.
She continued to cry. “We were out i-in the forest drinking! Having a good time, y-you know! And a-after she finished her… second, th-third bottle she got up and flew off! What do I do?!”
“Um… Okay. Beatrice, you got any advice for her?”
“Leave us alone! Go find your own man!” She yelled, her restrained wings buzzing in annoyance and her bee arms swatting uselessly against the bear girl’s face. Who was presumably too drunk to care.
“Bu-bu-but I don’t want to be with a man! I want h-her!” She blew her nose with one of Beatrice’s antennas. “We’ve known each other for ye-years! All this time she never took a man as a mate! When other harpies s-started asking her about it, she told th-them that none of the men were right. But when me and her are out, drinking mead, so told me how she… really feels!”
“And how does she really feel?” I asked.
“She thinks that it’s something w-wrong with her! But there isn’t! She t-told me once that she doesn’t like m-men… not that much and th-that she thinks other harpies are m-much cuter. You know what I s-said back to her?”
“What?”
“I told her to her f-face that she was smexy!” She slurred. “And then I kissed her! R-right on the lips!”
“Uh… okay. And you felt like sharing that because?”
“It was a fun night!” She loudly declared.
“Well if that’s all-”
“N-no! It isn’t! I need advice! I d-don’t know what to do about her!”
This is getting much too strange for me.
Well this is something I never thought that I would do, but it’s time to play relationship advisor to a potentially lesbian or bisexual bear girl, who is in love with her harpy best friend…
I used to worry about handing in my college essays on time… I miss those days.
No seriously the fuck is going on right now?! Why is she asking Beatrice or me for advice? She literally wandering onto the field and started talking to us! Random drunks seem to be a societal constant back home and here!
“Have you ever tried talking with her about your feelings for each other? Just being as open and straightforward with her as possible?”
I doubt that would really help her much.
She stared at me for several seconds, creating an uncomfortable silence. “You…” She paused again for another few seconds. “Are a genius!” She shouted, pointing a clawed finger at me.
“No, you’re just a drunk idiot.” Beatrice remarked.
“I’ll… I’ll tell her how I r-really feel!” The bear girl released her and stumbled up to me. “That’s the best ad-advice I’ve ever gotten… I think I owe you a reward~”
I’m fucked…
I nervously smiled. “The only reward I need is the knowledge that you have reunited with your dear friend.”
She’s not going to buy that and I’m about to need a new wardrobe.
“Aw! Thank you!” She pulled me into a bear hug and rubbed her face against my chest…further staining my once clean shirt. She released me after a few moments and stumbled off in the direction of Harpy Village.
That worked! I could feel the tension leaving my body!
It was cheesy for me to say, but it worked! Okay, avoid using the word “no” in the future that just sets monsters off. I have to remember that! Deflect all comments!
“And just like that my plan was ruined. William, can you find your way back?” Beatrice asked.
“Yeah, I think so, the village right over there. It’s like a ten minute walk.”
“Good, I’m going to go fill in the other bee girls on your idea and see what they think of it. I’ll meet up with you before the town meeting.” Her wings were buzzing and she was lifting off.
“Before you go, when is that meeting by the way?”
She shrugged her upper, bee shoulders. “Who knows. Soonish? Just stay near the villagers and you’ll figure it out.” After that she flew off.
Well…time to see what Luka’s doing. I started walking back in the direction of the village.
***
The answer was nothing.
Luka wasn’t doing anything of note. All he did was help babysit a few kids for an old lady. I got my backpack back from him and then waited around the village awkwardly with nothing to do, until Beatrice met back up with me. She said she had spoken with the other bee girls and they were onboard with the idea.
Then the meeting was called.
I entered the meeting hall, which as the name implied was a big building meant for public meetings. Shows how big this village must have been if they felt it necessary to construct a building for that sole purpose, instead of just using an open space with a raised podium.
Inside it was filled with tables, seats, and the most of the remaining villagers of in attendance, including several bee girls.
I noticed Luka and Alice had taken their seats beside each other, near the end of the big table. I walked with Beatrice and took the other seat next to Alice.
She was smirking mischievously at me. “Hora~ Look at you, all sticky and covered in honey. Have a fun time with Beatrice? I’m sure she kept you as busy as a bee.”
“Hehe, yeah no.” I shook my head. “Nothing happened.”
“Really? Then why are you covered in honey?”
“A random bear girl couldn’t keep her hands to herself. Look at my shirt.” I motioned to myself. “She got honey stains everywhere! I wanted to get it cleaned immediately, but I couldn’t find a place to do it, then this meeting was called and now it’s all dry. It’s going to take forever to get them out.”
I know that’s going to bug me for the rest of the day.
Beatrice grumbled under her breath. “Stupid bear, ruining my chances.”
Alice had stopped smirking and asked with genuine curiosity. “You were alone with a bear girl and a bee girl, covered in honey and nothing happened?”
“Yep.”
“That doesn’t strike you as strange?”
“No, it does. I just know better than to point that out to them. Say the word threesome and I would have been tackled.”
Beatrice slammed a hand down onto the table. “Damn it! Why didn’t I think of that!? Bears, bees, honey, it all goes together!” She yelled in frustration.
I patted her on the back. “Don’t worry, there’ll be other opportunities. I’m sure you’ll get me next time. You did promise me that tour of the hive.”
“I’m holding you to that William.”
I noticed Alice was leaning over to me. “Do you need something?” I uncomfortably asked.
She kept leaning closer, and I was instinctively leaning back. “Okay, personal space Alice. What is it?”
She was inches away from my face and sniffed a few times. “You have no scent.”
“Well I would hope so, we did both shower this morning-”
“No… I just realized it. You have no scent.”
Beatrice leaned in too. “You’re right, he doesn't.”
“Uh… both of you are kind of in my personal space, and I would very much like it back.” I said, gently trying to push them away. Trying being the keyword. Alice was as solid as a rock and unmovable, and Beatrice just pulled herself closer.
“No, I stand corrected. He does have some scent, but it’s faint and barely noticeable.” Alice said.
“Wait how would a human notice that?” Beatrice asked.
“… Crap.” Alice’s eyes flash brightly, catching the attention of everyone in the hall. “You will forget I ever mentioned that.”
She dumbly nodded.
Alice then turned to the crowd of people filling into the hall and flashed her eyes. “All of you will forget I did this.” She turned to Luka and then me. “Including you two.”
Luka also dumbly nodded, while I felt…
Nothing. Hm that’s useful to know… Like really useful!
“Did you hear me William? You will forget I did that. Nod if you heard me just now.” Everyone in the room nodded.
“Oh I’m sorry no I didn’t, please speak up. I’m a touch deaf in this ear.”
“What?! How resistant to my magic are you?!” She grabbed my face and flashed her eyes again. “Let’s try that again. Give me that loaf of bread in your bag!” She released my head and smirked. “There, let’s see how resistant you are now.”
I raised my hand to my chin and deadpanned. “I’d say, right now… very, very resistant.”
“What?!” She shouted again, and flashed her eyes in my face… again.
“Ah! Stop that! It hurts my eyes! All I’m seeing is stars!” I exclaimed, rubbing my eyes. “And why are to trying to steal my bread!”
“I’m hungry.” She plainly stated.
“You could have asked! I am willing to share.”
She nodded. “Good, break it out. We’re eating now.”
“What, really, is this the best of times? You just hypnotized everyone in the room.”
“So? This body is hungry and I’m not waiting to feed it.”
“What about everyone else.” I motioned to everyone in the room.
She glanced around and shrugged. “They’ll keep.”
Reaching into my backpack, I pulled out my focaccia bread and started tearing it in two. “So you had mentioned my scent or lack thereof just now. Mind elaborating on that?”
“Well, Luka has this delicious, tantalizing scent surrounding him. It makes a monster’s instincts cry out, begging for a chance to have him. To take him! To hold him down and…” She took a moment to collect herself. “You on the other hand, have no distinct scent, which causes no reaction from monsters. It’s simple really, you don’t smell like food.”
“Hmm, that’s good to know. So monsters won’t treat me like I’m food or a potential snack?”
“Correct. Now hand over my half of the bread!”
***
After Alice’s spell wore off, everyone went back to their own business as if nothing had happened. The meeting started when a withered old lady entered the meeting hall and all the conversation died down. She had originally entered earlier and saw everyone hypnotized, so before she could freak out, Alice had to flash her eyes again and shove the old lady out of the room. Felt like the two of us were acting behind the scenes, setting the stage up for a play.
The old lady took a seat at the end of the table next to Reggie, now out of his disguise, wearing a simple tunic and a pair of pants.
“Who are you?” Luka asked.
“I am the chief's wife. Since he’s been kidnapped I’ve been the acting chief in his place.”
Alice immediately cut in. “Barricading yourself in your home even as your few remaining men are assaulted. Can you really call yourself a chief like that? What leadership do you even provide?”
The withered old woman glared at Alice, then turned back to Luka. “I hate to impose, but… I have come to a decision. I beseech you hero Luka to help save our village from the harpies. Please go to Harpy Village find out the fate of our men and stop the harpies from attacking us!”
Huh she acted fast. Walk into the room, sit down, and ask Luka to go attack harpies. Straight to the point with no muss, no fuss, which is a problem because we aren’t doing that.
Everyone in the room was looking at in each other in confusion. Only Julius spoke up, who was still wearing his disguise, for some inexplicable reason. His face was smeared in gaudy makeup and atop his head sat a raggedy orange mop serving as a wig. “Uh chief, we all already know. The harpies were taking our men to be mates. We all thought that obvious.”
“What?!”
“They’re monsters, they need men for the same reason us bee girls do.” Beatrice said.
“How out of touch with reality are you?” Alice chided.
The chief paused for several moments, and glared at Alice. “A lot…apparently.”
“Well don’t worry too much, that is one of the reasons for this meeting: To discuss what we know and what to do.” I said, trying to be reassuring.
“Yes, you are right young man.” She asked.
“But before we go any further, may I ask you something?” I asked.
She nodded. “Yes what is it?”
“I know it’s usually not polite to ask this, but I feel like I have to. How old are you?”
She glared at me.
“Please don't give me that look.” I said in exasperation. “I simply want to confirm or deny something. It’s to prove a point. Is it safe to assume you’re over fifty?”
She continued to glare and slowly nodded her head.
“Well then you would have been around twenty when the Slaughter of Renima happened. Is it safe to assume you lived in this village before or around that time?”
She nodded again. “I was. I’ve lived here my whole life.”
“Then do you remember the time when harpies lived here?”
She frowned. “I don’t believe I do.”
“Strange, I recall reading all about it back at the Temple in Ilias Village. There was big ledgers filled to the brim with facts around the surrounding areas, including this village and its demographic makeup. I.e. who was living here and what race or species they were. It made mention of harpies living and working here. Some of those books even dated back five hundred years. Are you having memory problems?” I asked with faux concern. “Maybe that’s why you’re having trouble remembering.”
“What could you be implying William?” Alice asked, grinning. “That she knows more than she’s letting on? That she may try to lie or mislead us?”
“It’s not so much implying, as directly stating that she should know a time when harpies lived in this village. She was around when there was still peaceful coexistence and should know full well about it. It’s strange to me, but I seem to find so many people act like everything before thirty years ago never happened. It’s very frustrating when people are surprised that there’s an actual history to the world.”
“Then she asks the ‘brave hero’ to solve all their problems for them. Why don’t they do it themselves?”
“Oi! Oi! Alice! William! Please enough of-”
“Isn’t that right though? What meaning is there to bringing peace if you can’t maintain it yourself?” Alice asked the chief. “To rely on an outsider to solve your problems, while you hide in your homes…. Pathetic.”
“In this situation I want to agree with you Alice. What you said has an appeal, but if you don’t mind, I wish to tell you about the concept of peacekeeping. What they’re asking Luka to do is cure the symptom, but not the disease. But! Someone like him doesn’t need to. That’s what peacekeeping and peacekeepers are for. It’s when you keep the opposing sides or enemy combatants from attacking each other during the peace process. So say, someone like you Luka, would be able to stop the harpies from abducting more men, while the rest of the villagers are making peace. Basically stopping tensions from continuing to escalate.”
“What good is peace if they’re too weak to fight their own battles? If you do this for them, when you leave, another issue will simply pop up. Then what? You’ve solved nothing and only prolonged the problem.” Alice harshly said. “What meaning is there to bringing peace if they can’t maintain it themselves?”
“Well Alice that is the purpose of a peacekeeper. To defend those who have bullied and brutalized by others. Then work to bring peace and stability to the area. I ask you, what good is it to leave them to suffer, if you have the power to help them? That would be petty in nature and apathetic to their suffering. What meaning is there to bring peace if they can’t maintain it themselves? The meaning and point is to help them bring peace that they otherwise couldn’t have achieved in the first place.” I rebuked. “Instead of leaving them to be dominated and subjugated.”
Resisting urge to give a further in depth lecture on the UN and international politics…
For now.
Luka cut in. “Thank you William. That’s exactly what I will do! I’m a hero! I will help protect the weak from those who prey upon them! If the harpies keep attacking I’ll defend this village!”
“Plus everyone here is a civilian.” I motioned to everyone in the room. “They’re not exactly trained combatants, prepared to fight a war, much less the harpies. And if they were, the situation would have quickly escalated into violence and bloodshed… Which would have started the very infamous cycle of revenge and nobody wants that.”
Sad to say, but them rolling over and taking it left the village… relatively stable. Not that I would encourage them to do that in the future, nor does that make the harpies actions justifiable. Still though, there’s no mass graves filled with women and children, so I’ll just take that as a positive.
He nodded. “You can’t expect weak villagers to fight off monster attacks; it’s an unreasonable thing to ask them.” He replied, and then turned back to the chief.
It’s strange how Luka and I are so much on the same page. During the weeks living with him he never minded me going into lecture mode. Just listening to me talk for hours about any topic that came to mind.
Even now I’m resisting the urge to attempt a Socratic dialogue with Alice. The topic I want to speak to her about reminds me of that scene from Plato’s Gorgias, where Socrates and Callicles are arguing with each other. Callicles saying that the strong will naturally come to prey on and dominate the weak, but Socrates countering that if strength is purely physical than logically the masses would be stronger than the single tyrant. Ironic, considering he was against Athenian democracy, but that’s beside the point...
Though at the time when I was speaking with Luka, I don’t think I was self-censoring enough. I spent a few days in a row discussing parts of world history, I focused a lot on Europe and industrialization. I also included a good deal of Greek and Roman philosophers, to help provide background on Western thought and to serve as a jumping off point for the Enlightenment. There was an inclusion of Max Weber, holistic methods of thought on the corresponding nature between one’s environment and one’s way of thought, and just general sociology. Not holistic medicine, but the anti-reduction philosophy of holism that tries to synthesize society into completely inclusive and thus comprehensive model.
A fascinating topic.
Using the United States as an example didn’t really work for him, simply too much history and geography to explain that he simply had trouble grasping. But he apparently found the differences between Ancient Egyptian and Mesopotamian mythology and how it relates to their river systems quite interesting…
Or maybe he was just nice enough to humor me at that point. I tend to ramble at the first chance I get, so he had to put up with a lot of that.
I’m starting to ramble, stay focused.
Though I think as a positive side effect Luka has a better understanding what type of hero he wants to be. How he wants to act. Compared to canon, where didn’t even think about that til much later.
Unfortunately he hasn’t broken himself of that bad habit of screaming hero at the top of his lungs and charging head first into situations.
“So will you take up this quest and get our men back?” The chief asked.
“Of course I will! My sword is a sword of justice! I’ll use it like a true hero would and go defeat the harpies!”
Like right now.
Before the crowd could get too excited by Luka’s proclamation, Alice had to make a remark. “Well aren’t you all happy. This fake hero is so easy to influence. Just how many other travelers have you sent to defeat the harpies?”
“Other travelers? Aren’t I the first one?” Luka asked.
The chief hesitated and so too did many of the people in the room. One girl spoke up. “So far seven people have been sent off to defeat the harpies… But, uh, none returned.”
I interjected. “And there’s your punchline Luka.”
“That many?!” He exclaimed.
“See, they didn’t bother to mention that part to you, Luka.” Alice sighed and shook her head. “Idiot. If you defeat the harpies for them, they’ll be happy. If you fail, they’ll just send another traveler to take your place…you are far too trusting.”
“Hey I just noticed something, but what’s with this talk of defeat and attacking harpies? I thought we had dropped the attack them plan in favor of a more peaceful one.” I asked looking around the table.
“Had we? Luka sounded so eager to act like a barbarian again and attack some defenseless harpies.”
“Oi! That mandragora attacked me!” Luka shouted in his defense.
“Now is not the time for that Luka… And you did start that.”
“Hey!”
I continued one. “But it should be simple what to do next. We should negotiate with the harpies to stop them from continuing to abduct men. Peace between the two villages is in everyone’s interests.”
Several people in the meeting hall nodded their heads. There are some people that agree with it, that’s good. Makes what I’m about to suggest easier.
“How do you propose that? Are you going to go over there and lecture them?” Alice sarcastically asked.
“No, that would be crazy. The bee girls would act as the messengers.” I turned to Beatrice. “Beatrice, if you would please explain to them, what you told me.”
She nodded and stood up. “Alright everyone this is going to take a while to cover. Please pay attention.”
***
Beatrice took the time to fully explain the situation between the bee girls and the harpies. She was reluctant to tell the villagers about the trading that goes on between them, but it was an important factor. She also emphasized that the wasp girls didn’t discriminate who they attacked, making them a problem that everyone has to deal with.
The response was overwhelmingly positive…thankfully.
“Well… If they’re protecting the bee girls they can’t be all that bad.” One woman said.
“They’ve also rescued our children before!” Said another.
A chorus of “she’s right” responded. From there a talk agreement spread throughout the hall, each person listing off positive virtues that the harpies seemingly possessed.
“One saved my son from being mauled by a bear girl two weeks ago!” Cried another.
I have no idea how they can overlook all the harpies transgressions so easily, but who cares.
“Everyone listen to me!” Julius yelled to grab everyone’s attention. “Here’s the plan that I, Beatrice, and Reggie discussed earlier! Our darling bee girls have volunteered themselves to go to Harpy Village and inform them of our desire for peace! From there they’ll act as messengers until we can arrange a face to face meeting with their Queen to sort this whole mess out!”
Reggie must be an important guy around here if he’s sitting beside the chief and Julius mentioned him by name. Relative perhaps?
The chief spoke. “All in favor say aye.”
Everyone said aye.
“All opposed say nay.”
Nobody said anything.
“The ayes have it. Julius, Beatrice, Sophia, Mary, and Elizabeth please come with me so we write out our message to them.” The chief said. She shuffled out of the room with the people she called getting up to follow behind her. Most of whom I didn't recognize. Reggie walked out of the room by the chief’s side.
As Beatrice got up she ruffled my hair. “I look forward to seeing more of you later William.”
“Yep, don’t forget. Private tour of the hive.” I replied, already running my hand through my hair to fix it.
Huh, didn’t expect that to be put to a vote. That’s interesting, smaller scale municipal voting going on. Makes sense, if the village is small enough everyone knows each other and you can easily count all the votes.
Everyone else started getting up and filling out of the meeting hall.
“Well…” I turned to Luka and Alice. “That went surprisingly well, although nobody else spoke except us.”
Alice crossed her arms. “You’re plan isn’t going to work. The only way you’re going to get the harpies to listen to you is if you beat them in combat.”
“Alice we have to try other options before resorting to attacking them. Violence should only be used as a last resort, if all other options have failed or are too unreasonable to try.” Luka said.
“… You’re a suicidal idiot.”
“Hey! He did specify he’d use violence if it’s too unreasonable to try to do otherwise. Most encounters are probably going to be pretty clear cut, an aggressive monster that can’t take no for an answer. It’s just in the ones that aren’t that clear, charging in without taking any consideration is dangerous and more than likely going to hurt innocent people.” I said.
Julius walked back into the room and came over to us. “That was a productive meeting if I do say so! And I do! Luka, can you come with me? The chief wish’s to have your input.”
He stood up. “Of course! I’d be glad to help you.”
Luka followed Julius into the room where the chief went into, leaving just Alice and I still sitting in our seats.
“William?”
“Yes?”
“How much information do your books really have?” Alice asked.
“A surprising amount actually. I obviously don’t have all of them with me or even a fraction of them. My backpack isn't that big or that much space in it.” Yet…finding cheap enchantments are on the list of things to do. “But I do remember a lot of what I read and I have a few with me for future reference.”
“And they all happened to be the Temple?”
Does she think me knowing so much is suspicious? Yeah she probably does. Or maybe it’s plain old curiosity, you can never discount that as an option.
“Yeah, interesting story behind that. After the Slaughter of Renima there was an order to burn all monster texts, tomes, books, and scriptures. But the previous priest that had been running the Temple was something of a historian, so he just couldn’t take it upon himself to destroy all that literature. Instead he simply moved them to storage in the spare office in the basement of the Temple, a place that few visited. He also wrote notes and comments in many of the books making mention how times in recent years. For example, one book talks about how the previous Monster Lords visited Iliasburg with surprising frequency over the decades, but since the Slaughter of Remina… she just disappeared…” I trailed off.
“She mentioned that once…she had wanted to visit more often during her life, but the Slaughter happened…” She didn’t say anything else.
That event really is a huge focal point here. It’s affected so many people around the world in a negative. It has poisoned human monster relations for a generation by now, so that shouldn’t be too surprising.
“When he passed away the new priest didn’t want to make a fuss about burning the books. I figured that he still held some respect for his fellow clergy member, even if he was deceased, and just couldn’t go through with it. Eventually he and the others in the Temple forgot they were there in the first place. When I started… “working” there as a clerk or something, I came into possession of them.”
More justifications and confirmation of my meta knowledge!
“You worked at the Temple?”
“I had to do something with my time and the pay was good. The job came with some perks and privileges. The priest didn’t like me much, so I got basement office with all those monster books and nobody, nobody else working there bothered me or asked me to do any real work. Three weeks with my own private study and they paid me for that time!”
It wasn’t exactly like that, but why waste time explaining all the nitty and gritty details. I’m not going back there.
She inquired further. “May I have a look at the books you do have with you? I’d like to see if I have my own copies back at my library.”
“You have your own library?”
“William, who do you think I am?”
“Touché… Why don’t we do that right now? We got time to waste and no one’s going to evict us from this spot.”
She nodded, and so I went digging through my backpack to find the books I was carrying with me.
I always love getting an opportunity to share information, I always did have a passion for it. I’ll have to refrain from making too many references to Earth. Who am I kidding?! I’m going to make millions of references and comparisons! Being mostly open and honest is a good policy maintain. There was that time I had to explain what a train was to Luka. That was fun!
I’m not even sure what I was supposed to be doing with her. I was just following Beatrice around the fields while she does… stuff. I don’t know what, she looked at stuff, examined stuff, and asked me to help move some stuff. Boxes with vaguely defined contents from one spot to another…
Why did I agree to this?
At this point it’s just the two of us wandering around one of the many fields surrounding the village, near the forest’s edge. I can’t see anyone else…
Oh dammit. That’s what I get for purposefully ignoring any sort of subtext to what she said.
Hm, so far conversation between us has been meaningless small talk. Time to change that, I want to learn some more information.
“So Beatrice, what’s your opinion on the harpies?” I suddenly asked her.
She eyed me suspiciously. “Why do you want to know?”
“Why do I want to- Because I’m curious! I want to know more about the situation and how to help solve it. I want to know what you and the other bee girls think about the harpies.”
“Oh… That makes sense. Relations between us bee girls and the harpies are… complicated.”
“That doesn’t tell me much. Can you give me more than that?”
She pouted “Fine… When we’re out pollinating flowers the wasp girls often attack us, sometimes even stealing our honeycomb.” She glanced despondently at her abdomen.
“Ouch, that must have hurt.”
“It did. Kiss it bet-”
“No… So, you pollinate flowers? You seem a bit big to pull that off.”
“Of course we do. We’re bee girls, it’s what we do. Our honeycomb isn’t just magic, it requires weeks of hard work to grow. Besides… they’re not all normal flowers.”
“Okay, so the harpies? That’s related to them how?” I asked to keep her on topic.
“It’s a story William, keep listening… Before they started stealing all our men we were… friendly with each other. The women didn’t like that too much, but never they tried to stop us. It’s not like they could.” She giggled. “Even bee girls are stronger than humans and we can fly. Nothing they can do about that.”
I nodded and motioned for her to go on.
“A lot of times when we were out pollinating or just flying around we’d run into the harpies. Often times there’d be conversations, simple small talk about the weather or maybe about tips on how to pick the right man. It was nice having company when flying around, us bee girls all know each other, so we take any chance we can to meet new people. During that time we also something new.”
“And that is?”
“That those wasps don’t just attack us, they also attack harpies.”
I think a plan is formulating. Thank you over aggressive third party that everyone can hate!
“Wouldn’t you already know that from previous decades? You’re not the first generation of bee girls in this village, so previous ones must have encountered those wasp girls before.” I pointed out.
“Um… not really. They seem, relatively new to this area. None of the older bee girls knew anything about them.” She said.
“Okay, they must be arrivals then. Point is, they’re here, they attack everyone, and nobody likes them. Am I right or not?”
“No, you understand the situation.”
I nodded. “Good, just wanted to make sure. Please go on.”
“Sometimes when the wasp girls were attacking groups of us bee girls a harpy that happened to be passing by would intervene and come to our aid. It turns out a lot of them have military training.”
“Probably a practice held over from the previous Harpy Queen.” I commented.
“After a while harpies kept hanging around us whenever we went out pollinating. Always fighting off any wasp girl that would try to attack us.”
“Now that’s interesting.”
“It is, in return we often give the harpies gifts of honey or wax, as a thank you for protecting us. We usually have to smuggle it out of our hives without the villagers finding out.” She paused. “We feel like we might be betraying them, but… those harpies have done a lot to help us out.”
“Besides abducting all the men.”
She rolled her eyes. “Yes besides that.”
Can’t believe she doesn’t sound angry over it.
“So, would you say that you and the other girls are well trusted by both villages?”
“Yes… I guess you could say that.”
“Is it easy for you to travel from village to village? Do any guards harass you or stop you from entering Harpy Village?” I asked.
She took a few moments to think. “Not that I can remember. I haven’t visited Harpy Village in over three months. You would have to ask another bee girl. Maybe you can come to our hive later~”
“I’ll consider it, maybe you can show me where you live. I’ve always wanted to see what the inside of a beehive would look like, minus the bees. There aren’t any bees are there?”
“Nope! They don’t like being near bee girls or other monsters.” She replied.
“Okay thanks, definitely show me around later. I have another question, would it be possible to share the men between the villages? I’m sure you’d find a couple men willing to volunteer to do that.”
She shook her head. “There’s only has so many men between the villages. Even if the harpies give them all back and share, there’s just aren’t that many in the first place.”
“Well what about outsiders? You know, increase the entire population. Draw more people in.”
“We’ve tried that, but that rival hive keeps attacking them. The few men who’ve made it here wanted nothing to do with us.” She said, frowning.
“Is it possible to fight them off?”
She shivered. “No! They’re too strong! We’re honey bees and they’re half wasp! That’s why they have those huge stingers and sadistic attitude. We can’t fight them.”
“But the harpies could. I mean if you already trade with them and get protection from the wasp girls, then why not the whole village?”
And it all comes together… Hopefully.
Worst comes to worst we go with “Plan Canon” which involves Luka running into Harpy Village and hitting people with his sword until it all works out.
“No William, the villagers would never accept it, but-” She paused for a moment. “That… might actually work. Share the men with the harpies… for now, get rid of those wasp bitches, and then bring people back in!”
I shrugged. “Well it’s just an idea. Don’t forget there’s all those families that left Happiness Village, who I’m sure would be glad to move back once things have calmed down.”
“I’ll mention your idea to the others, see what they think of it.”
“Thank you. That’s all I’m asking for.”
Beatrice was suddenly looking at me very intently, while grinning. “You know William, we’re all alone out here.”
I don’t like the way she said it… or do I?
Fucking indecisiveness! Quit being so indecisive!
“Yep, looks that way. Shame, we could have used the extra help doing those chores you needed help. Maybe then we would have had more direction and not ended up out here because you conveniently forgot something, only then to realize that you really didn’t.”
She chuckled. “You know what they say about coincidence and fate~.”
“Yeah, it takes a lot of time and planning.”
“Are you implying that I purposefully led the both of us out here? Do you think I have some nefarious purpose in mind William?” She innocently asked.
I smiled and shook my head. “No of course not. Just that a less trusting person may find it suspicious, that’s all.”
Am I purposefully painting myself into a corner here? I think I am… but do I mind that though?
She started slowly stalking towards me. “That’s wonderful to hear because-”
Before she could do or say anything else a person loudly shouted right behind us. “Hey there buddy!” Then she roughly slapped my back, making me jump in surprise.
I was glad I had dropped my backpack off with Luka earlier, otherwise I think she might have crushed its contents.
I turned to see that it was a bear girl, a blonde woman that had brown, fuzzy bear arms and legs from her elbows and knees down, with sharp claws at the end. All smeared in, what else, honey and holding an empty bottle.
Well that’s certainly a strange animal stereotype I didn’t expect to see in real life. But then again I never expected to see monster girls, so the universe just loves throwing me curve balls.
Beatrice looked as surprised as I was. “Excuse me, but-”
“Is that a bee girl?” She waved her empty bottle at Beatrice. “I’m gon- gonna go talk to her. H-hold my drink buddy. Th-this cutie needs-” She shoved the bottle at me, smearing my chest and arms with honey and dirt.
She bumped me aside and stumbled up to an apprehensive Beatrice. “H-hey there honey bee. You got any honey for me?~” She drunkenly slurred. “W-wait… There’s nothing on your butt. Where’s the big honeycomb?”
Beatrice corrected her. “It’s not a butt, it’s called an abdomen.”
She gasped. “You don’t have a butt?! That’s horrible!” She rushed forward and wrapped Beatrice up in bear hug.
Haha. It’s wonderful when life gives you these puns.
“It’s a tr-tragic day when a honey bee doesn’t have any honey with her.”
“Beatrice, do you know her?” I asked.
“No I don’t! Who are you and why did you interrupt me!” She shouted.
“Hey, not so loud little honey bee. That hurts… hurts my ears.”
“I was about to make my move! Monsters don’t do that to other monsters!”
Yeah just going to ignore that statement… and hope that the bear girl ignores it too.
“Move? Are you leaving this village?” She gasped. “Do you need a place to stay!? You ca-can live with me!”
“No! That’s not what I meant!”
Well I got stuff I need to do today, so best to nip this bud right now. Don’t want her carrying Beatrice off.
I cautiously tapped the bear girl on the shoulder. “Hey Ma’am, can you please let Beatrice go? She clearly doesn’t like being held by you.”
“Huh” She was looking back at me. “A-are you a man? Where did, m-my buddy go? She was right there a moment ago!”
Wow she is really drunk, like that harpy from earlier. Only… she’s bigger and probably stronger than the harpy. I don’t think I could fight her off, that harpy was pint sized, but her. That bear girl is the same size as me.
I’m actually kinda worried now.
“Who’s your buddy?” I tentatively asked her.
“My Buddy? Oh she’s the g-greatest ever! Be-bestest drinking buddy I’ve ever had! In fact, we were drinking together… seconds ago. Where did she go? Did she fly off on me?”
“Fly off? Is she a bee girl? If she is maybe I know her, that way I can point you to her and you would leave!” Beatrice said, futilely trying to push the bear girl away with all four arms.
“No, she’s a harpy. She said… She said that she was g-going to the village to look for a mate. She s-said she couldn’t take being alone anymore…”
“Does her name happen to be Nesbitt?” Beatrice asked
“Yes it is! Are you a fortune teller honey bee? Can… Can you tell me why sh-she doesn’t love me?!” The bear girl cried out, starting to sob on to Beatrice’s head… Much to the later’s chagrin.
Oh great! First a drunk harpy, now a bear, and they know each other!
“What do you mean by that?” I asked.
She continued to cry. “We were out i-in the forest drinking! Having a good time, y-you know! And a-after she finished her… second, th-third bottle she got up and flew off! What do I do?!”
“Um… Okay. Beatrice, you got any advice for her?”
“Leave us alone! Go find your own man!” She yelled, her restrained wings buzzing in annoyance and her bee arms swatting uselessly against the bear girl’s face. Who was presumably too drunk to care.
“Bu-bu-but I don’t want to be with a man! I want h-her!” She blew her nose with one of Beatrice’s antennas. “We’ve known each other for ye-years! All this time she never took a man as a mate! When other harpies s-started asking her about it, she told th-them that none of the men were right. But when me and her are out, drinking mead, so told me how she… really feels!”
“And how does she really feel?” I asked.
“She thinks that it’s something w-wrong with her! But there isn’t! She t-told me once that she doesn’t like m-men… not that much and th-that she thinks other harpies are m-much cuter. You know what I s-said back to her?”
“What?”
“I told her to her f-face that she was smexy!” She slurred. “And then I kissed her! R-right on the lips!”
“Uh… okay. And you felt like sharing that because?”
“It was a fun night!” She loudly declared.
“Well if that’s all-”
“N-no! It isn’t! I need advice! I d-don’t know what to do about her!”
This is getting much too strange for me.
Well this is something I never thought that I would do, but it’s time to play relationship advisor to a potentially lesbian or bisexual bear girl, who is in love with her harpy best friend…
I used to worry about handing in my college essays on time… I miss those days.
No seriously the fuck is going on right now?! Why is she asking Beatrice or me for advice? She literally wandering onto the field and started talking to us! Random drunks seem to be a societal constant back home and here!
“Have you ever tried talking with her about your feelings for each other? Just being as open and straightforward with her as possible?”
I doubt that would really help her much.
She stared at me for several seconds, creating an uncomfortable silence. “You…” She paused again for another few seconds. “Are a genius!” She shouted, pointing a clawed finger at me.
“No, you’re just a drunk idiot.” Beatrice remarked.
“I’ll… I’ll tell her how I r-really feel!” The bear girl released her and stumbled up to me. “That’s the best ad-advice I’ve ever gotten… I think I owe you a reward~”
I’m fucked…
I nervously smiled. “The only reward I need is the knowledge that you have reunited with your dear friend.”
She’s not going to buy that and I’m about to need a new wardrobe.
“Aw! Thank you!” She pulled me into a bear hug and rubbed her face against my chest…further staining my once clean shirt. She released me after a few moments and stumbled off in the direction of Harpy Village.
That worked! I could feel the tension leaving my body!
It was cheesy for me to say, but it worked! Okay, avoid using the word “no” in the future that just sets monsters off. I have to remember that! Deflect all comments!
“And just like that my plan was ruined. William, can you find your way back?” Beatrice asked.
“Yeah, I think so, the village right over there. It’s like a ten minute walk.”
“Good, I’m going to go fill in the other bee girls on your idea and see what they think of it. I’ll meet up with you before the town meeting.” Her wings were buzzing and she was lifting off.
“Before you go, when is that meeting by the way?”
She shrugged her upper, bee shoulders. “Who knows. Soonish? Just stay near the villagers and you’ll figure it out.” After that she flew off.
Well…time to see what Luka’s doing. I started walking back in the direction of the village.
***
The answer was nothing.
Luka wasn’t doing anything of note. All he did was help babysit a few kids for an old lady. I got my backpack back from him and then waited around the village awkwardly with nothing to do, until Beatrice met back up with me. She said she had spoken with the other bee girls and they were onboard with the idea.
Then the meeting was called.
I entered the meeting hall, which as the name implied was a big building meant for public meetings. Shows how big this village must have been if they felt it necessary to construct a building for that sole purpose, instead of just using an open space with a raised podium.
Inside it was filled with tables, seats, and the most of the remaining villagers of in attendance, including several bee girls.
I noticed Luka and Alice had taken their seats beside each other, near the end of the big table. I walked with Beatrice and took the other seat next to Alice.
She was smirking mischievously at me. “Hora~ Look at you, all sticky and covered in honey. Have a fun time with Beatrice? I’m sure she kept you as busy as a bee.”
“Hehe, yeah no.” I shook my head. “Nothing happened.”
“Really? Then why are you covered in honey?”
“A random bear girl couldn’t keep her hands to herself. Look at my shirt.” I motioned to myself. “She got honey stains everywhere! I wanted to get it cleaned immediately, but I couldn’t find a place to do it, then this meeting was called and now it’s all dry. It’s going to take forever to get them out.”
I know that’s going to bug me for the rest of the day.
Beatrice grumbled under her breath. “Stupid bear, ruining my chances.”
Alice had stopped smirking and asked with genuine curiosity. “You were alone with a bear girl and a bee girl, covered in honey and nothing happened?”
“Yep.”
“That doesn’t strike you as strange?”
“No, it does. I just know better than to point that out to them. Say the word threesome and I would have been tackled.”
Beatrice slammed a hand down onto the table. “Damn it! Why didn’t I think of that!? Bears, bees, honey, it all goes together!” She yelled in frustration.
I patted her on the back. “Don’t worry, there’ll be other opportunities. I’m sure you’ll get me next time. You did promise me that tour of the hive.”
“I’m holding you to that William.”
I noticed Alice was leaning over to me. “Do you need something?” I uncomfortably asked.
She kept leaning closer, and I was instinctively leaning back. “Okay, personal space Alice. What is it?”
She was inches away from my face and sniffed a few times. “You have no scent.”
“Well I would hope so, we did both shower this morning-”
“No… I just realized it. You have no scent.”
Beatrice leaned in too. “You’re right, he doesn't.”
“Uh… both of you are kind of in my personal space, and I would very much like it back.” I said, gently trying to push them away. Trying being the keyword. Alice was as solid as a rock and unmovable, and Beatrice just pulled herself closer.
“No, I stand corrected. He does have some scent, but it’s faint and barely noticeable.” Alice said.
“Wait how would a human notice that?” Beatrice asked.
“… Crap.” Alice’s eyes flash brightly, catching the attention of everyone in the hall. “You will forget I ever mentioned that.”
She dumbly nodded.
Alice then turned to the crowd of people filling into the hall and flashed her eyes. “All of you will forget I did this.” She turned to Luka and then me. “Including you two.”
Luka also dumbly nodded, while I felt…
Nothing. Hm that’s useful to know… Like really useful!
“Did you hear me William? You will forget I did that. Nod if you heard me just now.” Everyone in the room nodded.
“Oh I’m sorry no I didn’t, please speak up. I’m a touch deaf in this ear.”
“What?! How resistant to my magic are you?!” She grabbed my face and flashed her eyes again. “Let’s try that again. Give me that loaf of bread in your bag!” She released my head and smirked. “There, let’s see how resistant you are now.”
I raised my hand to my chin and deadpanned. “I’d say, right now… very, very resistant.”
“What?!” She shouted again, and flashed her eyes in my face… again.
“Ah! Stop that! It hurts my eyes! All I’m seeing is stars!” I exclaimed, rubbing my eyes. “And why are to trying to steal my bread!”
“I’m hungry.” She plainly stated.
“You could have asked! I am willing to share.”
She nodded. “Good, break it out. We’re eating now.”
“What, really, is this the best of times? You just hypnotized everyone in the room.”
“So? This body is hungry and I’m not waiting to feed it.”
“What about everyone else.” I motioned to everyone in the room.
She glanced around and shrugged. “They’ll keep.”
Reaching into my backpack, I pulled out my focaccia bread and started tearing it in two. “So you had mentioned my scent or lack thereof just now. Mind elaborating on that?”
“Well, Luka has this delicious, tantalizing scent surrounding him. It makes a monster’s instincts cry out, begging for a chance to have him. To take him! To hold him down and…” She took a moment to collect herself. “You on the other hand, have no distinct scent, which causes no reaction from monsters. It’s simple really, you don’t smell like food.”
“Hmm, that’s good to know. So monsters won’t treat me like I’m food or a potential snack?”
“Correct. Now hand over my half of the bread!”
***
After Alice’s spell wore off, everyone went back to their own business as if nothing had happened. The meeting started when a withered old lady entered the meeting hall and all the conversation died down. She had originally entered earlier and saw everyone hypnotized, so before she could freak out, Alice had to flash her eyes again and shove the old lady out of the room. Felt like the two of us were acting behind the scenes, setting the stage up for a play.
The old lady took a seat at the end of the table next to Reggie, now out of his disguise, wearing a simple tunic and a pair of pants.
“Who are you?” Luka asked.
“I am the chief's wife. Since he’s been kidnapped I’ve been the acting chief in his place.”
Alice immediately cut in. “Barricading yourself in your home even as your few remaining men are assaulted. Can you really call yourself a chief like that? What leadership do you even provide?”
The withered old woman glared at Alice, then turned back to Luka. “I hate to impose, but… I have come to a decision. I beseech you hero Luka to help save our village from the harpies. Please go to Harpy Village find out the fate of our men and stop the harpies from attacking us!”
Huh she acted fast. Walk into the room, sit down, and ask Luka to go attack harpies. Straight to the point with no muss, no fuss, which is a problem because we aren’t doing that.
Everyone in the room was looking at in each other in confusion. Only Julius spoke up, who was still wearing his disguise, for some inexplicable reason. His face was smeared in gaudy makeup and atop his head sat a raggedy orange mop serving as a wig. “Uh chief, we all already know. The harpies were taking our men to be mates. We all thought that obvious.”
“What?!”
“They’re monsters, they need men for the same reason us bee girls do.” Beatrice said.
“How out of touch with reality are you?” Alice chided.
The chief paused for several moments, and glared at Alice. “A lot…apparently.”
“Well don’t worry too much, that is one of the reasons for this meeting: To discuss what we know and what to do.” I said, trying to be reassuring.
“Yes, you are right young man.” She asked.
“But before we go any further, may I ask you something?” I asked.
She nodded. “Yes what is it?”
“I know it’s usually not polite to ask this, but I feel like I have to. How old are you?”
She glared at me.
“Please don't give me that look.” I said in exasperation. “I simply want to confirm or deny something. It’s to prove a point. Is it safe to assume you’re over fifty?”
She continued to glare and slowly nodded her head.
“Well then you would have been around twenty when the Slaughter of Renima happened. Is it safe to assume you lived in this village before or around that time?”
She nodded again. “I was. I’ve lived here my whole life.”
“Then do you remember the time when harpies lived here?”
She frowned. “I don’t believe I do.”
“Strange, I recall reading all about it back at the Temple in Ilias Village. There was big ledgers filled to the brim with facts around the surrounding areas, including this village and its demographic makeup. I.e. who was living here and what race or species they were. It made mention of harpies living and working here. Some of those books even dated back five hundred years. Are you having memory problems?” I asked with faux concern. “Maybe that’s why you’re having trouble remembering.”
“What could you be implying William?” Alice asked, grinning. “That she knows more than she’s letting on? That she may try to lie or mislead us?”
“It’s not so much implying, as directly stating that she should know a time when harpies lived in this village. She was around when there was still peaceful coexistence and should know full well about it. It’s strange to me, but I seem to find so many people act like everything before thirty years ago never happened. It’s very frustrating when people are surprised that there’s an actual history to the world.”
“Then she asks the ‘brave hero’ to solve all their problems for them. Why don’t they do it themselves?”
“Oi! Oi! Alice! William! Please enough of-”
“Isn’t that right though? What meaning is there to bringing peace if you can’t maintain it yourself?” Alice asked the chief. “To rely on an outsider to solve your problems, while you hide in your homes…. Pathetic.”
“In this situation I want to agree with you Alice. What you said has an appeal, but if you don’t mind, I wish to tell you about the concept of peacekeeping. What they’re asking Luka to do is cure the symptom, but not the disease. But! Someone like him doesn’t need to. That’s what peacekeeping and peacekeepers are for. It’s when you keep the opposing sides or enemy combatants from attacking each other during the peace process. So say, someone like you Luka, would be able to stop the harpies from abducting more men, while the rest of the villagers are making peace. Basically stopping tensions from continuing to escalate.”
“What good is peace if they’re too weak to fight their own battles? If you do this for them, when you leave, another issue will simply pop up. Then what? You’ve solved nothing and only prolonged the problem.” Alice harshly said. “What meaning is there to bringing peace if they can’t maintain it themselves?”
“Well Alice that is the purpose of a peacekeeper. To defend those who have bullied and brutalized by others. Then work to bring peace and stability to the area. I ask you, what good is it to leave them to suffer, if you have the power to help them? That would be petty in nature and apathetic to their suffering. What meaning is there to bring peace if they can’t maintain it themselves? The meaning and point is to help them bring peace that they otherwise couldn’t have achieved in the first place.” I rebuked. “Instead of leaving them to be dominated and subjugated.”
Resisting urge to give a further in depth lecture on the UN and international politics…
For now.
Luka cut in. “Thank you William. That’s exactly what I will do! I’m a hero! I will help protect the weak from those who prey upon them! If the harpies keep attacking I’ll defend this village!”
“Plus everyone here is a civilian.” I motioned to everyone in the room. “They’re not exactly trained combatants, prepared to fight a war, much less the harpies. And if they were, the situation would have quickly escalated into violence and bloodshed… Which would have started the very infamous cycle of revenge and nobody wants that.”
Sad to say, but them rolling over and taking it left the village… relatively stable. Not that I would encourage them to do that in the future, nor does that make the harpies actions justifiable. Still though, there’s no mass graves filled with women and children, so I’ll just take that as a positive.
He nodded. “You can’t expect weak villagers to fight off monster attacks; it’s an unreasonable thing to ask them.” He replied, and then turned back to the chief.
It’s strange how Luka and I are so much on the same page. During the weeks living with him he never minded me going into lecture mode. Just listening to me talk for hours about any topic that came to mind.
Even now I’m resisting the urge to attempt a Socratic dialogue with Alice. The topic I want to speak to her about reminds me of that scene from Plato’s Gorgias, where Socrates and Callicles are arguing with each other. Callicles saying that the strong will naturally come to prey on and dominate the weak, but Socrates countering that if strength is purely physical than logically the masses would be stronger than the single tyrant. Ironic, considering he was against Athenian democracy, but that’s beside the point...
Though at the time when I was speaking with Luka, I don’t think I was self-censoring enough. I spent a few days in a row discussing parts of world history, I focused a lot on Europe and industrialization. I also included a good deal of Greek and Roman philosophers, to help provide background on Western thought and to serve as a jumping off point for the Enlightenment. There was an inclusion of Max Weber, holistic methods of thought on the corresponding nature between one’s environment and one’s way of thought, and just general sociology. Not holistic medicine, but the anti-reduction philosophy of holism that tries to synthesize society into completely inclusive and thus comprehensive model.
A fascinating topic.
Using the United States as an example didn’t really work for him, simply too much history and geography to explain that he simply had trouble grasping. But he apparently found the differences between Ancient Egyptian and Mesopotamian mythology and how it relates to their river systems quite interesting…
Or maybe he was just nice enough to humor me at that point. I tend to ramble at the first chance I get, so he had to put up with a lot of that.
I’m starting to ramble, stay focused.
Though I think as a positive side effect Luka has a better understanding what type of hero he wants to be. How he wants to act. Compared to canon, where didn’t even think about that til much later.
Unfortunately he hasn’t broken himself of that bad habit of screaming hero at the top of his lungs and charging head first into situations.
“So will you take up this quest and get our men back?” The chief asked.
“Of course I will! My sword is a sword of justice! I’ll use it like a true hero would and go defeat the harpies!”
Like right now.
Before the crowd could get too excited by Luka’s proclamation, Alice had to make a remark. “Well aren’t you all happy. This fake hero is so easy to influence. Just how many other travelers have you sent to defeat the harpies?”
“Other travelers? Aren’t I the first one?” Luka asked.
The chief hesitated and so too did many of the people in the room. One girl spoke up. “So far seven people have been sent off to defeat the harpies… But, uh, none returned.”
I interjected. “And there’s your punchline Luka.”
“That many?!” He exclaimed.
“See, they didn’t bother to mention that part to you, Luka.” Alice sighed and shook her head. “Idiot. If you defeat the harpies for them, they’ll be happy. If you fail, they’ll just send another traveler to take your place…you are far too trusting.”
“Hey I just noticed something, but what’s with this talk of defeat and attacking harpies? I thought we had dropped the attack them plan in favor of a more peaceful one.” I asked looking around the table.
“Had we? Luka sounded so eager to act like a barbarian again and attack some defenseless harpies.”
“Oi! That mandragora attacked me!” Luka shouted in his defense.
“Now is not the time for that Luka… And you did start that.”
“Hey!”
I continued one. “But it should be simple what to do next. We should negotiate with the harpies to stop them from continuing to abduct men. Peace between the two villages is in everyone’s interests.”
Several people in the meeting hall nodded their heads. There are some people that agree with it, that’s good. Makes what I’m about to suggest easier.
“How do you propose that? Are you going to go over there and lecture them?” Alice sarcastically asked.
“No, that would be crazy. The bee girls would act as the messengers.” I turned to Beatrice. “Beatrice, if you would please explain to them, what you told me.”
She nodded and stood up. “Alright everyone this is going to take a while to cover. Please pay attention.”
***
Beatrice took the time to fully explain the situation between the bee girls and the harpies. She was reluctant to tell the villagers about the trading that goes on between them, but it was an important factor. She also emphasized that the wasp girls didn’t discriminate who they attacked, making them a problem that everyone has to deal with.
The response was overwhelmingly positive…thankfully.
“Well… If they’re protecting the bee girls they can’t be all that bad.” One woman said.
“They’ve also rescued our children before!” Said another.
A chorus of “she’s right” responded. From there a talk agreement spread throughout the hall, each person listing off positive virtues that the harpies seemingly possessed.
“One saved my son from being mauled by a bear girl two weeks ago!” Cried another.
I have no idea how they can overlook all the harpies transgressions so easily, but who cares.
“Everyone listen to me!” Julius yelled to grab everyone’s attention. “Here’s the plan that I, Beatrice, and Reggie discussed earlier! Our darling bee girls have volunteered themselves to go to Harpy Village and inform them of our desire for peace! From there they’ll act as messengers until we can arrange a face to face meeting with their Queen to sort this whole mess out!”
Reggie must be an important guy around here if he’s sitting beside the chief and Julius mentioned him by name. Relative perhaps?
The chief spoke. “All in favor say aye.”
Everyone said aye.
“All opposed say nay.”
Nobody said anything.
“The ayes have it. Julius, Beatrice, Sophia, Mary, and Elizabeth please come with me so we write out our message to them.” The chief said. She shuffled out of the room with the people she called getting up to follow behind her. Most of whom I didn't recognize. Reggie walked out of the room by the chief’s side.
As Beatrice got up she ruffled my hair. “I look forward to seeing more of you later William.”
“Yep, don’t forget. Private tour of the hive.” I replied, already running my hand through my hair to fix it.
Huh, didn’t expect that to be put to a vote. That’s interesting, smaller scale municipal voting going on. Makes sense, if the village is small enough everyone knows each other and you can easily count all the votes.
Everyone else started getting up and filling out of the meeting hall.
“Well…” I turned to Luka and Alice. “That went surprisingly well, although nobody else spoke except us.”
Alice crossed her arms. “You’re plan isn’t going to work. The only way you’re going to get the harpies to listen to you is if you beat them in combat.”
“Alice we have to try other options before resorting to attacking them. Violence should only be used as a last resort, if all other options have failed or are too unreasonable to try.” Luka said.
“… You’re a suicidal idiot.”
“Hey! He did specify he’d use violence if it’s too unreasonable to try to do otherwise. Most encounters are probably going to be pretty clear cut, an aggressive monster that can’t take no for an answer. It’s just in the ones that aren’t that clear, charging in without taking any consideration is dangerous and more than likely going to hurt innocent people.” I said.
Julius walked back into the room and came over to us. “That was a productive meeting if I do say so! And I do! Luka, can you come with me? The chief wish’s to have your input.”
He stood up. “Of course! I’d be glad to help you.”
Luka followed Julius into the room where the chief went into, leaving just Alice and I still sitting in our seats.
“William?”
“Yes?”
“How much information do your books really have?” Alice asked.
“A surprising amount actually. I obviously don’t have all of them with me or even a fraction of them. My backpack isn't that big or that much space in it.” Yet…finding cheap enchantments are on the list of things to do. “But I do remember a lot of what I read and I have a few with me for future reference.”
“And they all happened to be the Temple?”
Does she think me knowing so much is suspicious? Yeah she probably does. Or maybe it’s plain old curiosity, you can never discount that as an option.
“Yeah, interesting story behind that. After the Slaughter of Renima there was an order to burn all monster texts, tomes, books, and scriptures. But the previous priest that had been running the Temple was something of a historian, so he just couldn’t take it upon himself to destroy all that literature. Instead he simply moved them to storage in the spare office in the basement of the Temple, a place that few visited. He also wrote notes and comments in many of the books making mention how times in recent years. For example, one book talks about how the previous Monster Lords visited Iliasburg with surprising frequency over the decades, but since the Slaughter of Remina… she just disappeared…” I trailed off.
“She mentioned that once…she had wanted to visit more often during her life, but the Slaughter happened…” She didn’t say anything else.
That event really is a huge focal point here. It’s affected so many people around the world in a negative. It has poisoned human monster relations for a generation by now, so that shouldn’t be too surprising.
“When he passed away the new priest didn’t want to make a fuss about burning the books. I figured that he still held some respect for his fellow clergy member, even if he was deceased, and just couldn’t go through with it. Eventually he and the others in the Temple forgot they were there in the first place. When I started… “working” there as a clerk or something, I came into possession of them.”
More justifications and confirmation of my meta knowledge!
“You worked at the Temple?”
“I had to do something with my time and the pay was good. The job came with some perks and privileges. The priest didn’t like me much, so I got basement office with all those monster books and nobody, nobody else working there bothered me or asked me to do any real work. Three weeks with my own private study and they paid me for that time!”
It wasn’t exactly like that, but why waste time explaining all the nitty and gritty details. I’m not going back there.
She inquired further. “May I have a look at the books you do have with you? I’d like to see if I have my own copies back at my library.”
“You have your own library?”
“William, who do you think I am?”
“Touché… Why don’t we do that right now? We got time to waste and no one’s going to evict us from this spot.”
She nodded, and so I went digging through my backpack to find the books I was carrying with me.
I always love getting an opportunity to share information, I always did have a passion for it. I’ll have to refrain from making too many references to Earth. Who am I kidding?! I’m going to make millions of references and comparisons! Being mostly open and honest is a good policy maintain. There was that time I had to explain what a train was to Luka. That was fun!
Chapter 10 - The Birds And The Bees Make Up
Spoiler: show
Within a surprisingly short about of time the villagers had written a message to the harpies and sent Beatrice off to deliver it.
More surprising was the speed of the harpies’ response.
It was immediate, and not immediate like an army of harpies darkening the skies. A harpy came back with Beatrice saying she had a response from the Queen.
They went back and forth a few more times.
And before the day was over they had already arranged a meeting to happen by tomorrow!
That is fucking fast! Stuff like this doesn’t happen that quickly! I was expecting a week for a response! The sun hasn’t even begun to set, yet they got all this arranged! Why the hell did they need Luka to solve their problem?! Had they really done literally nothing this whole time! Not a single message with the harpies?!
The answer is yes…
So the Harpy Queen and her entourage would be coming to the village to hammer out all the nitty, gritty details.
***
After spending a couple hours briefly going over my books, Beatrice came back. Having finished playing messenger for today, she wanted to give me a tour of the hive.
The hive was situated on the outskirts of the town, a solid twenty minute walk away from the meeting hall. From the outside it was an unassuming, if a bit larger than usual, barn. Over three stories tall, I could see hatches on the top of the roof slightly ajar. From here it would seem to be a simple skylight or a means to keep the barn ventilated, but every so often a bee girl would fly out and then back in.
Looking at it I would have never suspected it was a bee girl hive.
“That’s an interesting design there. Is the hive in any danger of being abducted? Had to disguise it too? I think the makeup and wig could have been done better. It looks all stiff like it’s made of wood.” I humorously quipped.
“It is wood.”
“Ah excellent! My eyes have not deceived me! But why is the hive in the barn though?”
“It is a secret that Happiness Honey comes from bee girls, we couldn’t leave our hive sitting out in the open. Any outsiders or traders would spot it right away. The villagers have always hidden our hive inside a barn or other building. We help them build the frame and the rooms, but we have to furnish it ourselves.” She informed me.
“Okay so it’s less of an actual beehive and more like a communal house that happens to be filled with bee girls.”
“Yes, and the inside is covered in wax… We can’t help it, we just secrete the stuff!”
“And I’m not going to question from here. Though I am curious about something, the doors don’t like they’re wide enough to let bee girls through, especially if they had those big honeycombs on their abdomens.”
“Nope! When a bee girl’s honeycomb gets that big a beekeeper helps her harvest it.”
“Doesn’t that hurt?” I asked.
“Not if you’re gentle. It’s like trimming your fingernails or getting your hair cut. Sure it looks dangerous, but if it’s done right it’s painless.”
“Okay, another question. Is there a queen bee in there?”
“No, we’re not mindless drones. If we want children, we’re responsible for our own breeding.”
“Uh… Not to be rude, but if that’s what you have in mind for me… I’ll have to decline the tour. I’m not exactly looking to become a parent.”
She laughed and slapped my back. “Neither am I!”
Ow! That stung! She’s stronger than she looks.
We walked through the main doors and Beatrice spread all four of her arms out. “This is the main entrance!”
“I can see that.”
She ignored my comment. “It’s where villagers can enter our hive, since they can’t use any of the openings on the roof or fly in through the windows.”
Inside it looked like an otherwise normal barn, filled with massive wooden beams making up its internal structure. In the corners of the room I could spot beeswax lining the walls, the yellow color stood out from the otherwise dull brown of the wood. What surprised me was instead of being an open structure, there was a ceiling directly above us.
I looked upwards, scanning around the room. “Interesting floor plan here. I expected it to be more open.”
“No! We all get our own rooms! See down there?” She motioned to the hallway in front of me. “That’s only one floor! It’s like a massive inn!”
“How many floors are there?”
“Three! It might seem tight on space, but it’s much better than any hive we could have made with just wax and spit!”
“You seem rather excited right now.”
“That’s because I am! We’re going to make peace with the harpies, finally get our men back, and then go beat those wasp girls! Why wouldn’t I be! Come on, let’s continue the tour.”
Beatrice grabbed my hand and dragged me down the hallway. The fuzzy cuff on her wrist was tickling my hand.
It served as a subtle reminder that she was a monster, strange how easy it is to ignore how inhuman she really is. Even the human parts of her weren’t wholly human, such as the yellow, fuzzy hairs that made the cuffs on her wrists or the sort of V-neck collar around her neck.
I guess it shows how much a pretty face and friendly demeanor can do for you.
We kept walking down the hall until we stopped in front of a random door. She opened it up and pulled me inside.
“And this is the final destination of the tour! My room!” She proudly declared.
Her room was a small square box with a single bed and an end table beside it. Being invited into a girl’s bedroom, God! That hasn’t happened in years, not since middle school. That was a fun birthday party though…
“That was quick.”
“Yep, but I won’t be quick with you!” She closed the door behind her and locked it. “No interruptions this time… But first.”
She cautiously glanced around the room as if expecting someone to jump at out at her. She crept over to her bed. Crouching down she lifted the sheets and blanket up to check under the bed.
“What are you doing?”
“Making sure nobody is hiding in here.” Nodding to herself she stood back up. “There! All empty, it’s just you and me… Anyway, the room’s simple, but it’s all mine and completely private!”
“Beatrice before we do anything, I wanted to ask you about something.”
This question is probably- no, guaranteed to ruin her good mood. It’s been nagging me since my earlier conversation with her, but never got a chance to ask her. I felt like there was too many people around, and this is a question best left private.
“Sure go ahead.”
“That comment you made earlier, the one about villagers not being able to stop you from trading with the harpies even if they tired. There was something about the way you said it, and your attitude towards this whole situation… It’s left me with a certain impression.” I apprehensively said.
“What impression is that?” She asked, confused by my tone of voice.
“Would we even be having this conversation if the harpies cut the bee girls in their husband grabbing? You’re so… nonchalant with everything the harpies have done, I can’t help but think you’d be fine if they let you have a share of the men.”
She scowled at me, and her wings starting to twitch erratically. “William, I must have wax in my ears because I must have heard you wrong.”
“No you didn’t.”
Her wings were buzzing in agitation and her arm reached back ready to slap me. “Hey! Wait! I’m not saying you are! It’s just the-”
“The impression that you got! Why would you think that?”
“Because everyone’s actions just seem so confusing to me.”
“Confusing? Isn’t it clear to you?”
“No obviously it isn’t! Why is everyone acting the way they are? Please explain it to me, I don’t get it. If the harpies have been abducting men for years and harassing women then why is everyone okay with making peace immediately?”
Her aggressive stance suddenly deflated, and her wings stopped buzzing. She moved over to her bed and slumped onto it. “They broke us William, it’s that simple. We just want our men back and to get on with our lives. We're not going to pretend that this is going to be an equal peace, the harpies won. They’re negotiating from a position of strength and we’re not. It’s as simple as that.”
“So that’s why? It’s war weariness?” I asked.
“I wouldn’t call it a war, we never could fight back. There were raids, they attacked us and stole our men. To them they a means to an ends, a mate to breed with. To us…they’re our family, our friends. People we’ve grown up with and lived with our entire lives.” She said despondent, her antenna drooping.
That… makes sense. It was also an option that I didn’t consider earlier. Why? Had I too readily assumed that the bee girls weren’t part of the “in-group” of the village? Possibly, the way Beatrice referred to the other bee girls made them seem like a separate group.
“Then the harpies abducted them all.”
“Yeah… We just want them back William. That’s why everyone is agreeing to this. We want to see our village be reunited.” She paused and took a moment to collect her thoughts. “When the frenzy began, people died. It was inevitable, some harpies didn’t have a good grip on a man they were taking and would drop him. They probably weren’t used to having to carry things away, and have them survive. Veterans of the war, and all, anything they’d carry that high they’d want to drop on its head.” She bitterly remarked, wings buzzing. “Most were close enough to the ground to survive, but others… weren’t. Some men started carrying knives with at all times, whatever harpy targeted them usually got away with only a few cuts… Others didn’t.”
“Nothing like that was ever mentioned at all!” I blurted out in surprise.
“It’s not a pleasant thing to talk about.”
“Well how many people did that? Carry knives I mean.”
“Only a small handful. Your earlier comment in the meeting hall was right. If we knew how to fight back it would have been a bloodbath.”
“And they didn’t because?”
“Because they’re scared. We all feared if we started fighting back then the harpies would crush us. Their new queen may claim to be more peaceful, but we all know her village is filled with the veterans of the previous queen’s campaigns. Experienced warriors, used to fighting, and used to taking what they want. Most of us can’t seriously fight them.” She shook her head. “We wouldn’t even pose a threat.”
“Oh, I’m… sorry for my comment then. I wasn’t implying anything by it, I was just…” I trailed off.
“William, if the harpies came to us with an offer before all this madness started, whatever it may be… We would have turned them down. Bee girls have lived in this village for over five hundred years. It’s our home and we wouldn’t betray it for anything. I lost the man I loved during that time… almost everyone in the village or hive did.”
I was hesitant to inquire further. “What… What happened to him?”
The sorrow was plainly evident in her voice. “It was only three years ago during the frenzy… He was attacked by a harpy. When she flew off with him I chased after her, trying to get him back. We fought and she lost her grip on him. He fell, I dove after him, but didn’t catch him… Thankfully he only broke his leg on impact. After that his family decided to move of the village.”
I sat on the bed beside her, feeling very awkward at the moment. “… Sorry.”
“You want to know the real reason we traded with the harpies?” She asked.
“Sure.”
“It was the only way we could think of to see any of the men. When we stopped in the village to trade some would come out to greet us, asking how things are. We thought about sending messages between them and the village, but… We feared they would accuse us of working with the harpies.”
“Like I almost did… again, sorry. That was a stupid thing for me to say.” I glumly said. Well now I feel like a complete shithead.
“Yeah it was.”
“Anyway I can make it up to you?”
“I can think of something… William?”
“Yes?”
Her face broke out into a mischievous grin. “I finally got you on my bed~”
“Uh, that’s a bit of a quick mood change. Are you sure you don’t want a minute or something? That mustn’t have been easy to bring up.”
“It’s been our sad reality for years now… You get used to it and seize any chance at a moment of happiness that you can.”
“Sounds depressing.”
She rolled her eyes and playfully shoved me. “I’m being dramatic here, William. Day to day life is usually uneventful. Everyone in this village has their sob story, but now things have a chance to get better.”
“Ah, that’s good to hear… You know… Luka, Alice and I didn’t get an opportunity to book a room at an inn and it is getting late. You wouldn’t happen to know any place where I could stay the night?”
She didn’t respond, but you know what they say. Actions speak louder than words. Her pulling me into an embrace certainly spoke loud enough of her intentions.
***
Contrary to what I expected, there wasn’t a massive crowd of villagers awaiting the Queen’s arrival. It was only a small gathering consisting of the chief, Reggie, Beatrice, Luka, myself, and Alice… Really she wasn’t so much as involved peace process as glaring at everyone. Wonder what caused that.
There were a couple more people and bee girls whose names’ I forgot. I felt bad about that, but sometimes I’m great with names, other times I’m awful. Better than Alice calling people “Citizen A” or “Woman B.”
Julius was also there… still in his disguise.
“Julius, you don’t need to dress like that anymore. The harpies agreed to stop harassing the village while the talks are happening. You can wear whatever you want.” Luka pointed out.
“I’m not wearing for that. I’m wearing it as practice now!”
“Practicing for what?” I asked.
“The play I’m writing! This entire experience has served as an inspiration to me! And with three having helped us, it looks like a happy ending is right around the corner! Spice it up with some forbidden romance, a little action, and it will perfect!”
“And who are you playing?”
“Luka!”
“What?!”
I snorted and burst out laughing.
“I think I capture his boyish good looks perfectly!”
“If you playing me, then why are you dressed like that?!”
“Because darling, it’s for the scene where you are forced to disguise yourself to sneak into Harpy Village and rescue William from being sacrificed to an ancient fertility deity! The ceremony that you must stop is being conducted by the Queen! She’s high priestess and must personally sacrifice him!”
Everyone else gathered was making an effort to ignore Julius, obviously used to putting up with his “antics.”
“That never happened! Why would you make that up?!”
“By sacrifice, I hope you don’t mean ritualistically murder. Fertility deities aren’t known for demanding human sacrifice and I’m not keen on being killed off.”
“It’s called artistic license Luka, I’m just adding some creative elements to make the play more entertaining! And no they’re not killing you. The Queen is attempting to steal your soul and offer it to their deity!”
He’s avoiding using the word goddess, probably blasphemous to acknowledge any god or goddess besides Ilias.
“And steal it how?” I asked.
“Through sex of course! But before she can do that, Luka will dramatically rip off his disguise and rescue you! The climax will be Beatrice and the Queen over your very soul, while Luka holds off hordes of harpies!”
“Seems like you know what you’re doing… even if it’s a bad parody with a thin veneer of reality stretched across it.”
“Doesn’t that sound offensive to have royalty portrayed like that?” Luka asked.
“Honey, have you seen her before? With royalty as gorgeous as her how could I not include a tantalizing scene like that! Speaking of her, there she is!” Julius pointed to several harpies flying towards us.
I hope she didn’t hear a word of what Julius said because that would be very awkward and uncomfortable.
Arriving with the Queen were several harpies, none of them of note, except one in armor… who was carrying a dark elf.
I froze, doing my best to suppress the urge to panic or freakout.
Luka leaned and whispered to me. “William, are you okay?”
“N-no… No I’m not.” I nervously replied.
A dark elf with very bright, golden eyes…
I took a sip from my flask. This wasn't an encounter I was looking forward to.
***
“The humans are onto us Sis! What do we do?”
“Cut the bastard loose and run Sunny! Run!”
“Are you sure?! Can’t we carry him-”
“Yes!”
***
One of the worst kidnappers ever… Sunny I think, she’s got those eyes.
What the hell is she doing here?! Out of every village or town she could have been she’s here! I think the worst part is this village doesn’t have an open gin joint, so I can’t make a reference that nobody else here would get…
Now that’s a depressing reminder, nobody on this Earth is ever going to understand my references… I think it’s called Earth, I don’t quite remember. Can’t exactly ask people for the name of the planet… I’ll stick with the non-descriptive “world” for the time being.
The chief greeted the Queen Harpy and their respective entourages exchanged pleasantries with each other. For the moment Luka and I stood off to the side, waiting for them to call us over.
The Queen exuded an atmosphere of goodwill and calmness. It’s embarrassing to admit but I was quite taken by her charming looks. I think any person would be. She carried herself with grace and dignity, appearing to be the very model of respectability.
Her color palette itself was pleasing to look at. Her feathers were a soft pink with darker tips that blended into a shade of purple. Her hair was pale lavender, and atop her head sat a golden circlet. The only article of clothing she was wearing was a turquoise blouse, with a plunging V-neck lined by ruffles.
In fact all the harpies seemed to share that wardrobe decision. Only covering their tops, though the feathers on their legs covered them up completely. At a glance it simply looked like they were wearing pants. Surprisingly nobody commented on it, so I was inclined to follow suit.
During this I noted that Sunny’s hands were bound behind her back and she was being escorted around by a harpy.
The chief looked our way, and waved for Luka and I to join in on the introductions.
We moved closer to the small crowd. I noticed that everyone that greeted the Queen, even the chief, all lightly bowed to her. Showing deference to her rank… except me. I think I was supposed to, but I don’t do bowing or kneeling or anything like that. Although it couldn’t hurt to show some knowledge of social etiquette.
After Luka said his piece, he motioned to me. “And this is my travelling companion and friend, William.”
Aw! I’m never sure when it’s appropriate to call myself someone’s friend, so him saying that feels nice.
“A pleasure to meet you, Your Majesty. As my friend has stated, I am William.” I accepted her outstretched wing and gently shook it. “If I remember correctly it’s common courtesy to kiss a lady’s hand, but I’m not sure how that applies to wings.”
“It is not an uncommon practice.” She moved her wing up, her feathers tickling my face. I lightly pecked where I was grasping it. It served as an approximation of where her hand would be.
Well… never done that before. Thank God I avoided freezing up… I think people are staring at me… Yes! Yes they are! The chief is giving me the stink eye!
“My, you are quite the gentleman.”
Hey! That didn’t sound sarcastic at all! Actual sincerity!
Reggie stepped forward. “If the introductions are over with, let us take this to the meeting hall. It’s been prepared for this occasion.”
Everyone else followed after him into the building. Hopefully this conference will be civil and worthwhile.
I didn’t join them in their meeting. I wanted to, but I felt like I didn’t belong or deserve to be in there. What have I done? But then again what as Luka actually done for them? He’s the hero and I’m not…
The village chief also probably wants him to serve as a peacekeeper or rather her bodyguard if things go tits up… With monster girls that might be literal.
Besides, I needed to have a private chat with… Sunny. She hadn’t taken part of the introductions and didn’t follow them. Once everyone else had gone inside she walked up to me, with that harpy right beside her, and they stopped a several feet away. She was fidgeting and avoiding eye contact with me.
“So…” I started. “Sunny right?”
“Yeah… I never got your name before, but now…”
“I just said it.”
She nodded.
“So… What happened? What are you doing here?” I asked her.
“After my sister attacked you… I thought you had died! She tried to convince me what she did was necessary, but I didn’t want to listen to her! We parted ways and I turned myself in to the harpies.”
“And why would it matter to them?”
She fidgeted. “Since we had tried to steal from them, we were considered criminals wanted by the Queen… Any crime we committed while they were hunting for us was added to the list of charges.”
“Nice to see you cared enough about the man you stabbed.” I caustically remarked.
She flinched. “No! I didn’t stab you! Sis did!”
“She did?”
She rapidly nodded. “Yes she was! I-I was worried that… you were dead. I told the Queen about everything Sis and I did. I couldn’t stand the guilt. I had trouble sleeping, I always imagined you lying on the ground, bleeding out and crying for help…”
Yay! My horribly painful and pathetic flailing around as I slowly died had a negative impact on her. Shows she has conscience at least.
“It hasn’t exactly a picnic for me either. I nearly bleed out and had to spend a month in bed recovering. Worst still is that your sister’s attack left several scars, which I am NOT happy about.”
“Sorry about that…the Queen put on a trial, but before she rendered her final verdict, she had scouts go to Ilias Village to see if you survived or not. The harpies seem to think you’re a nobleman, and the penalty for killing a one is death…”
Nobleman? Why would she assume that?
“I’m not dead. So what does that have to do with anything now?”
The guard spoke up. “The Queen’s convinced that you’re a noble, she thought it best give you a chance tooffer your opinion on Sunny’s conviction. That’s why we brought her along in the first place. It’s not something that normally happens, since commoners can’t ask the Queen to change her rulings.”
“That… seems like an easily abused system that heavily favors the nobility. Like skewed and broken on a fundamental level. Are you saying I could demand anything?”
“Not anything, it would need to be approved by Her Majesty, but that would be just a formality. If you wanted her dead we can have her hanging from the gallows by the end of the day.”
A look of horror and panic flashed across Sunny’s face.
“No! No! That’s horrible! I’m not even nobility! I have no ties or titles or anything! Don’t kill her on my behalf!”
“It was a joke, sir.”
Sunny breathed a sigh of relief.
“The gallows part that is. It takes a full day to set up.”
“Like I said, not a noble and I don’t want her killed. Just… forget about it.”
“Then consider it a non-issue.”
“What is her sentence anyway?”
“Since you weren’t killed, the Queen was willing to considerably lessen her punishment. It went from the possibility of execution to community service and house arrest.”
“I finally got to play with the little chicks! Part of the community service was helping to raise all the newly hatched chicks! Those harpies have been mating like bunnies.” Sunny cheerfully said.
“Ten years ago extinction of the harpy race was… a distinct possibility. We’ve had to make up for all the people we lost during the last queen’s wars.” She spat on the ground. “She-devil of a crow. She nearly got us all killed.”
“Can you tell me more about her? I only know bits and pieces.” I asked the guard.
“Not much to her. She wanted power, got it, and then wanted more. She wouldn’t stop waging war until she conquered the whole continent. Thankfully she was killed in battle and we were able to move on with our lives.”
“Okay… It seems strange to let Sunny look after your children. She is an accomplice to my attempted murder.”
“Most of our current population is under five years old. We’re pressed for caretakers to look after all those chicks, and Sunny has proven herself trustworthy… enough. She has a problem with keeping her hands to herself when dealing with the men.”
“I was just about to ask about them! What do they do?”
“They’re either mating or spending time locked indoors… A growing harpy needs plenty of fresh air and exercise. Unfortunately we can’t trust most of the men not to run away if given the chance, it’s happened a few times. Also once the chicks start to fly, only harpies can reliably keep up with them.”
Why do I feel like an RPG character just going through a list of setting questions?
Sunny cut in. “That’s interesting and all, but this has been bugging me! How did you survive? I’m not complaining, but it looked like you were bleeding out!”
“When your sister stabbed me… repeatedly. She apparently missed everything, no vital organs were hit. She only got flesh, muscle, and scrapped some bone. At least that’s what my doctor told me. Me living was nothing short of a miracle… literally once Ilias came down to heal me.”
“Ilias?! She healed you?!” She loudly exclaimed.
“Yeah, divine intervention is a great thing… Still took a month to recover.”
“Ilias… healed you? Ilias? As in the goddess?”
“Yes that Ilias. I don’t know why you’re surprised. It’s not that big a deal… actually yes it is. I was healed by a goddess.”
That’s just going to draw so much attention to me… She’s probably spying on me right now or maybe one of her angels are… There’s a disturbing thought. God damn voyeurs!
“Th-that’s… not something that should ever be said as an offhand remark, sir.”
“She comes down to the Temple in Ilias Village once a year, it’s a trivial matter, really.”
“No it isn’t!” The guard shouted.
“So Sunny! You said you were having horrible nightmares! Let’s move the conversation onto that! And forget anything related to Ilias!” I said, frantic to change the topic.
“They were nightmares, but once the harpies had told me you were alive and later confirmed you were walking around, well…” Sunny started to blush. “After that my dreams changed to something more… romantic.”
“Nevermind. I don’t want to hear it.”
“Are you sure~? I dreamt that I would make amends for my actions by helping to nurse to back to health. Don’t you think so?”
“No. Not really.”
“Aww~ I thought it would be so romantic if I could feed you, by hand, while you were recovering. All defenseless and bound in my bed, you’d be entirely dependent on me.” She moved closer to me. “The constant pain from your injuries making you jerk and spasm in your sleep… I tell you be calm, but you…”
What?
“I said that I don’t want to hear it. We can go back to Ilias. You can stop talking now.”
She continued on, ignoring my comment. “But you’d keep struggling against me! Trying to throw me off of you. In too much pain to understand my actions. I’d be forced to tie you down on the bed for your own good! I couldn’t have my little patient opening up their wounds.”
What?!
“Do I hear you grinding your teeth? If you keep doing that I’ll have to gag you~ I don’t want that handsome face of yours to be ruined by misshapen or deformed teeth.”
“Sunny… Just stop while you’re a head.”
“While I get head? You were thinking of me!”
The guard was struggling to contain her laughter at my misfortune. She probably didn’t see it that way, but I did.
“In one of my dreams I realized the light was too bright and harmful to your eyes. You spent all that time in my room recovering; your eyes weren't accustomed to the light! I needed to blindfold you… to protect you of course!”
I idly noted that Flowers on the Wallpopped into my head.
“They say that handcuffs will hurt the wrist if left on too long, but not you add some extra padding! I learned that from… Then I realized that if I’m your nurse, I should be using leather straps as medical braces… ”
I think I’m gonna tune her out.
I keep hearin' you're concerned about my happiness,
But all that thought you're givin' me is conscience I guess.
If I was walkin' in your shoes, I wouldn't worry none,
While you 'n' your friends are worried about me I'm havin' lots of fun.
“… Even with you like that, I’d never abuse your trust in me. Though, sometimes I’d have to take care of your more… intimate needs… ”
Nope!
Countin' flowers on the wall,
That don't bother me at all.
Playin' solitaire till dawn with a deck of fifty-one.
Smokin' cigarettes and watchin' Captain Kangaroo,
Now don't tell me I've nothin' to do.
“Did you know that hot wax is a great…”
Last night I dressed in tails, pretended I was on the town.
As long as I can dream it's hard to slow this swinger down.
So please don't give a thought to me, I'm really doin' fine.
You can always find me here, I'm havin' quite a time!
“… I promise, any sharp thrusting pain you feel, won't be as bad as the first time! I’ll teach you to love it! I only needed to use more…”
Wait?! What did she say?!
Countin' flowers on the wall,
That don't bother me at all.
Playin' solitaire till dawn with a deck of fifty-one.
Smokin' cigarettes and watchin' Captain Kangaroo,
Now don't tell me I've nothin' to do.
Th-this can’t be real… It-it can’t be… It’s monster girls. This is just the tip of the iceberg isn’t it? And what does she mean by that?! There are implications there! Implications I am not okay with!
It's good to see you, I must go, I know I look a fright.
Anyway my eyes are not accustomed to this light,
And my shoes are not accustomed to this hard concrete.
So I must go back to my room and make my day complete.
“Wouldn’t you like that? Tied up, left in darkness, hearing only my loving voice until you recover. But before you do recover, I’d… And that was only my first four dreams! They got more intricate after that.” She cheerfully finished her confession.
Countin' flowers on the wall,
That don't bother me at all.
Playin' solitaire till dawn with a deck of fifty-one.
Smokin' cigarettes and watchin' Captain Kangaroo,
Now don't tell me I've nothin' to do.
I stared at her blankly for a few seconds before pulling out my flask and taking a long swig from it. Dark elves… they love their bondage and sadism.
Don't tell me I've nothin' to do.
I kept drinking until the flask was empty. I needed to drown out the horror of what I just heard. She spent way too much time thinking on that!
Really though, it's not the bondage or submission and domination I take issue with, that's all fine and dandy... To tell the truth that sounds like an interesting way to spend an afternoon. No, it's the fact that it's coming from her is what disturbs me.
I put the now empty flask away. “You know what Sunny… I can’t believe that I’m saying this. Especially after hearing… that.”
“Intrigued? Any chance you and I can act out some of my dreams?”
“No! Those aren’t dreams! They’re fantasies and the start of a bad romance novel.”
She pouted at me. “I thought it sounded like a fun idea.”
“You shot me with an arrow and poisoned me.” I flatly replied. “That tends to ruin any chance of a relationship… Nevertheless, I believe that I’m a forgiving man. Seeing that you didn’t actually stab me, I am willing to move on and put all that ugliness behind us. Life seems too short to hold a grudge.”
“Yes! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” She excitedly rushed forwards me, but the harpy guard jumped onto Sunny’s shoulders and pulled her back. Her wings creating a strong breeze.
The harpy dragged Sunny several feet away. When she stopped, she hopped off her shoulders. “Sunny, this is your first and only warning. I won’t remind you a second time. No touching him. We won’t unbind you till we’re back at Harpy Village, since you still have more time to serve on your sentence.” She instructed in a stern voice. “Am I understood?”
“Yes…”
“Good.” She nodded, then turned to me. “Sorry about that sir, please carry on.”
“Thank you ma’am. Sunny, you are welcome… But your sister is a dead woman.” I said.
“What!? You can’t kill her!”
“Fine I won’t! I’m too much of a pacifist to do that. ” I admitted. “Luka will just seal her. Where is she now anyway?”
“She said that she was going back home to… Hey! Wouldn’t you rather hear more of my dreams?!”
“I already said no.”
“Awww, you don’t want me to be your nurse? You're not scared of needles, right? I know you didn't like it the last time I got you your.... shot."
I scowled at her. “Sunny… I may have forgiven you, but don’t make me immediately regret that decision… Wait needles!? For medical shots? Who the hell has access to those?”
Besides Promestein, La Croix, Chrome, and Grangold… Hm, I guess potentially any other place that has sufficient necromantic, alchemic, or medical knowledge. However those places are far and few between.
These are the times I live in. Needles are so rare or nonexistent that the doctor in Ilias Village didn’t know what they were. Not surprising, the modern hypodermic needle was invented during the early or mid-eighteenth century.
“Uh… No one does! It’s nowhere! I have no idea what needles are! You’re speaking crazy!”
“So you just said you’d stick me with a sewing needle?”
“No-”
“It’s Enrika isn’t it?”
“How did you know?!”
“I consider it my personal mission to know the going- ons of the area. It lets me help Luka plan the journey. Also, my armor is from Enrika, so I’ve heard about it. I have to say, sewing iron into cloth is quite the feat.”
Plus I when I played Monster Girl Quest I had to replay this fucking continent six times in a row because of save corruptions and system failures! Combined with all those books I’ve been reading I should know this place like the back of my hand!
If Sunny’s from Enrika, then she might know Micaela…
Sunny glanced behind me. “Looks like they want to speak with you.”
“Oh?” I turned around.
Coming out of the meeting hall was a harpy that walked up to us.
“Are you William?” She asked me.
“Yes, what is it?”
“Her Majesty wishes to speak with you.”
I followed her into the building.
***
They had called me in because they wanted to hear my input on the matter. I’m not sure why. Maybe it has to do with me arguing in favor of negotiating with the harpies yesterday…still very perplexing to me.
Despite my own private misgivings, I made a show of listening to everything they had to say, nodding and humming in acknowledge when needed. They thankfully condensed down what had already been discussed before calling me in.
Now they’re all staring at me, waiting for some sort of intelligent response.
I’m sure how they expected me to offer any new insight…
Oh well! I’ll just regurgitate what they said back at them and then keep talking. Add a few pauses, makes it sound like I’m pondering the issue. Also can’t forget the rhetorical questions. I have to keep faking it… Fooling myself that I’m making it! I’m not faking it! Faking it! Not faking it!
No time for that!
“So, correct me if I’m wrong, but it was fear that prevented any of you from acting? That the consequences of taking action, any action, would be far worse than current status quo?” I asked.
“Yes, it appears that way.” The Queen said.
“And to summarize, you each feared the actions of the other two. The harpies feared that the humans would turn away any deal because they supposedly worshipped Ilias, or that the bee girls would sabotage any deal to keep the men all for themselves. The bee girls feared that the villagers would throw them out and accuse them of betraying them the harpies. While also fearing that harpies may throw them out of the village in order to secure the supply of men all to themselves. A remote possibility, but one that never the less plagued their minds.”
“Yes.” One of the bee girls admitted. “If they’re desperate enough to start kidnapping all the men… They might… get rid of us.”
A collective mumble of assurances from harpies filled the room, each one saying something like that would never happen.
The Queen raised her wing, silencing the room. She then motioned at me. “Please, feel free to continue.”
“Thank you.” I nodded at her. “And the people most affected by all this, the villagers. Sure the older generation lived with harpies, but since the Slaughter of Remina relations were ruined. They were rightfully fearful of the harpies. Let’s not whitewash what has happened here, people have died and families torn apart. Then this younger generation grew up wary of monsters, even the bee girls of the village. Ironic considering they’re the main source of income and fame for this village.”
Again the room was filled with the collective murmurs of assurances, only from the villagers this time. Men and women alike reaffirming that the bee girls hold a special place in this community.
The chief spoke up. “They’ve lived in this village for hundreds of years! They as much a part of this village as I am or anyone else in this room.”
“Anyone in this room? Does that mean you’ll now consider harpies part of this village? If they had approached you, asking if they could marry men from the village. Would you have let them?”
Keep that up! Don’t make statements, make questions for them to answer! Be like an Irishman, answer questions with questions!
She paused before answering. “… No, I would have told them to stay away from the harpies and marry within the village. I think regardless what I told them, many men would have taken that offer without a moment’s hesitation… Mostly because my husband was chief before he was kidnapped and he would have said yes.”
“Said yes? The moment harpies started taking men, he was outside day and night yelling for his love to steal him away! He kept that up for months before an older harpy plucked him up into the air.” Julius remarked.
The chief scowled at him.
“Not really plucked actually. He gleefully jumped into her welcoming wings and then they flew off into the sun setting together. Laughing maniacally all the way. Some days the old chief and his harpy wife fly over the village doing stunts… The old bastard must be having the time of his life now that he’s not stuck here.”
Reggie spoke up, ignoring Julius’s comment. “I can vouch for that, a lot of men might have been interested in marrying a harpy… however, that would have been before the kidnappings and assault. After that the harpies lost a lot of their potential goodwill.”
“It is… disheartening to hear that. All of this could have been so easily averted. People have died, this community was torn apart, and families separated… And why? Because nobody here could properly communicate with one and other? That everyone was paralyzed by terror and suspicion? Is that right?” I asked them.
“Regrettably yes, that’s the case here.” He responded.
“It was also desperation forced us to act, to do otherwise would mean our extinction. I regret having to do that, but as Queen I had a responsibility to continue my race. At the time our population was dangerously low and we had no mates.”
“How bad was it?” Luka asked.
“To call it terrible would not be doing it justice… It was a terrifying realization that we may be the last generation of harpies to ever exist. That I may have been the last queen to preside over a dying race… I couldn’t let that happen, I wouldn’t.” The Queen said with conviction. “But now, we can work together to repair the damage caused by my decision. I can only hope that future generations may never be faced with the same situation as we were.”
I cut in. “And let’s not forget that a major problem for everyone here is the wasp girls. They’re the ones that have cut off travel in and out of this area, ruthlessly attacking anyone and everyone. Mending relations between Harpy and Happiness Village is the first step to establishing a permanent peace. The next is driving back the wasp girls, so that they cannot disruption the lives of your villages’ any more. The other problem is the small population size. If that’s not resolved we’d be back at square one in a generation. To that end I believe expanding the current village should be a vital part of moving forward.”
“You had an idea in mind? Please, feel free to share it.” The Queen said.
Well it’s time to make a fool of myself. Seeing all those maps back at the Temple got me thinking and this is a good a time as any to share some of the stuff I thought up. If they’re willing to listen to Luka, they might be willing to listen to me.
What’s the worst they could say? They tell me to sit down and shut up?
“This village is close enough to the coast it should be… relatively easy to establish a small port or harbor. If that’s built it would open this village up and allow you to trade with the rest of the world. The best option to look into for trading partners is the mermaids, specifically the merchants from Port Natalia. They should have readily available connections and access to a wider trade network that you could utilize. More importantly doing so allows people direct access to your village, meaning it would be easier for people to migrate here. You wouldn’t have to worry about population shortages ever again! From there, if you’re able to draw enough resources and capital, then the construction of canals to connect this village to Iliasburg is a possibility. There’s enough rivers and waterways that shouldn’t take too long. After all, trade is the lifeblood of nations.”
“William… Your idea is simply too impractical to work or even be feasible to attempt. For the moment it’s better for us to focus on reclaiming the roads from the wasp girls. They are the ones blocking trade and preventing this- everyone’s village from growing. The only sensible thing you suggested was contacting mermaid merchants in Port Natalia and building them a trading outpost.”
“… I know…”
Her face softened and she smiled. “Don’t be disheartened, your idea is certainly ambitious in scale, but wholly impractical.”
“Well, the time scale I had envisioned for that would have been between fifty to a hundred years, give or a take a decade. Enough time for a population increase to supply both the labor force and the demand for goods. That way this village would be big enough to draw in foreign investment from Grand Noah, since monster traders can’t do business in Ilaisport or opening trade with Port Natalia. They need to trade through intermediates, so-”
She cut in, completing my train of thought. “By having a village on the coast that was open to both monsters and humans, you sought to make this the most attractive trading destination on the continent.” She gently smiled. “Very ambitious indeed.”
I shrugged. “Yeah, but reality has different ideas on what to do.” I chuckled and shook my head. “Who knew trying to build a massive seaport from the ground up with less than fifty villagers would be impossible.”
She patted my shoulder with her wing. “You and your friend, Luka, have done more than enough to help the harpies and this village. Don't worry, leave the rest up to us.”
That’s what happens when you spend too much time playing Civilization or Paradox Interactive games. You start thinking way too long term! I doubt I’d be alive to see a fraction of that stupid proposal completed…
Well for now anyway. Once I get my hands on some real monster texts, I can start searching for what I really need to know. And then from there a lot of possibilities open up to me. Not sure if men can become monsters, but I can think of a few reliable sources that can tell me.
“Thank you… Oh before I forget, I have some news that would be best discussed in private. It… pertains to the previous queen.”
I almost forgot! The previous harpy queen’s body was acquired by La Croix and turned into a zombie! That’s something that has no reason to be public knowledge and should be easily verifiable by the Queen. I’m sure the previous queen must have some sort of tomb or grave, they check to see if her body’s missing.
“Certainly, I believe it’s an appropriate time to call a short recess.”
The chief nodded her head in agreement. “Yes, some fresh air would do us all some good.”
As Alice was walking out of the room, she passed by the Queen. Who appeared to be eyeing her up. “Excuse me… Are you the-”
“I’m just a travelling gourmet.” Alice said, dismissing any further prying.
“Of course, my mistake. I must have confused you for someone else.”
***
The Queen and I were both in a private room in the back, away from prying eyes and any would be eavesdroppers.
“I’m not sure how best to so say this, so I’ll cut to the chase. I have reason to believe a necromancer that goes by the name La Croix has stolen the previous queen’s body from her grave, and is using it in her experiments. ”
“That… is a very serious claim.”
“Yes I’m aware of that. I also have reason to suspect that this La Croix is actually a member of the Artiste family. She was well known for her necromantic talents, but deemed insane by the previous Monster Lord and banished. It's mostly rumors and a few sightings, but I thought it best to pass that information along to you.”
“Even so, thank you for bringing this to my attention. I’ll have her grave checked on at once. I certainly recognize that family name.”
I nodded. “With the reputation that family has, you can understand my concern.”
“I do, it’s not a name any monster royalty wishes to hear. I hope those rumors are false, however… it is possible we never buried her in the first place. She fell during a battle, and we only retrieved her body much later. If she was assassinated by this necromancer then her body could have easily been replaced by a look alike.” She paused for a moment. “When we found her body, the face was not very recognizable.”
How old is the Queen? Sounds like she served under the previous one. When did she die? I never figured that part out. Only that La Croix turned into a lich, killed a bunch of monster royalty, and then was banished by Alice’s mom. Meaning it had to take place over twenty years ago.
“Feels like my advice wasn’t as useful as I had hoped. Do you have any way to confirm the identity of the body? If there even is a body for you to examine.”
“Don’t concern yourself with that. I have contacts that will handle this matter, simply bringing it to my attention was enough.”
“If you say so.”
“Good! Consider it dealt with. Now, if I may be so bold, where are you from?” She politely inquired.
Of all the things… why would she want to ask about that? Should I answer somewhat honestly or make shit up? Well, it’s not like I can actually tell her the names of specific places, otherwise she may try to follow up on it and then realize I’ve “lied” to her.
“Oh you know, a ways to the north, little to the west. A place near the coast I doubt you’ve heard of. ”
That description should be vague enough to include most of Sentora.
“Is that all? I’m sure you can tell me something about it. Are there only humans or do monsters live there as well?”
She’s attempting to narrow it down to a specific region. I doubt that’s going to do her any good, so there’s no point lying to her.
“Never meet a monster in my entire life, until around… two months ago. Well not so much as meet, but ran away from. On my way to Ilias Village I came across a slime girl that wouldn’t take no for an answer. We crossed paths again just recently. She seems very… relentless.”
“Oh dear, I’m confident that you will avoid being gobbled up by her.”
I motioned to myself. “Well you don’t see me stained blue, so I’d say I’m doing a good job so far.”
She lightly chuckled. “Yes it would appear that way."
Then she paused and her body language shifted. It wasn't much or obvious really. Just something subtle and somehow more dangerous. "William. You wouldn’t happen to be a noble, would you?”
“No." What an odd thing to ask. "Why would you think that?”
“You have knowledge far beyond the average commoner. Literate and with quite the collection of books or so I’ve heard. Something most non-nobles would never be able to get.”
“How’d you learn that?”
“A little bird told me. I admit that perhaps you are just a scholar. But why would a scholar care about commerce or administration? Unless you were being educated on how to manage a family estate it should be irrelevant to you.”
“I can see why you'll think that," I said. "but those factors could also point to anything else really. It’s not impossible for a scholar to take an interest in understanding market forces or a student to diversify their field of study. It’s not as if only the nobility have access to a higher education. That’s circumstantial evidence at best.”
“True, a sharp mind isn't just in the domain of nobility. Nor are skills solely restricted for the rich and the privileged, but there is one thing that you missed. One thing so ingrained that you will always default to it.”
What is she getting at? I don’t think I did anything that could be considered too unusual.
As I puzzled over what the Queen meant, she allowed herself a victorious smirk.
"Your attitude." She gave in response to my silence. "Noblesse Oblige, The Noble's Obligation. The Dark Elf had wronged you and yet you never held it against her, going so far as to give her a pardon for her crimes even though she almost ended your life. I can assure you that of all the beings I know of, there are not many who would forgive the one who has committed such a transgression against them.
“Beyond that consider what you have done. Diplomacy was your first choice to resolve a conflict. Politics, economics and administration at the national level being the first thing you considered to solve our situation. These are not the actions and decisions of a commoner.
"But most of all you did not bow. You hold yourself as equal to anyone at any station, even to a Queen in a private setting. Even, I dare say, to a Lord."
I didn’t bow… I may have just offended monster royalty…
…
Fuck! Deflect her comment! I didn’t think it mattered that much!
“And what does it says about me?” I calmly asked even as my heart began racing in my chest.
“It says that you are familiar with royalty and it's obligations. So much so that you don't even consider the formalities with their stations as important, if you were even bound to those formalities in the first place.”
“No, no, no no nonononono.” I shook my head and waved off her comment. “I’m not a member of nobility. That’s simply preposterous! It’s all baseless speculation!”
She didn’t pry any further, but she gave me a knowing smile.
Thank God she didn’t hold that earlier social faux pas against me. Besides that there’s no real reason to be worried about her conclusion… even if it is wrong.
She probably knows that Alice is the Monster Lord, despite her claims of being a travelling gourmet, and "knows" that I have a hidden identity. That doesn’t seem like cause for concern since the Queen Harpy an otherwise nice person and appears to be loyal to Alice.
At the least she only guessed that I'm a noble or royalty. I’d be more concerned if ‘accidental inter-dimensional traveler’ was the first thing that popped into her mind!
***
We were leaving, having done our part to help the peace process. The rest was up to them now… Although, I would have liked to have stayed and chatted with the Queen some more, but then I would have been left behind. Alice was very… insistent that we get moving and to stop wasting our time, i.e. her time.
Luka was also ready to go, since the harpies weren’t attacking people anymore, he wanted to go deal with those bandits… Despite my insistence that we stay the night.
It’s such a shame, I never got my in depth political discussion with the Queen. In spite of that I did manage to sneak in a comment or two to her regarding the rule of law, and maybe I left her a spare notebook.
I did managed to say my goodbyes to Beatrice, not saying anything to her would have been rude.
***
“Beatrice, it’s been an absolute pleasure meeting you and I have greatly enjoyed your company.”
“Aww thank you William. It was nice meeting you too! Are you sure you have to leave so soon?”
“Unfortunately, Luka wants to continue on with our journey. I’d love to stay longer, but I’m not about to abandon him. Without me he’d… probably be dead or enslaved by now. Yeah, I really need to follow him.”
“It’s a good thing he has you then.”
“Yeah, I have this strange feeling I’m gonna be his voice of reason. Hopefully you can get in contact with that guy you love, maybe convince him to move back now that things have settled down.”
“Me too.”
“Well… It’s been fun, but I’ve got to go.” I wrapped her up in a hug. “Good luck driving out those wasp girls.”
“Thanks! The harpies are going to do most of the fighting, but we’re still going to need it. Be safe, and try not to get eaten.”
“Hah! I’m doing what I can. You know I am gonna miss your four armed hugs. They are very comforting.”
“I know, I’m amazing.”
“Goodbye Beatrice.”
“See you later William. If you’re ever in the area, don’t be afraid to visit.”
“Don’t worry! I plan to… Oh and just remember this one piece of advice. If someone ever attacks the village, hide behind the nearest harpy. They’re war veterans, they know what to do.”
“Sure, but I don’t think anyone’s stupid enough to try that.”
I squeezed here a bit tighter. “You never know.”
I can’t exactly tell her angels are going to descend from Heaven and kill everyone, but it would feel wrong not to… say something… anything really.
***
Before we left the village I heard one of the bee girls grumbling about a drunk bear girl and harpy trying to steal the honeycomb right off her abdomen and then offering to bring her in for a threesome if she shared some honey…
Hm, sounds like those two got together. Good for them!
All in all I’d say we had a very successful time at Happiness Village.
***
“Come on Luka! Why couldn’t we have stayed the night there?! They were offering us a place to stay! We could have gotten warm beds instead of camping!” I complained.
“I lived with you for over a month William, I know what you would have done if we stayed there.”
“No you don’t.”
He sighed. “You would have slept past noon and dragged your feet the entire way back to Iliasburg, so that when we got the inn you could go right back to bed. I’m not wasting a day because you want to sleep for thirteen hours straight!”
The three of us had set up camp for the night, some ways between Happy Village and Iliasburg. Luka had vetoed any chance of us staying the night at Happiness Village… or is it Harpy Village now?
Happy Harpy Village? Harpy Happiness Village? They haven’t “officially” joined together yet, but that was the way things were progressing.
“Alright, you made your point.”
As a reward for helping them we got a couple jars of their famous Happiness Honey. We also had several more jars of regular honey as a thank you bonus. But Alice had decided to stuff her face like the glutton she is. Now we got empty jars! They were licked clean… Then washed and wiped down by me, so at least we can use them for storage.
Normally I wouldn’t have any honey, I was never fond of it before. But my options for sweets were limited… and Beatrice made such a compelling argument in its favor. So while we were all sitting around the campfire I tore off a hunk of bread and dipped in it a jar.
I took a bite and it tasted… odd. I don’t think honey is supposed to taste quite like that. It made me feel, light… like a warm sensation was running through my body. Definitely weird, but good.
In fact… it felt slightly familiar… Oh no.
I examined the jar, holding it closer to the fire to get more light on it. I noticed that lid to the jar was pink. That’s weird; I don’t remember the other jar’s having colored lids.
“What’s that?” Alice asked me
“Just a jar of honey.”
“Are you sure? There might be something special about it.” She said with a predatory grin.
Oh that is not a good sign. I felt a sense of dread building in my gut, but that was quickly overwhelmed by a greater sensation of relaxation.
“Luka… did you know that the bee girls have a special honey that works as an aphrodisiac?” I asked him.
“No, I didn’t. How did you learn that?”
“From personal experience with it. Do you know why that’s relevant?”
He cocked his head in confusion. “Why?”
“Because I feel almost identical to how I felt last night from eating this jar of honey.”
“…”
“Luka, I recommend that you consider leaving very quickly. Things are about become… weird.”
“Wha-” He questioned, only to be cut off by me.
“Luka, leave right now!” Alice’s tail had begun to wrap around my waist, and she was slithering towards me. “Leave while you still can!”
“Wait!”
“Fly you fool!” I shouted.
Hah! Always wanted an excuse to yell that.
He quickly shot up from his spot on the ground and ran into the woods to escape the scene that was currently unfolding…
But before she could do anything. “Alice, did you plant that jar of honey in my backpack?”
“Why does it matter? Who cares if I did?”
“I do! It’s the principle of the matter Alice! You didn’t need to go behind my back! All you could have done is asked me and I would have said yes.”
“… Really?” She asked, perplexed.
“Yes! This stuff is amazing! Usually I avoid any recreational drugs or the like, but it’s honey. Nothing wrong with a little bit of that.”
“… Very well, in the future I’ll inform you of my decisions ahead of time.”
“I see you worded that in a way that doesn’t actually ask me for my opinion.”
“Yes I did. I know you’d share that whether I want to hear it or not.” She remarked.
“Good! Then we are on the same page… mostly on the same page.” I started giggling. “Wow I think that stuff is really kicking in!”
“Hora~ Hor-”
I poked Alice on the nose. “Boop.”
None of us got any real sleep that night.
More surprising was the speed of the harpies’ response.
It was immediate, and not immediate like an army of harpies darkening the skies. A harpy came back with Beatrice saying she had a response from the Queen.
They went back and forth a few more times.
And before the day was over they had already arranged a meeting to happen by tomorrow!
That is fucking fast! Stuff like this doesn’t happen that quickly! I was expecting a week for a response! The sun hasn’t even begun to set, yet they got all this arranged! Why the hell did they need Luka to solve their problem?! Had they really done literally nothing this whole time! Not a single message with the harpies?!
The answer is yes…
So the Harpy Queen and her entourage would be coming to the village to hammer out all the nitty, gritty details.
***
After spending a couple hours briefly going over my books, Beatrice came back. Having finished playing messenger for today, she wanted to give me a tour of the hive.
The hive was situated on the outskirts of the town, a solid twenty minute walk away from the meeting hall. From the outside it was an unassuming, if a bit larger than usual, barn. Over three stories tall, I could see hatches on the top of the roof slightly ajar. From here it would seem to be a simple skylight or a means to keep the barn ventilated, but every so often a bee girl would fly out and then back in.
Looking at it I would have never suspected it was a bee girl hive.
“That’s an interesting design there. Is the hive in any danger of being abducted? Had to disguise it too? I think the makeup and wig could have been done better. It looks all stiff like it’s made of wood.” I humorously quipped.
“It is wood.”
“Ah excellent! My eyes have not deceived me! But why is the hive in the barn though?”
“It is a secret that Happiness Honey comes from bee girls, we couldn’t leave our hive sitting out in the open. Any outsiders or traders would spot it right away. The villagers have always hidden our hive inside a barn or other building. We help them build the frame and the rooms, but we have to furnish it ourselves.” She informed me.
“Okay so it’s less of an actual beehive and more like a communal house that happens to be filled with bee girls.”
“Yes, and the inside is covered in wax… We can’t help it, we just secrete the stuff!”
“And I’m not going to question from here. Though I am curious about something, the doors don’t like they’re wide enough to let bee girls through, especially if they had those big honeycombs on their abdomens.”
“Nope! When a bee girl’s honeycomb gets that big a beekeeper helps her harvest it.”
“Doesn’t that hurt?” I asked.
“Not if you’re gentle. It’s like trimming your fingernails or getting your hair cut. Sure it looks dangerous, but if it’s done right it’s painless.”
“Okay, another question. Is there a queen bee in there?”
“No, we’re not mindless drones. If we want children, we’re responsible for our own breeding.”
“Uh… Not to be rude, but if that’s what you have in mind for me… I’ll have to decline the tour. I’m not exactly looking to become a parent.”
She laughed and slapped my back. “Neither am I!”
Ow! That stung! She’s stronger than she looks.
We walked through the main doors and Beatrice spread all four of her arms out. “This is the main entrance!”
“I can see that.”
She ignored my comment. “It’s where villagers can enter our hive, since they can’t use any of the openings on the roof or fly in through the windows.”
Inside it looked like an otherwise normal barn, filled with massive wooden beams making up its internal structure. In the corners of the room I could spot beeswax lining the walls, the yellow color stood out from the otherwise dull brown of the wood. What surprised me was instead of being an open structure, there was a ceiling directly above us.
I looked upwards, scanning around the room. “Interesting floor plan here. I expected it to be more open.”
“No! We all get our own rooms! See down there?” She motioned to the hallway in front of me. “That’s only one floor! It’s like a massive inn!”
“How many floors are there?”
“Three! It might seem tight on space, but it’s much better than any hive we could have made with just wax and spit!”
“You seem rather excited right now.”
“That’s because I am! We’re going to make peace with the harpies, finally get our men back, and then go beat those wasp girls! Why wouldn’t I be! Come on, let’s continue the tour.”
Beatrice grabbed my hand and dragged me down the hallway. The fuzzy cuff on her wrist was tickling my hand.
It served as a subtle reminder that she was a monster, strange how easy it is to ignore how inhuman she really is. Even the human parts of her weren’t wholly human, such as the yellow, fuzzy hairs that made the cuffs on her wrists or the sort of V-neck collar around her neck.
I guess it shows how much a pretty face and friendly demeanor can do for you.
We kept walking down the hall until we stopped in front of a random door. She opened it up and pulled me inside.
“And this is the final destination of the tour! My room!” She proudly declared.
Her room was a small square box with a single bed and an end table beside it. Being invited into a girl’s bedroom, God! That hasn’t happened in years, not since middle school. That was a fun birthday party though…
“That was quick.”
“Yep, but I won’t be quick with you!” She closed the door behind her and locked it. “No interruptions this time… But first.”
She cautiously glanced around the room as if expecting someone to jump at out at her. She crept over to her bed. Crouching down she lifted the sheets and blanket up to check under the bed.
“What are you doing?”
“Making sure nobody is hiding in here.” Nodding to herself she stood back up. “There! All empty, it’s just you and me… Anyway, the room’s simple, but it’s all mine and completely private!”
“Beatrice before we do anything, I wanted to ask you about something.”
This question is probably- no, guaranteed to ruin her good mood. It’s been nagging me since my earlier conversation with her, but never got a chance to ask her. I felt like there was too many people around, and this is a question best left private.
“Sure go ahead.”
“That comment you made earlier, the one about villagers not being able to stop you from trading with the harpies even if they tired. There was something about the way you said it, and your attitude towards this whole situation… It’s left me with a certain impression.” I apprehensively said.
“What impression is that?” She asked, confused by my tone of voice.
“Would we even be having this conversation if the harpies cut the bee girls in their husband grabbing? You’re so… nonchalant with everything the harpies have done, I can’t help but think you’d be fine if they let you have a share of the men.”
She scowled at me, and her wings starting to twitch erratically. “William, I must have wax in my ears because I must have heard you wrong.”
“No you didn’t.”
Her wings were buzzing in agitation and her arm reached back ready to slap me. “Hey! Wait! I’m not saying you are! It’s just the-”
“The impression that you got! Why would you think that?”
“Because everyone’s actions just seem so confusing to me.”
“Confusing? Isn’t it clear to you?”
“No obviously it isn’t! Why is everyone acting the way they are? Please explain it to me, I don’t get it. If the harpies have been abducting men for years and harassing women then why is everyone okay with making peace immediately?”
Her aggressive stance suddenly deflated, and her wings stopped buzzing. She moved over to her bed and slumped onto it. “They broke us William, it’s that simple. We just want our men back and to get on with our lives. We're not going to pretend that this is going to be an equal peace, the harpies won. They’re negotiating from a position of strength and we’re not. It’s as simple as that.”
“So that’s why? It’s war weariness?” I asked.
“I wouldn’t call it a war, we never could fight back. There were raids, they attacked us and stole our men. To them they a means to an ends, a mate to breed with. To us…they’re our family, our friends. People we’ve grown up with and lived with our entire lives.” She said despondent, her antenna drooping.
That… makes sense. It was also an option that I didn’t consider earlier. Why? Had I too readily assumed that the bee girls weren’t part of the “in-group” of the village? Possibly, the way Beatrice referred to the other bee girls made them seem like a separate group.
“Then the harpies abducted them all.”
“Yeah… We just want them back William. That’s why everyone is agreeing to this. We want to see our village be reunited.” She paused and took a moment to collect her thoughts. “When the frenzy began, people died. It was inevitable, some harpies didn’t have a good grip on a man they were taking and would drop him. They probably weren’t used to having to carry things away, and have them survive. Veterans of the war, and all, anything they’d carry that high they’d want to drop on its head.” She bitterly remarked, wings buzzing. “Most were close enough to the ground to survive, but others… weren’t. Some men started carrying knives with at all times, whatever harpy targeted them usually got away with only a few cuts… Others didn’t.”
“Nothing like that was ever mentioned at all!” I blurted out in surprise.
“It’s not a pleasant thing to talk about.”
“Well how many people did that? Carry knives I mean.”
“Only a small handful. Your earlier comment in the meeting hall was right. If we knew how to fight back it would have been a bloodbath.”
“And they didn’t because?”
“Because they’re scared. We all feared if we started fighting back then the harpies would crush us. Their new queen may claim to be more peaceful, but we all know her village is filled with the veterans of the previous queen’s campaigns. Experienced warriors, used to fighting, and used to taking what they want. Most of us can’t seriously fight them.” She shook her head. “We wouldn’t even pose a threat.”
“Oh, I’m… sorry for my comment then. I wasn’t implying anything by it, I was just…” I trailed off.
“William, if the harpies came to us with an offer before all this madness started, whatever it may be… We would have turned them down. Bee girls have lived in this village for over five hundred years. It’s our home and we wouldn’t betray it for anything. I lost the man I loved during that time… almost everyone in the village or hive did.”
I was hesitant to inquire further. “What… What happened to him?”
The sorrow was plainly evident in her voice. “It was only three years ago during the frenzy… He was attacked by a harpy. When she flew off with him I chased after her, trying to get him back. We fought and she lost her grip on him. He fell, I dove after him, but didn’t catch him… Thankfully he only broke his leg on impact. After that his family decided to move of the village.”
I sat on the bed beside her, feeling very awkward at the moment. “… Sorry.”
“You want to know the real reason we traded with the harpies?” She asked.
“Sure.”
“It was the only way we could think of to see any of the men. When we stopped in the village to trade some would come out to greet us, asking how things are. We thought about sending messages between them and the village, but… We feared they would accuse us of working with the harpies.”
“Like I almost did… again, sorry. That was a stupid thing for me to say.” I glumly said. Well now I feel like a complete shithead.
“Yeah it was.”
“Anyway I can make it up to you?”
“I can think of something… William?”
“Yes?”
Her face broke out into a mischievous grin. “I finally got you on my bed~”
“Uh, that’s a bit of a quick mood change. Are you sure you don’t want a minute or something? That mustn’t have been easy to bring up.”
“It’s been our sad reality for years now… You get used to it and seize any chance at a moment of happiness that you can.”
“Sounds depressing.”
She rolled her eyes and playfully shoved me. “I’m being dramatic here, William. Day to day life is usually uneventful. Everyone in this village has their sob story, but now things have a chance to get better.”
“Ah, that’s good to hear… You know… Luka, Alice and I didn’t get an opportunity to book a room at an inn and it is getting late. You wouldn’t happen to know any place where I could stay the night?”
She didn’t respond, but you know what they say. Actions speak louder than words. Her pulling me into an embrace certainly spoke loud enough of her intentions.
***
Contrary to what I expected, there wasn’t a massive crowd of villagers awaiting the Queen’s arrival. It was only a small gathering consisting of the chief, Reggie, Beatrice, Luka, myself, and Alice… Really she wasn’t so much as involved peace process as glaring at everyone. Wonder what caused that.
There were a couple more people and bee girls whose names’ I forgot. I felt bad about that, but sometimes I’m great with names, other times I’m awful. Better than Alice calling people “Citizen A” or “Woman B.”
Julius was also there… still in his disguise.
“Julius, you don’t need to dress like that anymore. The harpies agreed to stop harassing the village while the talks are happening. You can wear whatever you want.” Luka pointed out.
“I’m not wearing for that. I’m wearing it as practice now!”
“Practicing for what?” I asked.
“The play I’m writing! This entire experience has served as an inspiration to me! And with three having helped us, it looks like a happy ending is right around the corner! Spice it up with some forbidden romance, a little action, and it will perfect!”
“And who are you playing?”
“Luka!”
“What?!”
I snorted and burst out laughing.
“I think I capture his boyish good looks perfectly!”
“If you playing me, then why are you dressed like that?!”
“Because darling, it’s for the scene where you are forced to disguise yourself to sneak into Harpy Village and rescue William from being sacrificed to an ancient fertility deity! The ceremony that you must stop is being conducted by the Queen! She’s high priestess and must personally sacrifice him!”
Everyone else gathered was making an effort to ignore Julius, obviously used to putting up with his “antics.”
“That never happened! Why would you make that up?!”
“By sacrifice, I hope you don’t mean ritualistically murder. Fertility deities aren’t known for demanding human sacrifice and I’m not keen on being killed off.”
“It’s called artistic license Luka, I’m just adding some creative elements to make the play more entertaining! And no they’re not killing you. The Queen is attempting to steal your soul and offer it to their deity!”
He’s avoiding using the word goddess, probably blasphemous to acknowledge any god or goddess besides Ilias.
“And steal it how?” I asked.
“Through sex of course! But before she can do that, Luka will dramatically rip off his disguise and rescue you! The climax will be Beatrice and the Queen over your very soul, while Luka holds off hordes of harpies!”
“Seems like you know what you’re doing… even if it’s a bad parody with a thin veneer of reality stretched across it.”
“Doesn’t that sound offensive to have royalty portrayed like that?” Luka asked.
“Honey, have you seen her before? With royalty as gorgeous as her how could I not include a tantalizing scene like that! Speaking of her, there she is!” Julius pointed to several harpies flying towards us.
I hope she didn’t hear a word of what Julius said because that would be very awkward and uncomfortable.
Arriving with the Queen were several harpies, none of them of note, except one in armor… who was carrying a dark elf.
I froze, doing my best to suppress the urge to panic or freakout.
Luka leaned and whispered to me. “William, are you okay?”
“N-no… No I’m not.” I nervously replied.
A dark elf with very bright, golden eyes…
I took a sip from my flask. This wasn't an encounter I was looking forward to.
***
“The humans are onto us Sis! What do we do?”
“Cut the bastard loose and run Sunny! Run!”
“Are you sure?! Can’t we carry him-”
“Yes!”
***
One of the worst kidnappers ever… Sunny I think, she’s got those eyes.
What the hell is she doing here?! Out of every village or town she could have been she’s here! I think the worst part is this village doesn’t have an open gin joint, so I can’t make a reference that nobody else here would get…
Now that’s a depressing reminder, nobody on this Earth is ever going to understand my references… I think it’s called Earth, I don’t quite remember. Can’t exactly ask people for the name of the planet… I’ll stick with the non-descriptive “world” for the time being.
The chief greeted the Queen Harpy and their respective entourages exchanged pleasantries with each other. For the moment Luka and I stood off to the side, waiting for them to call us over.
The Queen exuded an atmosphere of goodwill and calmness. It’s embarrassing to admit but I was quite taken by her charming looks. I think any person would be. She carried herself with grace and dignity, appearing to be the very model of respectability.
Her color palette itself was pleasing to look at. Her feathers were a soft pink with darker tips that blended into a shade of purple. Her hair was pale lavender, and atop her head sat a golden circlet. The only article of clothing she was wearing was a turquoise blouse, with a plunging V-neck lined by ruffles.
In fact all the harpies seemed to share that wardrobe decision. Only covering their tops, though the feathers on their legs covered them up completely. At a glance it simply looked like they were wearing pants. Surprisingly nobody commented on it, so I was inclined to follow suit.
During this I noted that Sunny’s hands were bound behind her back and she was being escorted around by a harpy.
The chief looked our way, and waved for Luka and I to join in on the introductions.
We moved closer to the small crowd. I noticed that everyone that greeted the Queen, even the chief, all lightly bowed to her. Showing deference to her rank… except me. I think I was supposed to, but I don’t do bowing or kneeling or anything like that. Although it couldn’t hurt to show some knowledge of social etiquette.
After Luka said his piece, he motioned to me. “And this is my travelling companion and friend, William.”
Aw! I’m never sure when it’s appropriate to call myself someone’s friend, so him saying that feels nice.
“A pleasure to meet you, Your Majesty. As my friend has stated, I am William.” I accepted her outstretched wing and gently shook it. “If I remember correctly it’s common courtesy to kiss a lady’s hand, but I’m not sure how that applies to wings.”
“It is not an uncommon practice.” She moved her wing up, her feathers tickling my face. I lightly pecked where I was grasping it. It served as an approximation of where her hand would be.
Well… never done that before. Thank God I avoided freezing up… I think people are staring at me… Yes! Yes they are! The chief is giving me the stink eye!
“My, you are quite the gentleman.”
Hey! That didn’t sound sarcastic at all! Actual sincerity!
Reggie stepped forward. “If the introductions are over with, let us take this to the meeting hall. It’s been prepared for this occasion.”
Everyone else followed after him into the building. Hopefully this conference will be civil and worthwhile.
I didn’t join them in their meeting. I wanted to, but I felt like I didn’t belong or deserve to be in there. What have I done? But then again what as Luka actually done for them? He’s the hero and I’m not…
The village chief also probably wants him to serve as a peacekeeper or rather her bodyguard if things go tits up… With monster girls that might be literal.
Besides, I needed to have a private chat with… Sunny. She hadn’t taken part of the introductions and didn’t follow them. Once everyone else had gone inside she walked up to me, with that harpy right beside her, and they stopped a several feet away. She was fidgeting and avoiding eye contact with me.
“So…” I started. “Sunny right?”
“Yeah… I never got your name before, but now…”
“I just said it.”
She nodded.
“So… What happened? What are you doing here?” I asked her.
“After my sister attacked you… I thought you had died! She tried to convince me what she did was necessary, but I didn’t want to listen to her! We parted ways and I turned myself in to the harpies.”
“And why would it matter to them?”
She fidgeted. “Since we had tried to steal from them, we were considered criminals wanted by the Queen… Any crime we committed while they were hunting for us was added to the list of charges.”
“Nice to see you cared enough about the man you stabbed.” I caustically remarked.
She flinched. “No! I didn’t stab you! Sis did!”
“She did?”
She rapidly nodded. “Yes she was! I-I was worried that… you were dead. I told the Queen about everything Sis and I did. I couldn’t stand the guilt. I had trouble sleeping, I always imagined you lying on the ground, bleeding out and crying for help…”
Yay! My horribly painful and pathetic flailing around as I slowly died had a negative impact on her. Shows she has conscience at least.
“It hasn’t exactly a picnic for me either. I nearly bleed out and had to spend a month in bed recovering. Worst still is that your sister’s attack left several scars, which I am NOT happy about.”
“Sorry about that…the Queen put on a trial, but before she rendered her final verdict, she had scouts go to Ilias Village to see if you survived or not. The harpies seem to think you’re a nobleman, and the penalty for killing a one is death…”
Nobleman? Why would she assume that?
“I’m not dead. So what does that have to do with anything now?”
The guard spoke up. “The Queen’s convinced that you’re a noble, she thought it best give you a chance tooffer your opinion on Sunny’s conviction. That’s why we brought her along in the first place. It’s not something that normally happens, since commoners can’t ask the Queen to change her rulings.”
“That… seems like an easily abused system that heavily favors the nobility. Like skewed and broken on a fundamental level. Are you saying I could demand anything?”
“Not anything, it would need to be approved by Her Majesty, but that would be just a formality. If you wanted her dead we can have her hanging from the gallows by the end of the day.”
A look of horror and panic flashed across Sunny’s face.
“No! No! That’s horrible! I’m not even nobility! I have no ties or titles or anything! Don’t kill her on my behalf!”
“It was a joke, sir.”
Sunny breathed a sigh of relief.
“The gallows part that is. It takes a full day to set up.”
“Like I said, not a noble and I don’t want her killed. Just… forget about it.”
“Then consider it a non-issue.”
“What is her sentence anyway?”
“Since you weren’t killed, the Queen was willing to considerably lessen her punishment. It went from the possibility of execution to community service and house arrest.”
“I finally got to play with the little chicks! Part of the community service was helping to raise all the newly hatched chicks! Those harpies have been mating like bunnies.” Sunny cheerfully said.
“Ten years ago extinction of the harpy race was… a distinct possibility. We’ve had to make up for all the people we lost during the last queen’s wars.” She spat on the ground. “She-devil of a crow. She nearly got us all killed.”
“Can you tell me more about her? I only know bits and pieces.” I asked the guard.
“Not much to her. She wanted power, got it, and then wanted more. She wouldn’t stop waging war until she conquered the whole continent. Thankfully she was killed in battle and we were able to move on with our lives.”
“Okay… It seems strange to let Sunny look after your children. She is an accomplice to my attempted murder.”
“Most of our current population is under five years old. We’re pressed for caretakers to look after all those chicks, and Sunny has proven herself trustworthy… enough. She has a problem with keeping her hands to herself when dealing with the men.”
“I was just about to ask about them! What do they do?”
“They’re either mating or spending time locked indoors… A growing harpy needs plenty of fresh air and exercise. Unfortunately we can’t trust most of the men not to run away if given the chance, it’s happened a few times. Also once the chicks start to fly, only harpies can reliably keep up with them.”
Why do I feel like an RPG character just going through a list of setting questions?
Sunny cut in. “That’s interesting and all, but this has been bugging me! How did you survive? I’m not complaining, but it looked like you were bleeding out!”
“When your sister stabbed me… repeatedly. She apparently missed everything, no vital organs were hit. She only got flesh, muscle, and scrapped some bone. At least that’s what my doctor told me. Me living was nothing short of a miracle… literally once Ilias came down to heal me.”
“Ilias?! She healed you?!” She loudly exclaimed.
“Yeah, divine intervention is a great thing… Still took a month to recover.”
“Ilias… healed you? Ilias? As in the goddess?”
“Yes that Ilias. I don’t know why you’re surprised. It’s not that big a deal… actually yes it is. I was healed by a goddess.”
That’s just going to draw so much attention to me… She’s probably spying on me right now or maybe one of her angels are… There’s a disturbing thought. God damn voyeurs!
“Th-that’s… not something that should ever be said as an offhand remark, sir.”
“She comes down to the Temple in Ilias Village once a year, it’s a trivial matter, really.”
“No it isn’t!” The guard shouted.
“So Sunny! You said you were having horrible nightmares! Let’s move the conversation onto that! And forget anything related to Ilias!” I said, frantic to change the topic.
“They were nightmares, but once the harpies had told me you were alive and later confirmed you were walking around, well…” Sunny started to blush. “After that my dreams changed to something more… romantic.”
“Nevermind. I don’t want to hear it.”
“Are you sure~? I dreamt that I would make amends for my actions by helping to nurse to back to health. Don’t you think so?”
“No. Not really.”
“Aww~ I thought it would be so romantic if I could feed you, by hand, while you were recovering. All defenseless and bound in my bed, you’d be entirely dependent on me.” She moved closer to me. “The constant pain from your injuries making you jerk and spasm in your sleep… I tell you be calm, but you…”
What?
“I said that I don’t want to hear it. We can go back to Ilias. You can stop talking now.”
She continued on, ignoring my comment. “But you’d keep struggling against me! Trying to throw me off of you. In too much pain to understand my actions. I’d be forced to tie you down on the bed for your own good! I couldn’t have my little patient opening up their wounds.”
What?!
“Do I hear you grinding your teeth? If you keep doing that I’ll have to gag you~ I don’t want that handsome face of yours to be ruined by misshapen or deformed teeth.”
“Sunny… Just stop while you’re a head.”
“While I get head? You were thinking of me!”
The guard was struggling to contain her laughter at my misfortune. She probably didn’t see it that way, but I did.
“In one of my dreams I realized the light was too bright and harmful to your eyes. You spent all that time in my room recovering; your eyes weren't accustomed to the light! I needed to blindfold you… to protect you of course!”
I idly noted that Flowers on the Wallpopped into my head.
“They say that handcuffs will hurt the wrist if left on too long, but not you add some extra padding! I learned that from… Then I realized that if I’m your nurse, I should be using leather straps as medical braces… ”
I think I’m gonna tune her out.
I keep hearin' you're concerned about my happiness,
But all that thought you're givin' me is conscience I guess.
If I was walkin' in your shoes, I wouldn't worry none,
While you 'n' your friends are worried about me I'm havin' lots of fun.
“… Even with you like that, I’d never abuse your trust in me. Though, sometimes I’d have to take care of your more… intimate needs… ”
Nope!
Countin' flowers on the wall,
That don't bother me at all.
Playin' solitaire till dawn with a deck of fifty-one.
Smokin' cigarettes and watchin' Captain Kangaroo,
Now don't tell me I've nothin' to do.
“Did you know that hot wax is a great…”
Last night I dressed in tails, pretended I was on the town.
As long as I can dream it's hard to slow this swinger down.
So please don't give a thought to me, I'm really doin' fine.
You can always find me here, I'm havin' quite a time!
“… I promise, any sharp thrusting pain you feel, won't be as bad as the first time! I’ll teach you to love it! I only needed to use more…”
Wait?! What did she say?!
Countin' flowers on the wall,
That don't bother me at all.
Playin' solitaire till dawn with a deck of fifty-one.
Smokin' cigarettes and watchin' Captain Kangaroo,
Now don't tell me I've nothin' to do.
Th-this can’t be real… It-it can’t be… It’s monster girls. This is just the tip of the iceberg isn’t it? And what does she mean by that?! There are implications there! Implications I am not okay with!
It's good to see you, I must go, I know I look a fright.
Anyway my eyes are not accustomed to this light,
And my shoes are not accustomed to this hard concrete.
So I must go back to my room and make my day complete.
“Wouldn’t you like that? Tied up, left in darkness, hearing only my loving voice until you recover. But before you do recover, I’d… And that was only my first four dreams! They got more intricate after that.” She cheerfully finished her confession.
Countin' flowers on the wall,
That don't bother me at all.
Playin' solitaire till dawn with a deck of fifty-one.
Smokin' cigarettes and watchin' Captain Kangaroo,
Now don't tell me I've nothin' to do.
I stared at her blankly for a few seconds before pulling out my flask and taking a long swig from it. Dark elves… they love their bondage and sadism.
Don't tell me I've nothin' to do.
I kept drinking until the flask was empty. I needed to drown out the horror of what I just heard. She spent way too much time thinking on that!
Really though, it's not the bondage or submission and domination I take issue with, that's all fine and dandy... To tell the truth that sounds like an interesting way to spend an afternoon. No, it's the fact that it's coming from her is what disturbs me.
I put the now empty flask away. “You know what Sunny… I can’t believe that I’m saying this. Especially after hearing… that.”
“Intrigued? Any chance you and I can act out some of my dreams?”
“No! Those aren’t dreams! They’re fantasies and the start of a bad romance novel.”
She pouted at me. “I thought it sounded like a fun idea.”
“You shot me with an arrow and poisoned me.” I flatly replied. “That tends to ruin any chance of a relationship… Nevertheless, I believe that I’m a forgiving man. Seeing that you didn’t actually stab me, I am willing to move on and put all that ugliness behind us. Life seems too short to hold a grudge.”
“Yes! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” She excitedly rushed forwards me, but the harpy guard jumped onto Sunny’s shoulders and pulled her back. Her wings creating a strong breeze.
The harpy dragged Sunny several feet away. When she stopped, she hopped off her shoulders. “Sunny, this is your first and only warning. I won’t remind you a second time. No touching him. We won’t unbind you till we’re back at Harpy Village, since you still have more time to serve on your sentence.” She instructed in a stern voice. “Am I understood?”
“Yes…”
“Good.” She nodded, then turned to me. “Sorry about that sir, please carry on.”
“Thank you ma’am. Sunny, you are welcome… But your sister is a dead woman.” I said.
“What!? You can’t kill her!”
“Fine I won’t! I’m too much of a pacifist to do that. ” I admitted. “Luka will just seal her. Where is she now anyway?”
“She said that she was going back home to… Hey! Wouldn’t you rather hear more of my dreams?!”
“I already said no.”
“Awww, you don’t want me to be your nurse? You're not scared of needles, right? I know you didn't like it the last time I got you your.... shot."
I scowled at her. “Sunny… I may have forgiven you, but don’t make me immediately regret that decision… Wait needles!? For medical shots? Who the hell has access to those?”
Besides Promestein, La Croix, Chrome, and Grangold… Hm, I guess potentially any other place that has sufficient necromantic, alchemic, or medical knowledge. However those places are far and few between.
These are the times I live in. Needles are so rare or nonexistent that the doctor in Ilias Village didn’t know what they were. Not surprising, the modern hypodermic needle was invented during the early or mid-eighteenth century.
“Uh… No one does! It’s nowhere! I have no idea what needles are! You’re speaking crazy!”
“So you just said you’d stick me with a sewing needle?”
“No-”
“It’s Enrika isn’t it?”
“How did you know?!”
“I consider it my personal mission to know the going- ons of the area. It lets me help Luka plan the journey. Also, my armor is from Enrika, so I’ve heard about it. I have to say, sewing iron into cloth is quite the feat.”
Plus I when I played Monster Girl Quest I had to replay this fucking continent six times in a row because of save corruptions and system failures! Combined with all those books I’ve been reading I should know this place like the back of my hand!
If Sunny’s from Enrika, then she might know Micaela…
Sunny glanced behind me. “Looks like they want to speak with you.”
“Oh?” I turned around.
Coming out of the meeting hall was a harpy that walked up to us.
“Are you William?” She asked me.
“Yes, what is it?”
“Her Majesty wishes to speak with you.”
I followed her into the building.
***
They had called me in because they wanted to hear my input on the matter. I’m not sure why. Maybe it has to do with me arguing in favor of negotiating with the harpies yesterday…still very perplexing to me.
Despite my own private misgivings, I made a show of listening to everything they had to say, nodding and humming in acknowledge when needed. They thankfully condensed down what had already been discussed before calling me in.
Now they’re all staring at me, waiting for some sort of intelligent response.
I’m sure how they expected me to offer any new insight…
Oh well! I’ll just regurgitate what they said back at them and then keep talking. Add a few pauses, makes it sound like I’m pondering the issue. Also can’t forget the rhetorical questions. I have to keep faking it… Fooling myself that I’m making it! I’m not faking it! Faking it! Not faking it!
No time for that!
“So, correct me if I’m wrong, but it was fear that prevented any of you from acting? That the consequences of taking action, any action, would be far worse than current status quo?” I asked.
“Yes, it appears that way.” The Queen said.
“And to summarize, you each feared the actions of the other two. The harpies feared that the humans would turn away any deal because they supposedly worshipped Ilias, or that the bee girls would sabotage any deal to keep the men all for themselves. The bee girls feared that the villagers would throw them out and accuse them of betraying them the harpies. While also fearing that harpies may throw them out of the village in order to secure the supply of men all to themselves. A remote possibility, but one that never the less plagued their minds.”
“Yes.” One of the bee girls admitted. “If they’re desperate enough to start kidnapping all the men… They might… get rid of us.”
A collective mumble of assurances from harpies filled the room, each one saying something like that would never happen.
The Queen raised her wing, silencing the room. She then motioned at me. “Please, feel free to continue.”
“Thank you.” I nodded at her. “And the people most affected by all this, the villagers. Sure the older generation lived with harpies, but since the Slaughter of Remina relations were ruined. They were rightfully fearful of the harpies. Let’s not whitewash what has happened here, people have died and families torn apart. Then this younger generation grew up wary of monsters, even the bee girls of the village. Ironic considering they’re the main source of income and fame for this village.”
Again the room was filled with the collective murmurs of assurances, only from the villagers this time. Men and women alike reaffirming that the bee girls hold a special place in this community.
The chief spoke up. “They’ve lived in this village for hundreds of years! They as much a part of this village as I am or anyone else in this room.”
“Anyone in this room? Does that mean you’ll now consider harpies part of this village? If they had approached you, asking if they could marry men from the village. Would you have let them?”
Keep that up! Don’t make statements, make questions for them to answer! Be like an Irishman, answer questions with questions!
She paused before answering. “… No, I would have told them to stay away from the harpies and marry within the village. I think regardless what I told them, many men would have taken that offer without a moment’s hesitation… Mostly because my husband was chief before he was kidnapped and he would have said yes.”
“Said yes? The moment harpies started taking men, he was outside day and night yelling for his love to steal him away! He kept that up for months before an older harpy plucked him up into the air.” Julius remarked.
The chief scowled at him.
“Not really plucked actually. He gleefully jumped into her welcoming wings and then they flew off into the sun setting together. Laughing maniacally all the way. Some days the old chief and his harpy wife fly over the village doing stunts… The old bastard must be having the time of his life now that he’s not stuck here.”
Reggie spoke up, ignoring Julius’s comment. “I can vouch for that, a lot of men might have been interested in marrying a harpy… however, that would have been before the kidnappings and assault. After that the harpies lost a lot of their potential goodwill.”
“It is… disheartening to hear that. All of this could have been so easily averted. People have died, this community was torn apart, and families separated… And why? Because nobody here could properly communicate with one and other? That everyone was paralyzed by terror and suspicion? Is that right?” I asked them.
“Regrettably yes, that’s the case here.” He responded.
“It was also desperation forced us to act, to do otherwise would mean our extinction. I regret having to do that, but as Queen I had a responsibility to continue my race. At the time our population was dangerously low and we had no mates.”
“How bad was it?” Luka asked.
“To call it terrible would not be doing it justice… It was a terrifying realization that we may be the last generation of harpies to ever exist. That I may have been the last queen to preside over a dying race… I couldn’t let that happen, I wouldn’t.” The Queen said with conviction. “But now, we can work together to repair the damage caused by my decision. I can only hope that future generations may never be faced with the same situation as we were.”
I cut in. “And let’s not forget that a major problem for everyone here is the wasp girls. They’re the ones that have cut off travel in and out of this area, ruthlessly attacking anyone and everyone. Mending relations between Harpy and Happiness Village is the first step to establishing a permanent peace. The next is driving back the wasp girls, so that they cannot disruption the lives of your villages’ any more. The other problem is the small population size. If that’s not resolved we’d be back at square one in a generation. To that end I believe expanding the current village should be a vital part of moving forward.”
“You had an idea in mind? Please, feel free to share it.” The Queen said.
Well it’s time to make a fool of myself. Seeing all those maps back at the Temple got me thinking and this is a good a time as any to share some of the stuff I thought up. If they’re willing to listen to Luka, they might be willing to listen to me.
What’s the worst they could say? They tell me to sit down and shut up?
“This village is close enough to the coast it should be… relatively easy to establish a small port or harbor. If that’s built it would open this village up and allow you to trade with the rest of the world. The best option to look into for trading partners is the mermaids, specifically the merchants from Port Natalia. They should have readily available connections and access to a wider trade network that you could utilize. More importantly doing so allows people direct access to your village, meaning it would be easier for people to migrate here. You wouldn’t have to worry about population shortages ever again! From there, if you’re able to draw enough resources and capital, then the construction of canals to connect this village to Iliasburg is a possibility. There’s enough rivers and waterways that shouldn’t take too long. After all, trade is the lifeblood of nations.”
“William… Your idea is simply too impractical to work or even be feasible to attempt. For the moment it’s better for us to focus on reclaiming the roads from the wasp girls. They are the ones blocking trade and preventing this- everyone’s village from growing. The only sensible thing you suggested was contacting mermaid merchants in Port Natalia and building them a trading outpost.”
“… I know…”
Her face softened and she smiled. “Don’t be disheartened, your idea is certainly ambitious in scale, but wholly impractical.”
“Well, the time scale I had envisioned for that would have been between fifty to a hundred years, give or a take a decade. Enough time for a population increase to supply both the labor force and the demand for goods. That way this village would be big enough to draw in foreign investment from Grand Noah, since monster traders can’t do business in Ilaisport or opening trade with Port Natalia. They need to trade through intermediates, so-”
She cut in, completing my train of thought. “By having a village on the coast that was open to both monsters and humans, you sought to make this the most attractive trading destination on the continent.” She gently smiled. “Very ambitious indeed.”
I shrugged. “Yeah, but reality has different ideas on what to do.” I chuckled and shook my head. “Who knew trying to build a massive seaport from the ground up with less than fifty villagers would be impossible.”
She patted my shoulder with her wing. “You and your friend, Luka, have done more than enough to help the harpies and this village. Don't worry, leave the rest up to us.”
That’s what happens when you spend too much time playing Civilization or Paradox Interactive games. You start thinking way too long term! I doubt I’d be alive to see a fraction of that stupid proposal completed…
Well for now anyway. Once I get my hands on some real monster texts, I can start searching for what I really need to know. And then from there a lot of possibilities open up to me. Not sure if men can become monsters, but I can think of a few reliable sources that can tell me.
“Thank you… Oh before I forget, I have some news that would be best discussed in private. It… pertains to the previous queen.”
I almost forgot! The previous harpy queen’s body was acquired by La Croix and turned into a zombie! That’s something that has no reason to be public knowledge and should be easily verifiable by the Queen. I’m sure the previous queen must have some sort of tomb or grave, they check to see if her body’s missing.
“Certainly, I believe it’s an appropriate time to call a short recess.”
The chief nodded her head in agreement. “Yes, some fresh air would do us all some good.”
As Alice was walking out of the room, she passed by the Queen. Who appeared to be eyeing her up. “Excuse me… Are you the-”
“I’m just a travelling gourmet.” Alice said, dismissing any further prying.
“Of course, my mistake. I must have confused you for someone else.”
***
The Queen and I were both in a private room in the back, away from prying eyes and any would be eavesdroppers.
“I’m not sure how best to so say this, so I’ll cut to the chase. I have reason to believe a necromancer that goes by the name La Croix has stolen the previous queen’s body from her grave, and is using it in her experiments. ”
“That… is a very serious claim.”
“Yes I’m aware of that. I also have reason to suspect that this La Croix is actually a member of the Artiste family. She was well known for her necromantic talents, but deemed insane by the previous Monster Lord and banished. It's mostly rumors and a few sightings, but I thought it best to pass that information along to you.”
“Even so, thank you for bringing this to my attention. I’ll have her grave checked on at once. I certainly recognize that family name.”
I nodded. “With the reputation that family has, you can understand my concern.”
“I do, it’s not a name any monster royalty wishes to hear. I hope those rumors are false, however… it is possible we never buried her in the first place. She fell during a battle, and we only retrieved her body much later. If she was assassinated by this necromancer then her body could have easily been replaced by a look alike.” She paused for a moment. “When we found her body, the face was not very recognizable.”
How old is the Queen? Sounds like she served under the previous one. When did she die? I never figured that part out. Only that La Croix turned into a lich, killed a bunch of monster royalty, and then was banished by Alice’s mom. Meaning it had to take place over twenty years ago.
“Feels like my advice wasn’t as useful as I had hoped. Do you have any way to confirm the identity of the body? If there even is a body for you to examine.”
“Don’t concern yourself with that. I have contacts that will handle this matter, simply bringing it to my attention was enough.”
“If you say so.”
“Good! Consider it dealt with. Now, if I may be so bold, where are you from?” She politely inquired.
Of all the things… why would she want to ask about that? Should I answer somewhat honestly or make shit up? Well, it’s not like I can actually tell her the names of specific places, otherwise she may try to follow up on it and then realize I’ve “lied” to her.
“Oh you know, a ways to the north, little to the west. A place near the coast I doubt you’ve heard of. ”
That description should be vague enough to include most of Sentora.
“Is that all? I’m sure you can tell me something about it. Are there only humans or do monsters live there as well?”
She’s attempting to narrow it down to a specific region. I doubt that’s going to do her any good, so there’s no point lying to her.
“Never meet a monster in my entire life, until around… two months ago. Well not so much as meet, but ran away from. On my way to Ilias Village I came across a slime girl that wouldn’t take no for an answer. We crossed paths again just recently. She seems very… relentless.”
“Oh dear, I’m confident that you will avoid being gobbled up by her.”
I motioned to myself. “Well you don’t see me stained blue, so I’d say I’m doing a good job so far.”
She lightly chuckled. “Yes it would appear that way."
Then she paused and her body language shifted. It wasn't much or obvious really. Just something subtle and somehow more dangerous. "William. You wouldn’t happen to be a noble, would you?”
“No." What an odd thing to ask. "Why would you think that?”
“You have knowledge far beyond the average commoner. Literate and with quite the collection of books or so I’ve heard. Something most non-nobles would never be able to get.”
“How’d you learn that?”
“A little bird told me. I admit that perhaps you are just a scholar. But why would a scholar care about commerce or administration? Unless you were being educated on how to manage a family estate it should be irrelevant to you.”
“I can see why you'll think that," I said. "but those factors could also point to anything else really. It’s not impossible for a scholar to take an interest in understanding market forces or a student to diversify their field of study. It’s not as if only the nobility have access to a higher education. That’s circumstantial evidence at best.”
“True, a sharp mind isn't just in the domain of nobility. Nor are skills solely restricted for the rich and the privileged, but there is one thing that you missed. One thing so ingrained that you will always default to it.”
What is she getting at? I don’t think I did anything that could be considered too unusual.
As I puzzled over what the Queen meant, she allowed herself a victorious smirk.
"Your attitude." She gave in response to my silence. "Noblesse Oblige, The Noble's Obligation. The Dark Elf had wronged you and yet you never held it against her, going so far as to give her a pardon for her crimes even though she almost ended your life. I can assure you that of all the beings I know of, there are not many who would forgive the one who has committed such a transgression against them.
“Beyond that consider what you have done. Diplomacy was your first choice to resolve a conflict. Politics, economics and administration at the national level being the first thing you considered to solve our situation. These are not the actions and decisions of a commoner.
"But most of all you did not bow. You hold yourself as equal to anyone at any station, even to a Queen in a private setting. Even, I dare say, to a Lord."
I didn’t bow… I may have just offended monster royalty…
…
Fuck! Deflect her comment! I didn’t think it mattered that much!
“And what does it says about me?” I calmly asked even as my heart began racing in my chest.
“It says that you are familiar with royalty and it's obligations. So much so that you don't even consider the formalities with their stations as important, if you were even bound to those formalities in the first place.”
“No, no, no no nonononono.” I shook my head and waved off her comment. “I’m not a member of nobility. That’s simply preposterous! It’s all baseless speculation!”
She didn’t pry any further, but she gave me a knowing smile.
Thank God she didn’t hold that earlier social faux pas against me. Besides that there’s no real reason to be worried about her conclusion… even if it is wrong.
She probably knows that Alice is the Monster Lord, despite her claims of being a travelling gourmet, and "knows" that I have a hidden identity. That doesn’t seem like cause for concern since the Queen Harpy an otherwise nice person and appears to be loyal to Alice.
At the least she only guessed that I'm a noble or royalty. I’d be more concerned if ‘accidental inter-dimensional traveler’ was the first thing that popped into her mind!
***
We were leaving, having done our part to help the peace process. The rest was up to them now… Although, I would have liked to have stayed and chatted with the Queen some more, but then I would have been left behind. Alice was very… insistent that we get moving and to stop wasting our time, i.e. her time.
Luka was also ready to go, since the harpies weren’t attacking people anymore, he wanted to go deal with those bandits… Despite my insistence that we stay the night.
It’s such a shame, I never got my in depth political discussion with the Queen. In spite of that I did manage to sneak in a comment or two to her regarding the rule of law, and maybe I left her a spare notebook.
I did managed to say my goodbyes to Beatrice, not saying anything to her would have been rude.
***
“Beatrice, it’s been an absolute pleasure meeting you and I have greatly enjoyed your company.”
“Aww thank you William. It was nice meeting you too! Are you sure you have to leave so soon?”
“Unfortunately, Luka wants to continue on with our journey. I’d love to stay longer, but I’m not about to abandon him. Without me he’d… probably be dead or enslaved by now. Yeah, I really need to follow him.”
“It’s a good thing he has you then.”
“Yeah, I have this strange feeling I’m gonna be his voice of reason. Hopefully you can get in contact with that guy you love, maybe convince him to move back now that things have settled down.”
“Me too.”
“Well… It’s been fun, but I’ve got to go.” I wrapped her up in a hug. “Good luck driving out those wasp girls.”
“Thanks! The harpies are going to do most of the fighting, but we’re still going to need it. Be safe, and try not to get eaten.”
“Hah! I’m doing what I can. You know I am gonna miss your four armed hugs. They are very comforting.”
“I know, I’m amazing.”
“Goodbye Beatrice.”
“See you later William. If you’re ever in the area, don’t be afraid to visit.”
“Don’t worry! I plan to… Oh and just remember this one piece of advice. If someone ever attacks the village, hide behind the nearest harpy. They’re war veterans, they know what to do.”
“Sure, but I don’t think anyone’s stupid enough to try that.”
I squeezed here a bit tighter. “You never know.”
I can’t exactly tell her angels are going to descend from Heaven and kill everyone, but it would feel wrong not to… say something… anything really.
***
Before we left the village I heard one of the bee girls grumbling about a drunk bear girl and harpy trying to steal the honeycomb right off her abdomen and then offering to bring her in for a threesome if she shared some honey…
Hm, sounds like those two got together. Good for them!
All in all I’d say we had a very successful time at Happiness Village.
***
“Come on Luka! Why couldn’t we have stayed the night there?! They were offering us a place to stay! We could have gotten warm beds instead of camping!” I complained.
“I lived with you for over a month William, I know what you would have done if we stayed there.”
“No you don’t.”
He sighed. “You would have slept past noon and dragged your feet the entire way back to Iliasburg, so that when we got the inn you could go right back to bed. I’m not wasting a day because you want to sleep for thirteen hours straight!”
The three of us had set up camp for the night, some ways between Happy Village and Iliasburg. Luka had vetoed any chance of us staying the night at Happiness Village… or is it Harpy Village now?
Happy Harpy Village? Harpy Happiness Village? They haven’t “officially” joined together yet, but that was the way things were progressing.
“Alright, you made your point.”
As a reward for helping them we got a couple jars of their famous Happiness Honey. We also had several more jars of regular honey as a thank you bonus. But Alice had decided to stuff her face like the glutton she is. Now we got empty jars! They were licked clean… Then washed and wiped down by me, so at least we can use them for storage.
Normally I wouldn’t have any honey, I was never fond of it before. But my options for sweets were limited… and Beatrice made such a compelling argument in its favor. So while we were all sitting around the campfire I tore off a hunk of bread and dipped in it a jar.
I took a bite and it tasted… odd. I don’t think honey is supposed to taste quite like that. It made me feel, light… like a warm sensation was running through my body. Definitely weird, but good.
In fact… it felt slightly familiar… Oh no.
I examined the jar, holding it closer to the fire to get more light on it. I noticed that lid to the jar was pink. That’s weird; I don’t remember the other jar’s having colored lids.
“What’s that?” Alice asked me
“Just a jar of honey.”
“Are you sure? There might be something special about it.” She said with a predatory grin.
Oh that is not a good sign. I felt a sense of dread building in my gut, but that was quickly overwhelmed by a greater sensation of relaxation.
“Luka… did you know that the bee girls have a special honey that works as an aphrodisiac?” I asked him.
“No, I didn’t. How did you learn that?”
“From personal experience with it. Do you know why that’s relevant?”
He cocked his head in confusion. “Why?”
“Because I feel almost identical to how I felt last night from eating this jar of honey.”
“…”
“Luka, I recommend that you consider leaving very quickly. Things are about become… weird.”
“Wha-” He questioned, only to be cut off by me.
“Luka, leave right now!” Alice’s tail had begun to wrap around my waist, and she was slithering towards me. “Leave while you still can!”
“Wait!”
“Fly you fool!” I shouted.
Hah! Always wanted an excuse to yell that.
He quickly shot up from his spot on the ground and ran into the woods to escape the scene that was currently unfolding…
But before she could do anything. “Alice, did you plant that jar of honey in my backpack?”
“Why does it matter? Who cares if I did?”
“I do! It’s the principle of the matter Alice! You didn’t need to go behind my back! All you could have done is asked me and I would have said yes.”
“… Really?” She asked, perplexed.
“Yes! This stuff is amazing! Usually I avoid any recreational drugs or the like, but it’s honey. Nothing wrong with a little bit of that.”
“… Very well, in the future I’ll inform you of my decisions ahead of time.”
“I see you worded that in a way that doesn’t actually ask me for my opinion.”
“Yes I did. I know you’d share that whether I want to hear it or not.” She remarked.
“Good! Then we are on the same page… mostly on the same page.” I started giggling. “Wow I think that stuff is really kicking in!”
“Hora~ Hor-”
I poked Alice on the nose. “Boop.”
None of us got any real sleep that night.
Chapter 11 - Too Early For This Shit
Spoiler: show
Someone is shaking me. “Wake up.”
Maybe they’ll go away if I fall back asleep.
“Come on, quit sleeping!”
Wait. That voice sounds familiar…
“Hmm? Mom?” I wearily asked.
“What?”
Blinking away the sleep in my eyes I saw Alice in front of my face, peering at me. It was still dark out, so I have no idea what she could want before sunrise. I shook my head and sighed. “Nevermind… just feeling a bit homesick. What is it?”
“I’m hungry, make me breakfast.”
“That’s great… Find something to snack on and give me like, another hour of sleep. The sun isn’t even up yet.”
“I ate everything, all that’s left needs to be cooked.”
“Damn, we’re gonna need to restock at Iliasburg…” I sat up. “Can’t you go hunting?”
“Raw rabbit isn’t too appetizing.”
“Can’t you cook for yourself?”
“… I don’t have to, that’s what you and Luka are for. I’m a travelling gourmet, not a travelling chef.”
I closed my eyes and laid back down. “No… too tired.”
She shook me again. “You can't go back to sleep! I am hungry!”
I ignored her as I rolled over. “That’s nice.”
Before I could slip back to sleep I was forcibly turned back over and then slammed down on my bedroll. “Ow!”
“William.” I opened my eyes back up and she was looming over me. “Get. Up. Now.”
I groaned. “Ugh… Fine, but first I must inform you that you have just made a fatal mistake.”
Alice narrowed her eyes. “That is?”
“You’re within hugging distance!” I tried to reach up to wrap my arms around her, but my arms were pinned down. I valiantly struggled in vain against her grip for a few moments before giving up. Damn! That usually works on Luka.
“Are you done fooling around?”
“I don’t know. Any chance you could hold me closer?”
“No.” She flatly replied.
“Then yeah, I am.”
“Good.” She released her grip on me.
I begrudgingly sat back up and leaned over to my backpack to start pulling out the necessary cooking implements. “You’re getting oatmeal… bland, boring oatmeal.”
“That doesn’t sound very appetizing.”
“Well let’s see what we got left that would go with oatmeal.” I started rummaging through my backpack. “We got no fruit, no nuts, no berries, no sweets, no treats. You ate just about everything. All we have left for flavouring is some sugar, various syrups, and honey.”
“Why can't you use that?”
“It’s to teach you a lesson.”
“Oh and what lesson would that be, William?” She asked, crossing her arms and staring expectantly at me.
“That I make inane comments when I’m really tired in the morning, so why don’t I get breakfast started!” I quickly said, scrambling to get breakfast cooking.
***
I hate how tedious it is to get everything set up just to make some oatmeal. I already miss the convenience of a modern home… well, Luka’s home. For me, cooking by campfire isn’t a fun way to spend a morning when you’re half asleep. Especially if you have an impatient and very hungry monster looking over your shoulder constantly asking if I’ve finished yet.
“What’s taking so long?”
“It’s been like five minutes Alice, the water hasn’t even boiled yet. You have to wait.”
The next few minutes were spent in silence as I sat on my bedroll and occasionally stirred the pot. Alice was just glancing around camp looking bored, until she called attention to the ring on Luka’s finger. “William, what do you know about his ring? I keep sensing something faint from it.”
“Huh? Oh that’s odd. There’s not really anything too special about, well in that way. You’d have to ask him yourself if you can examine it in any further detail, since it’s his keepsake ring. He got it from his mother before she… ”
“Before she?”
I shook my head. “I’m not sure how he’d feel about me sharing this with you, but… there’s no reason to make it a big secret, it’s pretty obvious when you think about it. She wasn’t there when you showed up at Luka’s house or when we left Ilias Village, so I’m confident you can figure that out.”
I wonder if Alice would recognize the name Lucifina? Probably best to assume she would.
“Oh… I’m sorry to hear that.” She somberly said.
“That’s nice of you to say, but I’m not the one that lost his mother.” I pointed at Luka, who was still sound asleep. “Say it to him, I’m sure he would really appreciate it.”
Come on say yes! I need you to bond and empathize with Luka, and vice versa! I don’t want to risk them killing each other over a petty fight, well more like Luka getting himself killed.
She briefly closed her eyes and sighed. “Very well… What about his father? Is he still alive?”
“Okay, now that is definitely something he has to tell you for himself. It’s too private and it’s none of my business.”
“But you do know?”
“Yeah, I do, it came up a few times and that’s all I feel comfortable saying.”
I feel horrible that I didn’t tell Luka the full story about his father, Marcellus. He still thinks he was just a vengeance crazed terrorist who bombed schools, and then went and got himself killed in a random monster attack. Not exactly the highest opinion you could have of a parent…
I don’t think I can even tell Alice too much about Marcellus if Luka brings him up. One comment about Luka’s father looking like him and she might connect the dots. It’s a pretty obvious connection. I mean how many purple haired shotas are there in the world?
What I’m worried about is I have no idea how she’d react to learning she’s travelling with the son of the man that killed her mom. That’s not something that can casually be brought up. Although I’m likely just expecting the worst reaction from her, which somehow feels disrespectful to her. She’s more mature than that…
Gah! Feels weird knowing both their darkest secrets, deepest fears, and biggest regrets! One’s my only friend in this world and the other is a woman I’ve known for less than a week! But I also know so much more about her! The sooner the truth comes out, the better, at least then I won’t feel like a manipulative bastard…
Like when Alice told me her mom was dead. Yes it was emotional because she decided to share that with me and it was a tragic thing to happen to her! She opened up to me! A complete stranger! But I knew that beforehand, on some level I had to fake my reaction because I was expecting it. In spite of that, I do feel genuine sympathy for her, she hasn’t exactly had the best childhood. I that’s a small consolation I guess, I haven’t started acting like a callous bastard.
Since, that event wasn’t some character’s background, it was real and she lost her mother. Then again any idea of this being “just a game” or some sort of fictional narrative went out the window a long time ago. That happened between me being chased by a slime and around the time I was bleeding out in that farmer’s field. As preposterous as it is, monster girls are a part of the reality I find myself in…
As I was stirring the pot of oatmeal, I stole a glance at Alice, specifically her more inhuman aspects. I mean she has horns growing out of the back of her head, the hair usually hides it but up close it is such an odd thing to see. Even her clothes are strange, she has such a high degree of control over them, like they were part of her body.
“Yes? What is it? Usually you’re more overt when being a pervert.”
It wouldn’t be that surprising if they were partially alive in some fashion, given the fact that the flowers in her hair are a symbiotic organism she has complete control over. Dark energy, or monster magic, is some freaky shit.
Yawning I stretched and shook my head. “Damn I’m tired… already rambling and losing my train of thought.”
Where was I? Accidentally staring at Alice’s chest? No, no… I was worrying about me know way too much about their lives. Yes that’s where I was!
Can’t believe I lambasted the harpies and villagers for staying quiet out of fear, but I’m too scared to tell Luka and Alice everything I know.
Though having a mad genocidal goddess that occasionally slips into Luka’s dreams and is likely watching everything he does is a very good reason for not saying anything. I wouldn’t be surprised if Ilias had angels spying on us right now, she did that in Part 3 of the game and those were her “allies.”
That’s my rationalization and I’m sticking with it! This wouldn’t be that big of an issue if only sensitive topics stopped coming up. It wasn’t that big of a problem when I was living with Luka, I was too distracted by trying to adjust to my new life to really think about it. But ever since Alice appeared all of this has come rushing back to the forefront.
I’ll just have to hope that we run into Tamamo when we get to the cave shrine. Plan Touch Fluffy Tail stays the same!
“William?” Alice poked me with her tail. “Don’t fall asleep, the food might burn.”
“Hmm?” I perked up and mentally shook those thoughts from my head. “Yes, yes I’m alright, thank you for your concern, just much more tired than I thought. What’s with the sudden interest anyway? You could have asked him the other day.”
“Didn’t I?” She paused for a moment. “I thought I had asked him about it after teaching him Demon Decapitation.”
“Nope, you worked him so hard he went straight to bed once training was over. Lucky bastard, he gets to sleep.”
“Is that all you think about?”
“Said the woman who woke me up in the first place because she wouldn’t feed herself.”
“Keep complaining like that and I’ll find something else for you to do while the food cooks.”
I let out a sharp bark of laughter. “Hah! I think that would only wear me out faster!”
She frowned and suddenly asked. “What was it like living with him?”
Man, she likes changing topics quickly.
“I can safely say the first few weeks with Luka weren’t… pleasant to say the least.”
***
I was laying on a bed, the blinds closed and the room darkened. A sharp pain in my back woke me up and I was desperately pleading for help. I’m not sure how long I was yelling, it felt like hours had passed. Like I had been lost and forgotten in this tiny room.
“Mom?! Dad?! Please! Anyone help me!! Please! Don’t leave me here!”
Eventually the door opened and Luka rushed in. “William! I’m here! I heard you yelling! Are you okay?”
The sight of him only caused me to freak out further. “No! It’s not real! You can't be real! I can’t be here! This isn’t real! This isn’t real!” I was frantically shaking my head and broke down crying.
Seeing him was an ugly reminder, that what had happened wasn’t some bad dream I’d wake up from. Every time he wandered through that door instead of my parents or brother, or even my cat, it presented me with a horrifying reality. That I wasn’t home and would probably never get back home. My delirious state of mind during that time only served to make my reaction worse.
“That’s the medicine, the doctor said it might cause fever dreams. Everything is going to be fine. Here, this should help with any pain.” He pressed a cup to lips and poured a foul tasting liquid into my mouth. I could feel the effects quickly taking hold. “It’s okay, go back to sleep.”
“No, no, no, no, no, no. I just want to go home, please let me go home…” I keep muttering until I fell back asleep.
***
“That time isn’t something I’d like to… dwell on. I was in a lot of pain while I was recovering from my wounds and subsequent surgery, so I obviously needed to take a lot painkillers and other medicine, which left me completely incoherent and delirious. I spent most of my time either sleeping or calling for help.” I chuckled. “Never expected a doctor in Ilias Village to have drugs that powerful, I thought stuff like that would be out of their reach.”
Though, I have no idea what it actually was… then again I’m not exactly a doctor or herbalist, so what should I know!
“That does explain the alcoholism.” She remarked.
“Oh ha ha, very funny, yes, make fun of my suffering, lord knows I’ve done the same thing.” I shrugged my shoulders. “My view is it happened, and it sucked… a lot, I can’t stress it enough how horrible that was for me. But! I’m all better now, so why focus on it. The thing to take away from it is Luka is a good man, he never tried to pawn me off on someone else or back out of taking care of me. He’s also probably my closest friend in the whole world.”
And my only one.
I continued talking. “As much as you deride him for being a “fake hero”, I always thought that it was a person’s actions, not a baptism that makes them a hero. Luka allowed me into his home and never once asked anything of me in return.”
Alice grumbled about him still being a fake hero.
“Anyway, once I was coherent enough I told him about the whole mission from Ilias and the rest is history… mostly. I think… No, I guess you don’t know that much about that time really.”
Alice frowned at the mention of Ilias’s name. “Are you still going on about that? You’re faithful enough to blindly follow a mission given to you by her, yet eagerly commit the largest act of heresy imaginable.”
“But it’s so much fun! How could I not?!”
“Don’t avoid the question by flattering me. You say that you don’t follow her and willfully disobey her commandments, but you still left your home because she told you to. Why?”
“That’s easy, she’s a goddess. Let’s see you have someone infinitely more powerful than you appear in your dreams and tell you pack up, leave home, and travel across the world to meet up with a random hero in training you’ve never met before. Sure it sounds crazy, probably even downright insane, but I’ve heard what happens to people that ignore her! I’d rather not be struck by lightning.”
I’m not even making that up, I heard news about some poor schmuck getting himself killed like that while I was “working” at the Temple.
“Are you that willing to let your fear of her rule you?”
“No of course not! It’s just that I like being alive.”
In response she shook her head and sighed. “Is the food done yet? I’m still starving.”
“Almost… why are you hungry all the time? Does it have something to do with your anatomy?”
“Why do you want to know?”
“I am a former university student and self-described scholar, remember? I’m curious about the placement of the internal organs. You have a torso atop a snake’s tail and I’m left wondering where everything is. Do you have two sets of certain organs? Are some larger than others and go down past your waist into the tail? Can a human like set of lungs and heart supply the body with enough oxygenated blood? What role does magic play in it?”
“William, I am not a specimen for you to poke and prod at.”
“Sorry, but it’s simply so fascinating. What does your skeletal structure look like? I know a fair deal about the anatomy of common creatures, humans included, but none whatsoever on monsters. All I can do is speculate and ask questions.”
However, it’s not like her physiology needs to make any sort of sense, she is the Monster Lord. Her ancestor broke biology and then proceeded to rape it into submission a long time ago.
“Don’t you have any books on the subject?”
“Surprising not, the few I came across at the Temple were bare on actual facts. It was mostly baseless speculation based on religious doctrine, and the only useful information was on how to kill certain monsters.”
I can’t believe I couldn’t find a single monster encyclopedia… maybe there was one and I just suck at searching for stuff.
“I…may have a spare tome I’d be willing to lend to you.” She reached behind her back and pulled out a book. “Here.”
“Thank you.” I said with the utmost sincerity as I took it. “I can't wait to read it!” I glanced down at the title which read, The Intimate Biology of Monsters: A Hands on Approach to Understanding Your Partner’s Body: Volume I. “Uh… Alice? What’s with the title? That doesn’t sound very… professional.”
She rolled her eyes. “It was written by a succubus doctor, Lilith. She had dedicated her entire life to writing that, surveying monsters from all over the world, and only it’s the first book in a multipart series.”
“Ah.” I nodded. “That explains everything.”
“Remember to put to good use anything that you may learn from it.”
“O-okay… I’ll save that for later.”
“Good. The information in that book may save your life one day.”
“Right…. I will definitely keep that in mind.”
“Now I have a question for you.”
“Sure. What is it?”
“That comment you made earlier… Did you think I was your mother?”
“Yeah, she used to say good morning to me almost every day before she went off to work. In my defense I was still half asleep when you tried to wake me up, for like a solid minute there I thought I was still dreaming when I saw you.”
“Why’s that?” She asked.
“I never thought I’d keep waking up beside a woman as beautiful as you are. I think we should make a habit out of it, don’t you?” I grinned and started to chuckle. “Hehehe!” For some unfathomable reason at that moment I thought that was the funniest thing ever and I quickly descended into hysterical laughter.
Alice glanced down at her bowl and tentatively sniffed it. “Did you spike the pot with alcohol when I wasn’t looking?”
It took a few seconds for me to get the laughing under control. “No! I would never do that! It would be a waste of perfectly good gin! I don’t have a limitless supply of the stuff!”
Christ! I feel punch drunk!
She ate a small, and surprisingly reasonable, spoonful of food. “It’s slightly overcooked, not hot enough, the consistency is horrible, like it’s a big lumpy mess… but the taste is… mediocre, the sugar helps. There’s room for improvement, but it’s an adequate start.”
“I aim to please.”
She quickly finished off the rest of her food, literally licking her bowl clean. “We have important matters to discuss.”
“We do?”
“Yes. I overheard your private conversation with the Queen yesterday.”
I nodded my head. “Ah, I should have figured as much”
“If you knew about the Artiste family then why didn’t you mention it to me? They’re a very dangerous group of necromancers, and if one of them is continuing to steal the corpses of monster royalty that should have been brought to my attention immediately.”
“Sorry, it had just slipped my mind.”
“… What I find strange is that you knew about my mother’s decision to banish them, that’s not something most monsters would know, let alone humans.”
“Yeah that is strange, isn’t it?” I ate a spoonful of oatmeal. Damn… this could use some fruit. “Except, the Artistes being dangerous necromancers isn’t exactly a state secret.”
“Knowing that their name is shrouded in infamy is different than knowing the ruling of the Monster Lord.”
I glanced over at Luka. He was sprawled out over top of his sleeping bag, sleeping soundly despite the conversation Alice and I were having. “Are you sure you want to talk about this right now with him here? What if he wakes up? Is he even still asleep?”
“I can assure you he is sound asleep and not merely faking it to listen in on our conversation.”
“Alright then, if them getting banished is supposed to be a secret, then you have a lot of people that can’t keep their mouths shut.”
She shook her head. “Damn imps…”
“And I don't actually know all that much about the Artistes, it’s all second hand information. Obviously you’re more informed about them than I am, you are the Monster Lord after all.”
“That… is probably true.”
“Though if you want, I could give you a couple descriptions of La Croix that I’ve come across. I’m not sure how useful it would be, but it’s better than just a name.”
She motioned for me to keep speaking.
“Some of the rumors said she dressed as a plague doctor, with a black coat, gloves, and a white bird mask that has a long beak on it. Standard fair, but what makes her stand out, at least apparently, is two large spikes on her head that are covered by more black cloth.”
“And the other descriptions?”
“There was only one more. There’s not much to it, other than her having white hair, and two large purple crystal like things sticking out of her head.”
“That sounds like… Shirome. Shirome Artiste.”
“You know her?”
“Unfortunately… It was because of her egregious actions and heinous necromantic experiments that my mother deemed her insane and banished the Artistes.”
“Did you ever meet her?”
“Yes.” She tensely replied. “Her banishment was not the last time she darkened the castle’s door. It was some time after… my mother’s passing that Shirome returned to the castle. She claimed that she could… resurrect my mother and in return for her generous offer, she wanted to be welcomed back by me.”
“What?”
“She believed that she would be rewarded by having her family’s position be restored. She paraded her previous experiments about as proof of her claims, monster royals she had assassinated and brought back as undead slaves.”
That never happened in the game, after Shirome was banished she never returned…
Alice’s tone turned downright venomous. “If I allowed Shirome to do that to my mother it wouldn’t have been her brought back… only a walking corpse controlled by a crazed necromancer, kept “alive” by the lifeforce of constant human sacrifices. That would have been… unacceptable.”
I immediately replied with an off handed remark. “That's… weird, because I heard one rumor that La Croix claimed to have the body of a former Monster Lord under her control.” Like that my mind suddenly came to a screeching halt, taking less a second for me to realize what I had just said.
“What.”
And then promptly panic.
No… No! No! No! No! I did not just say that!
I just told her that her mom is most likely a zombie! In the most flippant manner possible!
“William. Do you know what this supposed… Monster Lord looks like?”
“I uh… think I remember hearing about it being a lamia of some type…” I slowly faltered under her piercing gaze.
She clenched her fists. “Did these rumors mention anything else about its appearance?”
“I- I heard one description of this really strange looking undead lamia, but really it could be anyone.”
“Describe to me what she looked like, now.”
“Look, it’s probably all baseless rumors and hearsay anyway! I wouldn’t put too much credibility into them! It’s probably just that Lamia Queen that went missing years ago or some zombie chimera she claims is a Monster Lord!”
Her tone brokered no further argument. “Describe. Her.”
“Okay! Give me a second to recall…”
“I hope you're not thinking up lies, William. This is very important to me, and lying to me over this would turn out very badly for you.”
“No! No! I wouldn’t do that! I heard that she had a very large, long reddish or maroon tail, like yours, but with several pairs of wings along it. Pale white hair with dried up vines or flowers in it and a large pair of horns sticking out of her head. The biggest thing that stood out was a pair of large, discoloured butterfly like wings and an eye design in her hair… Just like yours.”
A look of recognition spread across her face as I spoke and I found my bowl of oatmeal a much more interesting thing to stare at.
“Excuse me.” She coolly said.
Not waiting for a response she got up and slithered into the woods. Which was quickly followed by the sounds of trees violently shattering and several large explosions going off. A few blasts of light briefly illuminating the darkness before fading.
Well… That’s one hell of a way to ruin a morning…
Is- is she going to come back?
Maybe they’ll go away if I fall back asleep.
“Come on, quit sleeping!”
Wait. That voice sounds familiar…
“Hmm? Mom?” I wearily asked.
“What?”
Blinking away the sleep in my eyes I saw Alice in front of my face, peering at me. It was still dark out, so I have no idea what she could want before sunrise. I shook my head and sighed. “Nevermind… just feeling a bit homesick. What is it?”
“I’m hungry, make me breakfast.”
“That’s great… Find something to snack on and give me like, another hour of sleep. The sun isn’t even up yet.”
“I ate everything, all that’s left needs to be cooked.”
“Damn, we’re gonna need to restock at Iliasburg…” I sat up. “Can’t you go hunting?”
“Raw rabbit isn’t too appetizing.”
“Can’t you cook for yourself?”
“… I don’t have to, that’s what you and Luka are for. I’m a travelling gourmet, not a travelling chef.”
I closed my eyes and laid back down. “No… too tired.”
She shook me again. “You can't go back to sleep! I am hungry!”
I ignored her as I rolled over. “That’s nice.”
Before I could slip back to sleep I was forcibly turned back over and then slammed down on my bedroll. “Ow!”
“William.” I opened my eyes back up and she was looming over me. “Get. Up. Now.”
I groaned. “Ugh… Fine, but first I must inform you that you have just made a fatal mistake.”
Alice narrowed her eyes. “That is?”
“You’re within hugging distance!” I tried to reach up to wrap my arms around her, but my arms were pinned down. I valiantly struggled in vain against her grip for a few moments before giving up. Damn! That usually works on Luka.
“Are you done fooling around?”
“I don’t know. Any chance you could hold me closer?”
“No.” She flatly replied.
“Then yeah, I am.”
“Good.” She released her grip on me.
I begrudgingly sat back up and leaned over to my backpack to start pulling out the necessary cooking implements. “You’re getting oatmeal… bland, boring oatmeal.”
“That doesn’t sound very appetizing.”
“Well let’s see what we got left that would go with oatmeal.” I started rummaging through my backpack. “We got no fruit, no nuts, no berries, no sweets, no treats. You ate just about everything. All we have left for flavouring is some sugar, various syrups, and honey.”
“Why can't you use that?”
“It’s to teach you a lesson.”
“Oh and what lesson would that be, William?” She asked, crossing her arms and staring expectantly at me.
“That I make inane comments when I’m really tired in the morning, so why don’t I get breakfast started!” I quickly said, scrambling to get breakfast cooking.
***
I hate how tedious it is to get everything set up just to make some oatmeal. I already miss the convenience of a modern home… well, Luka’s home. For me, cooking by campfire isn’t a fun way to spend a morning when you’re half asleep. Especially if you have an impatient and very hungry monster looking over your shoulder constantly asking if I’ve finished yet.
“What’s taking so long?”
“It’s been like five minutes Alice, the water hasn’t even boiled yet. You have to wait.”
The next few minutes were spent in silence as I sat on my bedroll and occasionally stirred the pot. Alice was just glancing around camp looking bored, until she called attention to the ring on Luka’s finger. “William, what do you know about his ring? I keep sensing something faint from it.”
“Huh? Oh that’s odd. There’s not really anything too special about, well in that way. You’d have to ask him yourself if you can examine it in any further detail, since it’s his keepsake ring. He got it from his mother before she… ”
“Before she?”
I shook my head. “I’m not sure how he’d feel about me sharing this with you, but… there’s no reason to make it a big secret, it’s pretty obvious when you think about it. She wasn’t there when you showed up at Luka’s house or when we left Ilias Village, so I’m confident you can figure that out.”
I wonder if Alice would recognize the name Lucifina? Probably best to assume she would.
“Oh… I’m sorry to hear that.” She somberly said.
“That’s nice of you to say, but I’m not the one that lost his mother.” I pointed at Luka, who was still sound asleep. “Say it to him, I’m sure he would really appreciate it.”
Come on say yes! I need you to bond and empathize with Luka, and vice versa! I don’t want to risk them killing each other over a petty fight, well more like Luka getting himself killed.
She briefly closed her eyes and sighed. “Very well… What about his father? Is he still alive?”
“Okay, now that is definitely something he has to tell you for himself. It’s too private and it’s none of my business.”
“But you do know?”
“Yeah, I do, it came up a few times and that’s all I feel comfortable saying.”
I feel horrible that I didn’t tell Luka the full story about his father, Marcellus. He still thinks he was just a vengeance crazed terrorist who bombed schools, and then went and got himself killed in a random monster attack. Not exactly the highest opinion you could have of a parent…
I don’t think I can even tell Alice too much about Marcellus if Luka brings him up. One comment about Luka’s father looking like him and she might connect the dots. It’s a pretty obvious connection. I mean how many purple haired shotas are there in the world?
What I’m worried about is I have no idea how she’d react to learning she’s travelling with the son of the man that killed her mom. That’s not something that can casually be brought up. Although I’m likely just expecting the worst reaction from her, which somehow feels disrespectful to her. She’s more mature than that…
Gah! Feels weird knowing both their darkest secrets, deepest fears, and biggest regrets! One’s my only friend in this world and the other is a woman I’ve known for less than a week! But I also know so much more about her! The sooner the truth comes out, the better, at least then I won’t feel like a manipulative bastard…
Like when Alice told me her mom was dead. Yes it was emotional because she decided to share that with me and it was a tragic thing to happen to her! She opened up to me! A complete stranger! But I knew that beforehand, on some level I had to fake my reaction because I was expecting it. In spite of that, I do feel genuine sympathy for her, she hasn’t exactly had the best childhood. I that’s a small consolation I guess, I haven’t started acting like a callous bastard.
Since, that event wasn’t some character’s background, it was real and she lost her mother. Then again any idea of this being “just a game” or some sort of fictional narrative went out the window a long time ago. That happened between me being chased by a slime and around the time I was bleeding out in that farmer’s field. As preposterous as it is, monster girls are a part of the reality I find myself in…
As I was stirring the pot of oatmeal, I stole a glance at Alice, specifically her more inhuman aspects. I mean she has horns growing out of the back of her head, the hair usually hides it but up close it is such an odd thing to see. Even her clothes are strange, she has such a high degree of control over them, like they were part of her body.
“Yes? What is it? Usually you’re more overt when being a pervert.”
It wouldn’t be that surprising if they were partially alive in some fashion, given the fact that the flowers in her hair are a symbiotic organism she has complete control over. Dark energy, or monster magic, is some freaky shit.
Yawning I stretched and shook my head. “Damn I’m tired… already rambling and losing my train of thought.”
Where was I? Accidentally staring at Alice’s chest? No, no… I was worrying about me know way too much about their lives. Yes that’s where I was!
Can’t believe I lambasted the harpies and villagers for staying quiet out of fear, but I’m too scared to tell Luka and Alice everything I know.
Though having a mad genocidal goddess that occasionally slips into Luka’s dreams and is likely watching everything he does is a very good reason for not saying anything. I wouldn’t be surprised if Ilias had angels spying on us right now, she did that in Part 3 of the game and those were her “allies.”
That’s my rationalization and I’m sticking with it! This wouldn’t be that big of an issue if only sensitive topics stopped coming up. It wasn’t that big of a problem when I was living with Luka, I was too distracted by trying to adjust to my new life to really think about it. But ever since Alice appeared all of this has come rushing back to the forefront.
I’ll just have to hope that we run into Tamamo when we get to the cave shrine. Plan Touch Fluffy Tail stays the same!
“William?” Alice poked me with her tail. “Don’t fall asleep, the food might burn.”
“Hmm?” I perked up and mentally shook those thoughts from my head. “Yes, yes I’m alright, thank you for your concern, just much more tired than I thought. What’s with the sudden interest anyway? You could have asked him the other day.”
“Didn’t I?” She paused for a moment. “I thought I had asked him about it after teaching him Demon Decapitation.”
“Nope, you worked him so hard he went straight to bed once training was over. Lucky bastard, he gets to sleep.”
“Is that all you think about?”
“Said the woman who woke me up in the first place because she wouldn’t feed herself.”
“Keep complaining like that and I’ll find something else for you to do while the food cooks.”
I let out a sharp bark of laughter. “Hah! I think that would only wear me out faster!”
She frowned and suddenly asked. “What was it like living with him?”
Man, she likes changing topics quickly.
“I can safely say the first few weeks with Luka weren’t… pleasant to say the least.”
***
I was laying on a bed, the blinds closed and the room darkened. A sharp pain in my back woke me up and I was desperately pleading for help. I’m not sure how long I was yelling, it felt like hours had passed. Like I had been lost and forgotten in this tiny room.
“Mom?! Dad?! Please! Anyone help me!! Please! Don’t leave me here!”
Eventually the door opened and Luka rushed in. “William! I’m here! I heard you yelling! Are you okay?”
The sight of him only caused me to freak out further. “No! It’s not real! You can't be real! I can’t be here! This isn’t real! This isn’t real!” I was frantically shaking my head and broke down crying.
Seeing him was an ugly reminder, that what had happened wasn’t some bad dream I’d wake up from. Every time he wandered through that door instead of my parents or brother, or even my cat, it presented me with a horrifying reality. That I wasn’t home and would probably never get back home. My delirious state of mind during that time only served to make my reaction worse.
“That’s the medicine, the doctor said it might cause fever dreams. Everything is going to be fine. Here, this should help with any pain.” He pressed a cup to lips and poured a foul tasting liquid into my mouth. I could feel the effects quickly taking hold. “It’s okay, go back to sleep.”
“No, no, no, no, no, no. I just want to go home, please let me go home…” I keep muttering until I fell back asleep.
***
“That time isn’t something I’d like to… dwell on. I was in a lot of pain while I was recovering from my wounds and subsequent surgery, so I obviously needed to take a lot painkillers and other medicine, which left me completely incoherent and delirious. I spent most of my time either sleeping or calling for help.” I chuckled. “Never expected a doctor in Ilias Village to have drugs that powerful, I thought stuff like that would be out of their reach.”
Though, I have no idea what it actually was… then again I’m not exactly a doctor or herbalist, so what should I know!
“That does explain the alcoholism.” She remarked.
“Oh ha ha, very funny, yes, make fun of my suffering, lord knows I’ve done the same thing.” I shrugged my shoulders. “My view is it happened, and it sucked… a lot, I can’t stress it enough how horrible that was for me. But! I’m all better now, so why focus on it. The thing to take away from it is Luka is a good man, he never tried to pawn me off on someone else or back out of taking care of me. He’s also probably my closest friend in the whole world.”
And my only one.
I continued talking. “As much as you deride him for being a “fake hero”, I always thought that it was a person’s actions, not a baptism that makes them a hero. Luka allowed me into his home and never once asked anything of me in return.”
Alice grumbled about him still being a fake hero.
“Anyway, once I was coherent enough I told him about the whole mission from Ilias and the rest is history… mostly. I think… No, I guess you don’t know that much about that time really.”
Alice frowned at the mention of Ilias’s name. “Are you still going on about that? You’re faithful enough to blindly follow a mission given to you by her, yet eagerly commit the largest act of heresy imaginable.”
“But it’s so much fun! How could I not?!”
“Don’t avoid the question by flattering me. You say that you don’t follow her and willfully disobey her commandments, but you still left your home because she told you to. Why?”
“That’s easy, she’s a goddess. Let’s see you have someone infinitely more powerful than you appear in your dreams and tell you pack up, leave home, and travel across the world to meet up with a random hero in training you’ve never met before. Sure it sounds crazy, probably even downright insane, but I’ve heard what happens to people that ignore her! I’d rather not be struck by lightning.”
I’m not even making that up, I heard news about some poor schmuck getting himself killed like that while I was “working” at the Temple.
“Are you that willing to let your fear of her rule you?”
“No of course not! It’s just that I like being alive.”
In response she shook her head and sighed. “Is the food done yet? I’m still starving.”
“Almost… why are you hungry all the time? Does it have something to do with your anatomy?”
“Why do you want to know?”
“I am a former university student and self-described scholar, remember? I’m curious about the placement of the internal organs. You have a torso atop a snake’s tail and I’m left wondering where everything is. Do you have two sets of certain organs? Are some larger than others and go down past your waist into the tail? Can a human like set of lungs and heart supply the body with enough oxygenated blood? What role does magic play in it?”
“William, I am not a specimen for you to poke and prod at.”
“Sorry, but it’s simply so fascinating. What does your skeletal structure look like? I know a fair deal about the anatomy of common creatures, humans included, but none whatsoever on monsters. All I can do is speculate and ask questions.”
However, it’s not like her physiology needs to make any sort of sense, she is the Monster Lord. Her ancestor broke biology and then proceeded to rape it into submission a long time ago.
“Don’t you have any books on the subject?”
“Surprising not, the few I came across at the Temple were bare on actual facts. It was mostly baseless speculation based on religious doctrine, and the only useful information was on how to kill certain monsters.”
I can’t believe I couldn’t find a single monster encyclopedia… maybe there was one and I just suck at searching for stuff.
“I…may have a spare tome I’d be willing to lend to you.” She reached behind her back and pulled out a book. “Here.”
“Thank you.” I said with the utmost sincerity as I took it. “I can't wait to read it!” I glanced down at the title which read, The Intimate Biology of Monsters: A Hands on Approach to Understanding Your Partner’s Body: Volume I. “Uh… Alice? What’s with the title? That doesn’t sound very… professional.”
She rolled her eyes. “It was written by a succubus doctor, Lilith. She had dedicated her entire life to writing that, surveying monsters from all over the world, and only it’s the first book in a multipart series.”
“Ah.” I nodded. “That explains everything.”
“Remember to put to good use anything that you may learn from it.”
“O-okay… I’ll save that for later.”
“Good. The information in that book may save your life one day.”
“Right…. I will definitely keep that in mind.”
“Now I have a question for you.”
“Sure. What is it?”
“That comment you made earlier… Did you think I was your mother?”
“Yeah, she used to say good morning to me almost every day before she went off to work. In my defense I was still half asleep when you tried to wake me up, for like a solid minute there I thought I was still dreaming when I saw you.”
“Why’s that?” She asked.
“I never thought I’d keep waking up beside a woman as beautiful as you are. I think we should make a habit out of it, don’t you?” I grinned and started to chuckle. “Hehehe!” For some unfathomable reason at that moment I thought that was the funniest thing ever and I quickly descended into hysterical laughter.
Alice glanced down at her bowl and tentatively sniffed it. “Did you spike the pot with alcohol when I wasn’t looking?”
It took a few seconds for me to get the laughing under control. “No! I would never do that! It would be a waste of perfectly good gin! I don’t have a limitless supply of the stuff!”
Christ! I feel punch drunk!
She ate a small, and surprisingly reasonable, spoonful of food. “It’s slightly overcooked, not hot enough, the consistency is horrible, like it’s a big lumpy mess… but the taste is… mediocre, the sugar helps. There’s room for improvement, but it’s an adequate start.”
“I aim to please.”
She quickly finished off the rest of her food, literally licking her bowl clean. “We have important matters to discuss.”
“We do?”
“Yes. I overheard your private conversation with the Queen yesterday.”
I nodded my head. “Ah, I should have figured as much”
“If you knew about the Artiste family then why didn’t you mention it to me? They’re a very dangerous group of necromancers, and if one of them is continuing to steal the corpses of monster royalty that should have been brought to my attention immediately.”
“Sorry, it had just slipped my mind.”
“… What I find strange is that you knew about my mother’s decision to banish them, that’s not something most monsters would know, let alone humans.”
“Yeah that is strange, isn’t it?” I ate a spoonful of oatmeal. Damn… this could use some fruit. “Except, the Artistes being dangerous necromancers isn’t exactly a state secret.”
“Knowing that their name is shrouded in infamy is different than knowing the ruling of the Monster Lord.”
I glanced over at Luka. He was sprawled out over top of his sleeping bag, sleeping soundly despite the conversation Alice and I were having. “Are you sure you want to talk about this right now with him here? What if he wakes up? Is he even still asleep?”
“I can assure you he is sound asleep and not merely faking it to listen in on our conversation.”
“Alright then, if them getting banished is supposed to be a secret, then you have a lot of people that can’t keep their mouths shut.”
She shook her head. “Damn imps…”
“And I don't actually know all that much about the Artistes, it’s all second hand information. Obviously you’re more informed about them than I am, you are the Monster Lord after all.”
“That… is probably true.”
“Though if you want, I could give you a couple descriptions of La Croix that I’ve come across. I’m not sure how useful it would be, but it’s better than just a name.”
She motioned for me to keep speaking.
“Some of the rumors said she dressed as a plague doctor, with a black coat, gloves, and a white bird mask that has a long beak on it. Standard fair, but what makes her stand out, at least apparently, is two large spikes on her head that are covered by more black cloth.”
“And the other descriptions?”
“There was only one more. There’s not much to it, other than her having white hair, and two large purple crystal like things sticking out of her head.”
“That sounds like… Shirome. Shirome Artiste.”
“You know her?”
“Unfortunately… It was because of her egregious actions and heinous necromantic experiments that my mother deemed her insane and banished the Artistes.”
“Did you ever meet her?”
“Yes.” She tensely replied. “Her banishment was not the last time she darkened the castle’s door. It was some time after… my mother’s passing that Shirome returned to the castle. She claimed that she could… resurrect my mother and in return for her generous offer, she wanted to be welcomed back by me.”
“What?”
“She believed that she would be rewarded by having her family’s position be restored. She paraded her previous experiments about as proof of her claims, monster royals she had assassinated and brought back as undead slaves.”
That never happened in the game, after Shirome was banished she never returned…
Alice’s tone turned downright venomous. “If I allowed Shirome to do that to my mother it wouldn’t have been her brought back… only a walking corpse controlled by a crazed necromancer, kept “alive” by the lifeforce of constant human sacrifices. That would have been… unacceptable.”
I immediately replied with an off handed remark. “That's… weird, because I heard one rumor that La Croix claimed to have the body of a former Monster Lord under her control.” Like that my mind suddenly came to a screeching halt, taking less a second for me to realize what I had just said.
“What.”
And then promptly panic.
No… No! No! No! No! I did not just say that!
I just told her that her mom is most likely a zombie! In the most flippant manner possible!
“William. Do you know what this supposed… Monster Lord looks like?”
“I uh… think I remember hearing about it being a lamia of some type…” I slowly faltered under her piercing gaze.
She clenched her fists. “Did these rumors mention anything else about its appearance?”
“I- I heard one description of this really strange looking undead lamia, but really it could be anyone.”
“Describe to me what she looked like, now.”
“Look, it’s probably all baseless rumors and hearsay anyway! I wouldn’t put too much credibility into them! It’s probably just that Lamia Queen that went missing years ago or some zombie chimera she claims is a Monster Lord!”
Her tone brokered no further argument. “Describe. Her.”
“Okay! Give me a second to recall…”
“I hope you're not thinking up lies, William. This is very important to me, and lying to me over this would turn out very badly for you.”
“No! No! I wouldn’t do that! I heard that she had a very large, long reddish or maroon tail, like yours, but with several pairs of wings along it. Pale white hair with dried up vines or flowers in it and a large pair of horns sticking out of her head. The biggest thing that stood out was a pair of large, discoloured butterfly like wings and an eye design in her hair… Just like yours.”
A look of recognition spread across her face as I spoke and I found my bowl of oatmeal a much more interesting thing to stare at.
“Excuse me.” She coolly said.
Not waiting for a response she got up and slithered into the woods. Which was quickly followed by the sounds of trees violently shattering and several large explosions going off. A few blasts of light briefly illuminating the darkness before fading.
Well… That’s one hell of a way to ruin a morning…
Is- is she going to come back?
Omake - Five Finger Fillet
Spoiler: show
Luka had dragged Alice and I to another backwater village because he felt the need to prove himself a hero… again. There was just one problem with his plan however.
He’d gotten us lost.
Oh I’m sure Alice could easily find her way to the nearest town, but she was too amused by Luka’s confusion to.
“Did that merchant say to take the path on the right, then walk for three hours before turning left at the rotten tree log? Or to walk three hours, pass by but don’t take the path on the left, and then turn right at the log?” He muttered to himself. “He kept saying right whenever I asked him which one he meant.”
“Right!”
“That's not helping.”
“It’s not meant to!”
He sighed in annoyance. “Alice, can’t you do anything to help?”
“I could.”
He perked up. “Really? Great…. What are you waiting for?”
She smirked. “I never said that I would…”
“Gah!” He threw his hands up in frustration.
“The fake hero, defeated by his lackluster navigation skills. If you can’t find a single village, how did you expect reach the Monster Lord’s Castle?”
He didn’t have an answer, choosing to instead glower at her, though given his boyish looks that made him look like a petulant child. Makes me just want to pinch his cheeks or ruffle his hair.
“Well, as much fun as this is, we should get moving.” I adjusted the straps of my bag. “I think I remember the way back to town.”
“But there’s a village full of people that need a hero!”
“And we can try again tomorrow, but next time we bring a map.”
He reluctantly agreed. “Fine.”
“Thus it has been decided.” As I strolled forward, in the direction of the town, a sudden flash of purple light engulfed me, and the surrounding area changing from a forest to a scorching desert.
“Wha- No!”
Quickly realizing that I had stumbled through another portal, I immediately turned around to jump back through it. Only to catch a glimpse of Luka’s and Alice’s shocked faces as it closed.
…
“… Oh come on! Why?! How?! How does this fucking happen not once, but twice?!”
I looked around me in shock and disbelief. I had already been ripped from one world, my home, but I did what I could. I tried to adapt to the best of my ability… became friends with Luka and repeatedly stopped him from getting himself killed.
As uncertain as it was, I was slowly building up another life for myself there.
But now!
I’m standing in this scorching hot desert! There’s nothing but sand, and-
“Is that a sign post?”
About ten feet away from me was a rusted old sign post in the shape of a shield. I was staring at the back of it, so I walked around to see the front. The writing was faded and scratched off, but in spite of that I could read most it.
“Interstate Fifteen…” Glancing down I brushed my boot against the ground, revealing that underneath a layer of sand was tarmac… “This is a road… This is the I-15 and I’m in a desert…”
Okay, it’s best not leap to any conclusions… I’ll just kept walking and eventually I’ll find a town.
***
As I wandering down the road, I passed by a couple more signs.
I didn’t see any indication of where I was, though I stopped when I saw something in the distance. The sun was glaring in my face, so I brought my hands up to cover my eyes. I couldn’t exactly make it out, but I think it was an animal of sorts…
I moved closer and crunched down to avoid being seen. The creature in the distance was bipedal, moving mostly on two legs. It definitely looked very tall, with long arms coming down pass its knees, that ended in giant… claws.
Huh… that kind of… looks like a deathclaw…
Shit… I think it saw me.
Yes! Yes it did!
***
I was hiding in a small rocky outcrop at the base of the cliff, hugging the wall as tightly as I could. There’s never just one deathclaw, they hunt and travel in packs. As the first one gave chase, half a dozen more poured out of the surrounding area. Having previously been concealed behind nearby rocks.
In hindsight it was obviously a trap, lone deathclaw out in the open with the rest hidden, close at hand… bastards probably smelt me a mile away. The only reason I hadn’t been carved up was I got a head start on them and quickly found my hiding spot
Also! Turns out they aren’t your bog standard deathclaw, they’re… they’re monster girls.
Yeah…
Let that sink in…
It shouldn’t be surprising that their appearance reminded me of Granberia. Both are reptilian monster girls with scaly limbs and long tails, though the deathclaws’ legs are digitigrade, while her’s are plantigrade. Though they all had rather… voluptuous figures compared to Granberia, however that was tempered by the menagerie of scars dotting their bodies.
And yet, they were somehow more intimidating than the Heavenly Knight.
The deathclaws had spent the last several hours slashing at the rock face, slowly chipping it away piece by piece. Some tried climbing over it to get me, taking experiment swipes in my direction. I noted that it seemed like they wanted to take me alive, once or twice the claws would have been close enough for them to kill me. A quick thrust would have skewered my chest or slash taken my head clean off, but no, they never went for a killing blow.
That’s a good thing right? Means, they aren’t cannibalistic…
No matter which way I twisted or contorted myself, they were always too close to me. Their claws bare inches away from being able to snag me. One almost got a grip on my leg, but only managed to tear off the Enrika armour padding I was still wearing.
If it had gotten a hold on me, then I would have been dragged out into the open, where they’d claim me as their prize… quite the unpleasant prospect.
They were certainly determined to catch me, I’ll give them that. The sun had set and it was nighttime, yet they showed no signs of giving up.
That’s probably going to ruin any chances of my getting any sleep, since I’m stuck between a literal rock and hard place with more than a dozen deathclaw girls patiently waiting for me to come out.
Hmm… They’re much bulkier than I expected, and taller too, even when hunched over they’re taller than me… I definitely saw that having giant monsters tower over you is not the most comforting of feelings, in fact it feels very threatening.
They were also quite at ease switching between moving on two legs or crawling on all four, much swifter than I thought they’d be.
Then again these weren’t stiff character models limited by a game engine, they were real creatures… Definitely a horrifying thought, one that was currently staring down at me… from multiple directions…
In the darkness all I could can see was a dim glimmer of light from their eyes, accompanied by the barely audible pacing of their feet. They were far too quiet for a such monstrous beasts. It also spoke volumes about their strength that picking away at a rock face for hours on end to reach a single man was a viable tactic in their mind…
A tactic that was currently working.
I would like to claim that during this harrowing time I kept my wits about myself… unfortunately I can not. Deathclaws, even as monster girls, are motherfucking scary. You can not fully comprehend how pantshittingly terrifying it is when a pack of them start chasing after you.
They don’t taunt or tease you like other monsters.
They don’t try to tempt or seduce you to willingly join them.
They… hunt. The prey didn’t matter, be it man or beast, they stalked it either way.
They were completely antithetical to a succubus, the archetypal monster girl. Even on her worst days, Alice was more playful than them, and she got downright homicidal….
I, of course, bravely resisted the urge to curl up into a little ball and cry. Hoping they’d lose interest in me… but let’s be honest here, I knew they wouldn’t. I might have been able to buy myself some breathing room with a few flares and flashbangs, but they tore my backpack off hours ago…
All I have left is to try talking to them.
“Any chance you could stop doing that?” I asked.
No response…
“… Can any of you actually speak?”
Nothing… In fact, there was no sound at all.
Several seconds later the faint outline of a face appeared scant inches from me, only her eyes and jaggedly toothed smile visible in the darkness.
“Caught you.”
Aw crap.
***
It was the dead of night as I approached the man, who was standing by a pile of sandbags blocking the road.
When I got close enough he walked out to greet me. “Hold up there. This area is locked down by the NCR military until we can dislodge some Legion snakes from Nelson.”
“Huh… What happened here?”
“Troopers tried moving down from Forlorn Hope because we got this big gap between there and Searchlight. Turns out we were spread too thin, and we took our sweet ass time setting up in Nelson.” He shook his head. “The Legion managed to hop over the Colorado and attacked before things got settled.”
“Christ… Is there anything I could do to help around here?”
He eyed me with suspicious. “Maybe, I’d like to know who I’m dealing with first.”
“Oh, sorry! I’m William, nice to meet you.” I stuck my hand out.
He paused for a moment before shaking my hand. “Ranger Milo. Got to say, I’ve never heard of you William.”
I waved off his comment. “That’s not surprising, I’m just a nobody that’s new to the Mojave.”
“A greenhorn?” He scoffed. “How do you expect to be any help?”
“Well, I don’t, but I believe my wife and her friends should be able to. They’re very skilled when it comes to this sort of thing.”
“There’s over thirty armed Legionaries down there with guard dogs. Unless you got a pack of deathclaws in your pocket I doubt there’s much you can do.”
“Funny you should say that… Just a heads up, try not to freak out.” I looked over my shoulder. “Dear, could you please introduce yourself to the nice ranger?”
Emerging from the darkness was… well there’s no easy way to say this, my… wife, though I use that term in the loosest sense. It’s more like a monogamous mate that’s simply bonded to me for life… That’s what I’m going to keep telling myself!
She’s the alpha, or matron, of the pack that chased after me a couple weeks ago. Taller than the rest, stronger too, she’s the one that actually squeezed through rocks to get me. Her most noticeable features was her darker hide, a cracked horn, and an otherwise pretty face marred by battle scars earned by constantly fighting to maintain dominance.
When she caught me, it was assumed that I’d be content to stay back at the nest. Doing domestic work, like looking after the babies, or preparing food, but I have things to do. People to kill, places to conquer, lives to save, and so little time to accomplish it all.
“Woah!” The ranger reached for his gun.
I held up my hands in placating manner. “Easy now. She’s with me.”
He kept his hand hovering over his holster. “That’s a tough claim to believe…”
“The fact she hasn’t torn either of us to shreds should be proof enough. But!” I turned and motioned to her. “Why don’t you ask her yourself.”
She had stopped a few feet behind me, her large frame casting an imposing image. Instead of saying anything, she was idly sharpening her claws, looking completely disinterested.
“She… doesn’t talk that much. Isn’t that right dear?”
Her response was to nuzzle the top of my head.
The ranger relaxed a little and chuckled. “Alright, you’re a strange one but you got my attention. I know how you can help out, see the Legion’s taken a couple troopers alive and crucified them in the center of town. They’re visible from Forlorn Hope and I doubt they’d attack to retake the place with their boys still alive, it’s too demoralizing for them.”
“Let me stop you right there, since I have a much better idea in mind. One that doesn't involved unnecessary mercy killings.”
He frowned. “This is a military operation. If you aren’t willing to follow my orders, then why’d you ask in the first place?”
“I just wanted your permission to… intervene in Nelson, to make it all nice and official. Give the word, and I’ll have those troopers freed and every Legion bastard dead before sunrise.”
“I told you, you’d need a full pack to drive them out of town and you’ve only got her.” He gestured to my wife. Who was now cleaning her teeth, still bored with the conversation.
“Ruth.” She lazily replied.
At his questioning look, I said. “That’s her name, but I usually refer to her as dear, sweetie, or…” She nudged me. “Or as my wife.” I grumbled under my breath.
“Anyway!” I continued speaking. “She’s not the only deathclaw with me.”
Silently stalking out of the surrounding area was the rest of the pack, who had been watching the exchange with amusement.
He slowly glanced around, cautiously eyeing them. “I think… I’d be willing give you chance. If you want to go into Nelson I won’t stop you.”
I clapped my hands together. “That is excellent to hear!”
Without any instruction, they disappeared back into the darkness one by one, until the last one left was my wife. Who wrapped me up in a bone crushing hug. “Love you.”
“Ack! G-great!”
She growled. “Say it.”
“Ah! I… love you too dear!”
She cuddled me for a few moments more before letting go and going off to join the others.
It took me a moment to recover my breath.
“Now, why don’t we take a look and see what they can do.” I walked towards the small observation spot the NCR had set up, directly overlooking Nelson. Though, it was really more like four planks of wood bolted to the ground. I pointed at the town below us. “Tell me, what do you hear? What do you see?”
The pack that I… “married into” was quite large, with a minimum of two dozen adult deathclaws and plenty more children, plus all the men. That’s a sizable force when used right, like say raiding a Legion occupied settlement in the middle of the night.
He pulled out a pair of binoculars and brought them up to his eyes. He spent several seconds scanning the burnt out town below, with only burning barrels or torches providing any light. “A couple of sentries on the north ridge… their dogs aren’t barking.” He nodded. “They work fast, a decanus just got his head cut off.”
“Impressed?”
“… I’m surprised they managed to silence the mutts before they could alert the others, must of stayed upwind from them.”
The cries of “Retribution!” soon began to echo through the air, accompanied by the occasional bursts of gunfire.
He lowered the binoculars. “If you have that many deathclaws with you, why the hell did you have to ask me for “permission?” You could have sent them in and we’d be none the wiser.”
“Didn’t you hear me Milo? I want this to be official, not the act of a random wastelander… I’m not some two bit yokel you thinks they can play warlord, galavanting around the wastes and doing whatever I wish. I consider myself to be cut from a more civilized cloth, and that means respecting the NCR’s authority over this situation.” I smirked. “I also thought it would have been inconsiderate to waltz right by your little… “road block” without saying hello first.”
He glared at me, obviously angry at having lost control of the situation.
“And I want to be known.” I have to make a dramatic entrance to gain the attention of certain actors in the Mojave.
“Anything else?” He sarcastically asked.
“Yes. I wish to offer my family’s services to the NCR.”
“Thought mercenary work was below “civilized” folk.”
“No, no Milo.” I shook my head and grinned at him. “Mercenary is such an… ugly word. I prefer the term civilian contractor, it’s so much more professional.”
“Alright, but I’m not in a position to authorize any payment. You’d need to speak to someone at Forlorn Hope to get the paperwork sorted out.”
“Oh that shouldn’t be a problem, I’m sure they’d be happy to see me!”
I was remarkably surprised by how level headed he managed to stay during all of this. Ranger or not, when twenty some odd deathclaws emerge from the shadows people tend to piss themselves….
Save for the idiots desperate enough that a deathclaw seems like an attractive option to them.
Those ones are weirdoes.
***
The guard in front of the tent stopped me. “Halt, you must enter Caesar’s tent alone. Your followers must remained outside.”
Why is it everyone loves telling me I can’t go here or there.
“Of course.” I nodded to the pack who had disguised themselves in robes. It took a lot of rafts to transport everyone from Cottonwood Cove to The Fort. Surprisingly the Legionaries never once questioned them, I guess carrying around the Mark of Caesar gives me some influence.
I lifted up the flap and entered. Inside there was only half a dozen praetorian guards, and two mongrels.
Walking forward I stopped short of the throne, thoroughly unimpressed by the figure who sat upon it.
He sneered at the sight of me, and spoke with barely contained rage and seething anger. “You’re the mutant freak who’s caused so much trouble for my Legion, and yet you dare come before me. The garrison I placed at Nelson served a vital strategic function. Did you think you could wipe it out and I wouldn't know? The months I spent feeding the Omertas bribes, nursing their betrayal… Weeks were spent convincing the Great Khans to join the Legion, but now they aren’t exactly clamoring to fight for me Legion. And do you have any idea how much effort it took to place a mole at McCarran who could plant that bomb on the monorail?!”
I stayed quiet and let him keep on ranting.
“Years of meticulous scheming to place a mole at Camp McCarran… wasted! Vulpes Inculta, the head of my frumentarii, is dead, and Nipton is left standing! You even disrupted a promising weapons deal with the Van Graffs!” He yelled, jabbing a finger at me, while spittle flew from his mouth.
He slumped back down in his throne. “Is it any wonder my Legion has so little love for you? So tell me this, because I really want to know. I am feared, with good reason. But you, of all people, dare to come here and stand before me, the mighty Caesar… What were you thinking?”
“That I’d get to see your face when you died… Edward Sallow.”
His eyes widened in shock. “Guards! Guards!”
And that’s when the entire camp descended in chaos.
He’d gotten us lost.
Oh I’m sure Alice could easily find her way to the nearest town, but she was too amused by Luka’s confusion to.
“Did that merchant say to take the path on the right, then walk for three hours before turning left at the rotten tree log? Or to walk three hours, pass by but don’t take the path on the left, and then turn right at the log?” He muttered to himself. “He kept saying right whenever I asked him which one he meant.”
“Right!”
“That's not helping.”
“It’s not meant to!”
He sighed in annoyance. “Alice, can’t you do anything to help?”
“I could.”
He perked up. “Really? Great…. What are you waiting for?”
She smirked. “I never said that I would…”
“Gah!” He threw his hands up in frustration.
“The fake hero, defeated by his lackluster navigation skills. If you can’t find a single village, how did you expect reach the Monster Lord’s Castle?”
He didn’t have an answer, choosing to instead glower at her, though given his boyish looks that made him look like a petulant child. Makes me just want to pinch his cheeks or ruffle his hair.
“Well, as much fun as this is, we should get moving.” I adjusted the straps of my bag. “I think I remember the way back to town.”
“But there’s a village full of people that need a hero!”
“And we can try again tomorrow, but next time we bring a map.”
He reluctantly agreed. “Fine.”
“Thus it has been decided.” As I strolled forward, in the direction of the town, a sudden flash of purple light engulfed me, and the surrounding area changing from a forest to a scorching desert.
“Wha- No!”
Quickly realizing that I had stumbled through another portal, I immediately turned around to jump back through it. Only to catch a glimpse of Luka’s and Alice’s shocked faces as it closed.
…
“… Oh come on! Why?! How?! How does this fucking happen not once, but twice?!”
I looked around me in shock and disbelief. I had already been ripped from one world, my home, but I did what I could. I tried to adapt to the best of my ability… became friends with Luka and repeatedly stopped him from getting himself killed.
As uncertain as it was, I was slowly building up another life for myself there.
But now!
I’m standing in this scorching hot desert! There’s nothing but sand, and-
“Is that a sign post?”
About ten feet away from me was a rusted old sign post in the shape of a shield. I was staring at the back of it, so I walked around to see the front. The writing was faded and scratched off, but in spite of that I could read most it.
“Interstate Fifteen…” Glancing down I brushed my boot against the ground, revealing that underneath a layer of sand was tarmac… “This is a road… This is the I-15 and I’m in a desert…”
Okay, it’s best not leap to any conclusions… I’ll just kept walking and eventually I’ll find a town.
***
As I wandering down the road, I passed by a couple more signs.
I didn’t see any indication of where I was, though I stopped when I saw something in the distance. The sun was glaring in my face, so I brought my hands up to cover my eyes. I couldn’t exactly make it out, but I think it was an animal of sorts…
I moved closer and crunched down to avoid being seen. The creature in the distance was bipedal, moving mostly on two legs. It definitely looked very tall, with long arms coming down pass its knees, that ended in giant… claws.
Huh… that kind of… looks like a deathclaw…
Shit… I think it saw me.
Yes! Yes it did!
***
I was hiding in a small rocky outcrop at the base of the cliff, hugging the wall as tightly as I could. There’s never just one deathclaw, they hunt and travel in packs. As the first one gave chase, half a dozen more poured out of the surrounding area. Having previously been concealed behind nearby rocks.
In hindsight it was obviously a trap, lone deathclaw out in the open with the rest hidden, close at hand… bastards probably smelt me a mile away. The only reason I hadn’t been carved up was I got a head start on them and quickly found my hiding spot
Also! Turns out they aren’t your bog standard deathclaw, they’re… they’re monster girls.
Yeah…
Let that sink in…
It shouldn’t be surprising that their appearance reminded me of Granberia. Both are reptilian monster girls with scaly limbs and long tails, though the deathclaws’ legs are digitigrade, while her’s are plantigrade. Though they all had rather… voluptuous figures compared to Granberia, however that was tempered by the menagerie of scars dotting their bodies.
And yet, they were somehow more intimidating than the Heavenly Knight.
The deathclaws had spent the last several hours slashing at the rock face, slowly chipping it away piece by piece. Some tried climbing over it to get me, taking experiment swipes in my direction. I noted that it seemed like they wanted to take me alive, once or twice the claws would have been close enough for them to kill me. A quick thrust would have skewered my chest or slash taken my head clean off, but no, they never went for a killing blow.
That’s a good thing right? Means, they aren’t cannibalistic…
No matter which way I twisted or contorted myself, they were always too close to me. Their claws bare inches away from being able to snag me. One almost got a grip on my leg, but only managed to tear off the Enrika armour padding I was still wearing.
If it had gotten a hold on me, then I would have been dragged out into the open, where they’d claim me as their prize… quite the unpleasant prospect.
They were certainly determined to catch me, I’ll give them that. The sun had set and it was nighttime, yet they showed no signs of giving up.
That’s probably going to ruin any chances of my getting any sleep, since I’m stuck between a literal rock and hard place with more than a dozen deathclaw girls patiently waiting for me to come out.
Hmm… They’re much bulkier than I expected, and taller too, even when hunched over they’re taller than me… I definitely saw that having giant monsters tower over you is not the most comforting of feelings, in fact it feels very threatening.
They were also quite at ease switching between moving on two legs or crawling on all four, much swifter than I thought they’d be.
Then again these weren’t stiff character models limited by a game engine, they were real creatures… Definitely a horrifying thought, one that was currently staring down at me… from multiple directions…
In the darkness all I could can see was a dim glimmer of light from their eyes, accompanied by the barely audible pacing of their feet. They were far too quiet for a such monstrous beasts. It also spoke volumes about their strength that picking away at a rock face for hours on end to reach a single man was a viable tactic in their mind…
A tactic that was currently working.
I would like to claim that during this harrowing time I kept my wits about myself… unfortunately I can not. Deathclaws, even as monster girls, are motherfucking scary. You can not fully comprehend how pantshittingly terrifying it is when a pack of them start chasing after you.
They don’t taunt or tease you like other monsters.
They don’t try to tempt or seduce you to willingly join them.
They… hunt. The prey didn’t matter, be it man or beast, they stalked it either way.
They were completely antithetical to a succubus, the archetypal monster girl. Even on her worst days, Alice was more playful than them, and she got downright homicidal….
I, of course, bravely resisted the urge to curl up into a little ball and cry. Hoping they’d lose interest in me… but let’s be honest here, I knew they wouldn’t. I might have been able to buy myself some breathing room with a few flares and flashbangs, but they tore my backpack off hours ago…
All I have left is to try talking to them.
“Any chance you could stop doing that?” I asked.
No response…
“… Can any of you actually speak?”
Nothing… In fact, there was no sound at all.
Several seconds later the faint outline of a face appeared scant inches from me, only her eyes and jaggedly toothed smile visible in the darkness.
“Caught you.”
Aw crap.
***
It was the dead of night as I approached the man, who was standing by a pile of sandbags blocking the road.
When I got close enough he walked out to greet me. “Hold up there. This area is locked down by the NCR military until we can dislodge some Legion snakes from Nelson.”
“Huh… What happened here?”
“Troopers tried moving down from Forlorn Hope because we got this big gap between there and Searchlight. Turns out we were spread too thin, and we took our sweet ass time setting up in Nelson.” He shook his head. “The Legion managed to hop over the Colorado and attacked before things got settled.”
“Christ… Is there anything I could do to help around here?”
He eyed me with suspicious. “Maybe, I’d like to know who I’m dealing with first.”
“Oh, sorry! I’m William, nice to meet you.” I stuck my hand out.
He paused for a moment before shaking my hand. “Ranger Milo. Got to say, I’ve never heard of you William.”
I waved off his comment. “That’s not surprising, I’m just a nobody that’s new to the Mojave.”
“A greenhorn?” He scoffed. “How do you expect to be any help?”
“Well, I don’t, but I believe my wife and her friends should be able to. They’re very skilled when it comes to this sort of thing.”
“There’s over thirty armed Legionaries down there with guard dogs. Unless you got a pack of deathclaws in your pocket I doubt there’s much you can do.”
“Funny you should say that… Just a heads up, try not to freak out.” I looked over my shoulder. “Dear, could you please introduce yourself to the nice ranger?”
Emerging from the darkness was… well there’s no easy way to say this, my… wife, though I use that term in the loosest sense. It’s more like a monogamous mate that’s simply bonded to me for life… That’s what I’m going to keep telling myself!
She’s the alpha, or matron, of the pack that chased after me a couple weeks ago. Taller than the rest, stronger too, she’s the one that actually squeezed through rocks to get me. Her most noticeable features was her darker hide, a cracked horn, and an otherwise pretty face marred by battle scars earned by constantly fighting to maintain dominance.
When she caught me, it was assumed that I’d be content to stay back at the nest. Doing domestic work, like looking after the babies, or preparing food, but I have things to do. People to kill, places to conquer, lives to save, and so little time to accomplish it all.
“Woah!” The ranger reached for his gun.
I held up my hands in placating manner. “Easy now. She’s with me.”
He kept his hand hovering over his holster. “That’s a tough claim to believe…”
“The fact she hasn’t torn either of us to shreds should be proof enough. But!” I turned and motioned to her. “Why don’t you ask her yourself.”
She had stopped a few feet behind me, her large frame casting an imposing image. Instead of saying anything, she was idly sharpening her claws, looking completely disinterested.
“She… doesn’t talk that much. Isn’t that right dear?”
Her response was to nuzzle the top of my head.
The ranger relaxed a little and chuckled. “Alright, you’re a strange one but you got my attention. I know how you can help out, see the Legion’s taken a couple troopers alive and crucified them in the center of town. They’re visible from Forlorn Hope and I doubt they’d attack to retake the place with their boys still alive, it’s too demoralizing for them.”
“Let me stop you right there, since I have a much better idea in mind. One that doesn't involved unnecessary mercy killings.”
He frowned. “This is a military operation. If you aren’t willing to follow my orders, then why’d you ask in the first place?”
“I just wanted your permission to… intervene in Nelson, to make it all nice and official. Give the word, and I’ll have those troopers freed and every Legion bastard dead before sunrise.”
“I told you, you’d need a full pack to drive them out of town and you’ve only got her.” He gestured to my wife. Who was now cleaning her teeth, still bored with the conversation.
“Ruth.” She lazily replied.
At his questioning look, I said. “That’s her name, but I usually refer to her as dear, sweetie, or…” She nudged me. “Or as my wife.” I grumbled under my breath.
“Anyway!” I continued speaking. “She’s not the only deathclaw with me.”
Silently stalking out of the surrounding area was the rest of the pack, who had been watching the exchange with amusement.
He slowly glanced around, cautiously eyeing them. “I think… I’d be willing give you chance. If you want to go into Nelson I won’t stop you.”
I clapped my hands together. “That is excellent to hear!”
Without any instruction, they disappeared back into the darkness one by one, until the last one left was my wife. Who wrapped me up in a bone crushing hug. “Love you.”
“Ack! G-great!”
She growled. “Say it.”
“Ah! I… love you too dear!”
She cuddled me for a few moments more before letting go and going off to join the others.
It took me a moment to recover my breath.
“Now, why don’t we take a look and see what they can do.” I walked towards the small observation spot the NCR had set up, directly overlooking Nelson. Though, it was really more like four planks of wood bolted to the ground. I pointed at the town below us. “Tell me, what do you hear? What do you see?”
The pack that I… “married into” was quite large, with a minimum of two dozen adult deathclaws and plenty more children, plus all the men. That’s a sizable force when used right, like say raiding a Legion occupied settlement in the middle of the night.
He pulled out a pair of binoculars and brought them up to his eyes. He spent several seconds scanning the burnt out town below, with only burning barrels or torches providing any light. “A couple of sentries on the north ridge… their dogs aren’t barking.” He nodded. “They work fast, a decanus just got his head cut off.”
“Impressed?”
“… I’m surprised they managed to silence the mutts before they could alert the others, must of stayed upwind from them.”
The cries of “Retribution!” soon began to echo through the air, accompanied by the occasional bursts of gunfire.
He lowered the binoculars. “If you have that many deathclaws with you, why the hell did you have to ask me for “permission?” You could have sent them in and we’d be none the wiser.”
“Didn’t you hear me Milo? I want this to be official, not the act of a random wastelander… I’m not some two bit yokel you thinks they can play warlord, galavanting around the wastes and doing whatever I wish. I consider myself to be cut from a more civilized cloth, and that means respecting the NCR’s authority over this situation.” I smirked. “I also thought it would have been inconsiderate to waltz right by your little… “road block” without saying hello first.”
He glared at me, obviously angry at having lost control of the situation.
“And I want to be known.” I have to make a dramatic entrance to gain the attention of certain actors in the Mojave.
“Anything else?” He sarcastically asked.
“Yes. I wish to offer my family’s services to the NCR.”
“Thought mercenary work was below “civilized” folk.”
“No, no Milo.” I shook my head and grinned at him. “Mercenary is such an… ugly word. I prefer the term civilian contractor, it’s so much more professional.”
“Alright, but I’m not in a position to authorize any payment. You’d need to speak to someone at Forlorn Hope to get the paperwork sorted out.”
“Oh that shouldn’t be a problem, I’m sure they’d be happy to see me!”
I was remarkably surprised by how level headed he managed to stay during all of this. Ranger or not, when twenty some odd deathclaws emerge from the shadows people tend to piss themselves….
Save for the idiots desperate enough that a deathclaw seems like an attractive option to them.
Those ones are weirdoes.
***
The guard in front of the tent stopped me. “Halt, you must enter Caesar’s tent alone. Your followers must remained outside.”
Why is it everyone loves telling me I can’t go here or there.
“Of course.” I nodded to the pack who had disguised themselves in robes. It took a lot of rafts to transport everyone from Cottonwood Cove to The Fort. Surprisingly the Legionaries never once questioned them, I guess carrying around the Mark of Caesar gives me some influence.
I lifted up the flap and entered. Inside there was only half a dozen praetorian guards, and two mongrels.
Walking forward I stopped short of the throne, thoroughly unimpressed by the figure who sat upon it.
He sneered at the sight of me, and spoke with barely contained rage and seething anger. “You’re the mutant freak who’s caused so much trouble for my Legion, and yet you dare come before me. The garrison I placed at Nelson served a vital strategic function. Did you think you could wipe it out and I wouldn't know? The months I spent feeding the Omertas bribes, nursing their betrayal… Weeks were spent convincing the Great Khans to join the Legion, but now they aren’t exactly clamoring to fight for me Legion. And do you have any idea how much effort it took to place a mole at McCarran who could plant that bomb on the monorail?!”
I stayed quiet and let him keep on ranting.
“Years of meticulous scheming to place a mole at Camp McCarran… wasted! Vulpes Inculta, the head of my frumentarii, is dead, and Nipton is left standing! You even disrupted a promising weapons deal with the Van Graffs!” He yelled, jabbing a finger at me, while spittle flew from his mouth.
He slumped back down in his throne. “Is it any wonder my Legion has so little love for you? So tell me this, because I really want to know. I am feared, with good reason. But you, of all people, dare to come here and stand before me, the mighty Caesar… What were you thinking?”
“That I’d get to see your face when you died… Edward Sallow.”
His eyes widened in shock. “Guards! Guards!”
And that’s when the entire camp descended in chaos.
Chapter 12 - Snake Troubles and Bandit Blues
Spoiler: show
I sat there, unsure of what I should do next; should I go after her? Sit here and wait until she comes back? What if she doesn’t? Would I even know if she decided not to? Do I just lie back down and go back to sleep? Pretend that didn’t happen?
What if she takes Angel Halo back?! How’s Luka going to manage?! Who’s going to train him then?! Did… did I just ruin any chances of this journey succeeding?
A horrible sense up dread settled in my gut.
I clutched my head and quietly muttered to myself. “I fucked up.”
What reason would she have for coming back? Luka and I wouldn’t matter to her after learning about her mother… Unless she reappears only to drag me off for questioning! She was suspicious of me before! She’d want answers and wouldn’t put up with any of my excuses! What if that info gets out?! Ilias would learn that I know what she’s planning! Angels descend from heaven and everyone dies!
“No, I’m assuming the worst here…” I took a shaky breath to calm myself down; it didn’t help much, but it was a start. “Okay… no need to start panicking.”
I’m probably just overreacting, but how else can I react to that little piece of info getting out. I wouldn’t expect anything less than a dramatic response from her learning that fact; it’s not something that should be taken lightly. She deserved to know, but I was going to tell her later… at a more appropriate time.
I finished eating and uncomfortably sat there in silence, turning over the book in my hands. If she does come back for it, then I obviously wouldn’t be able to read it…. Might as well flip through, see if there’s anything interesting that could distract me. I gave a cursory glance at the first few pages before deciding to just flip through the pages at random, occasionally stopping to briefly look at the diagrams-
“Wow! That is detailed!”
I was momentarily shocked out of my stupor by the very… graphic imagery. Lilith must’ve been one hell of an artist, it’s even coloured…
Since there was nothing else I could reasonably be expected to do at that time, and I didn’t know how long I’d have the book for, I began poring over it in earnest.
Eventually, I let my weariness claim me and fell back to sleep.
***
I woke back up sometime later, when the sun had already begun to rise and daylight was fast approaching. Not as much sleep as I would have liked, but I was feeling slightly more refreshed than I was earlier. I continued to rest on my bedroll while I thought.
Guess I should plan now, in case Alice really doesn’t come back…
For now at least, the goal is still to survive long enough to reach Tamamo, as well as keep Luka alive. If he gets dragged off to be some monster’s husband, that’s bad, but I can try to retrieve him later, hopefully with support. Luka living is key to stopping Ilias, as with the four spirits and proper training he’s an unstoppable powerhouse. He will become one of, if not the, most important asset in the fight against Ilias. Don’t like referring to him in such a way, but that’s the situation we potentially face.
Now what if Tamamo isn't in the cave? If she hasn’t stopped by there first, then it’s probably still filled with traps and dangerous monsters. If she has gone through, but left before we should up, then it’s an empty cave filled dangerous monsters. At that point Poseidon's Bell will be there or it won’t; either way we’d have to continue on…
Assuming we’re not killed by anything, the next opportunity to reach Tamamo, or anyone important at the Monster Lord’s Castle, would be running into Alma Elma… that’s not an encounter I’m looking forward to. Without Alice I doubt we’d be able to convince a ship to take us to Port Natalia, and without Poseidon's Bell we’d likely end up sinking. But if we do have the Bell, or end up being the luckiest bastards to ever sail through a storm, we’d still run into Alma.
At that point anything could potentially happen… I don’t like that. She’s too unpredictable and dangerous to deal with without any type of insurance, like Alice being there… unfortunately, I know she’s there, causing the storms along the coastline. It’s well known that trade has been rather lacking recently, and fewer goods than previous years are flowing from Iliasport.
At this point all I can come up with is throwing myself at her in the vain hope she takes more interest in me, instead of killing Luka and the crew of whatever ship that agreed to transport us. The best thing I could hope for is for her to drag me off to the Monster Lord’s Castle while leaving Luka alive, then… try to not die and convince someone important to listen to me. Yeah… any potential plan that involves the step “survive sex with the Succubus Queen” is not a sane plan, in fact that’s the last act of a desperate man….
A potential possibility is returning to Happiness Village and seeking the help of the harpies. Maybe I could ask the Queen if she’d be willing to negotiate with Alma to grant Luka and I safe passage to Sentora. Unless the harpies are scared of Alma, which in that case leaves me back at square one.
The other option could be Micaela, she was former Seraphim and knows as much, if not more than, Tamamo. I doubt it would be hard to convince her how valuable the information I have is, and she knows that Ilias has spies everywhere… which would most likely make working with her an outright impossibility…
All of this is assuming Alice doesn’t return, or something completely unexpected doesn’t pop up; though at this point all I’m doing is brainstorming possibilities. Not like I have too much concrete info to work off of.
Luka began to stir and finally got up, the noise from earlier having had no affect on him. He stretched as he sat up and looked around camp. “Where’s Alice?”
Didn’t expect him to notice that right away, or even ask about it.
“She, uh… left. Don’t know when or even if she’s going to come back.” I awkwardly told him.
“Wh- why? What happened?”
“She and I had a very… emotionally charged conversation, some things were said that were probably better left private. She wanted some time to herself… and you can at least try to wipe that grin off your face.”
He tried to cover his smile up by yawning, but it was still plainly evident. “Maybe it’s good thing that she’s gone, all she ever did was insult and berate us.”
“Luka, she’s the one that gave you real training and taught you that move. Without her help you’d still be flailing your sword around like an idiot.”
“But-”
“And she did give you that sword.” I pointed out.
“Yeah… you’re right.” He glanced at the sword which laid beside his sleeping bag, then sighed. “This sword…. it doesn’t kill people, only seal them. It’s allows me to fight without holding back, I have a chance of making my dream come true because of it.”
I smiled. “Now that’s the spirit! Come on, let’s clean up camp and get moving.”
Luka nodded in agreement. “Alright.”
We finished packing up and began the short trek down the path to Iliasburg.
***
When we returned to Iliasburg, the tension and fear was almost palpable. Everyone in the city was nervously going about their day, looking over their shoulder and casting the occasional glance upwards. The cause of this was the recent sighting of the monster bandits close to the city; rumor has it that a man was attacked on the outskirts of his orchard by the bandits and that he heard the terrifying roar of a dragon as he ran away….
I, however, highly doubt your average farmer would be able to outrun an adult dragon. It’s quite the outlandish claim, though everyone seems to be assuming the bandits are all adults, while I have very good reason to suspect they're children…. In fact, that should make them less likely to believe him, not get riled up into a panic.
Either way, it had somehow become common knowledge that a vampire and a dragon were part of the bandits.
And that’s all they talked about! Everyone was repeating the same phrase, a vampire and a dragon. How could the city defend itself from such powerful monsters? They could attack at any moment. Most of the populace was scared shitless and had turned to praying to Ilias for help
In spite of that, all the bandits had apparently done so far is steal some cutlery, a pot of honey, and pick an apple tree clean… not really feeling the dread and despair here. Though Granberia did attack the city recently, so I guess it isn’t all unfounded.
Since Alice ate just about everything, including my private stash of candy and snacks that I kept hidden in my backpack, Luka and I had to restock our supplies. As we did so I noticed that almost everyone was on edge… save for one person. Someone Luka and I both wanted to avoid.
“Just as I expected!”
“Y- you!” Luka nervously said.
Jumping out a nearby alley was that damn unfortunate lamia, her armless snakey torso erratically wobbling around; and she was still only wearing a pair of underwear…. She’s certainly not one to dress modestly.
“Yes, me! My love, I have sought you out because I have a confession to make.”
“This oughta be good.” I remarked.
Ignoring me she continued talking. “This… isn’t my true form. A wicked wizard cursed me, turning me into this ugly sight-”
“That wizard must have really had it in for you.”
Her head swiveled in my direction, and I think she was shooting me a nasty glare. It’s tough to tell with her creepy face and big snake eyes; they’re not very good at conveying emotion. “But, if I were to get a true hero's kiss, then I’ll return back to my princess form.”
“Wh… Really?” He asked, skeptical of her claim.
“You wound my heart to even imply that I’d lie to you!” She responded, dramatically striking a very… odd pose.
“Notice that she didn’t answer your question.”
“Yeah, you’re right.”
“No! I’m a real princess-”
I interrupted her. “What kingdom are you from? Do you belong to any dynasty?”
She sighed. “Quit using logic to pick apart my clever ruse.”
“If it really was clever I shouldn’t have been able to pick it apart so easily.”
Her forked tongue flicked out and she stared at me for a few moments. “… Touché.”
“Was there anything else you needed or did you just want to waste our time?” Luka asked her.
“Yes my love! I wanted to remind you where the bandits’ hideout is before you set out to defeat them! You must travel west of here, towards the Irina Mountains.”
“Great, goodbye.” He turned around and began walking away from her.
I lingered behind for several seconds. “Thanks for the info, stay safe in case they do attack.”
“You need not worry about me, just ensure my darling hero survives!” With that she dashed back into the alley that she appeared from.
“What an odd girl.” I mumbled to myself. Turning to go after Luka, I quickly caught up with him. With Amira out of sight, his mood was already improving.
“You all set?”
I checked myself over and then nodded. “Yep! Think I got everything.”
“Alright, let’s head to the Irina Mountains. I can’t ignore those bandits!”
***
After we left the city, we walked in relative silence, both of us content with the lack of conversation. Not that I had too much to say, considering I was privately lamenting that Alice hadn’t returned yet. It was enjoyable having someone else to talk to besides Luka.
As we approached a small clearing at the base of a mountain Luka proudly declared. “We’ve made it! Time to stop the bandits!”
“Great!” I waited a few moments before bursting his bubble. “Except we have no idea where they are.”
“… Crap.” His tone turned despondent. “… Why didn’t you say anything earlier?”
I shrugged. “Thought it was obvious.”
“Then what were you expecting us to do once we got here?”
“Don’t know, I assumed you had plan.”
“I thought you had one!”
“You know what they say about assuming, it’s makes an ass out of you and me.”
“… Wh-what? What does that even mean?”
I sighed in annoyance. “Nevermind Luka; it’s just a stupid phrase.”
“Alright… if you say so…. We walked all the way here, but we don't have any idea what to do.”
“You just know if Alice was here she’d be calling us both idiots.”
He frowned. “That’s not very helpful.”
“Well what do you suggest we do? Just walk along the entire mountain range on the off chance we discover their hideout?” I sarcastically asked.
It looked like he was actually contemplating my “suggestion.” “… That could work.”
“I wasn’t being serious! It would take months to search this mountain chain! It runs along the coastline!”
“Then what do you suggest we do?”
“Maybe make a lot of noise to attract any nearby monster?”
He was staring at me incredulously. “Alice being gone means you should stop having sex with monsters, not search for more to replace her.”
“First of all, it’s not replacing… it’s substituting.”
“It’s against Ilias’s commandment!”
“Is it really that bad that I crave physical intimacy with another person? Am I not allowed to have my own private life?”
“Not when it’s monsters! You’re not supposed to have sex with them in the first place!”
“Details!” I retorted. Admittedly, it is fun to rile him up, if only a little bit. I don’t want to make him too mad. “Besides, that wasn’t what I meant, get your mind out of the gutter. Honestly I don’t even know how you got that! The point is, that if there are monsters nearby they’d be attracted to the sounds of people, especially two men. All we have to do is walk around, talk with each other, and see what we find.”
He frowned. “That’s using us as bait.”
“'I know, being forced to use myself as bait, when it’s really your job; it’s a terrible misuse of my talents, but I'll work with what I got.”
“We’d also be wandering aimlessly.”
I shrugged and then readjusted the straps of my backpack. “True, but remember how many monsters we ran into just on our way to Iliasburg?”
“We only ran into two, the slug girl and mandragora.”
“Exactly! It shouldn’t take too long! Hell! I bet you couldn’t swing a dead cat around here without hitting a monster.”
I heard a loud gasp. “Why would you do that?!”
“No, it’s just an idiom, I’m not actually going to swing a dead cat around.”
“I’m not an idiot!”
“No, an idiom is a phrase or colloquial term used to-” Wait! Luka didn’t say that.
Him and I both turned our attention to a nearby group of rustling bushes, where that voice had come from. He drew his sword and shifted into a combat stance, while I backed away.
Suddenly, a goblin girl armed with an oversized warhammer stumbled out from the bushes and tried to strike an intimidating pose… tried being the key word. “Travellers! Give me all your money and loot if you don’t want me to beat the snot out of you!”
“You must be one of the bandits!” Luka shouted.
She pointed her hammer at him. “That’s right! I'm the Goblin Bandit of The Four Bandits!”
“Are you sure?” I asked her. “You look a little young to be a bandit.”
“Maybe she’s a flunkie or something.”
“To a dragon and vampire?”
He pondered what I said for a moment. “You’re right, if she’s allied with youma than she might be tougher than she looks.”
“Don't talk about me like I'm not here! You're getting robbed! If you know what's good for you, you'll give me all your money!” The little goblin cried in outrage.
“That’s not going to happen. I’m a hero and I came here to stop the bandits!”
She cocked her head in confusion. “Eh? Someone as weak looking as you? Are you sure your friend isn’t the hero? He’s way taller and bigger than you.”
“Sh-shut up! You look weak too!” He skillfully retorted.
“I’m a monster.”
“She’s got you there.”
“As a hero, I'm going to stop you, and your group from stealing from innocent people!” He took a moment to glower at me, then returned his attention to the goblin girl. “Even if they’re people like William.”
“Bring it hero! I, Goblin Bandit of the Earth of the Four Bandits shall be your opponent!”
“Adding on "off the earth" this time?! Like that’s going to change your chances of winning!” He raised his sword up, which caught her attention.
“That sword… It looks so gross!” Her comment drew everyone’s attention to Angel Halo.
“I'm pretty sure it's entire existence is sacrilege… literally. Over six hundred angels went into forging that thing… I think you can still hear their anguished moans from time to time.” My comment was punctuated by an eerie groan coming from the sword.
The goblin’s face screwed up in in disgust. “Eh…” He gazed altered back and forth between Luka and his sword. “What should I do? That sword looks so gross, but I can let myself be driven off that easily. The other girls would make fun of me.”
“You could give up and lead us to your hideout. We're pretty forgiving and reasonable, but the next people that come looking for you probably won't be.”
“… Nah! Eat this! Hurricane Sand Storm!” She quickly picked up a handful of sand and threw it at Luka’s face.
“Ah! What the hell kind of attack was that?! Ugh! I have sand all over my mouth! It's in my eyes! What the hell are you doing?! That’s not a real attack!” He was frantically wiping sand off his face and spitting it out of his mouth.
“Aha! My attack created an opening! Feel the wrath of the Earth! Earth Crashing Goblin!” She loudly shouted the name of her attack while raising her hammer up. It was obviously much too heavy for her to handle, since she was teetering back and forth as she slowly moved towards Luka. Even her legs were constantly wobbling and hands clearly shaking.
“Luka, you might want to move out of the way. Even if she’s a child, goblins are insanely strong, and that attack’s probably going to hurt.” I helpfully informed him. “You also don’t want to grapple with her, she could easily pin you to the ground.”
He nodded. “Right!”
Ever so slowly the goblin girl inched closer and closer to Luka, the hammer raised above her head, ready to strike. When she got close enough to him, she brought her hammer up and slammed it down.
Unfortunately for her, he easily sidestepped the attack, meaning all she did was create an impressive sized dent by smashing her hammer into the ground.
As I wiped bits of debris off my clothing, I said.“See! Told you! Goblins may lack the magical abilities or special tricks of other monsters, but they more than make up for it with pure physical strength.”
Circling around her, he took advantage of the opening and struck her back with his sword.
“Ow!” She hefted her hammer back up and took a swing at him in retaliation, though it was obvious she was struggling to keep it under control.
He simply jumped back, dodging the strike. Clearly unable to compensate for not actually hitting her target, the weight of the hammer dragged her along with it, the opening leave her vulnerable.
“Luka! She’s off balance! Use Demon Decapitation!”
He rushed forward, then slashed at her neck. She brought the hammer up to block his attack, but the force of the blow knocked the her back a couple feet.
“Stop that! I’m supposed to be beating you up!” She yelled in frustration.
“I’m a hero! I won’t lose to you!”
“Take this!” She charged at him, swinging her hammer with all her might, but its massive size actually caused her to lose control of it and she began spinning around wildly. She spun on the spot like a top, until she lost her footing and tripped over her own feet. She landed on the ground in a heap, while the hammer went flying and crashed into a near by rock.
Luka cautiously approached her, and nudged her limp form with his sword.
“Is she okay?” I asked.
“Owie…”
“She’s fine.”
I moved slightly closer to them. “Excellent job Luka, you’ve defeated a little girl. What do you suppose we should do now? Question her? Find out where the hideout is?”
“Yeah.” He nodded.
“Then what? I don’t think we should leave her here or let her run away, that would defeat the entire purpose of fighting the bandits in first place. Sealing might be an option… I wonder what she’d turn into, maybe a boar.” I paused and thought about it. “Probably just a doll sized goblin.”
“I’ll bind her hands and we’ll take her with us while I fight the other bandits.” He jabbed her with his sword a couple times to completely drain her of her power, a slightly mean, but necessary thing to do.
Setting my backpack down, I pulled out a length of rope and passed to Luka. He quickly tied her hands behind her back, then sat her upright. “Where’s your hideout?”
She blew a raspberry at in response.
“Well Luka, I believe we’ve reached an impasse; she’s a tough nut to crack.”
He ignored my remark. “What type of monsters are the other bandits? Is there really a dragon and vampire in your group?”
“When they find me you’ll be in trouble~"
“Please?!”
“No!”
Luka let out a frustrated groan.
“Let me try.” He moved out of the way and I crouched down in front of her. Reaching into my pocket, I took out a small bag filled with a variety of sweets. “If you tell me where your hideout is I’ll give you a piece of candy.” To demonstrate that I wasn’t lying, I pulled out a block caramel… then tossed it in my mouth.
It would have been costly to buy, but that’s what Luka’s hero discount was for!
She narrowed her eyes. “… Twenty pieces.”
“Five.”
“Twenty!”
“Too high! Go lower or get nothing at all.”
“Nineteen!”
“Still too high! I can walk away right now! Keep all the candy to myself and all you get is to be dragged around by us while we search every cave, crag, and peak in the mountain chain for your hideout.”
She looked away for a moment, then met my gaze with fierce determination. “Fifteen pieces.”
“Ten pieces, five now and five when we’re at the hideout.”
“Why ten?”
“I like dealing with even numbers, now take it or leave it.”
“… Deal. The hideout is in a nearby cave that’s north-west of here, once you get close there’s a path that leads you right there.”
I smiled and patted her helmet. “Good girl.” I pulled out five pieces of assorted candy and shoved it into Luka’s hand. “Do me a favour and give the young lady her candy.”
“Why me? You’re the one that made the deal with her.”
“I’m not hand feeding her, she might bite my finger off!” Plus hand feeding people feels creepy and weird, especially since she’s a child who's’ currently tied up…
He hesitantly threw a yellow hard candy into her mouth. “Ew! It’s too sour!”
Moving on!
I picked up my backpack and put it back on. “Okay! We still got to deal with the rest of the bandits.”
“She bit me!” Luka shouted.
The goblin girl had a smug look plastered on her face, while he was nursing his hand.
“Nothing to whine about, it’s still attached and I think your glove took most of the damage.”
With that we followed the goblin’s directions towards the bandit’s hideout.
What if she takes Angel Halo back?! How’s Luka going to manage?! Who’s going to train him then?! Did… did I just ruin any chances of this journey succeeding?
A horrible sense up dread settled in my gut.
I clutched my head and quietly muttered to myself. “I fucked up.”
What reason would she have for coming back? Luka and I wouldn’t matter to her after learning about her mother… Unless she reappears only to drag me off for questioning! She was suspicious of me before! She’d want answers and wouldn’t put up with any of my excuses! What if that info gets out?! Ilias would learn that I know what she’s planning! Angels descend from heaven and everyone dies!
“No, I’m assuming the worst here…” I took a shaky breath to calm myself down; it didn’t help much, but it was a start. “Okay… no need to start panicking.”
I’m probably just overreacting, but how else can I react to that little piece of info getting out. I wouldn’t expect anything less than a dramatic response from her learning that fact; it’s not something that should be taken lightly. She deserved to know, but I was going to tell her later… at a more appropriate time.
I finished eating and uncomfortably sat there in silence, turning over the book in my hands. If she does come back for it, then I obviously wouldn’t be able to read it…. Might as well flip through, see if there’s anything interesting that could distract me. I gave a cursory glance at the first few pages before deciding to just flip through the pages at random, occasionally stopping to briefly look at the diagrams-
“Wow! That is detailed!”
I was momentarily shocked out of my stupor by the very… graphic imagery. Lilith must’ve been one hell of an artist, it’s even coloured…
Since there was nothing else I could reasonably be expected to do at that time, and I didn’t know how long I’d have the book for, I began poring over it in earnest.
Eventually, I let my weariness claim me and fell back to sleep.
***
I woke back up sometime later, when the sun had already begun to rise and daylight was fast approaching. Not as much sleep as I would have liked, but I was feeling slightly more refreshed than I was earlier. I continued to rest on my bedroll while I thought.
Guess I should plan now, in case Alice really doesn’t come back…
For now at least, the goal is still to survive long enough to reach Tamamo, as well as keep Luka alive. If he gets dragged off to be some monster’s husband, that’s bad, but I can try to retrieve him later, hopefully with support. Luka living is key to stopping Ilias, as with the four spirits and proper training he’s an unstoppable powerhouse. He will become one of, if not the, most important asset in the fight against Ilias. Don’t like referring to him in such a way, but that’s the situation we potentially face.
Now what if Tamamo isn't in the cave? If she hasn’t stopped by there first, then it’s probably still filled with traps and dangerous monsters. If she has gone through, but left before we should up, then it’s an empty cave filled dangerous monsters. At that point Poseidon's Bell will be there or it won’t; either way we’d have to continue on…
Assuming we’re not killed by anything, the next opportunity to reach Tamamo, or anyone important at the Monster Lord’s Castle, would be running into Alma Elma… that’s not an encounter I’m looking forward to. Without Alice I doubt we’d be able to convince a ship to take us to Port Natalia, and without Poseidon's Bell we’d likely end up sinking. But if we do have the Bell, or end up being the luckiest bastards to ever sail through a storm, we’d still run into Alma.
At that point anything could potentially happen… I don’t like that. She’s too unpredictable and dangerous to deal with without any type of insurance, like Alice being there… unfortunately, I know she’s there, causing the storms along the coastline. It’s well known that trade has been rather lacking recently, and fewer goods than previous years are flowing from Iliasport.
At this point all I can come up with is throwing myself at her in the vain hope she takes more interest in me, instead of killing Luka and the crew of whatever ship that agreed to transport us. The best thing I could hope for is for her to drag me off to the Monster Lord’s Castle while leaving Luka alive, then… try to not die and convince someone important to listen to me. Yeah… any potential plan that involves the step “survive sex with the Succubus Queen” is not a sane plan, in fact that’s the last act of a desperate man….
A potential possibility is returning to Happiness Village and seeking the help of the harpies. Maybe I could ask the Queen if she’d be willing to negotiate with Alma to grant Luka and I safe passage to Sentora. Unless the harpies are scared of Alma, which in that case leaves me back at square one.
The other option could be Micaela, she was former Seraphim and knows as much, if not more than, Tamamo. I doubt it would be hard to convince her how valuable the information I have is, and she knows that Ilias has spies everywhere… which would most likely make working with her an outright impossibility…
All of this is assuming Alice doesn’t return, or something completely unexpected doesn’t pop up; though at this point all I’m doing is brainstorming possibilities. Not like I have too much concrete info to work off of.
Luka began to stir and finally got up, the noise from earlier having had no affect on him. He stretched as he sat up and looked around camp. “Where’s Alice?”
Didn’t expect him to notice that right away, or even ask about it.
“She, uh… left. Don’t know when or even if she’s going to come back.” I awkwardly told him.
“Wh- why? What happened?”
“She and I had a very… emotionally charged conversation, some things were said that were probably better left private. She wanted some time to herself… and you can at least try to wipe that grin off your face.”
He tried to cover his smile up by yawning, but it was still plainly evident. “Maybe it’s good thing that she’s gone, all she ever did was insult and berate us.”
“Luka, she’s the one that gave you real training and taught you that move. Without her help you’d still be flailing your sword around like an idiot.”
“But-”
“And she did give you that sword.” I pointed out.
“Yeah… you’re right.” He glanced at the sword which laid beside his sleeping bag, then sighed. “This sword…. it doesn’t kill people, only seal them. It’s allows me to fight without holding back, I have a chance of making my dream come true because of it.”
I smiled. “Now that’s the spirit! Come on, let’s clean up camp and get moving.”
Luka nodded in agreement. “Alright.”
We finished packing up and began the short trek down the path to Iliasburg.
***
When we returned to Iliasburg, the tension and fear was almost palpable. Everyone in the city was nervously going about their day, looking over their shoulder and casting the occasional glance upwards. The cause of this was the recent sighting of the monster bandits close to the city; rumor has it that a man was attacked on the outskirts of his orchard by the bandits and that he heard the terrifying roar of a dragon as he ran away….
I, however, highly doubt your average farmer would be able to outrun an adult dragon. It’s quite the outlandish claim, though everyone seems to be assuming the bandits are all adults, while I have very good reason to suspect they're children…. In fact, that should make them less likely to believe him, not get riled up into a panic.
Either way, it had somehow become common knowledge that a vampire and a dragon were part of the bandits.
And that’s all they talked about! Everyone was repeating the same phrase, a vampire and a dragon. How could the city defend itself from such powerful monsters? They could attack at any moment. Most of the populace was scared shitless and had turned to praying to Ilias for help
In spite of that, all the bandits had apparently done so far is steal some cutlery, a pot of honey, and pick an apple tree clean… not really feeling the dread and despair here. Though Granberia did attack the city recently, so I guess it isn’t all unfounded.
Since Alice ate just about everything, including my private stash of candy and snacks that I kept hidden in my backpack, Luka and I had to restock our supplies. As we did so I noticed that almost everyone was on edge… save for one person. Someone Luka and I both wanted to avoid.
“Just as I expected!”
“Y- you!” Luka nervously said.
Jumping out a nearby alley was that damn unfortunate lamia, her armless snakey torso erratically wobbling around; and she was still only wearing a pair of underwear…. She’s certainly not one to dress modestly.
“Yes, me! My love, I have sought you out because I have a confession to make.”
“This oughta be good.” I remarked.
Ignoring me she continued talking. “This… isn’t my true form. A wicked wizard cursed me, turning me into this ugly sight-”
“That wizard must have really had it in for you.”
Her head swiveled in my direction, and I think she was shooting me a nasty glare. It’s tough to tell with her creepy face and big snake eyes; they’re not very good at conveying emotion. “But, if I were to get a true hero's kiss, then I’ll return back to my princess form.”
“Wh… Really?” He asked, skeptical of her claim.
“You wound my heart to even imply that I’d lie to you!” She responded, dramatically striking a very… odd pose.
“Notice that she didn’t answer your question.”
“Yeah, you’re right.”
“No! I’m a real princess-”
I interrupted her. “What kingdom are you from? Do you belong to any dynasty?”
She sighed. “Quit using logic to pick apart my clever ruse.”
“If it really was clever I shouldn’t have been able to pick it apart so easily.”
Her forked tongue flicked out and she stared at me for a few moments. “… Touché.”
“Was there anything else you needed or did you just want to waste our time?” Luka asked her.
“Yes my love! I wanted to remind you where the bandits’ hideout is before you set out to defeat them! You must travel west of here, towards the Irina Mountains.”
“Great, goodbye.” He turned around and began walking away from her.
I lingered behind for several seconds. “Thanks for the info, stay safe in case they do attack.”
“You need not worry about me, just ensure my darling hero survives!” With that she dashed back into the alley that she appeared from.
“What an odd girl.” I mumbled to myself. Turning to go after Luka, I quickly caught up with him. With Amira out of sight, his mood was already improving.
“You all set?”
I checked myself over and then nodded. “Yep! Think I got everything.”
“Alright, let’s head to the Irina Mountains. I can’t ignore those bandits!”
***
After we left the city, we walked in relative silence, both of us content with the lack of conversation. Not that I had too much to say, considering I was privately lamenting that Alice hadn’t returned yet. It was enjoyable having someone else to talk to besides Luka.
As we approached a small clearing at the base of a mountain Luka proudly declared. “We’ve made it! Time to stop the bandits!”
“Great!” I waited a few moments before bursting his bubble. “Except we have no idea where they are.”
“… Crap.” His tone turned despondent. “… Why didn’t you say anything earlier?”
I shrugged. “Thought it was obvious.”
“Then what were you expecting us to do once we got here?”
“Don’t know, I assumed you had plan.”
“I thought you had one!”
“You know what they say about assuming, it’s makes an ass out of you and me.”
“… Wh-what? What does that even mean?”
I sighed in annoyance. “Nevermind Luka; it’s just a stupid phrase.”
“Alright… if you say so…. We walked all the way here, but we don't have any idea what to do.”
“You just know if Alice was here she’d be calling us both idiots.”
He frowned. “That’s not very helpful.”
“Well what do you suggest we do? Just walk along the entire mountain range on the off chance we discover their hideout?” I sarcastically asked.
It looked like he was actually contemplating my “suggestion.” “… That could work.”
“I wasn’t being serious! It would take months to search this mountain chain! It runs along the coastline!”
“Then what do you suggest we do?”
“Maybe make a lot of noise to attract any nearby monster?”
He was staring at me incredulously. “Alice being gone means you should stop having sex with monsters, not search for more to replace her.”
“First of all, it’s not replacing… it’s substituting.”
“It’s against Ilias’s commandment!”
“Is it really that bad that I crave physical intimacy with another person? Am I not allowed to have my own private life?”
“Not when it’s monsters! You’re not supposed to have sex with them in the first place!”
“Details!” I retorted. Admittedly, it is fun to rile him up, if only a little bit. I don’t want to make him too mad. “Besides, that wasn’t what I meant, get your mind out of the gutter. Honestly I don’t even know how you got that! The point is, that if there are monsters nearby they’d be attracted to the sounds of people, especially two men. All we have to do is walk around, talk with each other, and see what we find.”
He frowned. “That’s using us as bait.”
“'I know, being forced to use myself as bait, when it’s really your job; it’s a terrible misuse of my talents, but I'll work with what I got.”
“We’d also be wandering aimlessly.”
I shrugged and then readjusted the straps of my backpack. “True, but remember how many monsters we ran into just on our way to Iliasburg?”
“We only ran into two, the slug girl and mandragora.”
“Exactly! It shouldn’t take too long! Hell! I bet you couldn’t swing a dead cat around here without hitting a monster.”
I heard a loud gasp. “Why would you do that?!”
“No, it’s just an idiom, I’m not actually going to swing a dead cat around.”
“I’m not an idiot!”
“No, an idiom is a phrase or colloquial term used to-” Wait! Luka didn’t say that.
Him and I both turned our attention to a nearby group of rustling bushes, where that voice had come from. He drew his sword and shifted into a combat stance, while I backed away.
Suddenly, a goblin girl armed with an oversized warhammer stumbled out from the bushes and tried to strike an intimidating pose… tried being the key word. “Travellers! Give me all your money and loot if you don’t want me to beat the snot out of you!”
“You must be one of the bandits!” Luka shouted.
She pointed her hammer at him. “That’s right! I'm the Goblin Bandit of The Four Bandits!”
“Are you sure?” I asked her. “You look a little young to be a bandit.”
“Maybe she’s a flunkie or something.”
“To a dragon and vampire?”
He pondered what I said for a moment. “You’re right, if she’s allied with youma than she might be tougher than she looks.”
“Don't talk about me like I'm not here! You're getting robbed! If you know what's good for you, you'll give me all your money!” The little goblin cried in outrage.
“That’s not going to happen. I’m a hero and I came here to stop the bandits!”
She cocked her head in confusion. “Eh? Someone as weak looking as you? Are you sure your friend isn’t the hero? He’s way taller and bigger than you.”
“Sh-shut up! You look weak too!” He skillfully retorted.
“I’m a monster.”
“She’s got you there.”
“As a hero, I'm going to stop you, and your group from stealing from innocent people!” He took a moment to glower at me, then returned his attention to the goblin girl. “Even if they’re people like William.”
“Bring it hero! I, Goblin Bandit of the Earth of the Four Bandits shall be your opponent!”
“Adding on "off the earth" this time?! Like that’s going to change your chances of winning!” He raised his sword up, which caught her attention.
“That sword… It looks so gross!” Her comment drew everyone’s attention to Angel Halo.
“I'm pretty sure it's entire existence is sacrilege… literally. Over six hundred angels went into forging that thing… I think you can still hear their anguished moans from time to time.” My comment was punctuated by an eerie groan coming from the sword.
The goblin’s face screwed up in in disgust. “Eh…” He gazed altered back and forth between Luka and his sword. “What should I do? That sword looks so gross, but I can let myself be driven off that easily. The other girls would make fun of me.”
“You could give up and lead us to your hideout. We're pretty forgiving and reasonable, but the next people that come looking for you probably won't be.”
“… Nah! Eat this! Hurricane Sand Storm!” She quickly picked up a handful of sand and threw it at Luka’s face.
“Ah! What the hell kind of attack was that?! Ugh! I have sand all over my mouth! It's in my eyes! What the hell are you doing?! That’s not a real attack!” He was frantically wiping sand off his face and spitting it out of his mouth.
“Aha! My attack created an opening! Feel the wrath of the Earth! Earth Crashing Goblin!” She loudly shouted the name of her attack while raising her hammer up. It was obviously much too heavy for her to handle, since she was teetering back and forth as she slowly moved towards Luka. Even her legs were constantly wobbling and hands clearly shaking.
“Luka, you might want to move out of the way. Even if she’s a child, goblins are insanely strong, and that attack’s probably going to hurt.” I helpfully informed him. “You also don’t want to grapple with her, she could easily pin you to the ground.”
He nodded. “Right!”
Ever so slowly the goblin girl inched closer and closer to Luka, the hammer raised above her head, ready to strike. When she got close enough to him, she brought her hammer up and slammed it down.
Unfortunately for her, he easily sidestepped the attack, meaning all she did was create an impressive sized dent by smashing her hammer into the ground.
As I wiped bits of debris off my clothing, I said.“See! Told you! Goblins may lack the magical abilities or special tricks of other monsters, but they more than make up for it with pure physical strength.”
Circling around her, he took advantage of the opening and struck her back with his sword.
“Ow!” She hefted her hammer back up and took a swing at him in retaliation, though it was obvious she was struggling to keep it under control.
He simply jumped back, dodging the strike. Clearly unable to compensate for not actually hitting her target, the weight of the hammer dragged her along with it, the opening leave her vulnerable.
“Luka! She’s off balance! Use Demon Decapitation!”
He rushed forward, then slashed at her neck. She brought the hammer up to block his attack, but the force of the blow knocked the her back a couple feet.
“Stop that! I’m supposed to be beating you up!” She yelled in frustration.
“I’m a hero! I won’t lose to you!”
“Take this!” She charged at him, swinging her hammer with all her might, but its massive size actually caused her to lose control of it and she began spinning around wildly. She spun on the spot like a top, until she lost her footing and tripped over her own feet. She landed on the ground in a heap, while the hammer went flying and crashed into a near by rock.
Luka cautiously approached her, and nudged her limp form with his sword.
“Is she okay?” I asked.
“Owie…”
“She’s fine.”
I moved slightly closer to them. “Excellent job Luka, you’ve defeated a little girl. What do you suppose we should do now? Question her? Find out where the hideout is?”
“Yeah.” He nodded.
“Then what? I don’t think we should leave her here or let her run away, that would defeat the entire purpose of fighting the bandits in first place. Sealing might be an option… I wonder what she’d turn into, maybe a boar.” I paused and thought about it. “Probably just a doll sized goblin.”
“I’ll bind her hands and we’ll take her with us while I fight the other bandits.” He jabbed her with his sword a couple times to completely drain her of her power, a slightly mean, but necessary thing to do.
Setting my backpack down, I pulled out a length of rope and passed to Luka. He quickly tied her hands behind her back, then sat her upright. “Where’s your hideout?”
She blew a raspberry at in response.
“Well Luka, I believe we’ve reached an impasse; she’s a tough nut to crack.”
He ignored my remark. “What type of monsters are the other bandits? Is there really a dragon and vampire in your group?”
“When they find me you’ll be in trouble~"
“Please?!”
“No!”
Luka let out a frustrated groan.
“Let me try.” He moved out of the way and I crouched down in front of her. Reaching into my pocket, I took out a small bag filled with a variety of sweets. “If you tell me where your hideout is I’ll give you a piece of candy.” To demonstrate that I wasn’t lying, I pulled out a block caramel… then tossed it in my mouth.
It would have been costly to buy, but that’s what Luka’s hero discount was for!
She narrowed her eyes. “… Twenty pieces.”
“Five.”
“Twenty!”
“Too high! Go lower or get nothing at all.”
“Nineteen!”
“Still too high! I can walk away right now! Keep all the candy to myself and all you get is to be dragged around by us while we search every cave, crag, and peak in the mountain chain for your hideout.”
She looked away for a moment, then met my gaze with fierce determination. “Fifteen pieces.”
“Ten pieces, five now and five when we’re at the hideout.”
“Why ten?”
“I like dealing with even numbers, now take it or leave it.”
“… Deal. The hideout is in a nearby cave that’s north-west of here, once you get close there’s a path that leads you right there.”
I smiled and patted her helmet. “Good girl.” I pulled out five pieces of assorted candy and shoved it into Luka’s hand. “Do me a favour and give the young lady her candy.”
“Why me? You’re the one that made the deal with her.”
“I’m not hand feeding her, she might bite my finger off!” Plus hand feeding people feels creepy and weird, especially since she’s a child who's’ currently tied up…
He hesitantly threw a yellow hard candy into her mouth. “Ew! It’s too sour!”
Moving on!
I picked up my backpack and put it back on. “Okay! We still got to deal with the rest of the bandits.”
“She bit me!” Luka shouted.
The goblin girl had a smug look plastered on her face, while he was nursing his hand.
“Nothing to whine about, it’s still attached and I think your glove took most of the damage.”
With that we followed the goblin’s directions towards the bandit’s hideout.
Chapter 13 - Not Feeling Very Heroic
Spoiler: show
“This is the place?”
“Yep!”
“It looks like an ordinary cave…” Luka commented.
His assessment certainly was correct as nothing particular stood out about the cave in front of us save for some odd ... scratches on the nearby cliff face. It had been easy enough to reach though I was suspicious that we had been led astray and that this wasn’t the bandits’ hideout.
During the walk we had questioned the goblin girl further however all we learned was that her name was Gob. She was holding out until she got the other half of her bribe. I for one was just glad that she didn’t try to run away since I doubted either Luka or I would have been able to track her down.
“I want my other five pieces.”
“Luka could you-”
“No.” He flatly replied.
“Why not? You already did it once.”
“She bit me! I’m not having that happen again.”
“This is why you should have bought a pair of Enrika gloves to go with the shirt. That way you wouldn’t worry about stuff like that.” I brought up my left arm and motioned to it to highlight my point. “Look at this. Lightweight but as good as steel.”
He sighed and rolled his eyes. “If I bought as much armour as you did we’d be broke.”
“Not if you took advantage of that hero’s discount.”
“I couldn’t do that I was… never baptized.” He sounded glum having to acknowledge that.
“Yeah but shopkeepers wouldn’t know that… Besides it’s your actions that make you a hero. Hell! That’s the reason we got to stay in the Sutherland Inn.”
Gob groaned. “Stop talking and give me my candy!”
“Fine I’ll do it.” I pulled out a small bag of candy. “You wanted the really sour ones right?”
She vigorously shook her head. “Ew! No!”
“Alright.” Crouching down I began to carefully hand feed Gob her bribe. I didn’t want her trying to bite me like she had bitten Luka. “Are you willing to answer our questions now?”
She mulled it over but nodded once I tossed another candy into her mouth.
“How many other bandits are there?”
“Three…. we’re called the Four Bandits….” She stopped chewing for a moment then tilted her head slightly and looked at me incredulously. “Do you even know how to count?”
“Of course I do! It just that you may have called your band of thieves the Four Bandits when in fact there’s more than four members… Hah who am I kidding you aren't capable of that type of subterfuge.”
“I totally am!” She replied fiercely but then sheepishly looked away. “At least… I would be if I knew what that word meant.”
“It means lying or using deceit to achieve your goals and that usually involves tricking someone. Don’t try to change the subject I still got questions. Is there really a dragon and a vampire in your group?”
“Yes.”
“Crap.” Luka swore. “Those rumors were true.”
“Wait no need to panic just yet.” I said to him then turned back to Gob. “Are any of them adults?”
“Nope.”
A cry emanated from deep within the cave. “Why would you tell them that?!”
“They gave me candy!” She shouted in response.
Luka sighed in relief and any apprehension I may have felt quickly vanished. It was reassuring to know we weren’t about to run into an adult vampire or dragon. “That dragon girl,is she a big lizard or human like with arms and legs.”
In spite of being tied up and looking like really adorable girl, Gob gave me a look that surprisingly conveyed how stupid she thought I was.
"She's a girl. Not some sort of lizard... thingy"
“What about the last member? What type of monster is she?”
“A lamia.”
Okay pretty close situation to the game meaning this should be a cakewalk.
“Luka do you have anything you want to ask?”
He thought for a moment then shook his head. “No.”
“Alright that should be all our questions for now.” Standing up I turned to Luka. “Hey with that settled I've had this question that’s been nagging me… What exactly were we planning to do once you defeated the bandits? If I hadn’t suggested tying them up and bringing them with us would you have let them just run away?”
I already suspected what his answer would be but maybe there's still hope for him.
“No! I would have, uh…” He just trailed off.
Dammit Luka…
I clapped my hands together. “Okay! Let this be a lesson! We, and by we I mean you, are not going to blindly charged into a situation without the slightest hint of a plan.”
“I had one!”
“Then please feel free to share it. What happens after they’re defeated? Do they serve jail time? Pay a fine?”
“No I…” He paused to gather his thoughts. “I wanted to take them to Iliasburg and have them apologize for stealing from the town.”
“What if the townsfolk don’t want just an apology? What if they want to lynch them as punishment? Then what do we do?”
“That… wouldn’t happen. They wouldn’t execute children even if they are monster girls!”
“But if they try?”
“I’d stop them.” He answered resolutely. “Look, we can’t get distracted worrying about the what ifs. Whatever happens we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”
My expression brightened and I patted his shoulder. “An interesting answer my friend! Though I’m actually not that worried about Iliasburg considering that Amira lives there I’m sure they’ll be quite accepting.”
“Oh!” He frowned “I almost forgot about her.”
“I bet you’re wishing you had!”
Gob cut into the conversation. “Who’s Amira?”
“An unfortunate lamia who’s quite infatuated with Luka. Obviously it’s his boyish good looks and heroic demeanour that won her over.”
He grumbled that looking at her could be considered heretical.
“What makes her so bad?” Gob asked.
“Like I said she’s an unfortunate lamia. That means her upper body is a snake while her lower body is human so instead of a torso it’s just one long… wiggling snake body…” I shook my head. “Very unnerving to look at but she’s an otherwise decent person if a bit… hyperactive. You’ll probably meet her once we’re back at Iliasburg.”
“Please don't tempt fate William.”
“Too late.” I shrugged. “Anyway! Before we get going I’d like to offer some advice on what you should be expecting when you fight them. That way you won’t be surprised by any of their abilities.”
“Sure.”
“Lamias are pretty straight forward as their main advantage is their speed and tail. The most obvious piece of advice I could give you is do not get bound by her tail and if you do don’t get your arms trapped to your side. Keep your arms free and you can attack her… Other than that she’s young so I wouldn’t expect her to know any spells.”
“She doesn’t.” Gob helpfully chimed in.
He nodded. “Okay anything else?”
“From what Gob has told us thank you for that by the way.” I patted her head while Luka just mumbled that he heard her too. “The dragon in there is very human like similar to Granberia. Technical term is dragonkin so no need to worry about fighting a giant fire breathing lizard.”
“That’s kind of reassuring.”
“Because you’ll be fighting a fire breathing little girl with scales harder than steel plate…” I let that sink in. “I recommend that you don’t hold back and aim for the fleshy human bits. Which should be her head, upper arms and most of the torso. If her neck is unarmoured hit it too. Avoid her claws or being burned and you’ll be fine.”
I only suggested he aimed for the neck was because Angel Halo doesn’t seem to do any real physical damage otherwise that would probably kill people…. Monsters may be tougher than humans but getting hit in the throat would definitely damage them.
“And the vampire?”
“She’ll probably be the most dangerous to deal with since as a vampire it’s almost assured she can cast spells. Expect her to shapeshift into a swarm of bats or try to hypnotize you. Do not make eye contact with her and don’t let her bite you. Otherwise you’d be paralyzed by her venom.”
That monster biology book was quite informative though it mostly reaffirmed what I remembered from the game. Helpful even if it's just a glorified reference book.
With that settled Luka unsheathed his sword and took point while I ensured that there was plenty of space between me and him as we enter the cave. The interior of the cave was much larger than I had expected though and there wasn’t any signs of inhabitants.
We didn’t get very far before encountering someone. Slithering out behind a rock was a tiny lamia smaller than Luka. “Foolish heroes! You dare enter our hideout and challenge us to a fight?”
I was quite relieved when I saw that she was wearing actual clothing unlike the fictional game counterpart. It was only a simple tunic that went past her waist and the colour, while drab,-- complimented her green and brown scales. I suppose it’s a small comfort that the entire world doesn’t run on twisted hentai logic.
“Who are you?” Luka asked.
She balked at his lack of recognition and loudly declared. “I am the Lamia Bandit of Water of the Four Bandits! And I shall be your opponent!”
“Hi Teeny!” The goblin beside me shouted.
“Gob…” The tiny lamia apparently Teeny began glaring at her fellow bandit. “You always were the weakest of us.”
“Wh-what? No I’m not! I’m stronger than you!”
“No you’re not!” She whined like a petulant child then switched back to a haughty tone. “You’re a brute who could never hope to match the magnificent strength of my tail possess.”
“Why are you being so mean?!”
“Because you lost and told them where our hideout was!”
“That’s not my fault! I was bribed… with candy!”
I ignored their verbal spat and focused on Luka. His sword may have been drawn but besides that he was just standing there perplexed by their argument. “Luka! Get your guard up! Remember what I said watch out for the tail and don’t let her bind you.”
He brought his sword up and decided to strike her first lunging forward to jab her stomach.
“Ow!” She clutched her gut. “That’s not fair! Gob distracted me!”
“If you can’t pay attention during a fight then you never should have challenged me!” He punctuated his statement by slashing her arms causing her to flinch in pain and move away from him. “Now surrender!”
“No!” She retaliated by lashing her tail at him like a whip and hitting Luka across the chest.
He grunted at the impact but before he could respond she followed it up by diving at him. His legs got tangled by her tail and they fell to the ground. In the ensuing struggle he managed to strike her head while flailing about which momentarily stunned her.
During this Gob was surprisingly calm about her friend being… well beat up by Luka. In fact she didn’t seem to care all that much that her hands were still tied behind her back.
The tiny lamia was the first to get up but instead of attacking she began gloating over Luka. “Yes! Struggle all you want writhe in agony! My tail is strong enough to grind bones into dust! Hand over all your gold if-”
Unfortunately for her Luka wasn’t as incapacitated as she thought as he struck her with the grotesque pommel of his sword. She collapsed on the ground rubbing her head and… crying.
Crap… I feel like an asshole and I wasn’t even the one fighting her.
“Are you going to give up?” He asked.
“… Yes.” She despondently whimpered.
I moved closer and crouched down in front of her “Cheer up it’s not like we’re sending you to the gallows. You just need to apologize to the town for terrorizing them and return everything you stole.”
“R-really?”
“Yep! Contrary to how we may look or act we actually aren’t vicious thugs or ruthless barbarians…” Standing back up I pulled out a bundle of rope out and passed it to Luka. “Alright get her tied up so she can’t run away and don’t forget to bind her tail.”
“H-hey! You can’t do that! Lamias are supposed to tie people up with their tails not the other way around!”
“Then consider this an interesting twist of fate.”
“Can I at least have some candy?” She asked hopeful.
“Nope! We only bribed Gob because we needed info and she already told us everything we wanted to know.”
“I-I knew secrets that she doesn’t!”
“Like?”
“I don’t know any water magic… and that we’re only imitating the Four Heavenly Knights.”
“I was wondering about that…” Luka muttered to himself as he finished binding her hands together. After that he moved onto tying a length of rope between the two bandits’ restraints.
“I told you a secret now give me some candy!”
I seriously did not expect that to work as well as it has if only all my problems could be solved by tossing sweets at them.
“You see I would but… I never actually promised you any. You just blurted that out before we could even make a deal so really I don’t owe you anything. Besides after bribing your friend here I’m afraid I don’t have much left.”
That was a total lie but she didn’t need to know that. It was my private stash after all it’s not like I’m obligated to share it.
She sounded quite shocked by that information. “How… how much did Gob get?”
“Ten pieces.” Her friend smugly declared.
“What?! That’s not fair! I want some!”
“Too bad your not getting any.” I said.
“Give me some of hers!”
“I already ate them all!”
The tiny lamia growled. “You owe me some!”
“Why?!”
“Here.” Luka handed the rope back to me.
...
Why do I have to lead them around like they’re on a leash? Well I know they're our prisoners but why me?!
He started walking forward but as I moved to follow him a sharp tug on the rope prevented me from doing so. Turning around I saw that Gob had literally dug the heels of her boots into the ground to prevent herself from being moved.
“Because you betrayed us!”
“If I didn’t they were going to drag me all over the mountains! Do you know how boring that would have been?!”
And apparently to keep arguing with her friend.
“Oi! You can walk and talk at the same time so let’s get going.” I pulled on the rope and Gob barely even bulged.
“And now we’re going to jail!”
“No we’re not~”
“Yes we are! If that hero could beat me then Vanilla and Papi don’t stand a chance!” The lamia cried frantically.
Leaning forward Gob tried hugging her friend to comfort her but she obviously couldn’t. Though whatever she had said to Teeny clearly worked since she quickly calmed down.
Without any further prompting from me they began walking and we soon caught up with Luka who had been patiently waiting for us. With the bandits having settled their squabble we didn’t have any more delays as we journeyed deeper into the cave.
It wasn’t long before a little vampire girl wearing a battered old dress and a black mantle strode up to us. “You must be very strong to have beaten the Earth Goblin and Water Lamia-”
I interrupted her. “Actually Teeny told us that none of you know any elemental magic so those names are kind of pointless”
She continued without missing a beat. “But I won’t be so easy!” Waving her mantle around she began laughing. “I am the terror that flaps in the night! The Vampire Bandit of the Wind of the Four Bandits! Tonight I shall feast on you!”
Without giving Luka any time to react she suddenly shapeshifted into a swarm of bats that began harassing him…. Which was very weird to see. Alice changing into her human form was mundane compared to a little girl turning into dozens of bats in an instant.
Swinging his sword at them the ones that he hit disappeared in a small cloud of dark fog. However that did little to thin their numbers eventually forcing him to hunch over and cover his face in order to defend himself.
While he was blindly swatting at the bats they clumped back together and the vampire girl reappeared clinging to his back.
He let out a startled cry. “Gah! Get off me!”
“Never! I’ll-” She was cut off by him frantically trying to shake her off. “Ah! Quit moving!”
After a few moments of struggling he managed to get a grip on her and flipped her over his shoulder. She landed on the ground and groaned in pain. “Owie…”
“Surrender?”
She attempt to stand back up but a quick thrust from Luka sent stumbling backwards. “Hey! What are you doing?! Why are you bullying me?” She glared at him and began sniffling. “Why would you beat up a little girl?”
“Uh…” He hung his head and quietly mumbled an apology. “Sorry… ”
She wiped the tears from her eyes and got back up. “I won’t forgive you for that! If it comes to this I’ll show you my true power! Wait in fear while I focus all of my magic! When I’m done just… look at my eyes okay?”
Luka wisely decided to look away from her… though if it was any other situation that would actually be pretty stupid.
“Done!” Instead of attacking Luka she rushed past him with surprising speed and jumped at me catching me completely by surprise. Latching onto my shirt her eyes flashed and I was momentarily blinded.
“Yes! Yes! I enthralled the big one!”
Blinking hard to clear my vision I saw the vampire girl excitedly jumping up and down in front of me. Clearing believing her spell had any effect on me…
She attempted to stifle her excitement and pointed at Luka. “This is the true power of a vampire! To control the minds of others and force them to do our bidding! Your friend is now my puppet!” She topped off her declaration by laughing maniacally.
Luka looked at me with apprehension keeping his guard up unsure what to do.
Spinning around with a dramatic flourish she shouted a commandment at me. “Release my friends and hand over all your stuff!” Out of the corner of my eye I saw that both Gob and Teeny had smug grins plastered on their faces. “Then… you must fight the hero for our amusement!”
“Yeeeaaah- No.” I clapped my hand down on her shoulder which caused her to wince.
“Wha- Hey! You can’t disobey me!” She yelled trying and failing to escape.
“Turns out I can.” Glancing at Luka he was perplexed by what had just transpired. “Do you mind weakening her so we get this over with?”
“Uh… Yeah okay.” He walked over and jabbed the vampire a few times while she was still fidgeting in my grip…
Christ! I just want to get this side quest over and done with!
Once he was finished she was weak enough that I could safely let go of her. I passed another bundle of rope to him and he went about tying her hands together as he had before.
“Wh-why didn’t it work? Why didn’t my spell work?!” She whined tears streaming down her cheeks.
Shrugging, I dismissively said. “Why should I tell you? Also if you’re about to ask for any candy the answer’s no.”
I did my best to ignore her as she quietly sobbed while Luka tied her up. Once he was finished I asked him if we could talk.
He nodded so I pulled him aside so we could chat semi-privately.
“Luka do you feel like this isn’t very… heroic? They may be bandits but… they’re little girls and everything they’ve stolen is worth less than fifty gold. Now I’m not saying we cut them loose just that… back home tying up little girls and dragging them around against their will people get taken away for that. This is making me feel very uncomfortable.” I paused when I noticed Gob and Teeny whispering to the vampire girl. They may have been trying to console their friend but the conspiratorial smirks on their faces suggested otherwise. Unfortunately I couldn’t catch anything they said. “Do you think they’re planning something?”
He looked over at them. “Maybe… If they attack and try catch me by surprise I’ll have to seal them.”
“Is that necessary?”
“They’re already weak from my attacks any more and they’ll likely get sealed.”
“Alright.” I sighed. “We should finish this quickly if we want to get back to Iliasburg before it night falls. I don’t even want to consider having to take turns keeping watch over them way too many opportunities for them to run off.”
And a host of other “logistical” problems that were best left unsaid.
“Me neither.” He agreed then leaned in and asked. “… Why didn’t that vampire’s spell work?”
“She obviously overestimated her ability and mind you she is only a child.”
He nodded in understanding and turned to keep walking but I placed a hand on his shoulder to stop him. “Luka if you don’t mind… I’m going to stay back here while you go ahead and fight that dragon girl since I… really don’t want to be burned alive. Plus I’d probably just be a hinderance and get in your way.”
“That’s fine I am the hero and should be the one facing the dangerous… fire breathing… dragon.” With that said he went further into the cave to confront the last bandit and quickly disappeared around a corner.
As soon as that happened Gob spoke up. “Just you wait we'll be free soon~”
“Hmm?” It took me a moment to process what she said. “Relatively speaking I suppose it shouldn’t take too long to get back to Iliasburg and once there all you need to do is publically apologize for your actions. After that…” I shrugged. “Not really sure.”
She smirked and shook her head. “No~ We’re not going to Iliasburg with you.”
“Aww… wants makes you think you have any say in the matter?” I asked them in a mocking tone.
Her grin only grew larger and the other two began snickering.
Either they know something I don’t or they’re laughing at some in-joke that I wouldn’t understand… probably the latter.
While the sound of what I assumed to be a very dramatic and epic battle started to echo down the cave I heard a dull thud close by. Turning around I saw Gob’s hammer… lying on the ground.
What’s it doing here? No one grabbed it we left it in that clearing…
Before I could question that further a sweltering heat and a terrible burning sensation on my neck demanded my immediate attention. I tried to move away from the mysterious source however that proved futile as a pair of… black… claws were digging into my shoulders. I was certain that if it wasn’t for my Enrika shirt I’d be sporting another set of scars.
The black smoke that began to billow around me only served to confirm my fear. Nervously licking my now dry and cracked lips an overwhelming sense of terror shot through me.
“What are you doing to my children.” A voice filled with raw fury and anger demanded.
There was a Momma Dragon and we had just pissed her off.
“Yep!”
“It looks like an ordinary cave…” Luka commented.
His assessment certainly was correct as nothing particular stood out about the cave in front of us save for some odd ... scratches on the nearby cliff face. It had been easy enough to reach though I was suspicious that we had been led astray and that this wasn’t the bandits’ hideout.
During the walk we had questioned the goblin girl further however all we learned was that her name was Gob. She was holding out until she got the other half of her bribe. I for one was just glad that she didn’t try to run away since I doubted either Luka or I would have been able to track her down.
“I want my other five pieces.”
“Luka could you-”
“No.” He flatly replied.
“Why not? You already did it once.”
“She bit me! I’m not having that happen again.”
“This is why you should have bought a pair of Enrika gloves to go with the shirt. That way you wouldn’t worry about stuff like that.” I brought up my left arm and motioned to it to highlight my point. “Look at this. Lightweight but as good as steel.”
He sighed and rolled his eyes. “If I bought as much armour as you did we’d be broke.”
“Not if you took advantage of that hero’s discount.”
“I couldn’t do that I was… never baptized.” He sounded glum having to acknowledge that.
“Yeah but shopkeepers wouldn’t know that… Besides it’s your actions that make you a hero. Hell! That’s the reason we got to stay in the Sutherland Inn.”
Gob groaned. “Stop talking and give me my candy!”
“Fine I’ll do it.” I pulled out a small bag of candy. “You wanted the really sour ones right?”
She vigorously shook her head. “Ew! No!”
“Alright.” Crouching down I began to carefully hand feed Gob her bribe. I didn’t want her trying to bite me like she had bitten Luka. “Are you willing to answer our questions now?”
She mulled it over but nodded once I tossed another candy into her mouth.
“How many other bandits are there?”
“Three…. we’re called the Four Bandits….” She stopped chewing for a moment then tilted her head slightly and looked at me incredulously. “Do you even know how to count?”
“Of course I do! It just that you may have called your band of thieves the Four Bandits when in fact there’s more than four members… Hah who am I kidding you aren't capable of that type of subterfuge.”
“I totally am!” She replied fiercely but then sheepishly looked away. “At least… I would be if I knew what that word meant.”
“It means lying or using deceit to achieve your goals and that usually involves tricking someone. Don’t try to change the subject I still got questions. Is there really a dragon and a vampire in your group?”
“Yes.”
“Crap.” Luka swore. “Those rumors were true.”
“Wait no need to panic just yet.” I said to him then turned back to Gob. “Are any of them adults?”
“Nope.”
A cry emanated from deep within the cave. “Why would you tell them that?!”
“They gave me candy!” She shouted in response.
Luka sighed in relief and any apprehension I may have felt quickly vanished. It was reassuring to know we weren’t about to run into an adult vampire or dragon. “That dragon girl,is she a big lizard or human like with arms and legs.”
In spite of being tied up and looking like really adorable girl, Gob gave me a look that surprisingly conveyed how stupid she thought I was.
"She's a girl. Not some sort of lizard... thingy"
“What about the last member? What type of monster is she?”
“A lamia.”
Okay pretty close situation to the game meaning this should be a cakewalk.
“Luka do you have anything you want to ask?”
He thought for a moment then shook his head. “No.”
“Alright that should be all our questions for now.” Standing up I turned to Luka. “Hey with that settled I've had this question that’s been nagging me… What exactly were we planning to do once you defeated the bandits? If I hadn’t suggested tying them up and bringing them with us would you have let them just run away?”
I already suspected what his answer would be but maybe there's still hope for him.
“No! I would have, uh…” He just trailed off.
Dammit Luka…
I clapped my hands together. “Okay! Let this be a lesson! We, and by we I mean you, are not going to blindly charged into a situation without the slightest hint of a plan.”
“I had one!”
“Then please feel free to share it. What happens after they’re defeated? Do they serve jail time? Pay a fine?”
“No I…” He paused to gather his thoughts. “I wanted to take them to Iliasburg and have them apologize for stealing from the town.”
“What if the townsfolk don’t want just an apology? What if they want to lynch them as punishment? Then what do we do?”
“That… wouldn’t happen. They wouldn’t execute children even if they are monster girls!”
“But if they try?”
“I’d stop them.” He answered resolutely. “Look, we can’t get distracted worrying about the what ifs. Whatever happens we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”
My expression brightened and I patted his shoulder. “An interesting answer my friend! Though I’m actually not that worried about Iliasburg considering that Amira lives there I’m sure they’ll be quite accepting.”
“Oh!” He frowned “I almost forgot about her.”
“I bet you’re wishing you had!”
Gob cut into the conversation. “Who’s Amira?”
“An unfortunate lamia who’s quite infatuated with Luka. Obviously it’s his boyish good looks and heroic demeanour that won her over.”
He grumbled that looking at her could be considered heretical.
“What makes her so bad?” Gob asked.
“Like I said she’s an unfortunate lamia. That means her upper body is a snake while her lower body is human so instead of a torso it’s just one long… wiggling snake body…” I shook my head. “Very unnerving to look at but she’s an otherwise decent person if a bit… hyperactive. You’ll probably meet her once we’re back at Iliasburg.”
“Please don't tempt fate William.”
“Too late.” I shrugged. “Anyway! Before we get going I’d like to offer some advice on what you should be expecting when you fight them. That way you won’t be surprised by any of their abilities.”
“Sure.”
“Lamias are pretty straight forward as their main advantage is their speed and tail. The most obvious piece of advice I could give you is do not get bound by her tail and if you do don’t get your arms trapped to your side. Keep your arms free and you can attack her… Other than that she’s young so I wouldn’t expect her to know any spells.”
“She doesn’t.” Gob helpfully chimed in.
He nodded. “Okay anything else?”
“From what Gob has told us thank you for that by the way.” I patted her head while Luka just mumbled that he heard her too. “The dragon in there is very human like similar to Granberia. Technical term is dragonkin so no need to worry about fighting a giant fire breathing lizard.”
“That’s kind of reassuring.”
“Because you’ll be fighting a fire breathing little girl with scales harder than steel plate…” I let that sink in. “I recommend that you don’t hold back and aim for the fleshy human bits. Which should be her head, upper arms and most of the torso. If her neck is unarmoured hit it too. Avoid her claws or being burned and you’ll be fine.”
I only suggested he aimed for the neck was because Angel Halo doesn’t seem to do any real physical damage otherwise that would probably kill people…. Monsters may be tougher than humans but getting hit in the throat would definitely damage them.
“And the vampire?”
“She’ll probably be the most dangerous to deal with since as a vampire it’s almost assured she can cast spells. Expect her to shapeshift into a swarm of bats or try to hypnotize you. Do not make eye contact with her and don’t let her bite you. Otherwise you’d be paralyzed by her venom.”
That monster biology book was quite informative though it mostly reaffirmed what I remembered from the game. Helpful even if it's just a glorified reference book.
With that settled Luka unsheathed his sword and took point while I ensured that there was plenty of space between me and him as we enter the cave. The interior of the cave was much larger than I had expected though and there wasn’t any signs of inhabitants.
We didn’t get very far before encountering someone. Slithering out behind a rock was a tiny lamia smaller than Luka. “Foolish heroes! You dare enter our hideout and challenge us to a fight?”
I was quite relieved when I saw that she was wearing actual clothing unlike the fictional game counterpart. It was only a simple tunic that went past her waist and the colour, while drab,-- complimented her green and brown scales. I suppose it’s a small comfort that the entire world doesn’t run on twisted hentai logic.
“Who are you?” Luka asked.
She balked at his lack of recognition and loudly declared. “I am the Lamia Bandit of Water of the Four Bandits! And I shall be your opponent!”
“Hi Teeny!” The goblin beside me shouted.
“Gob…” The tiny lamia apparently Teeny began glaring at her fellow bandit. “You always were the weakest of us.”
“Wh-what? No I’m not! I’m stronger than you!”
“No you’re not!” She whined like a petulant child then switched back to a haughty tone. “You’re a brute who could never hope to match the magnificent strength of my tail possess.”
“Why are you being so mean?!”
“Because you lost and told them where our hideout was!”
“That’s not my fault! I was bribed… with candy!”
I ignored their verbal spat and focused on Luka. His sword may have been drawn but besides that he was just standing there perplexed by their argument. “Luka! Get your guard up! Remember what I said watch out for the tail and don’t let her bind you.”
He brought his sword up and decided to strike her first lunging forward to jab her stomach.
“Ow!” She clutched her gut. “That’s not fair! Gob distracted me!”
“If you can’t pay attention during a fight then you never should have challenged me!” He punctuated his statement by slashing her arms causing her to flinch in pain and move away from him. “Now surrender!”
“No!” She retaliated by lashing her tail at him like a whip and hitting Luka across the chest.
He grunted at the impact but before he could respond she followed it up by diving at him. His legs got tangled by her tail and they fell to the ground. In the ensuing struggle he managed to strike her head while flailing about which momentarily stunned her.
During this Gob was surprisingly calm about her friend being… well beat up by Luka. In fact she didn’t seem to care all that much that her hands were still tied behind her back.
The tiny lamia was the first to get up but instead of attacking she began gloating over Luka. “Yes! Struggle all you want writhe in agony! My tail is strong enough to grind bones into dust! Hand over all your gold if-”
Unfortunately for her Luka wasn’t as incapacitated as she thought as he struck her with the grotesque pommel of his sword. She collapsed on the ground rubbing her head and… crying.
Crap… I feel like an asshole and I wasn’t even the one fighting her.
“Are you going to give up?” He asked.
“… Yes.” She despondently whimpered.
I moved closer and crouched down in front of her “Cheer up it’s not like we’re sending you to the gallows. You just need to apologize to the town for terrorizing them and return everything you stole.”
“R-really?”
“Yep! Contrary to how we may look or act we actually aren’t vicious thugs or ruthless barbarians…” Standing back up I pulled out a bundle of rope out and passed it to Luka. “Alright get her tied up so she can’t run away and don’t forget to bind her tail.”
“H-hey! You can’t do that! Lamias are supposed to tie people up with their tails not the other way around!”
“Then consider this an interesting twist of fate.”
“Can I at least have some candy?” She asked hopeful.
“Nope! We only bribed Gob because we needed info and she already told us everything we wanted to know.”
“I-I knew secrets that she doesn’t!”
“Like?”
“I don’t know any water magic… and that we’re only imitating the Four Heavenly Knights.”
“I was wondering about that…” Luka muttered to himself as he finished binding her hands together. After that he moved onto tying a length of rope between the two bandits’ restraints.
“I told you a secret now give me some candy!”
I seriously did not expect that to work as well as it has if only all my problems could be solved by tossing sweets at them.
“You see I would but… I never actually promised you any. You just blurted that out before we could even make a deal so really I don’t owe you anything. Besides after bribing your friend here I’m afraid I don’t have much left.”
That was a total lie but she didn’t need to know that. It was my private stash after all it’s not like I’m obligated to share it.
She sounded quite shocked by that information. “How… how much did Gob get?”
“Ten pieces.” Her friend smugly declared.
“What?! That’s not fair! I want some!”
“Too bad your not getting any.” I said.
“Give me some of hers!”
“I already ate them all!”
The tiny lamia growled. “You owe me some!”
“Why?!”
“Here.” Luka handed the rope back to me.
...
Why do I have to lead them around like they’re on a leash? Well I know they're our prisoners but why me?!
He started walking forward but as I moved to follow him a sharp tug on the rope prevented me from doing so. Turning around I saw that Gob had literally dug the heels of her boots into the ground to prevent herself from being moved.
“Because you betrayed us!”
“If I didn’t they were going to drag me all over the mountains! Do you know how boring that would have been?!”
And apparently to keep arguing with her friend.
“Oi! You can walk and talk at the same time so let’s get going.” I pulled on the rope and Gob barely even bulged.
“And now we’re going to jail!”
“No we’re not~”
“Yes we are! If that hero could beat me then Vanilla and Papi don’t stand a chance!” The lamia cried frantically.
Leaning forward Gob tried hugging her friend to comfort her but she obviously couldn’t. Though whatever she had said to Teeny clearly worked since she quickly calmed down.
Without any further prompting from me they began walking and we soon caught up with Luka who had been patiently waiting for us. With the bandits having settled their squabble we didn’t have any more delays as we journeyed deeper into the cave.
It wasn’t long before a little vampire girl wearing a battered old dress and a black mantle strode up to us. “You must be very strong to have beaten the Earth Goblin and Water Lamia-”
I interrupted her. “Actually Teeny told us that none of you know any elemental magic so those names are kind of pointless”
She continued without missing a beat. “But I won’t be so easy!” Waving her mantle around she began laughing. “I am the terror that flaps in the night! The Vampire Bandit of the Wind of the Four Bandits! Tonight I shall feast on you!”
Without giving Luka any time to react she suddenly shapeshifted into a swarm of bats that began harassing him…. Which was very weird to see. Alice changing into her human form was mundane compared to a little girl turning into dozens of bats in an instant.
Swinging his sword at them the ones that he hit disappeared in a small cloud of dark fog. However that did little to thin their numbers eventually forcing him to hunch over and cover his face in order to defend himself.
While he was blindly swatting at the bats they clumped back together and the vampire girl reappeared clinging to his back.
He let out a startled cry. “Gah! Get off me!”
“Never! I’ll-” She was cut off by him frantically trying to shake her off. “Ah! Quit moving!”
After a few moments of struggling he managed to get a grip on her and flipped her over his shoulder. She landed on the ground and groaned in pain. “Owie…”
“Surrender?”
She attempt to stand back up but a quick thrust from Luka sent stumbling backwards. “Hey! What are you doing?! Why are you bullying me?” She glared at him and began sniffling. “Why would you beat up a little girl?”
“Uh…” He hung his head and quietly mumbled an apology. “Sorry… ”
She wiped the tears from her eyes and got back up. “I won’t forgive you for that! If it comes to this I’ll show you my true power! Wait in fear while I focus all of my magic! When I’m done just… look at my eyes okay?”
Luka wisely decided to look away from her… though if it was any other situation that would actually be pretty stupid.
“Done!” Instead of attacking Luka she rushed past him with surprising speed and jumped at me catching me completely by surprise. Latching onto my shirt her eyes flashed and I was momentarily blinded.
“Yes! Yes! I enthralled the big one!”
Blinking hard to clear my vision I saw the vampire girl excitedly jumping up and down in front of me. Clearing believing her spell had any effect on me…
She attempted to stifle her excitement and pointed at Luka. “This is the true power of a vampire! To control the minds of others and force them to do our bidding! Your friend is now my puppet!” She topped off her declaration by laughing maniacally.
Luka looked at me with apprehension keeping his guard up unsure what to do.
Spinning around with a dramatic flourish she shouted a commandment at me. “Release my friends and hand over all your stuff!” Out of the corner of my eye I saw that both Gob and Teeny had smug grins plastered on their faces. “Then… you must fight the hero for our amusement!”
“Yeeeaaah- No.” I clapped my hand down on her shoulder which caused her to wince.
“Wha- Hey! You can’t disobey me!” She yelled trying and failing to escape.
“Turns out I can.” Glancing at Luka he was perplexed by what had just transpired. “Do you mind weakening her so we get this over with?”
“Uh… Yeah okay.” He walked over and jabbed the vampire a few times while she was still fidgeting in my grip…
Christ! I just want to get this side quest over and done with!
Once he was finished she was weak enough that I could safely let go of her. I passed another bundle of rope to him and he went about tying her hands together as he had before.
“Wh-why didn’t it work? Why didn’t my spell work?!” She whined tears streaming down her cheeks.
Shrugging, I dismissively said. “Why should I tell you? Also if you’re about to ask for any candy the answer’s no.”
I did my best to ignore her as she quietly sobbed while Luka tied her up. Once he was finished I asked him if we could talk.
He nodded so I pulled him aside so we could chat semi-privately.
“Luka do you feel like this isn’t very… heroic? They may be bandits but… they’re little girls and everything they’ve stolen is worth less than fifty gold. Now I’m not saying we cut them loose just that… back home tying up little girls and dragging them around against their will people get taken away for that. This is making me feel very uncomfortable.” I paused when I noticed Gob and Teeny whispering to the vampire girl. They may have been trying to console their friend but the conspiratorial smirks on their faces suggested otherwise. Unfortunately I couldn’t catch anything they said. “Do you think they’re planning something?”
He looked over at them. “Maybe… If they attack and try catch me by surprise I’ll have to seal them.”
“Is that necessary?”
“They’re already weak from my attacks any more and they’ll likely get sealed.”
“Alright.” I sighed. “We should finish this quickly if we want to get back to Iliasburg before it night falls. I don’t even want to consider having to take turns keeping watch over them way too many opportunities for them to run off.”
And a host of other “logistical” problems that were best left unsaid.
“Me neither.” He agreed then leaned in and asked. “… Why didn’t that vampire’s spell work?”
“She obviously overestimated her ability and mind you she is only a child.”
He nodded in understanding and turned to keep walking but I placed a hand on his shoulder to stop him. “Luka if you don’t mind… I’m going to stay back here while you go ahead and fight that dragon girl since I… really don’t want to be burned alive. Plus I’d probably just be a hinderance and get in your way.”
“That’s fine I am the hero and should be the one facing the dangerous… fire breathing… dragon.” With that said he went further into the cave to confront the last bandit and quickly disappeared around a corner.
As soon as that happened Gob spoke up. “Just you wait we'll be free soon~”
“Hmm?” It took me a moment to process what she said. “Relatively speaking I suppose it shouldn’t take too long to get back to Iliasburg and once there all you need to do is publically apologize for your actions. After that…” I shrugged. “Not really sure.”
She smirked and shook her head. “No~ We’re not going to Iliasburg with you.”
“Aww… wants makes you think you have any say in the matter?” I asked them in a mocking tone.
Her grin only grew larger and the other two began snickering.
Either they know something I don’t or they’re laughing at some in-joke that I wouldn’t understand… probably the latter.
While the sound of what I assumed to be a very dramatic and epic battle started to echo down the cave I heard a dull thud close by. Turning around I saw Gob’s hammer… lying on the ground.
What’s it doing here? No one grabbed it we left it in that clearing…
Before I could question that further a sweltering heat and a terrible burning sensation on my neck demanded my immediate attention. I tried to move away from the mysterious source however that proved futile as a pair of… black… claws were digging into my shoulders. I was certain that if it wasn’t for my Enrika shirt I’d be sporting another set of scars.
The black smoke that began to billow around me only served to confirm my fear. Nervously licking my now dry and cracked lips an overwhelming sense of terror shot through me.
“What are you doing to my children.” A voice filled with raw fury and anger demanded.
There was a Momma Dragon and we had just pissed her off.